Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: ChaoSera on 17 Jul 2013, 04:23

Title: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 17 Jul 2013, 04:23
Welcome, people! If you're up for groaning and facepalming over bad and even worse puns, you've come to the right place. Whenever a pun just pops into your head, just come here and let it out - you won't even have to tip the pun jar.

Basically I just thought it'd be nice to have a thread full of puns, wordplays and general bad jokes.

And to start this of, I'd like to mention, that if I were a greek god, my name would be Testicles.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ankhtahr on 17 Jul 2013, 05:45
I'll just put this here:
(http://i.imgur.com/PnYIjBv.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 17 Jul 2013, 12:09
And to start this of, I'd like to mention, that if I were a greek god, my name would be Testicles.
Sheeee-it! That's my line! I created a Greek ancestor when I was in my 20s and getting tired of the same old jokes on my last name. At Ellis Island, the ancestor, I said, was told that Testicles would not be acceptable in America. The jokes ended about then, but probably because those around me were growing up.
But I took it seriously, as in this mug shot (https://www.dropbox.com/s/kah2kf5yep2rmr1/mugshot.jpg).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Jul 2013, 16:15
So your cup runneth over.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 17 Jul 2013, 17:35
That could be very uncomfortable!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: mtmerrick on 18 Jul 2013, 01:11
For puncrimes of scrambling different usages of "Sage"  (username,  character name, occupation, seasoning, ect) I hereby forfeit 37 cents and one single yen into the pun jar.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Jul 2013, 14:34
So you have a yen to add to the total?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 18 Jul 2013, 16:09

edit -- dammit, wrong thread. I thought this was the Random Thoughts thread...

So... did you hear the one about the weaver who got fired? He had the wrong thread.  :psyduck:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Jul 2013, 17:28
Darn.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: henri bemis on 18 Jul 2013, 22:16
y'all are sew terrible.  But I admit, you leave me in stitches.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 19 Jul 2013, 03:11
Instead of puns, why don't I tell you a joke about pizza?

...nevermind, it was too cheesy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 19 Jul 2013, 04:20
That one's terrible no matter which way you slice it. You knead to work on it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 19 Jul 2013, 04:25
Nice try dough.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 19 Jul 2013, 05:43
Now I want pizza.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: TinPenguin on 19 Jul 2013, 06:37
If you want to work in the fishing industry, you need to be good at networking.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: mtmerrick on 19 Jul 2013, 11:38
That sounds fishy to me...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 19 Jul 2013, 12:52
How long are we gonna whale away on this topic? I porpoise a change of topic.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 19 Jul 2013, 12:57
you really had to fish around for those didn't you Redball?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 19 Jul 2013, 12:58
It took so long they turned rotten.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 19 Jul 2013, 12:59
They seemed a bit misbegotten
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Jul 2013, 13:03
And yet it was so easy to have caught them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Jul 2013, 14:29
We're just doing this for the Halibut.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 19 Jul 2013, 14:31
Well, this is the plaice for them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 19 Jul 2013, 15:02
But it ain't the thyme.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Jul 2013, 19:07
Sage advice.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Jul 2013, 19:12
But the thyme is cumin.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 19 Jul 2013, 20:02
After all, spice must flow.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 20 Jul 2013, 05:58
I see how you all pepper in your puns with a salt and flattery.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Jul 2013, 12:54
Well, that'll add some zest.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 20 Jul 2013, 17:06
Nice try dough.

This post is literal perfection.

I just realised I made a Ketamine pun in the drunk thread that should've gone here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Valdís on 20 Jul 2013, 17:10
Hence, the drunk thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 20 Jul 2013, 17:15
I'll dip my twine in as much vodka as I want.

This thread is punbelievable.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 21 Jul 2013, 02:15
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1011384_707770722585717_579600187_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Jul 2013, 12:44
Now we're in a jam.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 21 Jul 2013, 12:50
Yeah, it's quite jarring. How are we going to get out of it while still preserving our integrity?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 21 Jul 2013, 14:58
Simple. The pun jar tolls for your donations.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Jul 2013, 16:54
Must be a bell jar then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 21 Jul 2013, 17:50
But that doesn't have a ring to it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Nikolai on 21 Jul 2013, 17:52
This is such a gong show.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 22 Jul 2013, 04:07
Quit being such a ding-dong and figure out how to better resonate with your peers here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 22 Jul 2013, 04:36
I think at this point you are trying too hard. That's like comparing pears and oranges.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 22 Jul 2013, 05:50
Oranges aren't very punny.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: TinPenguin on 22 Jul 2013, 06:25
Orange you forgetting something?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 22 Jul 2013, 08:15
Oranges, bells ... OK, peal away!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Jul 2013, 13:51
That was a ringing endorsement.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 22 Jul 2013, 17:04
You guys are all bellends.

So a Korean couple are in bed, and the husband burps, then farts. 'That's disgusting,' says the woman. 'It was the dog!' says the man, to which his girlfriend replies 'it couldn't be, I cooked it perfectly.'
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 22 Jul 2013, 23:47
The do-it-yourselfer was scheduled for surgery and asked the surgeon "Hey, is it OK if I do my own anesthesia?".

The surgeon said "Eh, whatever, knock yourself out".

He then wondered "How about if I close the incision for you?"

