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Author Topic: Can you find it?  (Read 6794 times)

smack that isaiah

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #50 on: 14 Dec 2009, 07:38 »

Q: How many flautists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Just one.  She holds the bulb up and the world revolves around her

My ex-girlfriend (a flautist) told me that one.
After which, I (a trumpeter) told her this joke:

Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?

A: Only about two decibels
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Bastardous Bassist

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #51 on: 14 Dec 2009, 07:41 »

Here's one for trombonists:
Q:  How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:  Two.  One holds it up and the other drinks until the room spins.



Q:  How do you know when the singer's at your door?

A:  Can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Also, through high school, the orchestra conductor would ask for the foggotti, and we clarinetists would be immature enough to giggle a little bit.  Band conductors knew better, I think.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #52 on: 14 Dec 2009, 08:12 »

Q:  How do you know when the singer's at your door?

A:  Can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Amusingly enough, I was at band practice today and, while working on a new 15 minute song, it took about 5 tries to get the intro right because I couldn't work out when I was meant to come in and the drummer and I (he does backing vocals) couldn't decide on which of us should be doing the low growls or high shrieks (we're a black metal band).
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Bastardous Bassist

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #53 on: 14 Dec 2009, 08:14 »

15 minute song...(we're a black metal band)

It was either that or prog rock.  You've chosen correctly.
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Dliessmgg

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #54 on: 14 Dec 2009, 14:01 »

Not really a joke but still kind of: At a music exam I had once, one question was to calculate the speed of two airplanes, with one standing on the ground and their machines producing a chord instead of noise.
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Zingoleb

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #55 on: 14 Dec 2009, 19:13 »

Yew know what perfect pitch is?

When you throw a banjo in the trash and it hits an accordion.


You know when the stage is level?

Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.


How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Five, one to screw it in and four to say how much better John Bonham would have done it.


Then there's a longer one that goes after basses but I'll have to remember it
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sean

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #56 on: 14 Dec 2009, 20:24 »

Q: What do you use a banjo for?

A: Kindling for an accordion fire.

half-kerble

okay now for another musical phrase and we can go for the perfect authentic kerble
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IronOxide

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #57 on: 14 Dec 2009, 20:32 »

What musicians make up a string quartet?

A good violinist, a mediocre violinist, an ex-violinist, and somebody who hates violinists.
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Dazed

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #58 on: 14 Dec 2009, 20:35 »

Q: What's the difference between onions and bagpipes?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up bagpipes.

Q: What do you call an accordionist who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
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Nodaisho

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #59 on: 14 Dec 2009, 20:39 »

15 minute song...(we're a black metal band)

It was either that or prog rock.  You've chosen correctly.
or GY!BE wannabes.

And I would like to say that the rumors about being able to tune a violin are baseless lies. I had to try to tune my brother's back when he first started, the only thing that had the least bit of grab on the pegs was all the dirt jammed in there. And after I had almost gotten it, I found out I was tuning it upside-down, he said it went EADG, so I assumed it was the same as guitar. It isn't.
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sean

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #60 on: 14 Dec 2009, 20:45 »

nah dude, i find its pretty common to tune a cello from the top down, so i think it would be the same on a violin. i guess thats a thing with bowed instruments?
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sean

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #61 on: 14 Dec 2009, 21:28 »

also when tuning shit like that only use the pegs if you gotta do a shit ton of tuning. the pegs arn't like guitar tuners they dont have much grab at all. the fine tuners near the bridge are all you usually need to tune.
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Elizzybeth

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #62 on: 15 Dec 2009, 00:40 »

If your violin pegs are slipping, you can take them out and draw on them in chalk (they probably make special chalk for it somewhere, but my teachers always used regular old chalk), and it'll help.
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David_Dovey

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #63 on: 15 Dec 2009, 02:58 »

Why does the symphony only have a 20 minute intermission?

So you don't have to re-train the percussionist
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Barmymoo

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #64 on: 16 Dec 2009, 03:05 »

Good quality violins don't usually have the fine tuners because it messes up the balance of the strings, so often you have to use the pegs. I have some special black stuff which helps the grip, but I've seen people using chalk too. Violins aren't hard to tune; the difficult part is that they have to be really really well tuned because you can't compensate for slightly off tuning by breathing differently like you do with wind or brass instruments.

I'm afraid I don't have any musician jokes. This is a shocking state of affairs.
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Bastardous Bassist

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #65 on: 16 Dec 2009, 10:57 »

You can compensate for being slightly out of tune by putting your fingers somewhere differently.  It is pretty much necessary by the end of any concert when the stage lighting has resulted in your instrument being a different temperature than when it started.  That's why you always work your fingerings so that you avoid open strings whenever possible.

Also, it's not breathing differently.  The breath has to be the same no matter what.  It's how you hold your lips that needs to change.
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J-cob9000

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #66 on: 16 Dec 2009, 17:10 »

Hey guys

Why are they on a roof?
Trombonist On The Roof
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KickThatBathProf

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #67 on: 16 Dec 2009, 17:26 »

A most unlikely sight
It might not mean a thing
But then again it
probably doesn't
« Last Edit: 16 Dec 2009, 17:31 by KickThatBathProf »
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sean

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #68 on: 16 Dec 2009, 18:04 »

wait really? because i have definitely seen violinists use fine tuners before, but i guess they dont have as good of violins.

oh weird.
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Zingoleb

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #69 on: 16 Dec 2009, 18:22 »

My violin has fine tuners...

...
 :cry: :cry: :cry:

....

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ummmkay

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #70 on: 17 Dec 2009, 20:52 »

hey guys, do you know why lumberjacks make such great musicians?





it's because of their natural logarithm! (cue riotous laughter)

this is my most favorite joke ever! i tell it to everyone. i may have told it on the forums before but i don't remember.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #71 on: 17 Dec 2009, 21:53 »

Your joke is bad and you should feel bad.
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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #72 on: 17 Dec 2009, 21:54 »

You'll never be as good as Khar, Jimmy.
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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #73 on: 17 Dec 2009, 22:02 »

Your joke is bad and you should feel bad!
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Barmymoo

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Re: Can you find it?
« Reply #74 on: 19 Dec 2009, 12:37 »

I'm not saying that all violins with fine-tuners are bad, just that the really good ones don't usually have them.

Good point about moving your fingers, I was thinking about open strings. And clearly I don't know anything about non-stringed instruments.
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