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Author Topic: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?  (Read 27938 times)

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #50 on: 11 Jun 2013, 00:24 »

Summarizable as "he killed himself because he was a stupid jackass".
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bhtooefr

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #51 on: 11 Jun 2013, 06:45 »

True, but she was sexually active before she even left for college.
And the areas of the US that use shame and abstinence-only education to deter sex, are the areas with the highest teenage pregnancy rates (and IIRC the highest rates of sexual activity amongst teenagers, too).

But it doesn't mean that they have healthy attitudes about sex, it means that they still have it while thinking it's evil.
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sitnspin

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #52 on: 11 Jun 2013, 07:38 »

Summarizable as "he killed himself because he was a stupid jackass".

Or, you know, mentally ill. As someone with a long history of mental illness, as well as knowing many who succumbed to it,  I find the way so many people write off suicide as cowardly or selfish to be very insulting. Mental illness is a real thing, it is a medical condition as real as cancer or lupus,  not something to be dismissed as a moral failing. In a society that places such a heavy stigma on mental illness, especially for men, it is quite common for a condition to go untreated until it becomes overwhelming.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #53 on: 11 Jun 2013, 07:39 »

Well I was going to reply to the previous comment, but bhtooefr got there before me.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #54 on: 11 Jun 2013, 07:43 »

And sitnspin beat me.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #55 on: 11 Jun 2013, 10:20 »

My reaction would be utterly different if he'd had any history of depression. Someone would have noticed. It's not a subtle thing when someone spends hours staring at the ceiling when the electricity is a few days from being cut off because even though there's plenty of money to pay the bills they've been piling up unopened because the person can't cope with opening them. Nor when lying on the ancient pile of dirty laundry makes more sense than washing it and the smell doesn't matter because the person hasn't had the get-up-and-go to even take a shower for days.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #56 on: 11 Jun 2013, 10:43 »

There are varying degrees of depression. It can be relatively easy to appear normal when you are around other people (and it may even lift your spirits a bit), but that doesn't mean that when you are alone, sitting in front of your computer at one o'clock in the morning, because you just cannot bring yourself to stand up and walk a few steps to your bed; that then thoughts don't start creeping up about how worthless you are and how much you suck because you cannot even stand up and because you won't seek help either and the others won't understand anyway and even if they did they would only pretend to care because they don't really like you and you are painfully aware of the fact that most people care about 150 other people at most anyway and why should anyone care about YOU.
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sitnspin

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #57 on: 11 Jun 2013, 10:54 »

"Someone would have noticed". Right... cos it always manifests itself that blatantly. And people always notice signs. Trust me, someone with depression can hide in plain sight, people often ignore what they don't want or expect to see.
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Daniel Patrick Moynihan

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #58 on: 11 Jun 2013, 11:14 »

Was there a case where Faye even allowed a little bit of friendly physical contact from Marten while sober?

Tthree times, when Faye was miserable:  when he hugged her outside CoD, but lost the chance to do it again! During the Talk (thanks ThomasEll), and shortly before the breakup.

Don't forget my favorite strip, which is even somewhat relevant!
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1564
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #59 on: 11 Jun 2013, 13:38 »

Don't forget my favorite strip, which is even somewhat relevant!
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1564

I've just realised that in panel 2b, Faye has actual tears in her eyes. I knew she was distressed in that comic, but I'd never noticed that before. Is this the only time we've seen Faye cry (excluding flashbacks)?
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Valdís

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #60 on: 11 Jun 2013, 14:01 »

My reaction would be utterly different if he'd had any history of depression. Someone would have noticed.

*Ahem*

BULL!

SHIT!


Also I'll just go "+1 Sitnspin" and add that I'm incredibly sick of people essentially trying to guilt suicidal people into staying alive with how it'd traumatize their family. Just.. very sick of it. You're not entitled to have someone stay alive and it's not them being immoral for "hurting you", even if I'm familiar with having the instinctual response of telling someone "If that happened it'd break me, please don't.." and I hate myself for that. Looking at the stuff associated Mr. Whitaker's suicide is actually pretty unnerving.

"He was a God-damned Jackass who didn't deserve the wonderful family he had"
"I'm willing to bet that most cemetaries have a rule prohibiting negative epitaphs. I'd say if anyone deserves one it's certainly Faye's dad."
« Last Edit: 11 Jun 2013, 14:39 by Valdís »
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #61 on: 11 Jun 2013, 14:07 »

There were a couple times in the Talk, a couple times when Marten and Dora started dating, and at least once after Sven banged Gina Riversmith.  So 567,587, 1343 at least. 
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #62 on: 11 Jun 2013, 14:39 »

Hmm, yes, I remember those now. Come to think of it, we've probably seen Faye cry more than anyone else... and fair enough, she's got plenty to be upset about.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #63 on: 11 Jun 2013, 15:30 »

I recently told someone at work about my issues with depression as it was affecting my work. I told them about the last time I had a bad rut, which was a couple months long and I was working at the same place. They said, "I never knew." It took so much of me to respond, "You weren't meant to."

Whatever pushed Faye's dad over the edge, it must have been very personal and/or very private. If it was, for example, terrible debt, the family would have found out after his death. If the issue was an outside source.

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #64 on: 11 Jun 2013, 16:22 »

So I think that really the two most likely contenders for him killing himself are it either being some internal depression that he had been keeping secret, possibly for a long time (the most likely), or that it was actually a cover up so he could become the Director of DoKYA (the version I prefer, although probably not actually very likely  :-P).



I don't think that him sexually abusing Faye is likely at all, if that was the case then it would have been (or should have been) picked up during Faye's therapy sessions, not to mention the fact that she was about twenty when he did it, so I would think that she would be able to remember that. I also don't agree with the idea that she has any sexual dysfunction, her problem comes from not being able (or rather wanting) to form the emotional attachment necessary for a healthy relationship. This is why she is able to have sex with Sven and at the same time justify to herself that it's not a relationship because she didn't particularly like him (although I think that if he hadn't cheated on her then it could have possibly become a relationship).

