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Author Topic: are you feeling lonely?  (Read 5511 times)

iamiam

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are you feeling lonely?
« on: 14 May 2009, 23:47 »

it's getting to be that beautiful time of year again, and everyone is looking for a summer fling.  unfortunately, not everyone will be lucky enough to find one :( 

don't be left all alone yet again this summer!  for only $19.99 a month i will be YOUR fake internet girlfriend!

this basic package includes:

*biweekly photos taken at bizarre myspace angles!
*nightly instant messaging conversations*!
*daily 'i'm thinking of you' pokes on facebook!
*weekly love letters!

that's not all!  for an extra fee you may receive the following add-ons!:

$2.99:  i will leave you cute and loving posts on your facebook wall, and always 'like' and comment on your status, so that everyone see what a sexy girlfriend you have!
$4.99:  the basic skype package - up to 20 hours of skype sessions!
$8.99:  the sexy skype package - you choose what i wear to the skype session**!
$14.99:  more frequent and naughtier photos!
$99.99:  nudes - (monthly batch of ten: you choose clothing, poses and location!)

NEW:  try out 'my real life fake gf' package now!  for $29.99/month you will receive all basic perks, and can also have me flown*** to where you live for up to three days at a time!  i will be glad to meet all your friends and family!


there is no need to feel sad and lonely this summer!  try out the perks of having an internet gf today!


*only first hour included, after which hourly rates of $3.99/hr apply
**choices are limited to select outfits
***travel costs not included
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Quote from: meebo
[11:09] Darryl: MaiAda: the Beat Happening of the QC boards
[11:10] Darryl: so subtly subversive that not everybody can even tell
[11:10] Darryl: punk as fuck
[11:10] Darryl: ponies and rainbows

KvP

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #1 on: 14 May 2009, 23:49 »

I'll give you $12 for a month of all of that.
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I review, sometimes.
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I love this vagina store!
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And liek
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Inlander

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #2 on: 14 May 2009, 23:50 »

It's coming up to winter where I am. I'm gonna need a fake wife.
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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #3 on: 14 May 2009, 23:55 »

I feel like you are under-charging, Mai. That seems like a lot of work.
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iamiam

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #4 on: 14 May 2009, 23:58 »

apparently i am not worth more than $12 >:\
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Quote from: meebo
[11:09] Darryl: MaiAda: the Beat Happening of the QC boards
[11:10] Darryl: so subtly subversive that not everybody can even tell
[11:10] Darryl: punk as fuck
[11:10] Darryl: ponies and rainbows

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #5 on: 14 May 2009, 23:58 »

I'd pay, hadn't that stuff been made illegal just a couple of months ago. :'(
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calenlass

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #6 on: 14 May 2009, 23:59 »

Man give me a couple of weeks to save up and I will be all up ons.


Also you should give discounted rates (like 10%) for the privilege of taking you shopping and buying you things.
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Hey everyone, I need to buy some new bookshelves. When I get back from Ikea and put them together you're all invited to the bookshelf launch party.

KvP

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #7 on: 15 May 2009, 00:00 »

Mai, this is America. The market decides your worth.

Your worth is $12. To sweeten the deal I will throw in 2 trips to a chain diner (Denny's is preferable, but I will tolerate Village Inn) during which I will pay for an entree and side of your choice.

Can't beat a deal like that, darling, not in this economy.
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I review, sometimes.
Quote from: Andy
I love this vagina store!
Quote from: Andy
SNEAKY
I sneak that shit
And liek
OMG DICK JERK

Johnny C

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #8 on: 15 May 2009, 00:21 »

What went unmentioned in the first post is that I am the male counterpart in this organization. I guess it's up to me to make the announcements!

That's right, for (mostly) the same prices and (mostly) the same services you can have me as your fake boyfriend*. Additional terms and details to come later.

*If you've used this service in the past, don't worry. You won't be charged retroactively. This is because I am customer-oriented.
« Last Edit: 15 May 2009, 00:23 by Johnny C »
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[02:12] yuniorpocalypse: let's talk about girls
[02:12] Thug In Kitchen: nooo

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #9 on: 15 May 2009, 00:26 »

Question:

Is Fake Internet Girlfriend Inc. prepared to deal with a possible rush of clients? What plans are in place to ensure that service to paying clients continues during times of high demand? Potential buyers wish to be informed.
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Masterbainter

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #10 on: 15 May 2009, 00:39 »

can we get a free month trial?
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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #11 on: 15 May 2009, 00:50 »

Can I get a Fake Internet Rival package as well? I like some tension in my fake relationships.
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Johnny C

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #12 on: 15 May 2009, 01:20 »

Question:

Is Fake Internet Girlfriend Inc. prepared to deal with a possible rush of clients? What plans are in place to ensure that service to paying clients continues during times of high demand? Potential buyers wish to be informed.