The surgeon shrugged and said "suture self".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 23 Jul 2013, 02:21
sounds like the doc was getting impatient to cut straight to the heart of the matter
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 23 Jul 2013, 11:12
I don't know if I have the stomach for this line of humor.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 23 Jul 2013, 12:30
I guess we'd better cut it out.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 23 Jul 2013, 15:49
You guys just have no patients. 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Jul 2013, 18:23
It just needs an injection of humor
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 23 Jul 2013, 19:18
You guys just have no patients.
True, but my impatiens is red, white and pink.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: laughingboy on 24 Jul 2013, 23:10
The records for these patients seem doctored.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 25 Jul 2013, 00:15
The highway department is operating a tunneling machine with a 17-meter cutting diameter and powered by its own electric substation.

I might want to watch it work but I hear it's boring.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 25 Jul 2013, 02:55
I've been thinking of getting a t-shirt printed with "I shot first!"

Because I'm Han (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_Chinese).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Jul 2013, 14:41
Well, you're not Solo in that belief.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 25 Jul 2013, 18:18
Let's not get Greedo here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 26 Jul 2013, 00:15
You're beginning to Jabba.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 26 Jul 2013, 04:17
All this Star Wars talk attracts me like light attracts a Moff.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 26 Jul 2013, 05:40
I think you're Tarkin it to extremes, there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 26 Jul 2013, 10:03
Agreed. I understand the enthusiasm but you should really just saber the moment.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: TinPenguin on 26 Jul 2013, 10:35
You guys are punning for Alderaan reasons.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 26 Jul 2013, 17:09
Yeah, it's starting to feel kinda forced. 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Patrick on 26 Jul 2013, 18:49
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 Jul 2013, 00:57
Well, don't let that choke off the Thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 27 Jul 2013, 03:48
And don't vader off to far!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 27 Jul 2013, 03:54
I think we need to Luke inside ourselves and Leia down this train of thought.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 27 Jul 2013, 04:25
Such a journey to the inner self should not be undertaken Solo.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 27 Jul 2013, 05:02
I still can't believe we sunk solo.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 27 Jul 2013, 13:14
We were forced.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 27 Jul 2013, 13:42
PHWEEEET! Overuse of the same pun! I'm going to Calrissian the Pun Squadron on you!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 27 Jul 2013, 14:54
Brute force is neither a solution nor a base for one.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 Jul 2013, 16:05
I think we're getting to the point where we're mauling the language.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 27 Jul 2013, 16:42
All this tomfoolery doesn't sith too well with me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 27 Jul 2013, 18:31
How's about we boldly go where no pun has gone before and get away from these Star Wars puns?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 27 Jul 2013, 19:42
You suggest we enterprise where no man has gone before?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ankhtahr on 27 Jul 2013, 20:02
A continuing mission to explore strange new words?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 27 Jul 2013, 21:15
This thread violates all sorts of linguistic and comedic prime directives.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 28 Jul 2013, 03:19
This thread is starting to warp my perspective.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 28 Jul 2013, 04:11
Maybe I can filter these puns out if I buy a new Sisko router?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 28 Jul 2013, 11:13
*looks around* nobody? okay. *clears throat*


 That won't work (http://hamgear.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/resistanceisfutile.gif).

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 28 Jul 2013, 11:32
Resistance is futile, but voltage has the potential to live long and prosper.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 28 Jul 2013, 13:00
I dinnae think I can take much more o' this, Cap'n!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 28 Jul 2013, 15:22
My impulse is to warp away from this Thread, but then I'd get borged.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 28 Jul 2013, 19:57
All aborged! 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 29 Jul 2013, 01:09
I wish this thread had gorn away when I asked it to.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 29 Jul 2013, 02:31
The thread is in tribble, it is true, but it is managing to klingon.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Jul 2013, 16:32
Well, I hope we don't Founder.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 30 Jul 2013, 02:17
Did you guys hear about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: kelpy on 30 Jul 2013, 03:58
*sings* thanks for the mammaries (even though they weren't so great)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: kelpy on 30 Jul 2013, 04:14
(http://static.lol-pix.com/uploads/lol-pix.com/1369465076-A-mere-cat.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 30 Jul 2013, 09:55
Did you guys hear about the dyslexic guy who walked into a bra?

He also lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 30 Jul 2013, 19:56
"Dyslexics of the world, untie!" 

______________________

At one point, someone on this forum had a sig that read, "I put the 'sexy' in 'dyslexic'"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 30 Jul 2013, 23:47
Where do you store an umbrella?

In a parasol can.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 31 Jul 2013, 01:59
Chute
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 02 Aug 2013, 02:04
Never invite Émile Zola to your hot tub party. He'll just shout "J'acuzzi!".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 02 Aug 2013, 03:07
That pun was truly Dreyfus.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 02 Aug 2013, 13:50
Indeed.  There'll be the devil to pay for that pun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 02 Aug 2013, 21:16
I guess I'm all wet.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Nikolai on 03 Aug 2013, 02:38
Well that kind of puts a damper on things, doesn't it?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 Aug 2013, 16:24
Dough! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damper_%28food%29)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 03 Aug 2013, 16:26
Indeed.  There'll be the devil to pay for that pun.
I've always wondered why Satan never played for the Devils.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 03 Aug 2013, 16:37
What up doe. (https://vine.co/v/hqjLmZxWpQT)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 Aug 2013, 20:58
Most everything is deerer
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 08 Aug 2013, 02:42
What do rabbits use after taking a shower? A hare dryer.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 09 Aug 2013, 14:22
*Fudd*
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 14 Sep 2013, 14:23
Is someone who studies Egyptian looped crosses an ankhologist?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 14 Sep 2013, 17:28
Tut, tut, tut.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 17 Sep 2013, 15:11
That pun filled me with ankhst; in fact I'm so upset, I might call my Mummy. Anubis expected to blunder, but an experienced punster should do better.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Sep 2013, 22:47
SETIng the scene, or just checking if I was paying ATENtion to detail?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 18 Sep 2013, 06:10
I don't sphinx too much of the direction of this thread. It's kind of an inverted pyramid.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 20 Sep 2013, 21:16
My wife just showed me this...