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #65 on: 11 Jun 2013, 16:54 »

Faye and Sven in an actual relationship? What would that be like?

(click to show/hide)
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #66 on: 11 Jun 2013, 17:00 »

This thread title makes me think of horrible responses that are purely mean spirited.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #67 on: 11 Jun 2013, 17:25 »

I'm thinking of the guy mentioned in one of the hardcopy books who wrote Jeph to say that he'd gotten help instead of killing himself when he read The Talk and realized he couldn't do something like that to his daughter.

It is entirely possible that I can't see straight on this subject due to my family background.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #68 on: 11 Jun 2013, 18:13 »

It is entirely possible that I can't see straight on this subject due to my family background.

On the other hand we have me picturing people openly saying and wanting to put "[*He] was an idiot who didn't deserve to be loved" over my grave and how I deserved to be spoken of like that for not being able to keep going. Feels great.

*Because let's face it: They would have.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #69 on: 11 Jun 2013, 18:38 »

With regards to Faye's attitude towards sex, bear in mind that from the looks of it, Faye comes from a very religious family, quite possibly in one of the stronger Baptist areas. Growing up in an area like that, well the religious education system practically whacks it into people's head that sex outside of marriage is wrong and that positions other than the missionary position means you're going to hell.

Or at the very least sex was not something openly discussed in Faye's family. Thus Faye has had limited experience talking about sex, which would have been particularly jarring when she moved north and started working with Dora.

I'm sorry, but Faye does not come from a very religious family.

But she did talk about sex... with her father.

I think it's pretty clear that any dysfunction Faye had was with intimacy in general, not sex.  This is why she would sleep with (but not date) Sven.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #70 on: 11 Jun 2013, 18:43 »

However, she was raised in the southern US.

Not exactly the most tolerant area.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #71 on: 11 Jun 2013, 19:05 »

Neither Faye nor her mother have a problem with Amanda being gay.  Stereotypes are not helping.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #72 on: 11 Jun 2013, 19:06 »

Depends on "rurality".  The bigger metro areas are ... well, pretty metropolitan.  Atlanta, Memphis, Charlotte, and of course, New Orleans.  Being southern doesn't automatically mean religious or repressed! 


On Mr. Whittaker's potential mental illness, I'd also like to point out some of the later onset things that can happen.  Depression is one, of course, and can strike at any time; so are things like schizophrenia, early onset dementia and / or alzheimers, and several other illnesses. 

Now, before someone shouts that the family would have noticed, I'd like to point out that in the early stages of all these (and many other) problems, the first person to notice is the subject / victim / patient.  And if her father thought he might be going insane, and perhaps thought he'd "wind up like crazy uncle Joe" or something, he may have thought that the only way to avoid such a fate was suicide. 

Or perhaps the illness itself convinced him that it was what he had to do.  And that, until it convinced him of this, he had to keep up appearances.  Go through the motions.  It's surprisingly easy when people expect you to be a certain way to just give them what they expect, rather than go through the questioning and problems that bizarre behaviour leads to...
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sitnspin

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #73 on: 11 Jun 2013, 19:33 »

I personally hid the full extent of my mental illness for years. The depression was obvious as I had attempted suicide a few times, but the psychotic features I managed to hide from doctors even while institutionalized. It is remarkably easy to hide parts of yourself, even from professionals, let alone untrained observers. It is very easy for even sever mental illness to go unnoticed. We wouldn't have so many tragic incidents if it was not.

And that doesn't even take into account sudden onset. Schizophrenia can set in very rapidly and short term psychotic breaks are far more common than most people realise.

Suicidal ideation is a awful thing to live with and very few people make the decision lightly.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #74 on: 11 Jun 2013, 20:41 »

It is entirely possible that I can't see straight on this subject due to my family background.

On the other hand we have me picturing people openly saying and wanting to put "[*He] was an idiot who didn't deserve to be loved" over my grave and how I deserved to be spoken of like that for not being able to keep going. Feels great.

*Because let's face it: They would have.

I give you my word that I will not let my pain and anger over what my brother did to us interfere with my respect for you in any way.

It does, however, predispose me to understand the feelings of the surviving Whitakers.

Social conservatism topic: Mrs. Whitaker did not react well to Amanda being gay! Her eventual acceptance was grudging.
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TheEvilDog

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #75 on: 11 Jun 2013, 20:55 »

I'm sorry, but Faye does not come from a very religious family.

I think it's pretty clear that any dysfunction Faye had was with intimacy in general, not sex.  This is why she would sleep with (but not date) Sven.

Her mother was Baptist and disapproved of several things, Faye's father's weekly bourbon milkshake for one. Presuming then that her mother disapproved of one shot of bourbon, how would her mother feel if she heard about her eldest daughter losing her virginity? Which would explain why Faye talked to her father, he probably (we don't know for sure) wasn't Baptist and while displeased, he comforted her.

From my personal experience, there's one parent who is kind of cool about certain things, I remember when I was about 15 my father found my stash of porn magazines. I expected him to be furious, instead he told me he put them somewhere else and that I should hide them in a better location because we both knew if my mother found them I would have not heard the end of it...ever. In Faye's case, that parent was her father.

With regards to Faye and Sven, that was pretty much summed up by Zebediah - two people who hate each having sex. Unresolved sexual tension that got resolved without a bang and more like a damp squib.

