Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

  • 08 Dec 2021, 10:39
  • Welcome, Guest
Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 6   Go Down

Author Topic: Bedazzled thread  (Read 28478 times)

Thomas Edison

  • The Tickler
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 931
  • Everyone is getting old.
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #50 on: 15 Jun 2009, 16:49 »

You're skin is now so awesome, it's become sentient and decided to leave your body, as your muscles and organs and such are just keeping your blob of skin from fufilling it's full potential. Whilst you sleep, it tears itself from you, leaving you to bleed slowly to death as it persues a business degree at Havard. Several years later it brings an end to the world's economic problems, but you get no credit at all for it being your skin. It's is now Jose Chuck Abdul Flakyflesh.


I wish I could sleep.
Logged
Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

Quote from: Khar
I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

JD

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,935
  • The Phallussar
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #51 on: 15 Jun 2009, 16:53 »

You fall to sleep, but you wake up a thousand years into the future.In said future, Attack Attack! are revered as gods.

I wish the wii had better games.
Logged
Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
Hey JD, I really like your penis, man.

Mein Tumblr

est

  • this is a test
  • Admin emeritus
  • Older than Moses
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,294
  • V O L L E Y B A L L
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #52 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:01 »

Nintendo releases a slew of as yet un-mentioned games that are all jaw-droppingly awesome.  However, they are Japanese-only, region-locked and require a $500 add-on to enable the Wii to play them.

I wish my car wasn't so broken, or that I would somehow magically win a brand new car.
Logged

Lines

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,330
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #53 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:05 »

You magically win a Hot Wheels car. It is an electric blue Mustang, but alas, it is smaller than your palm.

I wish I had more chicken.
Logged
:grumpypuss: :grumpypuss: :grumpypuss:

Zingoleb

  • Guest
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #54 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:09 »

You have unlimited amounts of chicken - live chicken, constantly being dropped from helicopters to bombard your house. Chickens are flying through your windows, breaking down your doors, coming up through your toilet and overrunning your life.

I wish I was a pretty, pretty fairy.
Logged

est

  • this is a test
  • Admin emeritus
  • Older than Moses
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,294
  • V O L L E Y B A L L
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #55 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:13 »

You are a pretty pretty fairy.  You fall in love with a real-sized man, who returns your love in kind.  Alas your magic does not extend to resizing either yourself or him, so you live your life knowing you have found your soulmate yet cannot consummate your love.

I wish I had some sort of superpower.
Logged

Zingoleb

  • Guest
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #56 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:27 »

Your superpower is that you can shoot sunscreen out of your eyes.

I wish I had a job.
Logged

Christophe

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,876
  • FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE
    • last.fm!
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #57 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:35 »

You receive a handjob. I mean, it's a pretty decent one but it doesn't get you paid.

I wish I was internet famous.
Logged

JD

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,935
  • The Phallussar
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #58 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:41 »

You get so internet famous people write fan fictions about you.

I wish I had awesome guitar playing skillz.
Logged
Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
Hey JD, I really like your penis, man.

Mein Tumblr

Elizzybeth

  • Beyoncé
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 735
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #59 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:46 »

(While you were typing...)  I'm going to post it anyway.

I wish I was internet famous.

You are internet famous for your bodice-ripping Twilight fan fiction.  Your biggest fan becomes your biggest stalker, and she's pretty so it would be okay, except that her idea of a good time is chaining you in her rat-filled basement to feed you on bread, water, and Viagra.  This gets old within the first twenty-four hours, but she doesn't release you for twenty-four years.

Zombiedude, you become unbelievably talented at playing the guitar, but you get no pleasure out of playing whatsoever.  People are constantly encouraging you to play, but you are miserable and the record deal you get only serves to remind that you'll never manage to get away from this.

I wish I had a pet rabbit.
Logged

Dazed

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Straight outta Boston
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #60 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:55 »

Your pet rabbit has big sharp pointy teeth and has a habit of decapitating all who approach it.

I wish all my stuff was magically packed up for me, and moved to my new house.
Logged
I would probably be getting laid right now if it weren't for the Jews

MrBlu

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,572
  • I probably don't
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #61 on: 15 Jun 2009, 18:59 »

He will wait for you in the bathroom.
She.

