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[Slick]

Anna tell him you like him because of reasons a,b, and c, and that you want to be with him, but that clingyness and poor self-esteem are terribly unattractive and detract from the relationship. Like, clearly you have a problem with some parts of him so letting him know that is essential to the continuation of a happy relationship, so I think prefacing that statement with 'look, I do really like these things about you, but this other stuff, what the fuck?
Also friends with benefits is weird territory, anyone getting into this should be fully aware of the fact that you may not be able to be friends afterwards. A friend and I hooked up a few months ago, things are back where they were, it is OK. However, it may not actually be possible to be friends with this guy anymore because of the way he thinks about you. He may not be able to think of you outside of the context of a makeout-toy. C'est la vie.



Andy, as much as I love the east, and I while I love the people there and like to consider them my people, they are not usually the kind of people who I find I really align with, they're not the kind of people who are my best friends and my lovers. This may be what is up with you too?

[Gemmwah]

For Jens, I'm gonna throw in a vote for gymnastics, because it may be a bit awkward to get to a gym, but it's really worth it. Gymnastics bulks up muscles you never knew you had, and makes you more flexible than you ever knew you could be. Also it's wicked fun to throw yourself around in the air in various ways, and most people who go to adult/recreational classes are really cool, so it's easy to make friends. I don't think I've ever had more fun than I had on the air track at Southampton Acro Gym. A bouncy castle made specifically for training somersaults? ACE!

[Scandanavian War Machine]

seconded!

Jens, come visit me; you can stay at my house for free and i work at a gymnastics center so i can teach you all kinds of cool tricks.

normally, this would be the part where i say "chicks dig a dude who can flip" but honestly in all the years i've been doing flips and shit, not once has it gotten me anything in the girl department (this may or may not have everything to do with me, and not the flips though)

[Johnny C]

My band is super cool but somehow I fail to find myself covered in groupies. What the hell kind of song does a dude have to write to get he dick wet?

[ledhendrix]

Trampolining is another good one Jens, mostly girls that go to it and there is quite a high chance that the few guys that do go are gay.

[michaelicious]

My band is super cool but somehow I fail to find myself covered in groupies. What the hell kind of song does a dude have to write to get he dick wet?

Some Death Cab For Cutie shit probably.

[ledhendrix]

I used to do gymnastics, but recently moved on to trampolining. The two are pretty similar, but trampoline moves can be done a lot slower and with a lot more control, I had to learn to slow everything down when I moved on to a proper trampoline because holy fuck those things are springy. Double backflips? I think so.

[ruyi]

Hey Jens. There's this technology of producing images with light, also known as photo-graphy. Maybe you've heard of it?

Seriously though it's a thing you already dig / are good at and it's an attractive thing about you FYI

[ruyi]

            I... suddenly feel like this is something that should have crossed my mind on several occasions before
           /




 

[Dazed]

Also, practice playing your guitar. Music is a cool way to connect to people.

[Gemmwah]

I used to do gymnastics, but recently moved on to trampolining. The two are pretty similar, but trampoline moves can be done a lot slower and with a lot more control, I had to learn to slow everything down when I moved on to a proper trampoline because holy fuck those things are springy. Double backflips? I think so.

This.

If you want to do REALLY BIG tricks, trampolining is the sport for you. If you want to be able to do impressive tricks on the grass or randomly in the middle of the street, gymnastics is for you. I did a combination of the two, learning tricks on tramp then transferring them to floor, which is pretty good. If you do gym to start with you get a taste for both and then you can do whichever fits better.

[october1983]

Also, practice playing your guitar. Music is a cool way to impress ladies

[öde]

I'm too insecure to form casual relationships.

(Sack up!)

[Jace]

Hey guys, I can't seem to meet girls my age, I think this is because I'm not in college, where pretty much all the girls my age are right now. Since I'm 19 and in America, its not like I can go to clubs or bars to meet girls. I also work nights. So, it doesn't help that I only have 2 nights each week that I can stay out late.
How do I meet girls?

[Dazed]

The internet, honestly.

[Slick]

America, Ha! So wait, if I go to Chicago, you kids won't even be able to go out to bars? America, you silly old bastard you.