Back to the main point of the topic. The most telling reason if from Faye in 505.
"That's just it-- I don't know! Nobody knows! He didn't leave a note. If he was depressed it never showed. Even mom has no idea. We... we all loved him so much. It just came out of nowhere. What could it have possibly been? What was so wrong that he had to keep it a secret from everyone he knew, even from his f-fuckin' FAMILY, so he could b-blow his brains out? What did we miss? What did we do wrong? How could he just abandon us like that? How could just abandon m-ME like that? He ruined our lives!"

There was no letter, no message as to why he was ending his life. Even his own wife can't explain why, the woman he married and had two children with. He was loved by his family, there wasn't any trouble that they knew of and yet one morning he went out and shot himself. Which brings up my earlier point, the absolutely horrifying that about suicide is that there isn't always a reason.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #76 on: 11 Jun 2013, 21:12 »

I give you my word that I will not let my pain and anger over what my brother did to us interfere with my respect for you in any way.

It does, however, predispose me to understand the feelings of the surviving Whitakers.

Having lost more than my fair share of loved ones, I can and do sympathize with your loss. In the end, it was to avoid hurting my gf at the time (later my wife) that I finally sought real help in earnest. As a continuing (so far) survivor of mental illness, I also have an understandable sympathy with my fellow sufferers, both those still alive and those who did not survive. I think it is important to have compassion for both sides in this situation. Mental illness is difficult for the ones with the illness and for their loved ones with plenty of suffering to go around. Compassion is the key to the situation rather than blame. Once we, as a society, learn to see mental illness as a real medical condition rather than weakness of character perhaps we can put aside the blaming and stigma and actually start to help those affected, both the ill and their families. 

Being angry with someone for committing suicide is akin to being angry with someone who succumbed to cancer, understandable but not exactly fair or rational.  Emotions are not rational, I admit, and it is not uncommon to be angry with a departed loved one even when their death was completely out of their hands. I, personally, had a fair amount of anger toward my wife for dying and she died when we were struck my a drunk driver while fully recognizing how irrational that anger was. Pain and loss often elicits an anger response. Awareness of the irrationality of it did help me to let go of it (for the most part).

Quote
Social conservatism topic: Mrs. Whitaker did not react well to Amanda being gay! Her eventual acceptance was grudging.
Social conservatism is not limited to the religious, I can attest to this from experience, but it was fairly well established that Faye's mom is Baptist, a decidedly conservative religious sect.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #77 on: 12 Jun 2013, 02:27 »

Faye and Sven in an actual relationship? What would that be like?

(click to show/hide)

Maybe, but to be honest I don't think that Sven ever really hated Faye. And Faye starts to come round to him before actually hooking up with him. Faye didn't like the fact that he slept around, and I think that if he could have brought himself to be monogamous with her then he could have turned it into a relationship.

Edited to add an equals sign - Method
« Last Edit: 15 Jun 2013, 22:58 by Method of Madness »
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #78 on: 12 Jun 2013, 05:52 »

There is one aspect that I think may have contributed: the Kentucky Bourbon Milkshake.

Perhaps alcoholism ran in the family, and Dad kept it to himself - until he realized that one day that he was turning into his father/uncle/whatever?

I'd be grabbing at straws with that theory, but it's something Jeph could have left himself an out for if he ever wanted Faye to discover a reason.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #79 on: 12 Jun 2013, 22:37 »

Interesting - especially since "No one knew why", and also no one (except Faye) knew about the drinking. 

And I'm sure the milkshake wasn't the only way he snuck a drink.  Or two...
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #80 on: 13 Jun 2013, 07:08 »

Not necessarily alcoholism, but it is entirely likely he was using the alcohol to self-medicate whatever illness he did have. That is quite common with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #81 on: 14 Jun 2013, 12:09 »

Quote from: Storel
He did it for his daughter's sake, to spare her the embarrassment of having a breakdown and years of being emotionally crippled for no good reason.

Lol, well that backfired.

I think you missed IICIH's point (see the emphasized part). IICIH is implying that Faye's father knew Fay was about to have a breakdown and be emotionally crippled for years, and he didn't want that to happen to her for no good reason. So he committed suicide to give her a good reason...  :roll:

Lol, that's dark.

Yes, that's what I meant.

Yet another factette to toss in the soup is that she managed a physical relationship (Sven) before she could handle attachment. That could be used as an argument either way.

Or both ways. I'm no expert (though I was a Psych major before my medical problems put my entire life on hold -_-), but I think oftentimes with sexual abuse, when a person finally starts to confront those memories and feelings, they find that sex - which presumably freaked them out the most - is actually easier than a complete relationship. With casual sex, there's a certain emotional distance, you can hold the thing at arms length, and that gives you a modicum of control and power over it. And if things go bad, hey, it was just sex, you can toss it aside easily (though obviously Faye didn't do all that).

Here's an answer: he didn't kill himself. He's actually the director of the DoKYA and what Faye saw was an acephalic clone being controlled by an AI. Steve knows of Director Whitaker of course, but either hasn't made the connection (does he even know about Faye's story?) or has been sworn to secrecy. As for why? Plausible deniability; who better to head up an ultra-secret paramilitary organisation than a dead man?

Aaand now I want a crack-fanfic expanding on this idea.

It was not presented as being a reason, but I think Faye's mom had a point when she said "He was a God-damned Jackass who didn't deserve the wonderful family he had". As good an explanation as any and truer than any excuse he could have come up with.

I think she was disparaging him for committing suicide -- saying he's a jerk for having left his family like that. She wasn't saying that he was a jerk while he was alive.

With regards to Faye's attitude towards sex, bear in mind that from the looks of it, Faye comes from a very religious family, quite possibly in one of the stronger Baptist areas. Growing up in an area like that, well the religious education system practically whacks it into people's head that sex outside of marriage is wrong and that positions other than the missionary position means you're going to hell.

Or at the very least sex was not something openly discussed in Faye's family. Thus Faye has had limited experience talking about sex, which would have been particularly jarring when she moved north and started working with Dora.