Unfortunately, I'd never seen his picture before (I listen to radio, but don't watch TV much at all...) so I didn't get it at first. 


(http://bigtengirl.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/6a00d8354f1fb569e20120a8ebe2c0970b.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ackblom12 on 20 Sep 2013, 22:10
This is my personal favorite for that joke.

(http://i.imgur.com/hB5zhyR.gif)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 21 Sep 2013, 00:20
...I don't get it. I suppose it's a pun on some euphemism?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ackblom12 on 21 Sep 2013, 00:21
If you're not in the US, it is likely going to be hard to catch unless these things actually are across the various ponds. The pun is 'Putin on the Ritz'.

These being Ritz crackers

(http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/965kvki.com/files/2012/09/Ritz-Crackers.jpg)

And this being 'Puttin' on the Ritz'

http://vimeo.com/6971656
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 21 Sep 2013, 03:16
Is vitriol throwing assault and battery acid?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 21 Sep 2013, 04:45
Two kids were arrested for eating batteries and fireworks.

One was charged but the other was let off.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 21 Sep 2013, 06:11
Must have been an electrifying experience. . .
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 21 Sep 2013, 11:06
It is a current event after all.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 21 Sep 2013, 11:15
But revolting. And here we go again. Quick! Someone! Choose another topic!

Uh, animals?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 21 Sep 2013, 13:09
Yes, that line of punning should be tapired off.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 21 Sep 2013, 13:31
Raccoon we can pull this off?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Sep 2013, 14:08
I Gnu this would happen.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 21 Sep 2013, 14:48
And we cat stop it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: pwhodges on 21 Sep 2013, 15:22
This thread will dog us for ages.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 21 Sep 2013, 16:04
I think I may be allergic to it. Daschundheit!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 21 Sep 2013, 17:33
Hold on, I think I have some Alligatora here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 21 Sep 2013, 19:16
All these puns make me want to rabbit
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Sep 2013, 22:38
Well. far be it for me to add some Moa.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: mtmerrick on 22 Oct 2013, 20:38
Today's math class was about practical applications of logarithms. One of these applications was interest - compound and continuous.

my quiet answer to everything the teacher said was "innnnntresting..."

either no one heard or no one acknowledged :P

*drops the mike, and it lands in the pun jar*
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 22 Oct 2013, 21:38
Maybe they considered it a matter of principal.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Oct 2013, 16:12
Time to get Bardic for a change of direction and just for the halibut


"Two Beets or not two Beets" Shakespere
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 01 Nov 2013, 01:26
He was too polite. I even tried hypnotizing him into rudeness but he was in trance a gent.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: tragic_pizza on 01 Nov 2013, 23:48
And humming a fugue?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 06 Nov 2013, 19:39
My wife's friend was holding a tuning fork.

Me: "If a shrimp fork is for eating shrimp, and a lobster fork is for eating lobster, what is a tuning fork for?"
Wife's friend: "Eating tuna?"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Nov 2013, 19:49
*Rimshot*
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 10 Nov 2013, 22:56
New topic: Shapes

That square with everyone?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 10 Nov 2013, 23:39
I am diagonally opposed to that.

Personally, I think it's a trapezoid.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 11 Nov 2013, 00:54
Another discussion that will go in circles.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 11 Nov 2013, 01:36
I don't think I'll participate. My ellipse are sealed.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 11 Nov 2013, 04:50
How about we just try angles, instead? 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 11 Nov 2013, 05:02
Well you lot really are coming at the conversation from all sides
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 11 Nov 2013, 05:53
I feel like I need to go on vacation in anisotropic location.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 11 Nov 2013, 11:42
Maybe instead of being explicit we could described it in elliptical phrases.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 11 Nov 2013, 11:46
Or perhaps a more non-euclidian form of conversation?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Nov 2013, 17:03
Just so long as it remains within the sphere of the discussion
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 11 Nov 2013, 17:08
Did you hear the one about when the NSA rectangle a Merkel's car?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 11 Nov 2013, 17:13
Yes, nothing hyperbolic please.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 11 Nov 2013, 18:24
What about parabolic? I understand they produce a nice arc.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 15 Nov 2013, 16:33
Were the imperial Romans landscape painters? I heard they tried to depict Britain.

What is the scariest country in the world? Zombie-a.

EDIT:

Since Dune was about a precognitive, should it have been called The Foresight Saga?

Since plants photosynthesize, would you say they are having a light meal?

EDIT:

It is Northern Hemisphere spring, and the deciduous trees are releaving themselves in public.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 08 Jun 2014, 16:55
(http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/turbine.png) (http://xkcd.com/1378)

An old thread, but this was worth reviving it :roll:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 28 Jun 2014, 02:31
Considering how long this thread went between postings, should we say that sparkly vampires who bite their girlfriends' throats are neck-romancers?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 28 Jun 2014, 03:31
Yes. Yes, we should.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 28 Jun 2014, 05:49
I was watching a documentary on SBS about this year's Eurovision winner. I have to say, the jokes about her name were the Wurst.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 28 Jun 2014, 05:57
Reading this thread again really put me in a pickle to find a good new pun about delicatessen
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 29 Jun 2014, 00:56
Not that long ago, I was in Melbourne, stuck in a shopping centre where the radio was playing that godawful song "Kryptonite", right?

- Anyways so the announcers came on after it and were talking about how they filmed part of the film clip for the song right here in Melbourne.

