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Author Topic: What a CRACKER of a thread  (Read 2377 times)

Yayniall

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What a CRACKER of a thread
« on: 25 Dec 2009, 20:48 »

Thread for bad jokes.

I was playing pool with an owl the other day, I was on my way to clearing up when out of nowhere I miscued and potted the white.
 I turned to my opponent and said "that's two hits."
"Two hits?" he responded "two hits to who?"
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Zingoleb

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #1 on: 25 Dec 2009, 20:51 »

I don't get it.
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Yayniall

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #2 on: 25 Dec 2009, 20:57 »

A recent news story in Newcastle, a truckload of terrapins crashed into a truckload of tortoises.
A spokesman from Tyneside police said "the accident were a turtle disaster"
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RallyMonkey

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #3 on: 25 Dec 2009, 21:50 »

I'm trying to decide if the poor grammar is attributed to the locations mentioned in the joke.
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Scarychips

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #4 on: 25 Dec 2009, 21:53 »

Two sand particles are walking in the desert. One tells the other: "Hey! I think we are being followed!"

Am I doing that right?
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a pack of wolves

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #5 on: 25 Dec 2009, 22:24 »

I'm trying to decide if the poor grammar is attributed to the locations mentioned in the joke.

It is. Saying were instead of was is so prevalent all over the north of England that it's more dialect than poor grammar. So to continue in this vein...

A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet:

Yorkshireman: "Ah've come to see thee abaht me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay lad, I've browt it wi' me."
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Zingoleb

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #6 on: 25 Dec 2009, 22:32 »

A man goes to a tailor in ancient Greece with a toga. The tailor says, "Euripedes?" The man says, "Eumenides?"

I think I may have told this one before
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JD

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #7 on: 25 Dec 2009, 22:41 »

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.
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Zingoleb

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #8 on: 25 Dec 2009, 23:07 »

There's suddenly a deep, philosophical meaning within that, but I'm not high.
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JD

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #9 on: 25 Dec 2009, 23:14 »

It symbolizes a person's ability to get over something they fear. Or something.
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Johnny C

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #10 on: 26 Dec 2009, 00:47 »

what did you call me
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syrupykeyboard

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #11 on: 26 Dec 2009, 00:49 »

Why did Schrödinger collapse the wave function?
The box was starting to smell.
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valley_parade

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #12 on: 26 Dec 2009, 07:33 »

There were two peanuts walking down the street.

One was assaulted.
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

Tom

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #13 on: 26 Dec 2009, 14:39 »

Q: What do you call a horse in pyjamas?
A: A Zebra.

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.

I also got a yellow paper crown. Dad and I had a competition to see who would be the last person with theirs on. Long story short, he's very competitive and ripped mine off.
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Candle

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #14 on: 26 Dec 2009, 23:04 »

this is like the twentieth time i've seen this exact thread come up in my short-time lurking this board

just thought it had to be said before this went any further.
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Inlander

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #15 on: 27 Dec 2009, 01:12 »

No, this one's different. They don't put dead baby jokes inside Christmas Crackers.
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Patrick

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #16 on: 27 Dec 2009, 01:47 »

Harry you are just asking for it.
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KharBevNor

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #17 on: 27 Dec 2009, 05:18 »

I don't think that people have christmas crackers in other countries apart from the UK and a few commonwealth places, possibly explaining some of the confusion



Did you hear about the two tramps who were arrested last night? One was eating fireworks, and the other was drinking battery acid.

To cut a long story short, one was let off, and the other was charged.
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maxusy3k

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #18 on: 27 Dec 2009, 05:42 »

Why did nobody hear the pterodactyl go to the toilet?




Because he had a silent pee.
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McTaggart

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #19 on: 27 Dec 2009, 06:58 »

nice
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J-cob9000

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #20 on: 27 Dec 2009, 09:35 »

How did the fat lady, bearded lady and contortionist die?


In a freak accident.
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David_Dovey

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #21 on: 27 Dec 2009, 10:26 »

That's very sad!
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Zingoleb

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #22 on: 27 Dec 2009, 20:50 »

How did the fat lady, bearded lady and contortionist die?


In a freak accident.

Oh god. No, no, no. Why did I have to find out this way?

Oh god noooo


When's the funeral? Oh shit, this can't be real
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Dliessmgg

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #23 on: 28 Dec 2009, 12:21 »

Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.

Q: How do you put a crocodile into a fridge?
A: Open the door, take the elephant out, put the crocodile in, close the door.

Q: How do you cross a river with a crocodile and no bridge?
A: Swim across, the crocodile is in the fridge.
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JD

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #24 on: 03 Jan 2010, 16:23 »

Did you hear the joke about the No and Me neither?
No
Me neither
...
Do you get it?
No
Me neither
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Radical AC

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Re: What a CRACKER of a thread
« Reply #25 on: 04 Jan 2010, 10:16 »

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" The professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!"
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