But a religious upbringing wouldn't necessarily give you a negative self-body image, and more importantly, Faye wants to be okay with sex, she knows it's bogus that she's not. If she was just experiencing the aftereffects of a strict religious upbringing, she'd be all "sex is a sin, God this, God that, blee bloo blop."

Summarizable as "he killed himself because he was a stupid jackass".

Or, you know, mentally ill. As someone with a long history of mental illness, as well as knowing many who succumbed to it,  I find the way so many people write off suicide as cowardly or selfish to be very insulting. Mental illness is a real thing, it is a medical condition as real as cancer or lupus,  not something to be dismissed as a moral failing. In a society that places such a heavy stigma on mental illness, especially for men, it is quite common for a condition to go untreated until it becomes overwhelming.

Faye's mom was just blowing off some steam, just speaking out of hurt, I think, not really rationally condemning the very notion of suicide and mental health problems.

There are varying degrees of depression. It can be relatively easy to appear normal when you are around other people (and it may even lift your spirits a bit), but that doesn't mean that when you are alone, sitting in front of your computer at one o'clock in the morning, because you just cannot bring yourself to stand up and walk a few steps to your bed; that then thoughts don't start creeping up about how worthless you are and how much you suck because you cannot even stand up and because you won't seek help either and the others won't understand anyway and even if they did they would only pretend to care because they don't really like you and you are painfully aware of the fact that most people care about 150 other people at most anyway and why should anyone care about YOU.

Pokemon fans care about 151 other people.

Was there a case where Faye even allowed a little bit of friendly physical contact from Marten while sober?

Tthree times, when Faye was miserable:  when he hugged her outside CoD, but lost the chance to do it again! During the Talk (thanks ThomasEll), and shortly before the breakup.

Don't forget my favorite strip, which is even somewhat relevant!
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1564

Off-topic: this is my favorite strip...
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1399

My reaction would be utterly different if he'd had any history of depression. Someone would have noticed.

*Ahem*

BULL!

SHIT!


Also I'll just go "+1 Sitnspin" and add that I'm incredibly sick of people essentially trying to guilt suicidal people into staying alive with how it'd traumatize their family. Just.. very sick of it. You're not entitled to have someone stay alive and it's not them being immoral for "hurting you", even if I'm familiar with having the instinctual response of telling someone "If that happened it'd break me, please don't.." and I hate myself for that. Looking at the stuff associated Mr. Whitaker's suicide is actually pretty unnerving.

"He was a God-damned Jackass who didn't deserve the wonderful family he had"
"I'm willing to bet that most cemetaries have a rule prohibiting negative epitaphs. I'd say if anyone deserves one it's certainly Faye's dad."

I'm reminded of this, which I got linked to on Facebook awhile ago...
hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
"If I go to therapy will you stop crying?"

I recently told someone at work about my issues with depression as it was affecting my work. I told them about the last time I had a bad rut, which was a couple months long and I was working at the same place. They said, "I never knew." It took so much of me to respond, "You weren't meant to."

Whatever pushed Faye's dad over the edge, it must have been very personal and/or very private. If it was, for example, terrible debt, the family would have found out after his death. If the issue was an outside source.

Yeah, it had to've been something purely inside him. If it was external, it would've come to light after his death.

So I think that really the two most likely contenders for him killing himself are it either being some internal depression that he had been keeping secret, possibly for a long time (the most likely), or that it was actually a cover up so he could become the Director of DoKYA (the version I prefer, although probably not actually very likely  :-P).



I don't think that him sexually abusing Faye is likely at all, if that was the case then it would have been (or should have been) picked up during Faye's therapy sessions, not to mention the fact that she was about twenty when he did it, so I would think that she would be able to remember that. I also don't agree with the idea that she has any sexual dysfunction, her problem comes from not being able (or rather wanting) to form the emotional attachment necessary for a healthy relationship. This is why she is able to have sex with Sven and at the same time justify to herself that it's not a relationship because she didn't particularly like him (although I think that if he hadn't cheated on her then it could have possibly become a relationship).

My thought was that he sexually abused her when she was a little kid, not when she was twenty. It just so happened to overwhelm him and cause him to take his own life after she left for college. Possibly because her leaving for college made him really think about his relationship with his little girl, and finally put enough distance between them, temporally and spatially, for him to self-analyze and become distraught.

I'm curious how you'd explain her negative body-image and general negative attitude towards sex itself, if there was no sexual abuse.

By the way, everyone always says Sven "cheated on Faye." Is this later on, or are you all referring to the Gina Riversmith thing? He and Faye weren't in a monogamous relationship, I wouldn't call that cheating. They were "just two people having fun," they even talked about it. Clearly, Faye was working up the courage and mental energies to turn it into something more, but at the time Sven banged Gina, he and Faye weren't dating.

Faye and Sven in an actual relationship? What would that be like?

(click to show/hide)

*shrugs*

I always thought they'd make a good couple. Marten's too self-serving and bitter about the whole Faye thing for them to've ever made it work ("I fix chicks' issues so they can go bang other guys, waaaah"). His "crimes" are in his personality. Sven's crimes are in his actions (sleeping around, lying his ass off to avoid discomfort, etc.). That stuff aside (stuff he pretty much stopped after sleeping with Gina), he's a decent guy.

Not that whether someone's decent or not has anything to do with their success in relationships (if only...), but I think Sven and Faye make a good couple regardless; she kickstarts his conscience, he kickstarts her self-esteem.

This thread title makes me think of horrible responses that are purely mean spirited.

Let's hear 'em!

I'm thinking of the guy mentioned in one of the hardcopy books who wrote Jeph to say that he'd gotten help instead of killing himself when he read The Talk and realized he couldn't do something like that to his daughter.

It is entirely possible that I can't see straight on this subject due to my family background.
It is entirely possible that I can't see straight on this subject due to my family background.