Well, I was bored and had nothing much to do, so I looked up the place that they supposedly used in the film clip.

I walked up to the receptionist and asked her "Is this the place where they filmed Kryptonite?". She replied. "Nah, that's Three Doors Down".

... :mrgreen:

(Usually I tell this one in person, works better.)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Jun 2014, 16:46
*Shakes Bad Joke Jar at LJFelix*
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 29 Jun 2014, 16:54
To be fair, he had an accomplice.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 29 Jun 2014, 17:53
No, I think he accompliced that one all on his own.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 29 Jun 2014, 17:58
Well played.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 29 Jun 2014, 18:46
Are clerical garments surplice to requirements?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 29 Jun 2014, 19:00
Halo if I know.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 29 Jun 2014, 19:50
Well, they do say the devil is in the details.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 29 Jun 2014, 21:09
I feel like that last post didn't work, but I admit I might just be playing devil's advocate
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Jun 2014, 22:23
I'm erring on the side of the angels.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 30 Jun 2014, 04:12
I erred on the side of Angels once.

But then Nolan Ryan struck out the side.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 30 Jun 2014, 22:21
Are clerical garments surplice to requirements?

Not if they're trimmed to the right size with a miter saw.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 01 Jul 2014, 07:28
"Icy! Icy" said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 01 Jul 2014, 08:05
"I see," replied the blind man to his deaf daughter. "What do you see?," she inquired. "Not much."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 01 Jul 2014, 17:42
Not if they're trimmed to the right size with a miter saw.
I suppose that would enable you to cope (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cope).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 01 Jul 2014, 18:00
You guys must be smokin' something. You should be censered.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Jul 2014, 18:05
He's just making an investment in the future
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 03 Jul 2014, 14:43
and now, UnJokes!:
I once tried to start an apathy club at uni. There was too much interest in it, which kind of defeated the purpose.


.. I'll go now.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 Jul 2014, 17:19
GO!

And joke no more!!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 03 Jul 2014, 17:30
But the joke is, I know it's not funny! It's meta-humor! (http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=316)

 :emotrex:

(Fixed the link -Method)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 03 Jul 2014, 20:12
I'm still more mad at Marten for backing away from the pun than for the pun itself. OWN THAT SHIT, MARTEN.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 03 Jul 2014, 20:55
Not if they're trimmed to the right size with a miter saw.
I suppose that would enable you to cope (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cope).

That's at least safe. You can lose a finger in an instant to the type that has an endless loop for a blade. Those are so dangerous that everyone calls one of them a banned saw.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 04 Jul 2014, 06:18
They named a star after ol' Vlad. To say he's not happy about it would be Putin it lightly. (http://www.thewire.com/global/2014/07/ukrainian-astronomers-named-a-star-putin-is-a/373950/)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 04 Jul 2014, 07:27
Haha. Fuck you Vlad.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 04 Jul 2014, 07:38
Vlad isn't Putin up with this.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 04 Jul 2014, 14:55
Probably Lenin towards impaling him.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 04 Jul 2014, 15:24
Why are swamps so hot despite all the thousands and thousands of swamp coolers that have been sold?

When infantry gets older, does it become adultery?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 04 Jul 2014, 18:40
Well the infantry commit a lot of adultery
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Jul 2014, 19:58
Probably Lenin towards impaling him.
Not with all the appeals. It's a Stalin tactic.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 06 Jul 2014, 21:01
Technically he wasn't impaled,but I guess there's no need to be (ice)picky.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: tragic_pizza on 06 Jul 2014, 21:05
You have a point.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Jul 2014, 22:06
He's sharp that one
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: tragic_pizza on 06 Jul 2014, 23:43
Cutting-edge, even...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 08 Jul 2014, 10:33
could even say he's the tip of the spear
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 08 Jul 2014, 11:31
We're all the sharpest bulb in the box here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 08 Jul 2014, 15:27
That's a bit flash
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 08 Jul 2014, 15:36
4 pages of this? Enough with the punishment
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 10 Jul 2014, 14:13
(http://cdn.diply.com/img/3dc26354-91de-4aae-ae8b-82590172c227.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 10 Jul 2014, 20:00
Why are there two 2's on that team? 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 10 Jul 2014, 20:22
Why are they numbered at all?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 10 Jul 2014, 22:19
...three 2's, actually. Ron, the girl to the right and the one half obscured by her.

How come I never noticed this?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 10 Jul 2014, 22:21
.
Positions?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 10 Jul 2014, 23:43
But Ron is the keeper. His position is unique. Unless he ever played chaser, because that is the only position were there are three players playing it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 13 Jul 2014, 03:31
But Ron is the keeper. His position is unique. Unless he ever played chaser, because that is the only position were there are three players playing it.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: tragic_pizza on 20 Jul 2014, 22:25
(http://cdn.acidcow.com/pics/20140721/bad_puns_44.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 23 Jul 2014, 00:43
Is there a morel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morel) to this story?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: tragic_pizza on 23 Jul 2014, 01:37
Well, there's certainly spore than meets the eye...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 23 Jul 2014, 02:13
I'm still not lichen it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 23 Jul 2014, 02:18
You may not be lichen it, but I find it moss amusing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 23 Jul 2014, 02:45
I wonder how quickly this will get mold. . .
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 23 Jul 2014, 10:55
Is there a morel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morel) to this story?

There is, but it is untrue. A false one, if you will.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 05 Sep 2014, 12:58
The ceiling of my straw hut collapsed yesterday. There were too many fancy chairs in the loft.

