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[the_pied_piper]

That is a fantastic rant that long-suffering fans everywhere can likely relate to.

[Yayniall]

Forward With Negouai

Say what you like about Kevin Keegan. But, when he described Christian Negouai as "the most exciting player" he'd ever signed, he could scarcely be accused of over-egging the pudding. Agreed, 'exciting' is not how all fans expressed Christian's arrival. But, subsequent events have proved KK right. Of course, one makes these extravagant claims during moments of excitement - KK made a career out of it. And, let's be honest, he's hardly a man given to understatement. On this occasion though, our former manager could possibly have gone further. Because, with the best will in the world, 'exciting' doesn't even begin to describe Christian Negouai. It doesn't come close. Would it be immodest to claim that he's the most exciting player of all time? Sure, there have been 'great' players. 'All Time Greats', even. But you will search in vain for anyone who's generated as much God-knows-what-this-guy's-going-to-do-next exhilaration with such little effort? Who else has crammed so much breathtaking lunacy into so few minutes of football? For sheer amusement, you'd have to go a long, long way to find a player with a career as wincingly magnetic as our No. 30.

My own curiosity in Christian Negouai was kick-started by what remains the most blatant 'hand of God' moment connected with the club since Bobby MacDonald punched one in against Peterborough United in the 1980-81 FA Cup run. It would be difficult to exaggerate how badly Christian played during his home debut versus Rotherham. There was, for some, a question mark against his passing. Frankly, it wasn't all it could have been. Realising immediately that passing (long or short range) was not within his field of reference, those present wondered if crunching tackles might be his thing instead. An 'Enforcer', perhaps? Sadly not. The spirit seemed willing enough. The body less so. Stricken by indecision, little came off for our hero as he failed to adjust to Maine Road's wide open spaces. He had the air of having just jumped up from a heavy meal. The game seemed to pass him by. Incredibly, he went on to 'score' by palming the ball over the line (a skill in itself) from a corner.

All right so far then? Off to a nice start.

Of course, it couldn't last. And, after a long run (by Christian's standards) of uninterrupted football, the boom finally fell (three days later!) away at Blackburn in the Worthington Cup. Remember, by this point, Christian had already amassed around two hours in a City shirt (he'd made his actual debut the week before at Portsmouth). As anyone will tell you, that kind of punishing schedule can only be maintained for so long. And so it proved. Following two of his, now trademark, lunges he was sent off for two bookable offences. Harsh.

There followed the first of Christian's notorious - and numerous - 'quiet' periods. Little is known of the artist's movements during these mysterious absences. But they have become a feature of his time with the club. Suffice it to say that, after the success of his 'early work', not much was seen of the 'leggy' midfielder for a while as he got down to the serious business of skiving. Cruelly, injury deprived him of any further cameos during the remainder of his debut season. Even in extremis though, Christian has always retained the happy knack of being able to let things go from bad to worse, to even worse, to all time low. For, where Christian leads, controversy follows - even into the Treatment Room. Operations on both knees were soon diagnosed. A devastating blow. Rest and relaxation prescribed. Christian knew better, of course, and ignored the club's medical advice.

Needless to say, his recovery took longer than expected. KK went berserk. And, by the time he finally re-emerged (for the Reserves in the Senior Cup Final - during the last game of the second year of his contract) he'd fallen way down the midfield batting order. Difficult times. If there was a thin shard of sunlight poking through that gloomy period though, it was the news that Christian intended to apply for Belgian citizenship in an effort to advance his international aspirations - modestly, he accepted that Zidane had got a stranglehold on his coveted French No. 10 shirt. His hopes were boosted when he netted (again!) on his return to the first team. Astonishingly, this time it was in Europe. The UEFA Cup, no less!

