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Poll

What will Marten do?

Call back right away and apologize.
Run to her apartment and apologize.
Wait until tomorrow, and get arrested at the airport trying to apologize at the gate.
Call/go over and ask for an explanation.
Decide it's a lost cause, toast a waffle or two, and try to move on.

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Author Topic: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)  (Read 129337 times)

haikupoet

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #50 on: 10 Jan 2012, 22:05 »

Okay, so what exactly is wrong with "if she wants to hear from me she'll call"? Isn't that kind of... proper?
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Arancaytar

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #51 on: 10 Jan 2012, 22:09 »

I went with option C (actually guessing that her grandmother is alive but got worse, and Padma had to leave immediately). This was too good to last, so the comic is overdue for a depressing development.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #52 on: 10 Jan 2012, 22:11 »

Okay, so what exactly is wrong with "if she wants to hear from me she'll call"? Isn't that kind of... proper?

Who really knows? :-P Poor Marten. He's knee-deep in the sinkhole between "too creepy" and "not forward enough".
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starkruzr

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #53 on: 10 Jan 2012, 22:14 »

He should go down to the shop, not make a scene, and ask her to explain on her break.

She's kind of a bitch for doing this.  You don't do this to a friend, why would you do it to someone you're dating?
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #54 on: 10 Jan 2012, 22:14 »

...no, I think Faye was right the first time.

Also, that is a hell of a thing to say to your ex at her workplace.
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Delator

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #55 on: 10 Jan 2012, 22:16 »

Okay, so what exactly is wrong with "if she wants to hear from me she'll call"? Isn't that kind of... proper?

I was basically going to say the same thing. Marten's right to do what he's doing.

Panel 4 irks me. I feel like Faye and Dora aren't looking at the situation from a helpful perspective.

Instead of faulting Marten for perfectly acceptable behavior, maybe Faye should swing by TSB (purely for business purposes, you see) and try to help a guy out.
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Dust

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #56 on: 10 Jan 2012, 22:23 »

Okay, so what exactly is wrong with "if she wants to hear from me she'll call"? Isn't that kind of... proper?

Agreed - especially since she's blown him off twice without actually saying what's up. That seems like a strong sign it's over. Faye and Dora are just Charlie Brown'ing him again, for my money.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #57 on: 10 Jan 2012, 23:05 »

I don't think it would be creepy for Marten to go to TSB to find out what's going on.

Padma and Marten's relationship went way beyond the point where simply ignoring the other person is acceptable.

Marten deserves an explanation, even if it is only for him to have an opportunity to tell Padma that she has treated him badly and he doesn't want to see her.

If Padma knows what's good for her, she'll talk to Marten before Faye decides that she (or god forbid, Faye and Dora both) needs to pay a visit to TSB.
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vsonics

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #58 on: 10 Jan 2012, 23:27 »

I'm in the middle on this one.

On one hand, their relationship was casual but it was still a relationship. What Padma is doing is totally the coward's way out, and Marten deserves some answers.

On the other hand, I get where he's coming from - going there could just turn out to be really awkward and uncomfortable, especially if she really did end up just losing interest (which I doubt, but it's a valid fear).

So I think I'm gonna go with: Marten absolutely has the RIGHT to find the girl and demand some answers, but only if he wants to. Faye and Dora - uh, experts though they may be - don't need to be pushing him into anything and I don't think NOT going makes him the least bit passive aggressive. Or even very aggressively passive.

Added: Looking over the comic again, I'm also kind of surprised at just how angry Dora's looking. Obviously they're at a place where they can talk about dating other people, they're friends, and she cares about his happiness and therefore relationship with Padma. But she's looking to be a little TOO invested and clearly is still sore on the "passive" front.
« Last Edit: 10 Jan 2012, 23:33 by vsonics »
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Carl-E

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #59 on: 10 Jan 2012, 23:32 »

Yeah, the passive aggressive comment's really out of line.  But I think he is  being passive to an extet where he's aggressively pursuing passivity.  They really aren't the same thing...
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #60 on: 10 Jan 2012, 23:33 »

 :psyduck:

That is all.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #61 on: 10 Jan 2012, 23:35 »

Woho, Marten back in Coffee Doom.