On the other hand we have me picturing people openly saying and wanting to put "[*He] was an idiot who didn't deserve to be loved" over my grave and how I deserved to be spoken of like that for not being able to keep going. Feels great.

*Because let's face it: They would have.

IMO, it's not something you can talk about categorically; it's dependent upon the individual and the circumstances. One shouldn't automatically jump to "suicide is the coward's way out, think of all the harm you'll cause others, you selfish jerk" but, Valdis, the fact remains that over 90% of people who are forcibly prevented from committing suicide are later happy about it, and go on to recover. Being depressed completely warps and twists your fundamental view of reality, so you also can't say, "suicide is a right, who cares what it does to other people, you just don't understand."

Depends on "rurality".  The bigger metro areas are ... well, pretty metropolitan.  Atlanta, Memphis, Charlotte, and of course, New Orleans.  Being southern doesn't automatically mean religious or repressed! 


On Mr. Whittaker's potential mental illness, I'd also like to point out some of the later onset things that can happen.  Depression is one, of course, and can strike at any time; so are things like schizophrenia, early onset dementia and / or alzheimers, and several other illnesses. 

Now, before someone shouts that the family would have noticed, I'd like to point out that in the early stages of all these (and many other) problems, the first person to notice is the subject / victim / patient.  And if her father thought he might be going insane, and perhaps thought he'd "wind up like crazy uncle Joe" or something, he may have thought that the only way to avoid such a fate was suicide. 

Or perhaps the illness itself convinced him that it was what he had to do.  And that, until it convinced him of this, he had to keep up appearances.  Go through the motions.  It's surprisingly easy when people expect you to be a certain way to just give them what they expect, rather than go through the questioning and problems that bizarre behaviour leads to...

Though, to nitpick, we'd've most likely heard about it if there was a "crazy" person in the Whitaker family. In the wake of David's death, someone would surely have mentioned it. "Well, look at Uncle Joe; it runs in the family."

And I'll reiterate from personal experience what others keep saying -- you can most definitely hide depression. It doesn't even take that much effort when the people around you don't want to see it. It's easy to pretend nothings wrong when nobody's reaching out to you. Er, not that it's their responsibility, of course, but still.

Social conservatism topic: Mrs. Whitaker did not react well to Amanda being gay! Her eventual acceptance was grudging.

When Faye visited her mom, though, she didn't seem super-religious. She did mention going to church, but lots of people do that who aren't actually very religious. Mrs. Whitaker didn't mention Jesus or the Bible or anything a single time during Faye's visit -- and Faye's visit was mainly to visit her father's grave, so if Mrs. Whitaker was super-religious, you'd think it would've come up.

So yeah, I don't think the Whitakers were especially religious. Any more than is the norm in religious-ey parts of the nation.

Once we, as a society, learn to see mental illness as a real medical condition rather than weakness of character perhaps we can put aside the blaming and stigma and actually start to help those affected, both the ill and their families.

Wow, I haven't QFT'd since like, 2005.

There is one aspect that I think may have contributed: the Kentucky Bourbon Milkshake.

Perhaps alcoholism ran in the family, and Dad kept it to himself - until he realized that one day that he was turning into his father/uncle/whatever?

I'd be grabbing at straws with that theory, but it's something Jeph could have left himself an out for if he ever wanted Faye to discover a reason.

It was actually the bourbon milkshake that originally pricked my ears up and made me think something sinister might've been going on. Then again, I have an intense hatred of alcohol, so I'm biased, but yeah. Although honestly, given the drinking habits of the entire QC cast and of Jeph himself, I don't think the milkshake was intended to mean anything.

Not necessarily alcoholism, but it is entirely likely he was using the alcohol to self-medicate whatever illness he did have. That is quite common with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness.

Unfortunately, it's also common with diagnosed mental illness when the sufferer rejects treatment...
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #82 on: 14 Jun 2013, 13:29 »

I'm curious how you'd explain her negative body-image and general negative attitude towards sex itself, if there was no sexual abuse.

...can we have have sources on her having negative body-image and negative attitude towards sex and not relationships? Because while girl certainly has abandonment issues, I have yet to see evidence of her having problems with sex. Are we talking about how she went to buy a vibrator with Dora or what?

As to the body-image: she has a Rubenesque body shape. Society will gladly tell you this is bad.

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I lol'd. Incidentally, "hardcore" Pokémon fans will insist there are only 150 Pokémon and Mewtwo "doesn't count".
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #83 on: 14 Jun 2013, 13:56 »

Not only is Faye in America, where women are viciously shamed for not being emaciated, but her own sister has poked fun at her figure.

There was no family history of depression on Fayedad's side of the family: Fayemom said so explicitly.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #84 on: 14 Jun 2013, 14:56 »


So I think that really the two most likely contenders for him killing himself are it either being some internal depression that he had been keeping secret, possibly for a long time (the most likely), or that it was actually a cover up so he could become the Director of DoKYA (the version I prefer, although probably not actually very likely  :-P).



I don't think that him sexually abusing Faye is likely at all, if that was the case then it would have been (or should have been) picked up during Faye's therapy sessions, not to mention the fact that she was about twenty when he did it, so I would think that she would be able to remember that. I also don't agree with the idea that she has any sexual dysfunction, her problem comes from not being able (or rather wanting) to form the emotional attachment necessary for a healthy relationship. This is why she is able to have sex with Sven and at the same time justify to herself that it's not a relationship because she didn't particularly like him (although I think that if he hadn't cheated on her then it could have possibly become a relationship).

My thought was that he sexually abused her when she was a little kid, not when she was twenty. It just so happened to overwhelm him and cause him to take his own life after she left for college. Possibly because her leaving for college made him really think about his relationship with his little girl, and finally put enough distance between them, temporally and spatially, for him to self-analyze and become distraught.