I guess people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 05 Sep 2014, 13:52
Kinda grasping at straw there, Pilchy. :claireface:


(http://cnt.likealaugh.org/160BirdNerd/20130925-230034-160-319.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Sep 2014, 07:35
YES.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 06 Sep 2014, 09:27
That's alright, a couple I know named their dog Stain. 

That way, when they call him in from the yard, they can holler "Come, Stain!" 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: BeoPuppy on 06 Sep 2014, 10:00
I have heared someone called their dog 'godverdomme' (goddamn) for something akin to the same reason.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Sep 2014, 21:17
(http://www.fanboys-online.com/comics/2012-09-03-mouths%20to%20feed.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Metope on 07 Sep 2014, 13:04
A friend of mine has a cat named Sanna, one day right before Christmas the cat ran away. My friend felt a bit silly running around the neighborhood at the age of 27 yelling "Sanna, Saaannaaa".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 07 Sep 2014, 15:18
Achillies heel cartoon made me laugh. You might say that... 8-) it's a classic joke.

Please don't Hector me for loving puns. That dog cartoon was a Priam example.
Title: Re: Random Puns :claireface:
Post by: Detachable Felix on 07 Sep 2014, 16:08
Resisting the urge to chastise Akima for that Classics pun is requiring a Herculean effort
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 07 Sep 2014, 16:28
Titanic, even.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 07 Sep 2014, 16:36
I usually don't give a jack about puns, but that one definitely rose to the occasion.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 07 Sep 2014, 17:26
Titanic, even.
Oh come on! You're not even Troying!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 07 Sep 2014, 18:25
You're going to Helen's bucket for that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 07 Sep 2014, 18:32
*Makes popcorn* My, this is certainly turning into an odyssey. I wonder who'll hit the next homer.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 07 Sep 2014, 19:25
Who indeed? Aeneid to know!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 07 Sep 2014, 19:32
Give it a minotaur and I guess we'll find out.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 08 Sep 2014, 00:50
Shouldn't be too hard to keep this thread going, so long as you motherfuckers don't mention Oedipus.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 08 Sep 2014, 01:13
That pun was a real Greek tragedy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 08 Sep 2014, 03:16
Really spartan a good pun there Marine, my hat off to ye.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 08 Sep 2014, 05:34
We are well over the 300 pun limit.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 08 Sep 2014, 05:50
At this rate we'll blot out the sun!!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 08 Sep 2014, 06:15
Then we'll write in the shade.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 08 Sep 2014, 07:26
What madness is this?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 08 Sep 2014, 07:45
Madness? THIS! IS! PUN JAR!

*kicks jwhouk into the jar*
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 08 Sep 2014, 13:23
Alright, everyone get their stories straight. If this goes to court we wouldn't want anyone to Persia themselves.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 08 Sep 2014, 13:28
Madness?
You rang?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 08 Sep 2014, 13:31
You guys are over-Charon. I've had it! I'm going out in the yard and play pickup Styx.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Barmymoo on 08 Sep 2014, 13:46
Can anyone else detect a certain unpleasant aroma in here? Because this discussion sphynx.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 08 Sep 2014, 18:03
I can't smell it, but maybe I'm in de-Nile  :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 08 Sep 2014, 23:14
You'll probably find the source if you peer amid all the menat work around here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: ChaoSera on 08 Sep 2014, 23:37
I can't smell it, but maybe I'm in de-Nile  :claireface:
I'll bet you're actually just se-nile.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 08 Sep 2014, 23:53
He just probably Abydos of it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 09 Sep 2014, 05:45
You're clearly all just attention Horus.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 09 Sep 2014, 05:57
All this classics talk is Machon me tired  :psyduck:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 09 Sep 2014, 06:53
I'm Hapi to take over if you can't Heket
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 09 Sep 2014, 07:02
I'd Ra-ther not. Hekate this point we should probably these Giza alone...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 09 Sep 2014, 07:55
A good idea Suez to make sure they don't get engulfed
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 09 Sep 2014, 09:36
Let's just Seth this topic aside, guys.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 09 Sep 2014, 10:43
Speaking of Seth, I might be starting to go bald so I was thinking of applying some Rogen.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 09 Sep 2014, 13:24
If I can be Franco with you Gareth, you might just be better off letting nature takes its course with that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 09 Sep 2014, 14:06
I'm inclined to a Green
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 09 Sep 2014, 14:26
Ferrell? That just left me Groening bro, I'd have gone Scarlet.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Oct 2014, 09:45
(https://scontent-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/l/t1.0-9/1969364_1070758722953580_7408861421682376120_n.jpg?oh=66220f00c2123a8f4ceac1a45a1849a7&oe=54CAC12C)
:claireface::claireface::claireface::claireface::claireface::claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 15 Oct 2014, 20:50
We were out at dinner.

My wife: "What kind of naan is that?"
Me: "Keema. (beat). Maybe it will make me feel better."
:claireface:

She got it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 15 Oct 2014, 22:16
I...don't?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 15 Oct 2014, 23:10
Keema therapy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 16 Oct 2014, 00:41
Cycling is especially fun during the dog days of summer.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 16 Oct 2014, 20:38
Keema therapy.
Oh.

(pause)

Wait...WHAT? :psyduck:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 17 Oct 2014, 08:55
Sounds like 'chemotherapy'.


EDIT: ...oh. I hope I'm reading too much into this joke.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: snarkyone on 17 Oct 2014, 23:03
(http://i.imgur.com/UTOr2cE.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 18 Oct 2014, 08:54
I thought Claire was a redhead! 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 18 Oct 2014, 09:44
It's ClaireDoge!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 18 Oct 2014, 14:09
Ebola? I hear they're casting him as the star for the remake of Hemmoragic Saturday Night Fever.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: K1dmor on 18 Oct 2014, 17:05
It's ClaireDoge!