Havent seen that one in a long while.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #62 on: 10 Jan 2012, 23:36 »

He was there in his shorts just the other day...
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NotAwesomeAnymore

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #63 on: 10 Jan 2012, 23:48 »

Okay, so what exactly is wrong with "if she wants to hear from me she'll call"? Isn't that kind of... proper?

Agreed - especially since she's blown him off twice without actually saying what's up. That seems like a strong sign it's over. Faye and Dora are just Charlie Brown'ing him again, for my money.

Nah, I don't think it's a good idea. Marten is so caught up in his pride, he won't make an effort to talk to Padma (as in, try something other than the phone). This is at his own expense since now he's in a position of uncertainty and deliberately put the ball in her court. He couldn't deal with uncertainty in the past, and now he's setting himself up to be screwed over and get all resentful again.

I don't think Marten's given up emotionally on Padma yet. He says, "If she wants to see me again, she'll call." Clearly there is an issue which needs resolving here, but Marten expects Padma to have an epiphany and change her behaviour, without Marten changing his at all (i.e. by trying another method of confrontation.)

EDIT: Setting her up to fail a little bit? Not sure.

Not that Padma is Marten's responsibility, but his behaviour could be interpreted as self-centred. Padma's in a way more vulnerable position than him. She's looking into the face of the 3 big triggers of mental illness: moving house, moving job, and loss of a loved one. It always seemed to me that Padma was really struggling with these changes, especially with her last-minute feelings for Marten. Marten immediately assumes that she's decided she's too cool for him, and that it has nothing to do with how much her life sucks right now. By letting her be responsible for contacting him, he gets to blame her when she doesn't, and withdraws his support for her at this difficult time.

...Or Marten finally talks to her, it turns out she just kept forgetting to call, and she's just like, "Woops, soz."
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Soulsynger

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #64 on: 11 Jan 2012, 00:08 »

Quote from: Marten
"I'm not gonna be the creepy dude who follows a girl to work after she decides she doesn't want anything more to do with him.

Knock knock, hey Marten. A guy is entitled to be told something like that to the face. (or at least told at all)

(I was in a similar situation once. I decided to confront her and after half a year of blaming myself, I realized it was just cruel of her not to have told me sooner she didn't see the relationship working anymore. Leaving someone dangling in uncertainty - especially in a sex-relationship like that with both people having some-kinda-feelings - is just bad sport and really, really cruel.)
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Dust

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #65 on: 11 Jan 2012, 00:19 »

Okay, so what exactly is wrong with "if she wants to hear from me she'll call"? Isn't that kind of... proper?

Agreed - especially since she's blown him off twice without actually saying what's up. That seems like a strong sign it's over. Faye and Dora are just Charlie Brown'ing him again, for my money.

Nah, I don't think it's a good idea. Marten is so caught up in his pride, he won't make an effort to talk to Padma (as in, try something other than the phone). This is at his own expense since now he's in a position of uncertainty and deliberately put the ball in her court. He couldn't deal with uncertainty in the past, and now he's setting himself up to be screwed over and get all resentful again.

I don't think Marten's given up emotionally on Padma yet. He says, "If she wants to see me again, she'll call." Clearly there is an issue which needs resolving here, but Marten expects Padma to have an epiphany and change her behaviour, without Marten changing his at all (i.e. by trying another method of confrontation.)

Communication goes both ways, and she won't even text him back. If anything, he's trying too hard to 'change his behaviour' after pushing too far for answers with Dora and Pre-Strip Girlfirend, but at least he's trying.
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Overkillengine

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #66 on: 11 Jan 2012, 00:25 »

A guy also deserves to not to have to jump through hoops when he's done nothing wrong to get a straight answer.

He is correct in not wasting further effort. Anything he can do to communicate at this point is bound to backfire, and usually spectacularly. Move on. If she pulls her head out her fourth point of contact and at least gives him the courtesy of a response; great. Don't bother pining for it though.

Now he at least knows to not be so great that a casual hookup gets all contrary about keeping it casual and not communicating >>>>clearly<<<<  that they changed their mind.
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michael28

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #67 on: 11 Jan 2012, 00:27 »

Yeah, the passive aggressive comment's really out of line.  But I think he is  being passive to an extet where he's aggressively pursuing passivity.  They really aren't the same thing...
It's not like she isn't a qualified source :)
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Swedish Chef

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #68 on: 11 Jan 2012, 00:40 »

A guy also deserves to not to have to jump through hoops when he's done nothing wrong to get a straight answer.