I'm curious how you'd explain her negative body-image and general negative attitude towards sex itself, if there was no sexual abuse.

By the way, everyone always says Sven "cheated on Faye." Is this later on, or are you all referring to the Gina Riversmith thing? He and Faye weren't in a monogamous relationship, I wouldn't call that cheating. They were "just two people having fun," they even talked about it. Clearly, Faye was working up the courage and mental energies to turn it into something more, but at the time Sven banged Gina, he and Faye weren't dating.


Faye directly tells Sven that if he sleeps with someone else then that will be the end of it. Now Sven doesn't actually say "OK" to that, but still.



As for her negative attitude towards her body, that's not really hard to explain. I mean, I think that pretty much everyone has something about their body that they aren't happy with, and some more than others. She never really shows any negative attitudes towards sex though, the main problem for her before the talk was that she had massive anxiety towards someone leaving her.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #85 on: 14 Jun 2013, 21:56 »

but, Valdis, the fact remains that over 90% of people who are forcibly prevented from committing suicide are later happy about it, and go on to recover. Being depressed completely warps and twists your fundamental view of reality, so you also can't say, "suicide is a right, who cares what it does to other people, you just don't understand."

[Re: You're crazy] ..That's not true. I don't see how you could try to justify saying depressed people have lost all touch with reality. Sometimes being in touch with reality doesn't exactly help. Which is also why I'd personally describe it more as a remission than a recovery - just hoping for an indefinite one.

[Re: Forcible prevention] Only potentially true if for the right reasons, not as a general success/failure rate. Personally I would've rather died if not. Again, comes down to the selfishness of the people who say not to 'do that to them'. It would not be in my best interest to "make me adjusted" to that life (through drugs/therapy/ECT/whatever). Many a time has that gone through my head, the only conclusion those thoughts have ever pictured is bleeding out.

[Re: Can't say..] Watch me: Suicide is a right and bodily autonomy is sacrosanct - yes, even when someone says you're crazy. I don't care how it hurts the rest of us when it happens, including how badly it ends up hurting myself. Just because this is an undesirable outcome to hopefully be prevented doesn't mean there aren't fates worse than death or decisions others ultimately don't have the right to make for you.

Even if I'm starting to get some shitty guilt over some of the causes of it at least having possible future solutions for me (even if only partially). That's not.. uh.. a "luxury" that some others have, I suppose? Feelings are weird.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #86 on: 14 Jun 2013, 23:40 »

I'm curious how you'd explain her negative body-image and general negative attitude towards sex itself, if there was no sexual abuse.

...can we have have sources on her having negative body-image and negative attitude towards sex and not relationships? Because while girl certainly has abandonment issues, I have yet to see evidence of her having problems with sex. Are we talking about how she went to buy a vibrator with Dora or what?

As to the body-image: she has a Rubenesque body shape. Society will gladly tell you this is bad.
As for negative attitudes towards sex, I'll drum up some specific strips later (I'm too tired right now), but like I said before, compare Faye's response anytime anybody's talking about or mentions sex to Dora's or Raven's. Dora and Raven clearly have a positive view of sex, they see it as fun, they're comfortable making jokes, etc. Faye's response is always "ugh, sex." It typically comes off as denigration -- Faye acting like Dora is somehow lowering herself or acting improper by liking sex, Faye presenting the attitude that she's above such base desires.

As for the body image -- society schmoschmiety; nobody's making fun of her for being fat. In fact, everyone's always telling her she's attractive. She's dead set on this "woe is me I'm chunky" attitude, though. Probably not as much anymore (remember, I'm three years behind), but still.

Quote
Pokemon fans care about 151 other people.
I lol'd. Incidentally, "hardcore" Pokémon fans will insist there are only 150 Pokémon and Mewtwo "doesn't count".

Heh, never heard that one. Have you seen Mewthree?


So I think that really the two most likely contenders for him killing himself are it either being some internal depression that he had been keeping secret, possibly for a long time (the most likely), or that it was actually a cover up so he could become the Director of DoKYA (the version I prefer, although probably not actually very likely  :-P).



I don't think that him sexually abusing Faye is likely at all, if that was the case then it would have been (or should have been) picked up during Faye's therapy sessions, not to mention the fact that she was about twenty when he did it, so I would think that she would be able to remember that. I also don't agree with the idea that she has any sexual dysfunction, her problem comes from not being able (or rather wanting) to form the emotional attachment necessary for a healthy relationship. This is why she is able to have sex with Sven and at the same time justify to herself that it's not a relationship because she didn't particularly like him (although I think that if he hadn't cheated on her then it could have possibly become a relationship).

My thought was that he sexually abused her when she was a little kid, not when she was twenty. It just so happened to overwhelm him and cause him to take his own life after she left for college. Possibly because her leaving for college made him really think about his relationship with his little girl, and finally put enough distance between them, temporally and spatially, for him to self-analyze and become distraught.

I'm curious how you'd explain her negative body-image and general negative attitude towards sex itself, if there was no sexual abuse.

By the way, everyone always says Sven "cheated on Faye." Is this later on, or are you all referring to the Gina Riversmith thing? He and Faye weren't in a monogamous relationship, I wouldn't call that cheating. They were "just two people having fun," they even talked about it. Clearly, Faye was working up the courage and mental energies to turn it into something more, but at the time Sven banged Gina, he and Faye weren't dating.


Faye directly tells Sven that if he sleeps with someone else then that will be the end of it. Now Sven doesn't actually say "OK" to that, but still.

Not "but still" -- they were never in a monogamous relationship. Maybe what he did was dick-y, but it definitely wasn't cheating. And honestly, I don't even think it was particularly dick-y. Everyone has the right to choose how they live their lives. In a relationship, no one person's right in that regard is more or less important than anyone else's. If Sven wants casual sex, that's his right. If Faye wants to give him an ultimatum ("sex someone else and we're through"), that's her right. Just because Faye was hurt by Sven's actions doesn't make his actions wrong; he was well within his rights to have sex with whoever he wanted to.