They gets broken on the way (too easy).

I wish Sondre Lerche would come and sing for me.
Logged
rather than place the blame on somebody's undeveloped irony sensor, let's just blame the internet, k?
My Last.FM

plumbob78

  • Obscure cultural reference
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 127
  • ¡Viva la revolución!
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #62 on: 15 Jun 2009, 19:14 »

Sondra Lerche comes and sings "The Song That Never Ends," until she dies.

I wish I had a waffle.
Logged

Zingoleb

  • Guest
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #63 on: 15 Jun 2009, 19:19 »

Your delicious waffles give you cancer of the toe, thus making you lose all of your toes on each foot. This makes you off-balance, and you spend the rest of your days teetering unsteadily outside of Denny's, warning people to beware of the waffles therein.

I wish I wasn't crazy.
Logged

nobo

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,071
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #64 on: 15 Jun 2009, 19:53 »

You aren't crazy, but everyone else is.

I wish I could grow an afro
Logged
Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

Dude is hardcore.

axerton

  • Beyond Thunderdome
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 562
  • lets all grow pizza
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #65 on: 15 Jun 2009, 20:10 »

you grow an rainbow coloured clown afro that resists all atempts to dye it any other colour.

I wish to pass all my subjects at uni this semester
Logged
Guys guys I got this condition it is called "Involuntary Lottery Loser" guys don't laugh it is a disorder.

JD

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,935
  • The Phallussar
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #66 on: 15 Jun 2009, 20:20 »

This is who you turn into nobo

Logged
Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
Hey JD, I really like your penis, man.

Mein Tumblr

Zingoleb

  • Guest
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #67 on: 15 Jun 2009, 21:09 »

you grow an rainbow coloured clown afro that resists all atempts to dye it any other colour.

I wish to pass all my subjects at uni this semester

You only pass due to your many sexual favours with the professors and mascot.

I wish I had an incorruptible wish.
Logged

Dazed

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Straight outta Boston
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #68 on: 15 Jun 2009, 21:16 »

You have an uncorruptible wish, but nobody can make it come true.

I wish Michael Bay were dead.
Logged
I would probably be getting laid right now if it weren't for the Jews

DarkAvenger

  • Bizarre cantaloupe phobia
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 231
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #69 on: 15 Jun 2009, 21:24 »

Michael Bay dies, but Uwe Boll takes up the mantle of Transformers.

I wish Brendan Fraiser would stop making awful movies.
Logged

Zingoleb

  • Guest
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #70 on: 15 Jun 2009, 21:44 »

I fairly enjoyed Bedazzled. :|

Instead, YOU have to star in the movies in his place.

I wish my roommate didn't have such shitty taste in music.
Logged

scarred

Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #71 on: 15 Jun 2009, 21:48 »

Since taste in music is subjective, your roommate's taste in music becomes your own. You both listen to Attack Attack! together, crabwalking forever.

I wish that there were bike lanes on every road!
Logged
tumblr | wordpress | last.fm

Quote from: De_El
nick is a dick so you don't have to be!

Zingoleb

  • Guest
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #72 on: 15 Jun 2009, 21:52 »

For the past three days he has been blaring Linkin Park and nothing else. I want to murder him.

The bike lanes start breeding with each other, eventually overtaking the amount of roads. Traffic is driven down to a complete standstill. Trucks can no longer reach their destinations. Drivers eventually start lobbying for roads on the bike paths.

Ugh, wish. Um.

I wish all my vinyl was in mint condition and that I had a top-of-the-line audio system with limitless power supply.
Logged

DarkAvenger

  • Bizarre cantaloupe phobia
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 231
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #73 on: 15 Jun 2009, 22:25 »

I fairly enjoyed Bedazzled. :|

Oh I did too, I meant other things like Dudley Do-Right, The Mummy (the first was good), and even that cameo in Dickie Roberts.

Your top of the line audio system just can't seem to play mint. You instead choose to chew on you collection to give you better breath.