 Let the court records that a guy is always doing something wrong whenever girls are involved.

I can't shake the feeling that while Marten has really moved on about his relationship with Dora, I'm not so sure about Dora. Even if she admits she's having relationship/self-esteem issues, it will be an easy cop-out for her to portray Marten negatively.
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Overkillengine

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #69 on: 11 Jan 2012, 00:53 »

Let the court records that a guy is always doing something wrong whenever girls are involved.

The only way to win that silly game is to refuse to play, which in essence is what Marten is doing. She wants him, she can make the effort to communicate. Until then, walk away and don't look back.

Why? Because anything other than walking away is an automatic fail scenario.
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Dr. ROFLPWN

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #70 on: 11 Jan 2012, 00:57 »

*looks at comic*

*looks at thread*

WELP.



EDIT: okay here's my take on things

if you want to be "in the right" then you refuse to talk to her unless she returns your call

if you actually want to give her a chance you go talk to her

marty may just wanna be the winner
Here.
« Last Edit: 11 Jan 2012, 01:22 by Dr. ROFLPWN »
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #71 on: 11 Jan 2012, 01:14 »

Why? Because anything other than walking away is an automatic fail scenario.
I hope you don't live your romantic life by that principle. °O

He's only able to do what he's doing now because he still has strong hope/confidence that Padma WILL eventually get in touch with him and explain herself.
Just wait till that hope runs out. He'll become way active then.
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Vurogj

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #72 on: 11 Jan 2012, 01:18 »

I'm kinda on Marten's side in this one, mainly as I feel like I'd do the same myself (which is projecting, and bad, but oops). He's made an effort, it's on Padma now.

In other news, I don't recall seeing that bright a shade of lipstick on Dora in a while, she looks a little Raven-esque in it.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #73 on: 11 Jan 2012, 01:18 »

A guy also deserves
A guy is entitled
Marten absolutely has the RIGHT
Marten deserves

It is better not to get all worked up over an assumption; there could be other developments we don't know about, like if grandmother is dying or has died, and Padma has gone West to sort things out - which could easily lead to her ignoring texts for a while.  It is reasonable for Marten to wait a bit longer; it is also reasonable for him to call in at tSB anyway.

OTOH, I'm a little surprised that Dora doesn't already have information (unless her comment implies that she knows Padma is still around), seeing as Padma is the bakery manager and Dora is doing business with tSB daily (I presume fresh cakes are delivered daily, even if the ground coffee for tSB isn't).
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #74 on: 11 Jan 2012, 01:20 »

My dating experience doesn't provide a statistically valid sample, but when I've been in Marten's situation, continuing to press the matter never led to anything good.
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Overkillengine

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #75 on: 11 Jan 2012, 01:29 »

Alright, explain how doing anything other than not horribly investing himself in a response will constructively aid Marten and not end up being likely to waste his time and worsen his standing with Padma?

Normally when one person cuts communication like that, hope is a fool's game at best. Especially in today's world, where communication is often just a matter of taking 30 seconds or less to text a quick reply if you don't want to have an extended voice conversation.

(Assuming her cell phone works of course. I could see this being a perfect storm of leaving to be at dying grandma's side + unexpectedly dead phone causing the communication outage. )

She is unwilling or unable to reply. No point in him worrying about it, and getting too aggressive...rarely works out well.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #76 on: 11 Jan 2012, 01:34 »

Actually I'm wondering if there's a difference between being aggressively passive and passive aggressive. "Passive aggressive" doesn't seem to describe Marten too well.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #77 on: 11 Jan 2012, 01:43 »

Jim is the bakery manager, I thought? Elliot calls him the boss in this strip.

I'm not sure about Dora's "passive aggressive" comment. I originally interpreted it as just sassing Faye, as I can't see how Marten is making any kind of comment about Dora or Faye. If it's toward Padma, I'm not sure how you can be passive aggressive about someone you're already openly talking about. From what I can see, either Marten doesn't see the similarities between this and Vicki at all or he's remembering all too well how hard this was last time, so he's taking the emotionally safer route, according to his experiences.
I think seeing Padma would help if just for future reference. People want to know how they messed up so they can fix it to not do it again.