Dizzy with expectation, by now, many of us had persuaded ourselves we had a real cult hero in our midst. If anything, his credentials were enhanced even further when he unwittingly became embroiled in a 'doping' scandal that later became tangled up in the FA's president-setting treatment of forgetful Rio Ferdinand. The fact that Christian's failure to be tested (he claimed he had to nip to the airport to pick his mum up) was met with a mere slap on the wrists - Ferdinand went on to receive a high-profile six-month ban - only increased his share price amongst Blues. But if his stock was rising off the pitch, he was no closer to securing regular football on it. Frustration.

Another quiet period followed - this time in, of all places, Austria, where he set up camp on loan to Sturm Graz. Ahead of schedule though, Christian was back at his beloved City. His self exile over, Christian continued his purposeful slide into degradation by turning out for the Reserves. That he ended up opening the bowling for Asa Hartford's young side, operating as Centre Forward was hardly a matter of choice. One has the impression the club's coaches felt they'd tried him everywhere else (midfield, in 'the hole', central defence). Why not up front? Feed off his flick-ons. Could work.

With bewildering speed he was back in a first team shirt again. There are times when the occasion seems to demand Christian Negouai. And a meaningless October Carling Cup tie at home to an under-strength Champions Select XI appeared a perfect arena for another comeback. Those of us, who, by now, were hooked on Negouai, could have been forgiven for expecting things to go wrong. But not quite to the extent they did. Let's just say the result was not altogether the success we had anticipated. Clearly, he was rusty and couldn't be risked for the full 90. The plan was to hold the Champions for as long as possible. And then unleash Christian, late on, to exploit Arsenal's tired legs. He came on with 20 minutes to go.

Within minutes though, 13 to be precise, he was back on more familiar territory - the bench. The sub had been subbed! To be fair, he'd been involved in a horrible injury. Taking his courage in both hands, our no. 30 had charged after a loose ball. Stretching for it (in the midst of a cold snap, remember) he found he'd arrived at the touchline without changing down the requisite number of gears. And, having failed to make provision for a pitch-side puddle, he crumpled to the ground - in stages. I swear the wind died for a moment or two, before, with his dignity in motion, Christian signalled for the physio. And that was that.

His next soon-to-be-abandoned match featured another run out as sub. Boxing Day, 2004. Away at Everton. And the slapstick continued. This time he only lasted 3 minutes. A record? Intent on more mayhem, Christian ran straight into problems - more accurately, Marcus Bent. Straight red. Unbelievable. He stood around being devastated for what seemed the appropriate length of time. And then folded his bat. That capped it. Something snapped within KK. And Christian was, literally, sent to Coventry - with largely disappointing results. To no-one's surprise, injury (a recurring theme) cut short his stay in the Midlands. And Christian was back in the stands by the time Keegan gave way to Pearce and the proverbial slate was wiped clean.

How our hearts danced when Christian was named as a sub for the Liverpool game. I shudder to think what he'd have cooked up for us if he'd been let off the leash that day. But it wasn't to be. No yellow cards. No straight red. No controversy. No nothing really. A huge disappointment - and what is known, in Negouai terms, as a 'collector's item'. Certainly a sad way to bow out.

It seems unlikely we will ever see his like again. At the time of writing he appears to have been confined to barracks - once again, held hostage by his past. Cut adrift. After a series of failures, each more dismal than the last, a recall now looks unlikely. And yet, many Blues maintain that Keegan has been more or less exonerated - and I would suggest more rather than less.

In an age of rush and hurry, Christian always did things his own way. Utterly unsuited to the task of playing football, I maintain that Christian Negouai is still the 'most exciting player' I have ever seen.

To end with this. When researching this piece, I looked up Christian's career stats on the club's official site. My jaw dropped when I saw he wasn't listed under 'midfielders' in the official squad run-down. Panic. Then I noticed our midfield had been sub-divided into 'defensive' and 'attacking' midfielders. I scanned the 'attacking' nominees. Not there either. Momentarily flustered, I began casting around amongst other hiding places. Central defence? Striker? Nothing. On the brink of giving up, I scrolled down. And there he was. Filed simply under 'Midfielder, Christian Negouai.' Alone. In a class of his own. To the last, utterly unique.

Forward with Negouai!