I wish my cat wouldn't jump on my face while I am trying to sleep.
Logged

Cartilage Head

  • Only pretending to work
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,207
  • Do Me Baby
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #74 on: 16 Jun 2009, 00:16 »

Jumps on your dick/balls/cooter instead.

I wish I could play any videogame I want right now.
Logged
Hate, rain on me

MrBlu

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,572
  • I probably don't
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #75 on: 16 Jun 2009, 02:30 »

Sondra Lerche comes and sings "The Song That Never Ends," until she dies.

I wish I had a waffle.
BTW Sondre Lerche is male.

You now suck at videogames.

I wish there were no more mosquitoes.
Logged
rather than place the blame on somebody's undeveloped irony sensor, let's just blame the internet, k?
My Last.FM

Thomas Edison

  • The Tickler
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 931
  • Everyone is getting old.
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #76 on: 16 Jun 2009, 03:16 »

There are no more mosquitos.

Instead, they've been replaced by flying tigers.

Hungry
flying tigers.


I wish I didn't have college today, as I do not want to do my exam.
Logged
Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

Quote from: Khar
I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

Tom

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,090
  • 8==D(_(_(
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #77 on: 16 Jun 2009, 03:58 »

You have to attend the funeral of someone you love that day instead.

I wish I was a more clever person.
Logged

McTaggart

  • William Gibson's Babydaddy
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,463
  • Positive feedback.
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #78 on: 16 Jun 2009, 04:41 »

You are so clever you know how people truly are. Enter crushing depression.

I wish I could find that library book I've gone and lost so I could return it and dodge the inevitable replacement fee (for a book I doubt anyone else has looked at in years).
Logged
One day ends and another begins and we're never none the wiser.

snalin

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,567
  • You may Baste me
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #79 on: 16 Jun 2009, 06:02 »

You find it when you reach for something else. It's covered in elephant cum.

I wish I could growl.
Logged
I am a cowboy / on a steel horse I ride
I am wanted / Dead or alive

Caspian

  • The Tickler
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 963
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #80 on: 16 Jun 2009, 06:23 »

Your brilliant growling skills are noticed by musicians who iforce you to join their Opeth tribute band (harsh, I know)

I wish for unlimited wishes
Logged

allison

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,202
  • i really want a mustache
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #81 on: 16 Jun 2009, 06:29 »

You can only wish for bags of paperclips with your unlimited wishes.

I wish I could win the lottery.
Logged
Quote
[00:30] KharBevNor: Crawling undead terrorcocks

snalin

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,567
  • You may Baste me
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #82 on: 16 Jun 2009, 06:45 »

you win the bondage-rape lottery.

I wish for wild sex with the hottest lady.
Logged
I am a cowboy / on a steel horse I ride
I am wanted / Dead or alive

pen

  • Asleep in the boner patch
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 783
  • Spaghetti!!!
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #83 on: 16 Jun 2009, 06:48 »

She is actually on fire and you burn your skin off.

I wish my tea were warmer.
Logged
Cross-dressing national monuments are always exciting.

Jace

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,455
  • Dealing with it.
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #84 on: 16 Jun 2009, 06:53 »

your tea is warmer because someone peed in it.

I wish this cut would heal.
Logged
Rizzla: Man... I'm only interested in girls who've had penises.
Rizzla: Fuck
Rizzla: I mean girls who have penises.

Caspian

  • The Tickler
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 963
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #85 on: 16 Jun 2009, 07:05 »

The cut heals. You feel regret throughout the rest of your life for wasting your one wish on something so lame.

I wish Jeph would speed up the pacing on QC.
Logged

Reed

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,113
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #86 on: 16 Jun 2009, 07:08 »

You don't have to write an essay. You're fired.

I wish I wasn't so tired.
Logged
Quote from: meebo
[22:49] Quietus: I'm personally imagining a white supremacist locked in his basement, furtively listening to Parliament on headphones
[22:49] Quietus: "Oh, lawd, why must them coons rock me so"

HellStorm

  • Balloon animal serial killer
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 88
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #87 on: 16 Jun 2009, 08:24 »

You are awake for all eternity, and are chased by Twilight fangirls for being a vampire.