I think Faye's comment is accurate. There's definitely times people I know and myself seem to go out of our way to do nothing. :mrgreen:

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #78 on: 11 Jan 2012, 01:44 »

Alright, explain how doing anything other than not horribly investing himself in a response will constructively aid Marten and not end up being likely to waste his time and worsen his standing with Padma?

[ ... ]

She is unwilling or unable to reply. No point in him worrying about it, and getting too aggressive...rarely works out well.
Oh, I never opted for the trainwreck storm-the-beaches option. All I wanted to say is that too much passivity on either side is emotionally hurtful in many cases.

Marten is doing the right thing here. In this case. Under these circumstances. In this particular informed reality.
If we/he had more information we/he might think differently.
(There is no automatic fail scenario under these circumstances.)

[ ... ]
I think Faye's comment is accurate. There's definitely times people I know and myself [strike]seem to[/strike] go out of our way to do nothing. :mrgreen:
Oh, Marten isn't going out of his way to do nothing. That is EXACTLY his way, methinks. oO
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Overkillengine

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #79 on: 11 Jan 2012, 02:13 »

There is no automatic fail scenario under these circumstances.)

Clarification of "automatic fail": hyperbolic phrasing to illustrate and emphasize something being of such an improbable magnitude that using a 100% probability of failure descriptor results in statistically negligible variance between the actual and stated probability.  :-P

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #80 on: 11 Jan 2012, 02:25 »

Clarification of "automatic fail": hyperbolic phrasing to illustrate and emphasize something being of such an improbable magnitude that using a 100% probability of failure descriptor results in statistically negligible variance between the actual and stated probability.  :-P
And as smart as that may sound, I still don't like generalizations. ^^

Also I am unsure whether you should use that phrasing in this context at all. As I said, there is no way to determine the variance between the stated and actual probability because there is not enough information available to determine the "actual" probability.
But this is going to be about semantics at some point now, I'll stop. °O
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #81 on: 11 Jan 2012, 02:27 »

Registered just because this was a triggering comic for waking up at 3:33am >_>

I've been in a much more invested relationship with someone who led me along *hard* and then just one day completely changed into someone else and stopped making an effort to communicate with me at all. During our relationship, they told that they loved me  and insisted that I trust them and I did and continued to much longer than anyone should have. I kept excusing their behavior with whatever I could think of and continued to send messages of love and support because they said they liked getting them. So I learned a couple of things from that relationship:

1. Don't trust people... especially those who ask for it.

2. How to meter out emotional investment.

As for Padma, Marten should just walk away. As a previous person pointed out, this is a digital age (and in this universe, AI in the form of anthro-pcs is a reality). There is no excuse whatsoever for not communicating. The only thing remotely excusable is "she's going through a hard time", but if that means that she can't take 30 seconds out of a week to type that out and hit "send", then is that really someone you want to invest in anyway?

Marten's doing this right. He's put forth just the right amount of effort to open communication with a person who has cut it off. Now, I think he has every right to be mad and to show it. Even more so if she shows back up. It should even be encouraged, I think, because then he's setting healthy boundaries on how he is going to allow others to treat him. If this is supposed to be a random hookup and a new(ish) potential friend with benefits, he doesn't owe her the emotional support that would be expected in a more serious, committed relationship. If this is any deeper than that, she doesn't get to treat him like an emotional tampon for her own benefit while leaving him used up without an explanation.

She crazy, Marten. Don't look back.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #82 on: 11 Jan 2012, 02:27 »

Actually I'm wondering if there's a difference between being aggressively passive and passive aggressive. "Passive aggressive" doesn't seem to describe Marten too well.

Yes.  Dora is wrong.  Faye is wrong if she's being literal about Marten being aggressive and is implying the aggression is aimed towards someone other than himself.  Marten may feel passive aggressive at the moment--and talking about this stuff to the two ladies might be an act of passive aggression--but his other actions don't seem to be dictated by that mood.  Sometimes polite people have codes of conduct that avoid interference by a present emotional temperature.