Durutti City, May 2005

[Alex C]

Manny Pacquiao vs Miguel Cotto

Man, I know a guy who is still insisting that Cotto could have/should have won that fight if it weren't for the 4th round. I mean, I get that cognitive dissonance is a bitch and that he doesn't like Pacquiao, but c'mon! You can't say "Except for the round where he nearly got reduced to a small bloody pile, changing the complexion of the fight, he was winning," with a straight face and expect me to take you seriously.

[the_pied_piper]

You can't say "Except for the round where he nearly got reduced to a small bloody pile, changing the complexion of the fight, he was winning," with a straight face and expect me to take you seriously.

The funniest thing about this is that there was only 1, maybe 1 1/2 rounds where Cotto didn't almost get reduced to a small, bloody pile.

[Alex C]

Yeah, I've seen a tape of the fight although I didn't see it live. Cotto was game for a few rounds, but then Manny hurt him bad and it turned into a one sided but leisurely paced beatdown for the rest of the night. Sometimes boxing is just that simple.

[Jace]

NEEDZ MOAR ICE HOCKEY

Thanks for getting me back into hockey Rob.

So guys, I'm following the Buffalo Sabres. Half my family is from there and I am moving there so I'll be able to go and watch games. I'm pleased to see that they aren't doing terribly. Also, FUCK YES I LOVE HOCKEY.

[valley_parade]

hint of handball

Fucking hint? Henry himself said it was a definite handball.

[Ptommydski]

To be fair, it's unclear as to whether or not he was actually using telekinesis.

[Inlander]

Also the hand may have been possessed, so it's possible it wasn't even Henry's fault when he handled the ball and then extended his arm so that the ball rolled in down it towards his foot.

[chowburger]

Arriving at a summit meeting of EU leaders in Brussels, Brian Cowen [head of the Irish government] said he agreed with calls for a replay since, 'fair play is a fundamental part of the game.'

He said he would be discussing the matter with the French President Nicholas Sarkozy on the margins of the summit although he did not want 'to raise it to high diplomatic status.'

Srs business, you guys.

[supersheep]

fucking hell that is ridiculous

i mean i was as pissed off as anyone but it's all over and done with now. we can claim the moral high ground "sure we won it really apart from that cheating bastard". also why the FUCK is our government boohooing to the french government about this, shouldn't he be busy dealing with the NAMA and the recession and all that other malarkey? don't we have a minister for sports to deal with this?

[Inlander]

If they were really serious about the result of a football match they'd go to war over it.

[valley_parade]

Happened.

[Inlander]

Yes, indeed.

[BeoPuppy]

[...]
FUCK YES I LOVE HOCKEY.

What I like about hockey is that when pictures are taken of teams and the team is asked to smile you see an overwhelming number of holes where teeth ought to be. Like a dentist commercial in reverse.

[valley_parade]

I do love the fact that Ovechkin proudly rocks the missing teeth. You've got this dude who's pretty much the face of the league, talent pouring out the ass, and he looks like shit all the time. All scruffy and missing a front tooth.



edit: Can you give me some shots vodka, please?

[Bastardous Bassist]

Why did we have to play a better game and get stuck with 7-6?  Fuck you Suisham.  Fuck you in your stupid, kicker ass.

[CardinalFang]

I seriously expected we'd get our asses kicked. Actually getting so close to winning almost made it worst.
Why did they try a 50 yd FG? WHY?!

[Alex C]

I woke up today totally expecting the Vikings to win, because they are very good and the Seahawks are pretty bad. So that was pretty cool; I haven't truly been in "I am confident my team will take care of business and defeat a clearly inferior opponent," territory for quite a while. Midway through the second quarter I turned the game off as it became obvious the Vikings were going to completely destroy the Seahawks and went to go help a lady friend I hadn't seen in a long time pick up some furniture from her parents' house. I've known her family for years, since she went to high school with my sister and they're card carrying born-in-Wisconsin Packer fans. This meant I got to cheerfully heckle her dad while moving stuff out to her car, which eventually led to a good natured but occasionally heated argument in which the lady explained to her dad that she felt more loyalty to Favre than to the Packers. It was delicious. Plus, to paraphrase Zombieland and keep the sports analogies going, I got intentionally walked to 1st pretty much the second we got to her place. This season has been surreal and frankly I don't even care how the playoffs turn out anymore.