Yes although the organization's name is Fake Internet Relationships Inc., and rest assured that there are provisions in place should there be an overwhelming number of clients.

can we get a free month trial?

Unfortunately, no.

Can I get a Fake Internet Rival package as well? I like some tension in my fake relationships.

A Fake Internet Rival package is currently in development. While we cannot offer trials, we are considering a "beta" test of this service. Details to come.
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[02:12] yuniorpocalypse: let's talk about girls
[02:12] Thug In Kitchen: nooo

Radical AC

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #13 on: 15 May 2009, 01:22 »

I'm pretty sure I've seen a legit one of these before...

And let me get this straight... For $120 (+transportation, incidentals, blah blah) I can have you go to, ehh lets say Gary Coleman's for now, place and pose naked with a gun to his head as he cries into the phone for help and you take pictures of it?  Then later on Myspace you can tag me as the gun and we can talk about how, "kawaii," you look?
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Lines

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #14 on: 15 May 2009, 06:33 »

Mai, what if I just want to be married to you on facebook? Would a unicorn be ok?
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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #15 on: 15 May 2009, 07:13 »

Why the fuck do people gotta keep changing their usernames on this forum.
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valley_parade

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #16 on: 15 May 2009, 07:13 »

Sign me up, Mai! We'd even be that cute couple that has matching haircuts.
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

Tyler

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #17 on: 15 May 2009, 07:22 »

Sorry, you're just not my type.
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Professor Snuggles

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #18 on: 15 May 2009, 07:36 »

I actually really wanted to start this business in high school, but never did.
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0bsessions

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #19 on: 15 May 2009, 08:41 »

I'll be honest, I'm not sure how this thread is going to fly. Yeah, we all here who are regulars know it's all one big inside joke, but from the outside this looks incredibly sketchy, especially from the viewpoint of the fact this forum is operated under the name of a dude who operates in a state where a CL solicitation just resulted in a nationally covered murder case. This just seems in poor taste at best, and asking for trouble for Jeph and the forum at worst, especially when there's no direct "LOL JK" note involved anywhere. This thread just seems like a big potential headache for Jeph, is all I'm saying.
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I've decided to give up psychology and become a peacock
Quote from: Tommydski in Gabbly
JON MADE ME GAY

0bsessions

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #20 on: 15 May 2009, 08:42 »

To elaborate, I honestly thought this was half serious spam from some random newbie who just didn't know any better until I saw the name Mai thrown around.
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I've decided to give up psychology and become a peacock
Quote from: Tommydski in Gabbly
JON MADE ME GAY

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #21 on: 15 May 2009, 08:47 »

so, no harm no foul.
unless you're new, in which case everything you do is a foul.
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Melodic

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #22 on: 15 May 2009, 10:04 »

This is the best Hurr thread in a long time.
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calenlass

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #23 on: 15 May 2009, 10:54 »

Mai I have thought about the discounts thing, and I think specifically you should offer 10% discounts to anyone willing to take you shopping and buy you things, up to a certain amount (maybe $1k?) and then 15% for anyone who goes higher than that, and 20% for anyone who goes higher than that specifically in a jewelry store.

I am pretty sure this will work.
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Hey everyone, I need to buy some new bookshelves. When I get back from Ikea and put them together you're all invited to the bookshelf launch party.

Ozymandias

Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #24 on: 15 May 2009, 11:09 »

Which package do I choose if I want you to internet seduce someone else, get them to give you nudes, then post them on the forums?
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Scandanavian War Machine

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #25 on: 15 May 2009, 11:10 »

do you have any uglier fake girlfriends?

Mai is far too pretty for me, no one would believe it for a second.
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Quote from: KvP
Also I would like to point out that the combination of Sailor Moon and faux-Kerouac / Sonic Youth spelling is perhaps the purest distillation of what this forum is that we have yet been presented with.