Volunteer somewhere. Food Not Bombs is all over the place, also I've seen several community-centered bike repair shops (the kind that re-claims and restores derelicts), maybe go and help them, learn about bike repair. Really I am just throwing out things I do. I have made friends at these places. My good friend met her girlfriend one of these places, I have just met a nice lady one of these places, maybe something will happen there, I do not know. Just remember to go do something you're actually interested in; going to volunteer somewhere just to meet people will not help you meet people that much.

[Jace]

But I can't volunteer to do Kung Fu, I already do Kung Fu. 

Also should probably be noted that I do Kung Fu during my afternoons 4 days a week. I think the internet is my best bet, and I seem to have great luck finding girls, just never sealing the deal.

[Lummer]

Also, practice playing your guitar. Music is a cool way to impress ladies

Of course it is, but just.... Don't play guitar like I do, okay?

[Liz]

America, Ha! So wait, if I go to Chicago, you kids won't even be able to go out to bars? America, you silly old bastard you.

I will be old enough! We can go out to the bars and have delicious drinks and dance like idiots.

[Hat]

My band is super cool but somehow I fail to find myself covered in groupies. What the hell kind of song does a dude have to write to get he dick wet?

Slip it in, dude. Either that or Dr Feelgood.

[sean]

man this thread has reminded me i need to learn how to ride a unicycle.

jens do the one that is not riding a unicycle. i'll cover that one.

[20 jazz funk greats]

Anna tell him you like him because of reasons a,b, and c, and that you want to be with him, but that clingyness and poor self-esteem are terribly unattractive and detract from the relationship. Like, clearly you have a problem with some parts of him so letting him know that is essential to the continuation of a happy relationship, so I think prefacing that statement with 'look, I do really like these things about you, but this other stuff, what the fuck?
Also friends with benefits is weird territory, anyone getting into this should be fully aware of the fact that you may not be able to be friends afterwards. A friend and I hooked up a few months ago, things are back where they were, it is OK. However, it may not actually be possible to be friends with this guy anymore because of the way he thinks about you. He may not be able to think of you outside of the context of a makeout-toy. C'est la vie.

tried that. and he says "well, this is just who i am and if you don't like it feel free to find someone else" um. so i guess i should be looking for someone else then? or y'know, running away with you like we planned in the drunk thread ages ago. haha.

and you are probably right about other boy seeing me that way cause we didn't know each other very well and he does not see my awesomeness.
it is an unfortunate thing cause i could use more friends and i get along better with guys than girls usually. oh well i'm gonna go listen to shellac and be angsty now. see you later relationship thread.

[Slick]

Anna you've broken my heart too many times for me to even consider running away with you again.
Anyways, ask him if he would want you back if you left, and if he says yes, then ask him if he'd change to have you back, and if yes, ask him if he'd change to keep you, and if yes, ask him if he'd just try and change to try and make you happy.

[Slick]

My band is super cool but somehow I fail to find myself covered in groupies. What the hell kind of song does a dude have to write to get he dick wet?

Slip it in her pooper dude.

[Gilead]

Mai a girl touched me what do I do?!

[Emaline]

Anna, I have honestly mostly been skimming your posts and responses to yours, and I say DTMFA. Jesus. Clingy? Insecure? It sounds like its causing you more stress than good, so seriously DTMFA.



Also, guys, I refuse to wear the skirt because I feel like I have the biggest butt in the whole wide world when I wear it, and that's not very impressive. So I think I will wear these pants that make my butt look nice.

If the date even happens. Because I'm betting it won't.

[Lila]

I have had no non-platonic relationships ever.
Mainly it's because I'm 15 and I haven't had horomones for like four fifths of my life.
But now I really really like someone.
and he's my best friend.
he's the only one I can talk to about a LOT of stuff.
I've told him I like him twice (once in october, once over january break), and he knows I still have a [insert word which is not "crush" because it's lasted longer than a crush, but it's something like it here] on him.
He's said "no" every time I've brought it up. He says that there's some chance that we'll have a hookup (maybe leading to more) in the future. It depends entirely on his horniness, basically. You'd think that it'd be easy to hook up with him, then. He's fifteen too.
And yet, whenever we hang out alone if we get too close he takes out his guitar or something. And when we're around other people he's kind of all over me, but I'm not going to make out with anyone in the middle of the cafeteria or something.
When I told him he was sending me mixed messages and I wished he'd just tell me one thing, he said "I don't know which message I want to send you. I'm sorry"

I have no idea what I'm doing, basically, and neither does he.