[Yayniall]

Bloody Bengals and Bloody City.
=(

[scarred]

The Bears-Eagles game was ugly all over, but when Donovan McNabb took Jay Cutler aside after the game and talked to him for a full two minutes, it made my heart swell. You just never see that kind of thing in the league anymore - a veteran player giving advice to a younger player, telling him not to worry about the media, not to listen to the boos from the crowd, just keep your head up, go back to practice and do better next week. Fans are fickle and all you can do is do your best and learn from your mistakes. What a class act. So much respect for Donovan McNabb right now.

In other news, the whole "do better next week" thing probably won't work out because we're playing the Vikings. ffffuuuuu

[Yayniall]

I liked seeing that too.
Who knows more about being unnecessarily booed than Donovan?

[KickThatBathProf]

In other news, the whole "do better next week" thing probably won't work out because we're playing the Vikings. ffffuuuuu

We're up against the Lions coming off their close call against the Cleveland Browns.  I am terribly worried about next week.

[scarred]

I liked seeing that too.
Who knows more about being unnecessarily booed than Donovan?

Srsly. I think I'm the only Bears fan I know who's not flip-flopped on the Cutler issue, and has been supporting him from the beginning. Everybody likes him when he plays well, and hates him when he doesn't. He's like the Boston Red Sox of Chicago. People need to realize that a young QB in a new system with the youngest receiver set in the league isn't going to take us to the Super Bowl just yet. Granted, he could be playing better, but there are a lot of factors that need to be taken into account. Lovie Smith / Ron Turner haven't ever coached a QB of his caliber, for one thing, and the playbook isn't built for him - on another note, he's used to throwing to Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal, not inexperienced rookies and Devin "I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up" Hester. The fact that our O-line is about as strong as a rotten picket fence doesn't help anything, either, and they're the main reason our running game can't get off the ground. On top of this, the defense has been suffering from a plague of injuries, though in the past couple of games it looks like they've finally gelled a bit.


Simply put, the Bears as a team are a mess this year and Cutler's less-than-superstar playing is a minor issue that's being trotted out as the reason for all our woes when it's just not the case.

/ends rant.

Ugh fans are stupid and make me raeg.

[Alex C]

In other news, the whole "do better next week" thing probably won't work out because we're playing the Vikings.

The Bears just about always play us tough, but yeah, with that o-line I suspect the post game reports will look something like this:

[scarred]

The best part is I'm probably going to be watching that game in a household of Vikings fans.

Wait, did I say best? I meant I will take my own life.

[Yayniall]

Bears offense doesn't consist of nearly enough passes to Forte.
Or that mighty pair of tight ends.

[scarred]

Bears offense doesn't consist of nearly enough passes to Forte. good passing plays

And the reasons.

[Rudi Voller]

I have never seen Gradel play before. Does he do that on a regular basis? There can't be many teams in League 1 who can afford to put someone capable of that on the bench. The only way this Leeds side weren't going to go up was if they imploded again. You seem to have got a managed able to avoid this, from what I've seen of him so far.

And Man U lost. Always nice to see, but I'm not sure quite what difference it makes as they've already qualified and it wasn't a full strength team.

[the_pied_piper]

Considering he almost fell over the ball and his own feet I can't imagine he does that kind of thing a lot.

However, after recent events I am not exactly happy with football. Liverpool are having their worst season for a few years having finished 3rd in their group in the Champion's League and are now in the Europa League which is basically a souvenir trophy that we shouldn't be touching with a barge pole. Also, league form is not exactly great, being around 15 points behind the leaders and not even in the top 4. What the fuck is going on?

[Inlander]

Considering he almost fell over the ball and his own feet I can't imagine he does that kind of thing a lot.