Passively aggressive: Marten sticking to his default mode with the intention of proving something to or about Padma.
Martenly passive: Marten sticking to his default mode with the intention of not letting overthinking result in making a mistake regarding Padma.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #83 on: 11 Jan 2012, 02:43 »

Clarification of "automatic fail": hyperbolic phrasing to illustrate and emphasize something being of such an improbable magnitude that using a 100% probability of failure descriptor results in statistically negligible variance between the actual and stated probability.  :-P
And as smart as that may sound, I still don't like generalizations. ^^

Also I am unsure whether you should use that phrasing in this context at all. As I said, there is no way to determine the variance between the stated and actual probability because there is not enough information available to determine the "actual" probability.
But this is going to be about semantics at some point now, I'll stop. °O

Fair 'nuff. I can definitely agree that we have far differing assessments of probability on this, most likely to to differing past experiences. I was just clarifying that *I* meant. :)





Registered just because this was a triggering comic for waking up at 3:33am >_>

I've been in a much more invested relationship with someone who led me along *hard* and then just one day completely changed into someone else and stopped making an effort to communicate with me at all. During our relationship, they told that they loved me  and insisted that I trust them and I did and continued to much longer than anyone should have. I kept excusing their behavior with whatever I could think of and continued to send messages of love and support because they said they liked getting them. So I learned a couple of things from that relationship:

1. Don't trust people... especially those who ask for it.

2. How to meter out emotional investment.

As for Padma, Marten should just walk away. As a previous person pointed out, this is a digital age (and in this universe, AI in the form of anthro-pcs is a reality). There is no excuse whatsoever for not communicating. The only thing remotely excusable is "she's going through a hard time", but if that means that she can't take 30 seconds out of a week to type that out and hit "send", then is that really someone you want to invest in anyway?

Marten's doing this right. He's put forth just the right amount of effort to open communication with a person who has cut it off. Now, I think he has every right to be mad and to show it. Even more so if she shows back up. It should even be encouraged, I think, because then he's setting healthy boundaries on how he is going to allow others to treat him. If this is supposed to be a random hookup and a new(ish) potential friend with benefits, he doesn't owe her the emotional support that would be expected in a more serious, committed relationship. If this is any deeper than that, she doesn't get to treat him like an emotional tampon for her own benefit while leaving him used up without an explanation.

She crazy, Marten. Don't look back.

THIS!  :psyduck:

Too often many of us get taught to either take all the crap that gets shoved our way and ask for more; or turn into soulless user a-holes. There is actually a middle ground where one can be a decent person but still enforce respect.
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pwhodges

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #84 on: 11 Jan 2012, 03:08 »

There is actually a middle ground where one can be a decent person but still enforce respect.

"Enforce  respect"?  That's not quite how it works, you know.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #85 on: 11 Jan 2012, 03:18 »

"Treat me with respect or I walk away" is exactly how it works. That is enforcing respect.

You get exactly what you put up with. One of the best ways out when dealing with a person that hasn't quite clued in on what is and isn't a decent thing to do and for some reason refuses to do so is to refuse to play ball. If you keep taking it, you validate it and the cycle continues. Doing a 180 flip and becoming like them isn't exactly constructive either.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #86 on: 11 Jan 2012, 03:23 »

I'm pretty sure Marten is seeing the Ghost of Vicki in this situation. He ended up trying so hard to salvage things there that he moved across the country to be with her, and things between them still crashed and burned-and a lot like things are now between him and Padma-with her becoming increasingly uncommunicative.

It's quite possible that he's thinking his failure to "take the hint" from Vicki's similar behavior led to a long drawn-out breakup and him being stuck on the other side of the country. He's probably thinking that he's NOT going to repeat that mistake with Padma; her behavior in canceling dates and not returning his calls-so hauntingly familiar to Vicki's-is saying to him that she's done, and it's not like this was going to last anyway, right?

If this is what he's thinking (and it seems so), if the Ghost of Vicki is haunting him right now (looks like it is), then no way in hell is he going anywhere near tSB. By this reasoning, all that's going to accomplish is an embarrassing and tense scene where Padma has to tell him to his face that it's over. And that's assuming it's even that civil-Marten may be imagining being tossed out by Elliot or taken away by the cops while Padma hides in the back.