FIX IT, INTERNET

[Lila]

I can't marry him. It's illegal here (until we turn eighteen)

And I try not to get my hopes up, but it doesn't work. I feel like one of those stupid teenage girls who pines after some boy and doesn't think about anything else (I do think about other things... but not as much as I used to).

[Slick]

Lila, chill(a). Okay really I just thought that was a witty rhyme. Uh. Chill? You could say 'look dude, you are afraid of commitment and have mixed feelings about me which is why you don't do anything in private so it seems like the only reason your all over me in public is to showoff and assert your young male virility so smarten up bucko because I don't need this shit' or you could just say 'man being 15 is actually really kind of confusing isn't it?'.

marry him before he slips away!

by the way will you marry me jens?

[LittleKey]

Jens Jens Jens! Parkour! do it now! it's an originally french activity; seriously, it's really cool. it's hard to explain though. to simplify it greatly, it's the art of getting from point A to point B in the most efficient way possible (vault over that fence instead of walking around it etc.). I've been described as a street ninja before, which i decide to take as a compliment. It's not the most amazingly well-known thing, which makes it cool i guess! It's a very physical activity, and you get a good workout without feeling like you're dying. also, it really turns heads in public, usually in a "woah-did-you-see-that-i-want-to-get-to-know-that-dude" kind of way. here is a youtube video showing off Parkour and Freerunning, which is, in a simplified description, Parkour but with flips and whatnot (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEeqHj3Nj2c). also, here is a good website with a forum and tons of articles and stuff (http://www.americanparkour.com/). If I remember correctly, you live in Norway not America, but it's a great site. I hope you give it a try, the world needs more traceurs and traceuses! (french for parkourist and lady-parkourist, respectively).

Also, on a more on-topic note, I was going to post some of my common girl issues, but then I realized i'm in high school and high-school relationships don't really follow much in the way of logic. If i find a specific problem, I'll post it.

[The Voice]

Since I seem to be the only very vocal guy on this forum capable of maintaining a relationship at this point with another high profile boarder

Oh, and I don't need any advice as I'm already too busy coming to terms with the fact that I am going to die alone to even consider a relationship.  But I'll eagerly watch this thread like the little voyeur I am for the wonderful gems of insight that it will undoubtedly produce.  

I've totally been dating a "high profile boarder" for like 2 1/2 years.  I'd like to think it's going fairly awesome.

[Liz]

Guys I have the solution to all of your problems right here.

[Eris]

Hey guys, I need some help.

I have been dating an admin here for over a year. What is wrong with me? There's something wrong with me, right?

[mooface]

Mai a girl touched me what do I do?!

tell her your heart has already been signed away by a schoolyard love note.

if that doesn't work, shout "fire!" until help comes.

[mooface]

Hey guys, I need some help.

I have been dating an admin here for over a year. What is wrong with me? There's something wrong with me, right?

there is nothing wrong with you, but you are dating a dingo and that is a problem you should probably have resolved asap.

[mooface]

an ANCIENT dingo.

[Slick]

Hey I'd hit it.

[mooface]

FIX IT, INTERNET
\

lila, whether it is intentional or not, he is definitely leading you on.  back off a bit, distract yourself with other activities.  honestly, from what you say it seems like he just likes the attention you give him.  at this point, if he really wants to be with you he will come to you.  in the mean time, don't stress out over it - have fun with your life and don't let this relationship stress you out!

[20 jazz funk greats]

Anna you've broken my heart too many times for me to even consider running away with you again.

when did i ever break your heart? you're the one who led me on with
false promises of baked goods. </3

Clingy? Insecure? It sounds like its causing you more stress than good.

see i am not entirely sure this is true, because i haven't made any posts about the positive aspects of our relationship, since that's not the point of this thread. and if i come across as stressed out...well...i am to some extent, but not because of him.

[skinnyfat]

Ok, ok, so I will admit that I am a major noob at relationships. Parents are a little crazy about the dating thing. In my early twenties, but the boy I am with now is the only steady boyfriend I have ever had. I don't really know what the rules are, what's ok, and what's not ok. And that brings me to my question...