Ballard

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #26 on: 15 May 2009, 11:43 »

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:

Luxuriously Average Ladies for Characterless, Underachieving Dudes! (and Coming Soon: Nappy Schlubs for Shallow Tubs)

Are you astonishingly mediocre? Worried about attracting too much attention to your depressingly inconsequential existence by rubbing elbows with the wealthy and beautiful? Afraid that your friends will see right through your newly purchased sex kitten? Do we have the package for you! For a meager $19.99 plus shipping & handling we will deliver to you a wonderfully unexciting, slightly overweight dropout from the community college of your choice! Our chicks and dudes are the finest townies money can buy. For an additional charge of $15/mo., your partner can guzzle the foulest of light beers and devour chicken wings like a pro. Call within the next 15 minutes and you can have the "Charmingly Unintimidating Conversationalist" package for FREE. That's right- absolutely free. That's a $35 value, absolutely free of charge. Everyone on campus will be talking about your disappointing-ass girlfriend in no time! Don't hesitate now, settle in style!
« Last Edit: 15 May 2009, 11:45 by Ballard »
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I'm like the boy who cried "you guys are faggots"

Scandanavian War Machine

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #27 on: 15 May 2009, 11:50 »

whoo goin' to tha sprint car races tonight, baby, fuck yeah!


hey, has anyone seen my Dale Earnhadt Jr. sleeveless half-shirt?! i can't get blacked out in public without it!


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Quote from: KvP
Also I would like to point out that the combination of Sailor Moon and faux-Kerouac / Sonic Youth spelling is perhaps the purest distillation of what this forum is that we have yet been presented with.

Josefbugman

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #28 on: 15 May 2009, 11:53 »

... wow Ballard. I was wondering can I get your permission to use that phrase on a series of posters?

Sort of want people to think a little bit, so I am quite tempted to put them up all around campus.
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Oddly enough the "oh no boobs!" box in the background of todays comic is my usual reaction.

Ballard

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #29 on: 15 May 2009, 11:56 »

go for it broski
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Radical AC

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #30 on: 15 May 2009, 13:31 »

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:

Luxuriously Average Ladies for Characterless, Underachieving Dudes! (and Coming Soon: Nappy Schlubs for Shallow Tubs)

Are you astonishingly mediocre? Worried about attracting too much attention to your depressingly inconsequential existence by rubbing elbows with the wealthy and beautiful? Afraid that your friends will see right through your newly purchased sex kitten? Do we have the package for you! For a meager $19.99 plus shipping & handling we will deliver to you a wonderfully unexciting, slightly overweight dropout from the community college of your choice! Our chicks and dudes are the finest townies money can buy. For an additional charge of $15/mo., your partner can guzzle the foulest of light beers and devour chicken wings like a pro. Call within the next 15 minutes and you can have the "Charmingly Unintimidating Conversationalist" package for FREE. That's right- absolutely free. That's a $35 value, absolutely free of charge. Everyone on campus will be talking about your disappointing-ass girlfriend in no time! Don't hesitate now, settle in style!

You should go into marketing.  I'm decently charismatic and good looking, and I'm almost ready to settle after reading that. 
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StaedlerMars

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #31 on: 15 May 2009, 14:12 »

... wow Ballard. I was wondering can I get your permission to use that phrase on a series of posters?

Sort of want people to think a little bit, so I am quite tempted to put them up all around campus.

I am going to do this.
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Expect lots of screaming, perversely fast computer drums and guitars tuned to FUCK

Quote from: Michael McDonald
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ledhendrix

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #32 on: 15 May 2009, 14:24 »

Do it StaedlerMars. I have a quite a few friends at Edinburgh Uni. Would be excellent to see if they mentioned it, or I could ask them to get their reactions.
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StaedlerMars

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #33 on: 15 May 2009, 14:26 »

It's on a sticky on my computer.

I have unlimited printing in the computing labs, and my exams are basically over tomorrow.

I guess along with that goes that semester is over.

Maybe I should save it for next year...
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Expect lots of screaming, perversely fast computer drums and guitars tuned to FUCK

Quote from: Michael McDonald
Dear God, I hope it's smooth.

Josefbugman

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #34 on: 15 May 2009, 15:52 »

Thats what I am planning, also I am going to get it printed out on little sticky "name tag" like stickers and put them up all around, so that people can hopefully notice them.