If all that's going through his mind, and it seems like at least some of it is, then I'll be very surprised if he goes into tSB. He may feel it won't help anyway, so why bother? Why risk a bad scene? Let it end there, he won't have to see Padma again, no big loss right? (So he'll tell himself. He won't believe it deep down, but he'll tell himself that.)
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pwhodges

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #87 on: 11 Jan 2012, 04:07 »

That is enforcing respect.

Have you never heard the phrase "to earn  respect"? 

You imply that there can be some God-given right to respect, which maybe not everyone would agree with - especially if this is in some way linked with being male (which is all too common, I fear). 

Of course, we should all try to respect others, regardless of failings, but this is a different matter from demanding or expecting respect (which is too often a matter of wanting to be kowtowed to - really, different words should be used) - it is far more important to be able to respect others than to be respected.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #88 on: 11 Jan 2012, 04:23 »

That is enforcing respect.

Have you never heard the phrase "to earn  respect"?  

You imply that there can be some God-given right to respect, which maybe not everyone would agree with - especially if this is in some way linked with being male (which is all too common, I fear).  

Of course, we should all try to respect others, regardless of failings, but this is a different matter from demanding or expecting respect (which is too often a matter of wanting to be kowtowed to - really, different words should be used) - it is far more important to be able to respect others than to be respected.

Nice assumption as to my meaning, but no.

I mean as in the basic respect everyone regardless of gender is due.

But I SO appreciate the assumption.  :roll:

And in this example Marten already showed/earned respect by trying to communicate when the initial shutdown occurred. It has not been returned in the last week. If this is deliberate on her part, then kowtowing to it by being a door mat can actively make it worse, by sending the message that he will put up with getting ignored/shut down.

This is in no way a healthy thing in either a FwB or serious relationship to encourage/condone.



Edit: And to nip any further incredibly insulting insinuations of male chauvinism in the bud- the behavior of just cutting communication with someone like that without a VERY good reason is an incredibly disrespectful thing to do regardless of gender, race, creed, religion, species, disability, artistic ability, IQ, endowment, or wealth. (non-exhaustive list)
« Last Edit: 11 Jan 2012, 04:29 by Overkillengine »
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pwhodges

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #89 on: 11 Jan 2012, 04:31 »

Nice assumption as to my meaning, but no.

I'm sorry if I am misinterpreting you; I took your meaning from this:
"Treat me with respect or I walk away"
which seems consistent with some of your other posts.

One could say that walking away is not respecting the other party by not first trying to find out why they are doing what they do.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #90 on: 11 Jan 2012, 04:45 »

Quote from: Overkillengine

I mean as in the basic respect everyone regardless of gender is due.


Just to point out that this applies to every situation one can think of  -but- romantic relationships.

Ever heard the phrase "All is fair in love and war... and webcomics" ?. You may not like the implied meaning, yet there is very little doubt that whoever coined this in the first place had ample experience to back his claim up, except for the webcomic part.


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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #91 on: 11 Jan 2012, 04:47 »

Mr. Hodges has it right - respect is earned, not an entitlement.  

Some respect is simply earned as a result of being a human being, but not all.  It has been my experience that those who demand respect, often don't deserve it.  Many of those who do not show respect often have none for themselves either.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #92 on: 11 Jan 2012, 04:49 »

Nice assumption as to my meaning, but no.

I'm sorry if I am misinterpreting you; I took your meaning from this:
"Treat me with respect or I walk away"
which seems consistent with some of your other posts.

One could say that walking away is not respecting the other party by not first trying to find out why they are doing what they do.

In the scope of the example I am applying my statement to, Marten has already called and left messages. That was the attempt to find out. She hasn't clarified. In a week. Granted, grandma could be dying/dead, but at some point during that week there was 30 seconds to spare to at least say, "Hey, sorry haven't called back, talk to you when I get chance."

Now, if she is in another state with a dead phone that has her only copy of Marten's number- that is a damn good reason for not replying. Probably one of the few.

I've been in situations where someone's stated course and actions didn't exactly match in a sensible way. I usually politely ask for clarification (or observe further). Now, if they get rude with me for making the effort to educate myself....then it's time to remind them of the social contract they just violated by being a prick right back. (within constructive bounds if possible; there is a certain technique needed to hold that mirror up to people.)