You must be watching different footage from what I'm watching.

QPR lost to Derby 2-0 but they're still in sixth place which I'm given to understand is a "play-off" position or something when it comes to potential promotion at the end of the season. I have to admit it kind of defeats the purpose of supporting a perennially under-achieving team when they suddenly become the wealthiest club in England or some such.

Oh and Australia lost to Scotland in the Rugby. To Scotland. And they lost to themselves, really. Hey, Quade Cooper, how do you bomb a certain try when you've got a 3-on-2 overlap? Oh that's right, you throw a stupid long cut-out pass that goes forward and actually makes the winger's job harder instead of just passing to your outside centre, letting him draw the opposite winger and then pass to his winger who would've been unmarked on his outside.

[Jace]

AHHHH C'MON FUCKIN BUFFALO WHY CANT YOU WIN A GODDAMN GAME?

[Bastardous Bassist]

Because they are Buffalo.

[BeoPuppy]

It seems an oddly simple answer, really.

[scarred]

I mean, this is the franchise that went to the Super Bowl four times in a row and lost each one.

[Jace]

Talkin about hockey. Sorry for the confusion. The Sabres are the only good thing to come out of Buffalo and they are sucking when I watch them.

[Christophe]

Then what is it that you should stop doing

[scarred]

Talkin about hockey. Sorry for the confusion.

[the_pied_piper]

You must be watching different footage from what I'm watching.

In the first second or two he gets the ball trapped under his feet, swivels his head and luckily finds where it is. In that situation it often tends to confuse not only the player with the ball but also the defenders so I presume that is why they all rushed out at him. From this he is able to get through them and he then finishes the move very well.

There's obviously been a lot of uncertainty regarding the owners and that has filtered down into the staff. A couple of great players went out of the door and the ones that came in haven't filled the void. Half the first team is out injured right now and there clearly isn't enough money on the horizon to bring in suitable replacements. I feel sorry for Benitez right now, he's playing against a marked deck.

I would love to place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the owners (and some of it they definitely deserve) but Benitez as a manager is incredibly defensive even with a full-strength squad. Last season we drew 11 games, at least 8 of which we should have won (Stoke and Hull to name a couple) and even lost a couple we shouldn't have. At the same time we had the best results against teams in the top 4 and still finished 4 points behind eventual winners Manchester United.

This season we have already lost 5 games, more than double the amount we lost in the whole of last season, although we have beaten Manchester United again. The blame also has to be shouldered by some of the players but so far this season Benayoun has turned into the player he was at West Ham, Insua has become the first-choice left back although only 20 and done a great job and Gerrard and Torres have played brilliantly although injured. The players I would lay some blame on are Lucas, who is just not good enough, Mascherano, who for some reason doesn't seem to want to be there and Carragher, who seems to have completely lost his touch though isn't helped by being played at right back when his complete lack of pace suggests to a sensible manager that he cannot be played there.

In the season we won the Champion's League (2004-05) we finished 5th in the league, an effort most fans would deem unacceptable even with winning the European competition and almost couldn't enter to defend the trophy. That year we lost 14 games and finished behind city rivals Everton which made it even worse but we had a squad that was much worse then. With the addition of Torres the idea was to mount a real challenge for the title, something that can only be done if you play attacking football to try to win as many games as possible. This is Benitez' fault; that we do not attack lesser teams in order to win comfortably and this is why we are again out of the title race before Christmas.

[the_pied_piper]

Lucas and Mascherano are players who I don't expect to see in side ostensibly competing for the title.

Lucas yes but Mascherano is a player who could be the perfect partner to Gerrard if he wanted to be. A defensive minded midfielder who could prevent attacks from happening before they become problematic but sadly not of the same ilk as Alonso who could also have started a move at the same time. Losing Alonso is a major part of this season's problems.

Also, the striker situation continues to be weird.