As for her negative attitude towards her body, that's not really hard to explain. I mean, I think that pretty much everyone has something about their body that they aren't happy with, and some more than others. She never really shows any negative attitudes towards sex though, the main problem for her before the talk was that she had massive anxiety towards someone leaving her.

Yeah, most people do tend to have minor body issues, but notably, the rest of the QC cast don't; Marten isn't upset over not being beefier, Dora doesn't go around bemoaning her physique, etc. Well, there's Marigold, but her introversion and shyness and stuff are the obvious source of that. Faye's unhappiness with her own body stands out as a character trait.

Now, you could all be right about it just being societal. Maybe she was teased relentlessly when she was young, maybe she's as bad as Marigold but hides it well due to all her snark. My point is, sexual abuse almost always leads to body image issues.

but, Valdis, the fact remains that over 90% of people who are forcibly prevented from committing suicide are later happy about it, and go on to recover. Being depressed completely warps and twists your fundamental view of reality, so you also can't say, "suicide is a right, who cares what it does to other people, you just don't understand."

[Re: You're crazy] ..That's not true. I don't see how you could try to justify saying depressed people have lost all touch with reality. Sometimes being in touch with reality doesn't exactly help. Which is also why I'd personally describe it more as a remission than a recovery - just hoping for an indefinite one.

You're demonstrating a break from reality right here -- nobody said "you're crazy." Not even close. You're seeing something that isn't there. The misery or whatever you're experiencing is making things seem worse to you than they are.

In a more general sense, however, it's well documented in the field of psychology that depressed individuals have compromised perceptions. Just do some googling. Off the top of my head, I remember a study we talked about in Psych 101 where a simple quiz on some general topic was given to two groups, one comprising neurotypical people, one comprising depressed people. Before being given the results of their tests, people in the neurotypical group typically accurately predicted how well they did on the test -- people in the depressed group typically guessed their performance as being far, far worse than it actually was.

You can find tons of studies on depression and perception, and they all pretty much say the same thing -- individuals who are depressed have a heavily skewed view of reality.

[Re: Forcible prevention] Only potentially true if for the right reasons, not as a general success/failure rate. Personally I would've rather died if not. Again, comes down to the selfishness of the people who say not to 'do that to them'. It would not be in my best interest to "make me adjusted" to that life (through drugs/therapy/ECT/whatever). Many a time has that gone through my head, the only conclusion those thoughts have ever pictured is bleeding out.

I don't know you or your history or situation or current problems or anything, so I don't know what you're talking about and can't really respond here. I'm interested, though, and don't wanna derail the topic, so I'll PM you.

[Re: Can't say..] Watch me: Suicide is a right and bodily autonomy is sacrosanct - yes, even when someone says you're crazy. I don't care how it hurts the rest of us when it happens, including how badly it ends up hurting myself. Just because this is an undesirable outcome to hopefully be prevented doesn't mean there aren't fates worse than death or decisions others ultimately don't have the right to make for you.

When I said "you can't just say suicide is a right, who cares what it does to other people, you just don't understand" I meant you can't make it that black-and-white. Is it cold in here? was basically saying "you shouldn't commit suicide 'cause of what it'll do to those you leave behind" and you're basically saying "fuck everybody else, commit suicide if you want, it's nobody else's business." I see both extremes as invalid. I was just pointing that out. Obviously people have a right to commit suicide, but that doesn't mean that right should be exercised, nor does it mean that the effects of one's suicide on others should be completely ignored.

And this is coming from a man who suffers anxiety and depression and has come to the brink of suicide.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #87 on: 15 Jun 2013, 00:25 »

society schmoschmiety; nobody's making fun of her for being fat.

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=170
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=754

Marten's complained about not being strong enough to hold up a couch or an unconscious friend (too lazy to dig up the references right now).

Whatever Fayedad's reasons were, he had the ability to pick up a phone or say "I'm thinking of killing myself" at a routine physical exam. With ability comes ethical responsibility. Whatever pain he was in, he should have tried pills first and bullets last.

(I'm starting to think I should move this into Discuss).
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #88 on: 15 Jun 2013, 00:29 »

Just because Faye was hurt by Sven's actions doesn't make his actions wrong; he was well within his rights to have sex with whoever he wanted to.

I suppose; he broke no law.  But society is a way of people getting along, and hopefully not hurting each other unnecessarily - and society says he was in the wrong, in the sense of being a major dick.

Quote
Obviously people have a right to commit suicide, but that doesn't mean that right should be exercised, nor does it mean that the effects of one's suicide on others should be completely ignored.

Bear in mind that it is not agreed by all that it is a right.  In the eyes of much of the church it is a sin, and under the laws of some countries it is still a crime (Singapore and India, for instance, though most Western countries have dropped this).  In North Korea, legal sanctions are applied against surviving relatives...
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #89 on: 15 Jun 2013, 15:20 »

There was no family history of depression on Fayedad's side of the family: Fayemom said so explicitly.

I was watching something recently which has made me think just because there was no official diagnosis does not mean there isn't a hereditary issue. Especially considering you're going back a couple generations where even now there's a, "Suck it up" attitude to mental issues, it was even worse not so long ago. There's a lot of things that are considered common now when there wasn't even a name only fifty years ago. 

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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #90 on: 15 Jun 2013, 20:52 »

Excellent point!

