Aw, thanks guys.
Man I do not really take opinions on the pants seriously. I am entirely aware that they are ridiculous. But they work so well for me that I'm not about to give them up. Really no guy makes the decision to wear skin tight womens' jeans without being completely confident in his choice and appreciative of the way he looks in them.
Re: backpack straps, however, is that really bad? I've only recently taken to carrying that thing around 'cause it's super convenient to carry shit in (notebooks and pens for song ideas, books to read on the train, extra clothing because I sleep in a lot of places that aren't my home often) and I think it makes a nice, relatively neutral, urban accessory.
fyi the zippers on the pants are just decorative. I can zip them up but they looked better that way with the boots.