This is where I blame Benitez most as he refuses to play 2 strikers as strikers. Either one is out on the wing, in front of the midfielders or who knows where but he never plays 2 strikers on the shoulders of the defence and, as such, the opposition defenders can push forward further.

Glen Johnson is another problem. He's a great player on his day but he's spent his entire career at Anfield thus far out of position. Great, he's scored a couple of goals already but that's not actually his main role at the club. I'd argue that him being forward so often is stretching an already brittle defence.

This I agree with in part. Johnson not being a great defender does cause problems but calling a defence of Agger, Skrtel and Carragher brittle is not really accurate (unless talking about their bones but thats another matter).

It's mostly the injuries though. Half the team has been out for most of the year. It's no coincidence.

The main problem with this argument is that it seems to me that you are saying it is acceptable for bench players to not live up to expectations. At a top 4 club in the Premier League I would argue that any bench player should be able to fit comfortably into any relevant vacant position that needs filling. For example, Babel should be able to fit into the striker's role easily as he cost £11.5 million and was expected to be as good as Torres (we know that this isn't true but slightly beside the point) but he hasn't lived up to those expectations at all and I would blame the players on the bench just as much for not wanting to be as good as the starting 11 as I think that if they did then they would get a chance to play (god knows he rotates the team enough for this to be true).

[scarred]

Whoa... Matt Stafford might be a franchise QB.

[Alex C]

It's kind of insane that the Lions can be so bad that Stafford can throw this many picks and still have people like his play. The craziest part is that I might even be one of those people-- Stafford shows flashes of potential, he really does. The Lions typically have a couple of really good looking plays every game and when the line actually holds up so it's just on him and Calvin Johnson, you can expect some yardage. I don't know if he'll be good or not, but at least he's showing something, which is more than JaMarcus Russell can say. Maybe he only produces against weak teams, but that's better than having nothing to build on at all. That said, the Lions are still the Lions; any points Stafford and co. puts on the board is quickly given up by either the special teams or defensive unit anyway, and the o-line still sucks.

[BeoPuppy]

So ... how about them Giants?

It made me smile.

[scarred]

Both of those teams needed that win, especially since the Giants just snapped their 4-game losing streak last week. I'm kind of glad Eli didn't get it though, as much as I hate Neckbeard.

[BeoPuppy]

Both Mannings annoy me, for some reason. Must be those endless comercials Peyton had on Nasn a year ago;

"When people stopped calling me Archie's boy and started calling me Peyton, that was a big moment for me."

I hope he never wins another game.

[scarred]

I know a lot of people that hate the Super Manning Bros., oddly enough. I agree that they're funny-looking but Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger are both way more douchebaggy.

Although there was this.

And Peyton beat my Bears in the Super Bowl.

y'know what, FUCK THE MANNINGS.

[BeoPuppy]

Well, I'm not a big fan of the Cowboys or the Steelers either, so I'm 4-0 in hating douchy QB's.

And that signing thing and spitting thing is just awful and stupid.

[scarred]

It's definitely a far cry from Matt Stafford saying "Solid hit, man" and patting a defensive lineman on the helmet while the guy was on top of him on the turf.

[BeoPuppy]

Then again, that might have been the concussion speaking.

[Storm Rider]

It's kind of insane that the Lions can be so bad that Stafford can throw this many picks and still have people like his play. The craziest part is that I might even be one of those people-- Stafford shows flashes of potential, he really does. The Lions typically have a couple of really good looking plays every game and when the line actually holds up so it's just on him and Calvin Johnson, you can expect some yardage. I don't know if he'll be good or not, but at least he's showing something, which is more than JaMarcus Russell can say. Maybe he only produces against weak teams, but that's better than having nothing to build on at all. That said, the Lions are still the Lions; any points Stafford and co. puts on the board is quickly given up by either the special teams or defensive unit anyway, and the o-line still sucks.

Honestly, he's not even playing that badly by rookie standards. If he gets some line support and another couple years to develop, I think he could be the real thing. But yeah, Russell is a complete fucking joke. Between him and Hayward-Bey, I hope Al Davis never dies.