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: snarkyone on 18 Oct 2014, 17:27
 :-P
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 18 Oct 2014, 21:01
It's perfect.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 19 Oct 2014, 00:22
I can't stop giggling! 



Thank you! 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Oct 2014, 18:18
EDIT: ...oh. I hope I'm reading too much into this joke.
Me too, hence my reaction :(
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 19 Oct 2014, 21:39
Can anyone supply a Clairedoge GIF that looks good at emoticon size?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: K1dmor on 19 Oct 2014, 22:01
 Maybe someone can make a better version, but this is what i got.

 (http://i.imgur.com/qLptXtb.gif)
 (http://i.imgur.com/UzhK8jJ.gif)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: snarkyone on 19 Oct 2014, 22:15
(http://i.imgur.com/a75S8m7.gif)

Yeah... I had pretty much the same thought.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 20 Oct 2014, 04:17
(https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10334368_1082339511795501_251326053037582563_n.jpg?oh=8d74bd7fb638d5e2cff7243b247da84e&oe=54F7F1C6)

(http://i.imgur.com/qLptXtb.gif)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 20 Oct 2014, 06:06
Well that had to put a bit of spring in your step.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 20 Oct 2014, 18:29
Now we know what Very Important Date he was late for.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 20 Oct 2014, 23:22
The one at the briar patch?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Oct 2014, 14:19
With the Son'a?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 30 Oct 2014, 12:08
What is a pastry chef's most important tool?

A confection oven.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Gladstone on 09 Nov 2014, 21:38
Anybody else doing NaNoWriMo?  I'm working on a story about Lawrence, a prolific letter-writing atheist gunslinger with sores on his feet, and his visit to an Italian riverboat restaurant owned by Harold, a magician with scoliosis, who puts too much sauce on the spaghetti.

I call it "Epistolary 'Pistol' Larry's Pastor-Wary Pustule Airing at Posture-Worried 'Presto!' Harry's Pesto-Heavy Pasta Ferry."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 09 Nov 2014, 21:55
I'm sorry Gladstone, but that is not my bag.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Gladstone on 09 Nov 2014, 22:16
...too much?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 10 Nov 2014, 09:33
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gladstone_bag
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Nov 2014, 11:45
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d2/William_Gladstone_by_Mayall,_1861.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Gladstone on 10 Nov 2014, 15:15
Whoops, my bad.  I knew about the Prime Minister (he was quite the bibliophile), but I wasn't aware he had some baggage.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 10 Nov 2014, 15:23
I'm sorry I Disrael-ed the thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 10 Nov 2014, 15:32
Why so Syria's?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Gladstone on 10 Nov 2014, 15:33
Thatcher-kay, I'm the one who came in Blairing my thoughts and made a Major Asquith of myself.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Nov 2014, 18:47
That's a Pitt easy enough to fall into
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 11 Nov 2014, 00:10
These British political puns will drive me up the Walpole.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Nov 2014, 19:47
That would be a Major problem then.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 11 Nov 2014, 19:56
There should be a Cesil and Desist Law against these puns since only English subjects would get them without researching first.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 11 Nov 2014, 20:01
We could popularize them by linking them to famous songs, like Kansas' "Cameron My Wayward Son"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 11 Nov 2014, 20:18
Musical puns about political leaders? No, no, no. You stop that. Right here, right Mao.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 11 Nov 2014, 20:34
I can't think of any good puns, but I've been Stalin way too long. I'm surprised people are Putin up with it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Gladstone on 11 Nov 2014, 20:38
And any of my puns would Palin comparison to everyone else's.  It would be a Merkel if I could think of something as good.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 11 Nov 2014, 21:00
I agree, you're strictly Bush league talent, you need to go Barack to training camp.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Gladstone on 11 Nov 2014, 21:05
Meh, puns are really just Hitler-miss anyway.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 11 Nov 2014, 21:22
Oh Godwin. I knew someone was going to bring him up eventually. It's like the law or something.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 12 Nov 2014, 00:46
I was Dredd-ing its occurrence.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 12 Nov 2014, 01:16
It was inevitable, we were just Stalloneing it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 12 Nov 2014, 03:04
But in the end we have to accept that we're going to enter the Urban jungle.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 12 Nov 2014, 04:11
Welcome to the jungle. We have puns and names.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 12 Nov 2014, 05:33
Come take a walk on the wild side but watch out for the def leppard.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 12 Nov 2014, 07:54
We have no air service, since our only ship is a led Zeppelin.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 12 Nov 2014, 07:58
But when you arrive, the locals are so friendly they'll give you a Kiss.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 12 Nov 2014, 08:40
You can always ride the rolling stones to our location
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 12 Nov 2014, 08:43
Make sure you meet the Queen while you're there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 12 Nov 2014, 10:06
Everyone is welcome. U2 can come down and to Electric Avenue and guess Who will be playing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 13 Nov 2014, 08:20
My hunting quiver is empty, is there an Arrowsmith near there?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 13 Nov 2014, 08:24
I'm not sure if cesium is allowed there, being such a highly-reactive Metallica element. At least it's not fissile, so it can't be used to build Megadeth-causing nuclear weapons.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: osaka on 13 Nov 2014, 08:30
Just be careful with the drinks, for cesium causes Eruption that carry Dragonforce when in contact with water.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 13 Nov 2014, 08:39
Let's Get This Straight From The Start, these puns were meant to be about band names, not song titles, any Misfits who refuse to follow these 15 Steps will be The Unforgiven.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 13 Nov 2014, 11:50
I have often been accused of being a rebel, rebel who has to go my own way.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 Nov 2014, 12:37
That just leaves me Numb.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 13 Nov 2014, 13:15
Comfortably Numb?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 13 Nov 2014, 13:28
Let's Get This Straight From The Start, these puns were meant to be about band names, not song titles, any Misfits who refuse to follow these 15 Steps will be The Unforgiven.