We've been together for two years, but recently his ex has come back into his life. They talk a lot, A LOT. And this makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want to make a scene, and be a crazy clingy girlfriend who keeps her man on a tight leash. But on the other hand, I do not want to get hurt, and their sudden intimacy is making me really uncomfortable. Especially since it is cutting into the time he spends on me. He tells me she is just going through a tough time in her life, and needs someone to talk to. But as a girl, I think I would find a female friend I could talk to rather than an ex who is currently in another relationship. It would make me less uncomfortable if she wasn't single, I think. He tells me he is happy, and that they are friends. But personally, I don't think friends post love poems on your myspace (which she has, recently).

Am I being crazy controlling not wanting them talking to each other like they are?

Advice please.

[Jace]

Just tell him that it makes you a little uncomfortable. Its not so crazy clingy since she posted a love poem on his page, that is kinda wierd. You may want to just bring that up with him, like "hey, <ex name here> posted a love poem on your page, tha

I got partway done before realizing that my advice is derived completely from sitcoms, and someone always guts dumped. Nevermind me.

[LittleKey]

i think you should definitely bring it up. it's simple, if his hanging out with his ex makes you uncomfortable, then you should work to fix the problem. which in this case would probably be done best by talking to him and saying that it's making you uncomfortable. i wish you luck =).

[Darkbluerabbit]

You should definitely talk to him if it makes you uncomfortable.  Don't be confrontational about it though, because there are reasons he might be putting up with her behavior.  If she is indeed going through a difficult time, it might be tough for him to be blunt about his feelings for her.  Telling her that he doesn't return her feelings would hurt her, and if she's already dealing with a lot, he might be afraid to add to her pain.  Is this honest?  No.  Is it understandable?  Yes.  Emotionally needy people have a way of making you feel guilty for avoiding them.

[Guido Sarducci]

Ok, ok, so I will admit that I am a major noob at relationships. Parents are a little crazy about the dating thing. In my early twenties, but the boy I am with now is the only steady boyfriend I have ever had. I don't really know what the rules are, what's ok, and what's not ok. And that brings me to my question...

We've been together for two years, but recently his ex has come back into his life. They talk a lot, A LOT. And this makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want to make a scene, and be a crazy clingy girlfriend who keeps her man on a tight leash. But on the other hand, I do not want to get hurt, and their sudden intimacy is making me really uncomfortable. Especially since it is cutting into the time he spends on me. He tells me she is just going through a tough time in her life, and needs someone to talk to. But as a girl, I think I would find a female friend I could talk to rather than an ex who is currently in another relationship. It would make me less uncomfortable if she wasn't single, I think. He tells me he is happy, and that they are friends. But personally, I don't think friends post love poems on your myspace (which she has, recently).

Am I being crazy controlling not wanting them talking to each other like they are?

Advice please.

Oh this is a sucky one. Do the math:

a= your interest in having him for a mate
b= his interest in having you for a mate
c= his interest in her (for whatever reason)
x= the length of your future relationship
y=some other guys interest in you for a mate

If if a+b<b+c then x,a+b+c<y

since I just made all that crap up, it makes no sense really. But basically you should talk to him and make sure he knows that the length of your relationship is inversely proportional to the amount of attention he pays her (or any other woman) for whatever reason.

I don't mean that you should threaten him. I mean that you should tell him you feel threatened and squeezed out and that you should expect a response about how he intends to handle it. A REAL response. ie: he tones down his relationship with her to a degree you can handle or he bails on you or more importantly that your needs are met. You need to figure out what you need from him before this discussion and you need to stand by that, even if it leaves you standing alone. In other words, you should place your own safety over the idea of having a boyfriend. Men are like fish: many in the sea and scaly. Well, not scaly maybe, but there are lots of us out there. And we smell sometimes. Wait no..

I'm sort of a hardass about relationships, but having spent years in the military and seen literally dozens of couple split up due to cheating I have no patience with it. No woman deserves to be cheated on. No man deserves to be cheated on. And none of us should live in fear that we are being cheated on. Trust and openness are literally the only way I know to avoid any of the above.

a note on this being one of your first relationships:

an old sergeant of mine once told me that if you do a thing properly the first time you spend the rest of your life practicing to make it perfect. If you do it wrong the first time you spend the rest of your life learning how to do it right. if this is an early relationship for you, make sure you are trying to do the grown up and ethical thing instead of the "it feels good right now and I'm scared of being alone" thing.

Luck!

[Emaline]

I say bring it up. Definitely say something to him, and maybe if its a super big problem, I would hope he'd say something to her.

