THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

  • 28 Mar 2024, 15:57
  • Welcome, Guest
Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 42   Go Down

Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 346963 times)

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 25,163
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #150 on: 15 Nov 2013, 16:33 »

Were the imperial Romans landscape painters? I heard they tried to depict Britain.

What is the scariest country in the world? Zombie-a.

EDIT:

Since Dune was about a precognitive, should it have been called The Foresight Saga?

Since plants photosynthesize, would you say they are having a light meal?

EDIT:

It is Northern Hemisphere spring, and the deciduous trees are releaving themselves in public.
« Last Edit: 24 May 2014, 21:05 by Is it cold in here? »
Logged
Thank you, Dr. Karikó.

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,461
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #151 on: 08 Jun 2014, 16:55 »



An old thread, but this was worth reviving it :roll:
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Akima

  • WoW gold miner on break
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,523
  • ** 妇女能顶半边天 **
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #152 on: 28 Jun 2014, 02:31 »

Considering how long this thread went between postings, should we say that sparkly vampires who bite their girlfriends' throats are neck-romancers?
Logged
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,461
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #153 on: 28 Jun 2014, 03:31 »

Yes. Yes, we should.
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Detachable Felix

  • Kind of a jerk, I guess?
  • Global Moderator
  • Scrabble hacker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,487
  • I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #154 on: 28 Jun 2014, 05:49 »

I was watching a documentary on SBS about this year's Eurovision winner. I have to say, the jokes about her name were the Wurst.
Logged
This is Australia, mate. We don't do subtlety.
~She/Her/They/Them~

Masterpiece

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,364
  • No time for Claireification
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #155 on: 28 Jun 2014, 05:57 »

Reading this thread again really put me in a pickle to find a good new pun about delicatessen

Detachable Felix

  • Kind of a jerk, I guess?
  • Global Moderator
  • Scrabble hacker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,487
  • I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #156 on: 29 Jun 2014, 00:56 »

Not that long ago, I was in Melbourne, stuck in a shopping centre where the radio was playing that godawful song "Kryptonite", right?

- Anyways so the announcers came on after it and were talking about how they filmed part of the film clip for the song right here in Melbourne.

Well, I was bored and had nothing much to do, so I looked up the place that they supposedly used in the film clip.

I walked up to the receptionist and asked her "Is this the place where they filmed Kryptonite?". She replied. "Nah, that's Three Doors Down".

... :mrgreen:

(Usually I tell this one in person, works better.)
Logged
This is Australia, mate. We don't do subtlety.
~She/Her/They/Them~

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,493
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #157 on: 29 Jun 2014, 16:46 »

*Shakes Bad Joke Jar at LJFelix*
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,461
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #158 on: 29 Jun 2014, 16:54 »

To be fair, he had an accomplice.
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

jwhouk

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,022
  • The Valley of the Sun
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #159 on: 29 Jun 2014, 17:53 »

No, I think he accompliced that one all on his own.
Logged
"Character is what you are in the Dark." - D.L. Moody
There is no joke that can be made online without someone being offended by it.
Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.
Just another Joe like 46

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,461
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #160 on: 29 Jun 2014, 17:58 »

Well played.
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Akima

  • WoW gold miner on break
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,523
  • ** 妇女能顶半边天 **
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #161 on: 29 Jun 2014, 18:46 »

Are clerical garments surplice to requirements?
Logged
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

jwhouk

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,022
  • The Valley of the Sun
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #162 on: 29 Jun 2014, 19:00 »

Halo if I know.
Logged
"Character is what you are in the Dark." - D.L. Moody
There is no joke that can be made online without someone being offended by it.
Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.
Just another Joe like 46

Neko_Ali

  • Global Moderator
  • ASDFSFAALYG8A@*& ^$%O
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,510
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #163 on: 29 Jun 2014, 19:50 »

Well, they do say the devil is in the details.
Logged

GarandMarine

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,307
  • Kawaii in the streets, Senpai in the sheets
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #164 on: 29 Jun 2014, 21:09 »

I feel like that last post didn't work, but I admit I might just be playing devil's advocate
Logged
I built the walls that make my life a prison, I built them all and cannot be forgiven... ...Sold my soul to carry your vendetta, So let me go before you can regret it, You've made your choice and now it's come to this, But that's price you pay when you're a monster with no name.

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,493
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #165 on: 29 Jun 2014, 22:23 »

I'm erring on the side of the angels.
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

jwhouk

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,022
  • The Valley of the Sun
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #166 on: 30 Jun 2014, 04:12 »

I erred on the side of Angels once.