The most Deviant of the Transgressors will also be locked in an Iron Maiden, and the necks of any Survivor s will meet The Sword.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 13 Nov 2014, 14:30
Let's Get This Straight From The Start, these puns were meant to be about band names, not song titles, any Misfits who refuse to follow these 15 Steps will be The Unforgiven.

The most Deviant of the Transgressors will also be locked in an Iron Maiden, and the necks of any Survivor s will meet The Sword.

Sounds like Overkill. Everbody In The Place, Run To The Hills!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 13 Nov 2014, 17:24
Why run? It's not like there's any Rush.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 13 Nov 2014, 17:56
Look, the Rush comes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oBRgXtyKeE). On a Motorcycle.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 13 Nov 2014, 18:00
Is that so? Apparently...Yes.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 13 Nov 2014, 20:16
No, no, no, no, I don't do that no more. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZN_8M4OpMo)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 14 Nov 2014, 02:15
Not even for your Queen?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 14 Nov 2014, 03:19
Clearly Guilty of Descending into Anarchy
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 14 Nov 2014, 04:50
Not even burning the Midnight Oil, The Stooges.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 14 Nov 2014, 12:25
The predictions are getting a tad Apocalyptic, uh? I'm not worried, I Will Survive.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 14 Nov 2014, 12:34
Comfortably Numb?

No (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: osaka on 14 Nov 2014, 12:55
Oh dear, What I've Done.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 16 Nov 2014, 06:12
You shot the sheriff?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 16 Nov 2014, 06:17
His deputy's okay though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 16 Nov 2014, 06:20
Considering their behavior lately though, fuck the police.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 16 Nov 2014, 07:06
Oh dear, What I've Done.

And you don't even know his last name?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: osaka on 16 Nov 2014, 07:25
Laurence (http://youtu.be/Q77LWPmAp4k), but that's beyond the point.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 16 Nov 2014, 18:25
I didn't expect y'all to know country music, but I'll let it slide this time.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 16 Nov 2014, 18:33
As long as this doesn't end in a pub with no beer, I'm good.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Nov 2014, 19:13
Not The Town and Country
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 23 Nov 2014, 13:09
You know the problem with stoats, no diplomacy at all. They always feel they mustelid as it is.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 23 Nov 2014, 14:14
I see how you weaseled that pun in. You otter be ashamed of yourself.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 23 Nov 2014, 15:24
Yeah, I'm sorry to badger you, but how did you ferret that one out?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Nov 2014, 15:37
He probably laid possum until it was time to Post it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 23 Nov 2014, 23:03
Ha, this subject is in marten favourite puns. Ermine on a roll.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 23 Nov 2014, 23:18
Yep, rolling along like a Mercury Sable.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 30 Nov 2014, 07:25
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10606288_10152582197853737_8903804657588767828_n.png?oh=9dfc36ba9803257185eb286735796a1a&oe=5500453A&__gda__=1426877551_9ae03e903de311a18f0c6cf64858a400)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 30 Nov 2014, 09:34
http://www.foxtrot.com/2014/08/10/summer-fling/   
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 30 Nov 2014, 12:38
That takes the cake
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 30 Nov 2014, 13:57
(http://www.foxtrot.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/ft140810summerfling.png)

It's already linked, but easier this way :P
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 30 Nov 2014, 14:02
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10606288_10152582197853737_8903804657588767828_n.png?oh=9dfc36ba9803257185eb286735796a1a&oe=5500453A&__gda__=1426877551_9ae03e903de311a18f0c6cf64858a400)

I don't know what website this is from but they get posted on here a lot. They are usually funny but so irritating because they always include a comment from someone saying how funny the post was.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 30 Nov 2014, 14:02
Tumblr, and I fucking agree.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 30 Nov 2014, 15:12
It's the internet equivalent to a laughing track. But it's the person who took the screenshot's fault. They could have linked the post without the repost.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 30 Nov 2014, 15:16
Well yeah, but I have a feeling that usually the person who took the screenshot is the person who retumbled it with the comment in the first place.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 08 Dec 2014, 02:29
It was probably in Meatier-res.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 17 Dec 2014, 04:22
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-JqaSbxEaSeo/VI8gE5m4s6I/AAAAAAAAUxU/VFQ2Qkf0Ceg/w960-h723-no/10848066_830897246951992_5576818459938362842_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 17 Dec 2014, 04:43
I tried to say that one to my wife but I scrambled it.