Mr. Hodges has it right - respect is earned, not an entitlement. 

Some respect is simply earned as a result of being a human being, but not all.  It has been my experience that those who demand respect, often don't deserve it.  Many of those who do not show respect often have none for themselves either.

There is a fine line between petulantly demanding unearned respect, and rightfully demanding to not be disrespected when you haven't done anything to warrant it.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #93 on: 11 Jan 2012, 04:52 »

Is that Raven or Dora? The Lipstick and hairstyle is confusing me  :psyduck:
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #94 on: 11 Jan 2012, 04:57 »

Is that Raven or Dora? The Lipstick and hairstyle is confusing me  :psyduck:
Pretty sure it's Dora, she has gages and I don't think Raven has those.


 I think Dora saying the "passive aggressive" comment makes sense - look how their relationship went. She probably views his "everything is fine, I'm not going to do anything for my own good" as very reminiscent of how their relationship ended - he couldn't actually say what Dora's faults were and being assertive, so she had to break it off. He's not straight up telling Padma whats wrong (and I think it is completely wrong to break something off without a reason, it's cruel) and instead is just avoiding it, causing himself more harm. If he sees Padma again after this, he may very well act passive aggressive towards her and Dora might be seeing this potential.

She could also mean it (how i first interpreted it) that he's being passive aggressive to HIMSELF - he's treating his feelings like they don't matter when he obviously cares.  :psyduck:
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #95 on: 11 Jan 2012, 05:10 »

Mr. Hodges has it right - respect is earned, not an entitlement.  

Some respect is simply earned as a result of being a human being, but not all.  It has been my experience that those who demand respect, often don't deserve it.  Many of those who do not show respect often have none for themselves either.
Opinions may differ. If you don't know a person, do you respect them until they've proven not to be worthy of respect, or do you not respect them until they have proven to be worthy of respect?
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #96 on: 11 Jan 2012, 05:11 »

Why are Faye's and Dora's boobs the same size in this strip?
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #97 on: 11 Jan 2012, 05:41 »

This whole respect argument is weird. I feel like everyone's on different wavelenghs. I think Overkillengine's point is, sometimes people treat you badly for no reason and there's no way of earning better treatment. At that point, you have to actually walk away, otherwise terrible people just pile up in your life. "Enforce" is a weird word for it, but getting respect does require some sort of action, like everything else. Right?

The respect issue is similar to the trust issue in that way. You obviously can't demand respect in the same way you can't just demand trust. But sometimes people are so stingy with those things it's irrational, and then it ruins your life.
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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #98 on: 11 Jan 2012, 05:44 »

I don't think it's a matter of respect or lack thereof that has Padma acting this way, I think it's fear. Fear of a tense, embarrassing confrontation over the ending of their relationship/fling/whatever. Marten is also, IMO, acting primarily out of fear-fear of humiliating himself if he pushes further for an answer from Padma. Like I said in my previous post, I think he's haunted by the Ghost of Vicki, or rather the ghost of their dead relationship. I'm sure he sees parallels between the ending of that relationship and how things are now going with Padma, and he doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes he made with Vicki. Hence fear of repeating those mistakes has him acting and saying the things he has so far.

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jwhouk

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Re: WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)
« Reply #99 on: 11 Jan 2012, 05:53 »

There's something naggingly wrong about this.

We in this crazy world of being QC fans/readers/obsessives have always seen tSB as something of an "alternate universe" CoD. Hanners and Marten mentioned that the first time they set foot in the place.

To this point, we've pretty much seen everything (or mostly everything) that was happening at CoD happen in tSB. We've commented that the Marten/Padma relationship seemed a lot like Marten's "off screen" relationship with Vicki; the wooing of Padma by Marten even seemed a lot like Dora swooping in to grab Marten after Faye decided she couldn't take it to the next level with our hero.

There's one thing that differs between the two, still - someone dying. In the CoD "universe", it was Faye's dad. In tSB, we're still presuming it's going to be Padma's grandmother.

What if it's not that, though?

I'll just leave my thought there for now. But I've seen enough foreshadowing to suggest someone is about to get written out of the story - permanently. 
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