But then Nolan Ryan struck out the side.
Logged
"Character is what you are in the Dark." - D.L. Moody
There is no joke that can be made online without someone being offended by it.
Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.
Just another Joe like 46

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 25,163
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #167 on: 30 Jun 2014, 22:21 »

Are clerical garments surplice to requirements?

Not if they're trimmed to the right size with a miter saw.
Logged
Thank you, Dr. Karikó.

jwhouk

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,022
  • The Valley of the Sun
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #168 on: 01 Jul 2014, 07:28 »

"Icy! Icy" said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
Logged
"Character is what you are in the Dark." - D.L. Moody
There is no joke that can be made online without someone being offended by it.
Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.
Just another Joe like 46

cesium133

  • Preventing third impact
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,148
  • Has a fucked-up browser history
    • Cesium Comics
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #169 on: 01 Jul 2014, 08:05 »

"I see," replied the blind man to his deaf daughter. "What do you see?," she inquired. "Not much."
Logged
The nerdy comic I update sometimes: Cesium Comics

Unofficial character tag thingy for QC

Akima

  • WoW gold miner on break
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,523
  • ** 妇女能顶半边天 **
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #170 on: 01 Jul 2014, 17:42 »

Not if they're trimmed to the right size with a miter saw.
I suppose that would enable you to cope.
Logged
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned." Richard Feynman

Redball

  • Born in a Nalgene bottle
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,244
  • What's disease? Where?
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #171 on: 01 Jul 2014, 18:00 »

You guys must be smokin' something. You should be censered.
Logged

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,493
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #172 on: 01 Jul 2014, 18:05 »

He's just making an investment in the future
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Detachable Felix

  • Kind of a jerk, I guess?
  • Global Moderator
  • Scrabble hacker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,487
  • I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #173 on: 03 Jul 2014, 14:43 »

and now, UnJokes!:
I once tried to start an apathy club at uni. There was too much interest in it, which kind of defeated the purpose.


.. I'll go now.
Logged
This is Australia, mate. We don't do subtlety.
~She/Her/They/Them~

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,493
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #174 on: 03 Jul 2014, 17:19 »

GO!

And joke no more!!
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Detachable Felix

  • Kind of a jerk, I guess?
  • Global Moderator
  • Scrabble hacker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,487
  • I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #175 on: 03 Jul 2014, 17:30 »

« Last Edit: 03 Jul 2014, 20:11 by Method of Madness »
Logged
This is Australia, mate. We don't do subtlety.
~She/Her/They/Them~

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,461
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #176 on: 03 Jul 2014, 20:12 »

I'm still more mad at Marten for backing away from the pun than for the pun itself. OWN THAT SHIT, MARTEN.
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 25,163
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #177 on: 03 Jul 2014, 20:55 »

Not if they're trimmed to the right size with a miter saw.
I suppose that would enable you to cope.

That's at least safe. You can lose a finger in an instant to the type that has an endless loop for a blade. Those are so dangerous that everyone calls one of them a banned saw.
Logged
Thank you, Dr. Karikó.

Detachable Felix

  • Kind of a jerk, I guess?
  • Global Moderator
  • Scrabble hacker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,487
  • I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
Logged
This is Australia, mate. We don't do subtlety.
~She/Her/They/Them~

GarandMarine

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,307
  • Kawaii in the streets, Senpai in the sheets
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #179 on: 04 Jul 2014, 07:27 »

Haha. Fuck you Vlad.

Logged
I built the walls that make my life a prison, I built them all and cannot be forgiven... ...Sold my soul to carry your vendetta, So let me go before you can regret it, You've made your choice and now it's come to this, But that's price you pay when you're a monster with no name.

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,461
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #180 on: 04 Jul 2014, 07:38 »

Vlad isn't Putin up with this.
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,493
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #181 on: 04 Jul 2014, 14:55 »

Probably Lenin towards impaling him.
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Is it cold in here?

  • Administrator
  • Awakened
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 25,163
  • He/him/his pronouns
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #182 on: 04 Jul 2014, 15:24 »

Why are swamps so hot despite all the thousands and thousands of swamp coolers that have been sold?

When infantry gets older, does it become adultery?
Logged
Thank you, Dr. Karikó.

GarandMarine

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,307
  • Kawaii in the streets, Senpai in the sheets
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #183 on: 04 Jul 2014, 18:40 »

Well the infantry commit a lot of adultery
Logged
I built the walls that make my life a prison, I built them all and cannot be forgiven... ...Sold my soul to carry your vendetta, So let me go before you can regret it, You've made your choice and now it's come to this, But that's price you pay when you're a monster with no name.