EDIT: To elaborate, there's a macho strain in Southern culture which would have inhibited his hypothetical depressed ancestors from admitting what they would have wrongly considered weakness.
« Last Edit: 16 Jun 2013, 12:36 by Is it cold in here? »
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #91 on: 15 Jun 2013, 23:08 »

Sven sleeping with the singer was not what he did wrong. What he did wrong was consider not telling Faye. He did have every right to sleep with someone else, as long as he excepted the consequence of losing Faye as a partner if he did so. Since he did tell Faye the next time he saw her (as far as I can tell), and accepted the inevitable consequence, he...pretty much did everything he needed to.
Summarizable as "he killed himself because he was a stupid jackass".
This was probably covered, but I think you have that backwards. I see that more as "he was a stupid jackass because he killed himself"
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #92 on: 18 Jun 2013, 18:00 »

society schmoschmiety; nobody's making fun of her for being fat.

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=170
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=754

Marten's complained about not being strong enough to hold up a couch or an unconscious friend (too lazy to dig up the references right now).

Those examples are playful in my mind. Whenever Faye actually gets down on herself about her weight, everyone, especially Marten, tells her she looks fine.

Whatever Fayedad's reasons were, he had the ability to pick up a phone or say "I'm thinking of killing myself" at a routine physical exam. With ability comes ethical responsibility. Whatever pain he was in, he should have tried pills first and bullets last.

Spoken like a man who's never gone through severe depression. It's not that easy. I won't even begin to attempt to explain the mindset of a suicidally depressed person, you should just know you're utterly in the dark.

Just because Faye was hurt by Sven's actions doesn't make his actions wrong; he was well within his rights to have sex with whoever he wanted to.

I suppose; he broke no law.  But society is a way of people getting along, and hopefully not hurting each other unnecessarily - and society says he was in the wrong, in the sense of being a major dick.

How was he being a dick? He made it clear all along he had no interest in monogamy. If he had agreed to monogamy with Faye, then had sex with someone else, he'd be a dick. If he'd hid banging Gina Riversmith, knowing that Faye was interested in monogamy and would stop banging him, he'd be a dick. But he didn't do either of those things.

Sven and Faye had sex as consenting adults. When they kept on having sex and eventually discussed what their "thing" was, Sven said he wasn't interested in monogamy and Faye made it clear she was. Just because Faye wanted a monogamous relationship didn't mean Sven was morally bound to go along with it. He was completely free and within his rights to have sex with Gina Riversmith. And telling Faye was the right thing to do. He did nothing wrong, in my eyes.

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Obviously people have a right to commit suicide, but that doesn't mean that right should be exercised, nor does it mean that the effects of one's suicide on others should be completely ignored.

Bear in mind that it is not agreed by all that it is a right.  In the eyes of much of the church it is a sin, and under the laws of some countries it is still a crime (Singapore and India, for instance, though most Western countries have dropped this).  In North Korea, legal sanctions are applied against surviving relatives...

I don't care whether everyone agrees that it's a right. Almost no one agrees that homosexuals should have the same rights as heterosexuals, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #93 on: 19 Jun 2013, 00:44 »

My point on rights is that there is no absolute standard.  They are a development of society to help codify the ways that we get along for the best.  But at any time there will be areas in which some people (or societies, or countries) disagree.  So when I say Sven was a dick, I am simply saying that his behaviour was not calculated for him to get along with Faye; sure he told her, and that's honest, be he also hurt her and destroyed what they had going - which is his "right", as you say, but still dickish in my book.  And as for the church, I disagree with much of what they say - but you have to acknowledge that they still have considerable influence (which is not the same as agreeing with them) in order to be able to counter their views effectively.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #94 on: 19 Jun 2013, 13:15 »

Almost no one agrees that homosexuals should have the same rights as heterosexuals, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't.

...you are preaching to the choir here. I think pertaining to this forum you should say that "Almost noone disagrees".
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #95 on: 22 Jun 2013, 14:45 »

I'm curious how you'd explain her negative body-image and general negative attitude towards sex itself, if there was no sexual abuse.

I honestly find it hard to believe that someone would think that Faye's negative body image can only be explained by sexual abuse. Seriously?

Something like 95%+ of women have negative body image. I don't see Faye's negative body image as anything even remotely unusual. It's certainly no worse than one of the skinniest friends I have constantly complaining that her thighs are too fat. (This friend takes the smallest size of women's clothing you can buy in the shops in Australia). Or other female friends going on about things they don't like about their body/their weight/their looks. In my experience women who don't have issues with their body are few and far between in this world. Frankly Dora and Raven are the unusual ones for not having body image issues.

If you are not a woman you might not see this constant "putting-themselves-down-thing" that women do as much as I do as I don't think women are (in general) as disparaging about themselves around men as they are around other women. But a large percentage of women do this all the time. Faye's behaviour is not unusual.

...

Sitnspin has already said everything I have to say on the subjects of suicide and mental illness. So I will just direct you to re-read her excellent posts for my opinion on those things... :)
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #96 on: 22 Jun 2013, 18:26 »

Even Dora has had body image problems, related to her bust size.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #97 on: 22 Jun 2013, 20:44 »

It seems likely Faye doesn't know how to moderate her emotions or responses (or has chosen not to learn, and structures her life so she doesn't have to).  While there may be a connection between her father's psychological problems and her own, its also possible that its also genetic.  Her father may also have lacked an emotional setting lower than a nine.  When I try and visualize a male version of Faye, I end up with a rageball, which actually doesn't sound like a candidate for suicide.  But maybe his lack of impulse control left him with a life so barren and miserable, he ended it.  Suicide rates for divorced men in their 40's and 50's are surprisingly high.
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #98 on: 22 Jun 2013, 21:24 »

Some midlife crises end worse than others. 
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Re: Why did Faye's dad kill himself?
« Reply #99 on: 22 Jun 2013, 21:26 »

Hmm! Thought provoking.

Rage can take more than one form, and notice that The Pugnacious Peach's alcohol problem was arguably self-harm.
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