You never know, it may get sdome people to think.
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Oddly enough the "oh no boobs!" box in the background of todays comic is my usual reaction.

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #35 on: 15 May 2009, 17:23 »

Why the fuck do people gotta keep changing their usernames on this forum.

God I know Harry. But Tommy realised somewhere in another thread so I kind of figured it out too.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure how this thread is going to fly.

The exciting part is you can't see Hurrrr if you're not a member. And I figure anyone who is going to sign up to an Internet Message Board About Webcomics In Which This Sort Of Thing Might Be Plausible might have the slightest inkling that this was all in the name of Quality Boarding.
But then again, I haven't been into Comic Discussion lately so I dunno.
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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #36 on: 15 May 2009, 20:59 »

Is it possible to arrange a custom package that includes some features but not others?
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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #37 on: 15 May 2009, 21:08 »

nudes

Quote
you choose clothing

 :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :?
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #38 on: 15 May 2009, 21:45 »

I'll be honest, I'm not sure how this thread is going to fly. Yeah, we all here who are regulars know it's all one big inside joke, but from the outside this looks incredibly sketchy, especially from the viewpoint of the fact this forum is operated under the name of a dude who operates in a state where a CL solicitation just resulted in a nationally covered murder case. This just seems in poor taste at best, and asking for trouble for Jeph and the forum at worst, especially when there's no direct "LOL JK" note involved anywhere. This thread just seems like a big potential headache for Jeph, is all I'm saying.
Obsessions, man, whatever. I read this thread and thought 'man who is this cool new person' and then lunchy called her Mai and I felt silly for not having figured it out.
I think you are over-reacting.
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Tom

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #39 on: 15 May 2009, 22:17 »

but iamiam is maimai in reverse.
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iamiam

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #41 on: 15 May 2009, 23:25 »

nudes

Quote
you choose clothing

 :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :?

if i wear a hat and some socks, is it not still a nude?  joking and philosophical questions aside, i of course mean that this package includes an extensive collection of revealing lingerie to choose from if the customer is so inclined.

Is it possible to arrange a custom package that includes some features but not others?

the basic package is $19.99/month.  for each custom package you would like to subscribe to, the additional fees will be added to the original basic price.
for example, if you would like to purchase the sexy skype and facebook packages, your total will come to $31.97/month.  you may purchase as many add-ons as you wish!

but iamiam is maimai in reverse.

"As I paddled on, my heartbeat boomed like a dull motor in my ears.  I am I am I am."

three 'i am's is a bit excessive for a screenname.

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Quote from: meebo
[11:09] Darryl: MaiAda: the Beat Happening of the QC boards
[11:10] Darryl: so subtly subversive that not everybody can even tell
[11:10] Darryl: punk as fuck
[11:10] Darryl: ponies and rainbows

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #42 on: 16 May 2009, 01:31 »

at first I read the username as "iananan" and thought "Ian is back! why is he being a chick?"
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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #43 on: 16 May 2009, 05:06 »

Why are you trying to step on Darryl's turf? This is almost outright plagiarism.

Can I get a Fake Internet Rival package as well? I like some tension in my fake relationships.

As a bonus, purchase of this deal will also include me traveling to your country to stab you 86 times on your own doorstep.
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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #44 on: 16 May 2009, 06:25 »

To elaborate, I honestly thought this was half serious spam from some random newbie who just didn't know any better until I saw the name Mai thrown around.

Man dawg, stop trying to get the thread locked so you can have her all to yourself.  :x
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Jace

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #45 on: 17 May 2009, 04:02 »

Why are you trying to step on Darryl's turf? This is almost outright plagiarism.

Can I get a Fake Internet Rival package as well? I like some tension in my fake relationships.

As a bonus, purchase of this deal will also include me traveling to your country to stab you 86 times on your own doorstep.

This makes it worth it for me. I think I could take tommy on in a knifefight, fistfight, and possibly a dance fight (this is iffy), then he could recommend me music and we could watch movies.
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Rizzla: Man... I'm only interested in girls who've had penises.
Rizzla: Fuck
Rizzla: I mean girls who have penises.

Inlander

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Re: are you feeling lonely?
« Reply #46 on: 17 May 2009, 08:26 »

If he has any sense of style the first song he'll recommend to you will be "Honk If You're Lonely Tonight".
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