I wish I had more clean socks.
Logged

öde

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,767
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #88 on: 16 Jun 2009, 08:31 »

You have plenty of clean socks, but upon discovering your latent homosexuality you are unable to wear them.

I wish I was outside doing something awesome.
Logged

McTaggart

  • William Gibson's Babydaddy
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,463
  • Positive feedback.
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #89 on: 16 Jun 2009, 08:55 »

You're fighting like six bears on a small rocky outcrop on the edge of the tallest waterfall. You're gonna die.

I wish this headache would go away.
Logged
One day ends and another begins and we're never none the wiser.

JD

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,935
  • The Phallussar
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #90 on: 16 Jun 2009, 11:39 »

You have plenty of clean socks, but upon discovering your latent homosexuality you are unable to wear them.
Gay people don't wear socks? What?

McTaggart's wish:

You get decapitated. Good news is that your headache is gone

I wish for world peace.
Logged
Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
Hey JD, I really like your penis, man.

Mein Tumblr

allison

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,202
  • i really want a mustache
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #91 on: 16 Jun 2009, 11:50 »

The world is so peaceful that everyone becomes completely complacent and dies, a la the planet Miranda on Firefly.

I wish I could know what happens to me after I die.
Logged
Quote
[00:30] KharBevNor: Crawling undead terrorcocks

Will

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,208
  • Creeeeeeeepy bear HEARTS YOU!!!
    • William James (author page)
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #92 on: 16 Jun 2009, 12:20 »

The knowledge is so overwhelming that you lose all motivation in this life, wasting away all your potential and living truly unfulfilled in life.

I wish I would have paid attention to the fact that ISIS was playing a show 3 hours away from me, and actually gone, damnit!
Logged
Quote from: JohhnyC
In grade six one of my classmates during sex ed asked if the penis could be broken. The teacher's response was "Not in the same way you'd break a bone. I still wouldn't take a hammer to it or anything."

Christophe

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,876
  • FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE
    • last.fm!
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #93 on: 16 Jun 2009, 12:34 »

You go to the show, but after being rocked so hard you develop tinnitus that affects you for the rest of your short life, when you jab icepicks into your ears to stop the noises.

I wish I had money for studying abroad.
Logged

Thomas Edison

  • The Tickler
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 931
  • Everyone is getting old.
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #94 on: 16 Jun 2009, 12:36 »

You get the money, but the FBI get suspcious and kill you in the face instead.

I wish I wasn't so drunk right now.
Logged
Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

Quote from: Khar
I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

imapiratearg

  • Born in a Nalgene bottle
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,232
  • Oh thanks. They're not mine.
    • http://www.myspace.com/superpunkdout
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #95 on: 16 Jun 2009, 12:40 »

You get drunk.  Your IMAGINATION bar fills, but your VIM bar empties.

I wish for a new car.
Logged

Christophe

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,876
  • FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE
    • last.fm!
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #96 on: 16 Jun 2009, 12:43 »

The car of your dreams is brought to you by helicopter, but the winch breaks as it flies over your house, killing you instantly.

I wish I could see through time and space.
Logged

Will

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,208
  • Creeeeeeeepy bear HEARTS YOU!!!
    • William James (author page)
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #97 on: 16 Jun 2009, 12:45 »

You see through the whole way to the center of the universe - not the romantic cliche that lovers use to describe each other, or parents use when describing their children, but the actual, specific, precise center of the universe.

It is Attack Attack!

I wish I could get over my current writer's block.
Logged
Quote from: JohhnyC
In grade six one of my classmates during sex ed asked if the penis could be broken. The teacher's response was "Not in the same way you'd break a bone. I still wouldn't take a hammer to it or anything."

Tom

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,090
  • 8==D(_(_(
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #98 on: 17 Jun 2009, 00:59 »

You do, but you can never stop writing ever and whatever it is you write is totally lame.

I wish that I knew everything for my HSC subjects and could communicate them effectively in writing during their respective exams.
Logged

Thomas Edison

  • The Tickler
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 931
  • Everyone is getting old.
Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #99 on: 17 Jun 2009, 03:25 »

You can, but your face explodes.


I wish I was a racecar driver.
Logged
Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

Quote from: Khar
I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 6   Go Up