I'm kinda on the opposite end of your situation. One of the guys that I used to fool around with a lot and had a super huge crush on recently started dating this girl. Dude is also one of my bestest friends ever. Seriously. My roommates have been informed that if ever anything happens to me, they are to contact him first. He is really smart and a really great guy and I trust him with my life.

A bit before he and his lady started dating, we had sort of stopped communicating. We were both just busy and didn't have time for each other, and we sort of got into an arguement about it. I didn't find out about the lady until they were pretty serious, and I was kind of hurt by that. And it was due to us not talking. So I vowed to keep in touch with him more often.

Well, his lady makes him awesomely happy, and that in turn makes me happy, so I really really enjoy talking with him now. On top of that, a bunch of shit went down in my life, and since I basically cannot trust my family, and a lot of it involved them, I turned to him. He has been super helpful, and I probably would not be here if it weren't for him.

Admittedly, I always feel bad when I call, because I am worried that they are spending time together, or that I will interupt them. Twice I've called and I could hear his lady in the background and I felt bad. I don't want to put a strain on their relationship, you know? I really want them to work out. Dude totally deserves it. Plus I love hearing him when he is happy. Its pretty much the greatest thing in the world.

But yeah. If I was making her uncomfortable, or if our talks do make her uncomfortable, I'd more than apperciate her saying something to one of us. I mean, either just her calling me up and saying "hey, I know you two are close but it kind of makes me a bit uncomfortable" or her saying something to him and him saying something to me. It'd be apperciated.

tl;dr: Emaline is a sappy sappy fool. Prefers when her friends are happy, and would want their girlfriends to be all "he's mine, bitch!"

[MrBlu]

Also, guys, I refuse to wear the skirt because I feel like I have the biggest butt in the whole wide world when I wear it, and that's not very impressive. So I think I will wear these pants that make my butt look nice.

Man, I have the hardest time remembering that some people don't like big butts. And can't lie about it.

I'm sorry, it was too obvious to pass up

[Emaline]

Its not like an attractive big butt. It is just a huge big butt. I mean, I could probably stack things on it. Its huge and terrible. So down playing the butt is my goal.

[MrBlu]

I've always wanted to be with Rhonda from that "Road Trip" movie...


TJ you make me so jealous.


You think I'm joking? You think I'm @#$%ing joking!?
What? What? You think I'm creepy? WELL SCREW YOU TO FRAT BOY HUMOR HELL.

Somebody love me.

[Masterbainter]

Ok, ok, so I will admit that I am a major noob at relationships. Parents are a little crazy about the dating thing. In my early twenties, but the boy I am with now is the only steady boyfriend I have ever had. I don't really know what the rules are, what's ok, and what's not ok. And that brings me to my question...

We've been together for two years, but recently his ex has come back into his life. They talk a lot, A LOT. And this makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want to make a scene, and be a crazy clingy girlfriend who keeps her man on a tight leash. But on the other hand, I do not want to get hurt, and their sudden intimacy is making me really uncomfortable. Especially since it is cutting into the time he spends on me. He tells me she is just going through a tough time in her life, and needs someone to talk to. But as a girl, I think I would find a female friend I could talk to rather than an ex who is currently in another relationship. It would make me less uncomfortable if she wasn't single, I think. He tells me he is happy, and that they are friends. But personally, I don't think friends post love poems on your myspace (which she has, recently).

Am I being crazy controlling not wanting them talking to each other like they are?

Advice please.

In your 20s and seeing him for 2 years. 

2 years is a long time especially if you are early in your 20s.

Is your relationship viewed by both parties as a serious progressing relationship?  check with him.

If you have been with this person for 2 years and can't feel comfortable confronting them about your feelings of him starting a relationship back up with his ex...

I think you need to figure out if this guy is really worth it to you.   

From just what you posted It's pretty obvious there is more than just a strictly platonic relationship between him and his ex.

Unless you are skewering the details on it. 

is he spending more time talking to, thinking about and talking to you about this girl than he is about you?

[Masterbainter]

Its not like an attractive big butt. It is just a huge big butt. I mean, I could probably stack things on it. Its huge and terrible. So down playing the butt is my goal.

You'd be surprised...

Beauty is in the eye of the buttholder.

Edit: sorry for the double post.

You think I'm joking? You think I'm @#$%ing joking!?
What? What? You think I'm creepy? WELL SCREW YOU TO FRAT BOY HUMOR HELL.

Somebody love me.

Not unless you love me first