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,461
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #184 on: 06 Jul 2014, 19:58 »

Probably Lenin towards impaling him.
Not with all the appeals. It's a Stalin tactic.
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Detachable Felix

  • Kind of a jerk, I guess?
  • Global Moderator
  • Scrabble hacker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,487
  • I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #185 on: 06 Jul 2014, 21:01 »

Technically he wasn't impaled,but I guess there's no need to be (ice)picky.
Logged
This is Australia, mate. We don't do subtlety.
~She/Her/They/Them~

tragic_pizza

  • Psychopath in a hockey mask
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 611
  • Board Certified Curmudgeon
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #186 on: 06 Jul 2014, 21:05 »

You have a point.
Logged
[21:19] andy: Mai, I am sorry, I am going to say this outright that I would doeverything in my power to try and have sweet girl love with you.

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,493
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #187 on: 06 Jul 2014, 22:06 »

He's sharp that one
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

tragic_pizza

  • Psychopath in a hockey mask
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 611
  • Board Certified Curmudgeon
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #188 on: 06 Jul 2014, 23:43 »

Cutting-edge, even...
Logged
[21:19] andy: Mai, I am sorry, I am going to say this outright that I would doeverything in my power to try and have sweet girl love with you.

GarandMarine

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,307
  • Kawaii in the streets, Senpai in the sheets
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #189 on: 08 Jul 2014, 10:33 »

could even say he's the tip of the spear
Logged
I built the walls that make my life a prison, I built them all and cannot be forgiven... ...Sold my soul to carry your vendetta, So let me go before you can regret it, You've made your choice and now it's come to this, But that's price you pay when you're a monster with no name.

cesium133

  • Preventing third impact
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,148
  • Has a fucked-up browser history
    • Cesium Comics
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #190 on: 08 Jul 2014, 11:31 »

We're all the sharpest bulb in the box here.
Logged
The nerdy comic I update sometimes: Cesium Comics

Unofficial character tag thingy for QC

Kugai

  • CIA Handler of Miss Melody Powers
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,493
  • Crazy Kiwi Shoujo-Ai Fan
    • My Homepage
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #191 on: 08 Jul 2014, 15:27 »

That's a bit flash
Logged
James The Kugai 

You can never have too much Coffee.

Blue Kitty

  • WoW gold miner on break
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,964
    • Twitter
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #192 on: 08 Jul 2014, 15:36 »

4 pages of this? Enough with the punishment
Logged

Detachable Felix

  • Kind of a jerk, I guess?
  • Global Moderator
  • Scrabble hacker
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,487
  • I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #193 on: 10 Jul 2014, 14:13 »

Logged
This is Australia, mate. We don't do subtlety.
~She/Her/They/Them~

Carl-E

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,346
  • The distilled essence of Mr. James Beam himself.
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #194 on: 10 Jul 2014, 20:00 »

Why are there two 2's on that team? 
Logged
When people try to speak a gut reaction, they end up talking out their ass.

Method of Madness

  • His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • Globe Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18,461
  • The Bootysattva
    • Me!
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #195 on: 10 Jul 2014, 20:22 »

Why are they numbered at all?
Logged
They call me Mr. Madness.

Quote from: Polonius
Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.
MR ARCHIVE-FU MADNESS
Does anybody really know what time it is?
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Loki

  • comeback tour!
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,532
  • The mischief that dwells within
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #196 on: 10 Jul 2014, 22:19 »

...three 2's, actually. Ron, the girl to the right and the one half obscured by her.

How come I never noticed this?
Logged
The future is a weird place and you never know where it will take you.
the careful illusion of shit-togetherness

GarandMarine

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,307
  • Kawaii in the streets, Senpai in the sheets
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #197 on: 10 Jul 2014, 22:21 »

.
Positions?
Logged
I built the walls that make my life a prison, I built them all and cannot be forgiven... ...Sold my soul to carry your vendetta, So let me go before you can regret it, You've made your choice and now it's come to this, But that's price you pay when you're a monster with no name.

Loki

  • comeback tour!
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,532
  • The mischief that dwells within
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #198 on: 10 Jul 2014, 23:43 »

But Ron is the keeper. His position is unique. Unless he ever played chaser, because that is the only position were there are three players playing it.
Logged
The future is a weird place and you never know where it will take you.
the careful illusion of shit-togetherness

Thrillho

  • Global Moderator
  • Awakened
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 13,130
  • Tall. Beets.
Re: Random Puns
« Reply #199 on: 13 Jul 2014, 03:31 »

But Ron is the keeper. His position is unique. Unless he ever played chaser, because that is the only position were there are three players playing it.

Logged
In the end, the thing people will remember is kindness.
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 42   Go Up