Also, the way those eggs are arranged with the olives looks a bit saucy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 17 Dec 2014, 05:06
Reduced to poaching puns now are we Seldom?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 17 Dec 2014, 05:19
Eggsaxtly. Those puns certainly weren't all they were cracked up to be.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 17 Dec 2014, 06:12
Yeah, they don't tend to go over easy all that well do they? Especially not when I'm this pickled, definitely gonna be fried in the morning.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 17 Dec 2014, 06:40
We need to find another subject, because egg puns are overly easy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 17 Dec 2014, 08:06
You people are scrambled
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 17 Dec 2014, 08:20
Awww, c'mon. We're not such bad eggs.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Dec 2014, 12:16
At least he's not boiling mad
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 18 Dec 2014, 02:13
Pretty much just simmering away, he is.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 18 Dec 2014, 06:56
These water puns are getting me a bit steamed.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 18 Dec 2014, 07:53
Hopefully they don't give you the vapors.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 18 Dec 2014, 08:11
I dunno, I find it all a gas.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 18 Dec 2014, 08:27
All the more reason to try and be noble
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 18 Dec 2014, 08:36
Oh, you couldn't hit the broad side of a Barnes.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 18 Dec 2014, 08:38
Or perhaps we should table these periodic puns for now and move on to matters with more atomic weight?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 18 Dec 2014, 08:43
No, we shall cesium the day and barium with puns! All those who fear elemental puns will be lead out, for they are no bro of mine.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 18 Dec 2014, 10:29
Barium? No,no,niobium! Just banish them to Berkelium Californium in Americium!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Dec 2014, 12:16
You could always go to Europium and visit Francium.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 18 Dec 2014, 14:50
These puns, I can't stannum any more!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 18 Dec 2014, 14:55
These sorts of puns have been banned in Germanium and Francium.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Dec 2014, 18:29
No need to have a Tantalum over them though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 18 Dec 2014, 19:27
No need to have a Tantalum over them though.

Most of the good ones Argon anyway
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 19 Dec 2014, 02:01
Eh, the bad ones will get ironed out soon enough.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 19 Dec 2014, 04:37
That might smooth over the pain I feel from all those puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 19 Dec 2014, 06:01
I dunno, every time I click on this thread, I get kinda steamed. I'm hard-pressed to explain why, though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 19 Dec 2014, 11:43
I can't believe this thread rowenta unnoticed by me all this time.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: celticgeek on 19 Dec 2014, 12:41
We'll be better when all of these puns argon.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Dec 2014, 12:43
Should I suggest a pun based on an elemental symbol? Na.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Dec 2014, 13:32
So long as we don't have to pay a Fe
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Dec 2014, 20:48
Whoever said this line of puns was a good idea was telling a Li.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Dec 2014, 21:07
Whoever did it, He should be sentenced to Dy. (Spoiler: It was I.)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Dec 2014, 21:12
In that case, shame on U.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 19 Dec 2014, 21:21
Whoever said this line of puns was a good idea was telling a Li.

It downright stinks, Pu.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Dec 2014, 21:23
I give these puns a grade of F.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Dec 2014, 21:32
We should Co-operate to make them better.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Dec 2014, 21:33
Perhaps we could raise the grade to a B.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Dec 2014, 21:39
We'll C.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 19 Dec 2014, 21:45
Don't tell my mom, but for xmas I got her the Sherlock soundtrack, but since she doesn't know how to use iTunes, I had to buy the Cd.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: celticgeek on 19 Dec 2014, 22:01
Maybe we can scare them away by talking like pirates:  Ar, Ar Ar, Ar, Ar!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Dec 2014, 22:02
Don't tell my mom, but for xmas I got her the Sherlock soundtrack, but since she doesn't know how to use iTunes, I had to buy the Cd.
I wish you wouldn't use white text, it makes it Ni impossible to see.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 19 Dec 2014, 22:27
I wish you wouldn't use white text, it makes it Ni impossible to see.

It looks F I Ne if you use the defaut gray forum color scheme.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Dec 2014, 22:33
(I can't think of a pun, I just always forget that color scheme exists until I get logged off somehow)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 20 Dec 2014, 07:22
C-c-c-com-bo-break-er!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 20 Dec 2014, 07:50
Eh, arguably "F I Ne" totally broke the combo first.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 20 Dec 2014, 08:42
C-c-c-com-bo-beaker!
Fixed that for U.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Dec 2014, 11:56
Lv it
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 22 Dec 2014, 19:59
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the zoo is a dog. It's a shitzu.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Dec 2014, 20:10
Corgi, that's a bad pun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 22 Dec 2014, 20:16
I could probably cook up a worse pun in a Lab.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 22 Dec 2014, 20:17
So bad I choked on my soda, excuse me while I Finnish Spitz ing Coke-a-cola out of my windpipe.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Dec 2014, 20:23
I'll let you Huntaway for a towel
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 22 Dec 2014, 20:46
Someone can golden retriever it for you
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 22 Dec 2014, 21:17
I'll ask former Olympian Knud Marstrand Christiansen, he was a Great Dane for saving hundreds of Jews during WW2, he'd loan me a towel.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 22 Dec 2014, 21:56
It would take a real German Shepherd to collie that reach.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Dec 2014, 15:07
Probably take a Pincer movement
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 23 Dec 2014, 19:22
I always thought it was spelled "Pinscher", but Doberman has my dictionary.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 23 Dec 2014, 19:32
Don't be a wiener, dog.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 23 Dec 2014, 19:36
Wow

             many puns


   so funny


             someone had to do  :wow:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 23 Dec 2014, 21:20
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/a49a8730304a219ec067b38b2a077342/tumblr_mscgd2Xo9w1sgs7r9o1_500.gif)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Schwungrad on 24 Dec 2014, 04:38
Enough; that tree has been barked up enough.

Quiz: What do these two have in common?
(click to show/hide)

(Spoilered the NSFW pic -Method)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 24 Dec 2014, 05:54
(http://24.media.tumblr.com/a49a8730304a219ec067b38b2a077342/tumblr_mscgd2Xo9w1sgs7r9o1_500.gif)
Keep your Apple. I'll stick with Windoge (http://windoge.com).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 24 Dec 2014, 14:34
Quiz: What do these two have in common?
Anyone who doesn't get it, should have the balls to sack-up and admit it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 24 Dec 2014, 14:57
Before I remembered what thread I was in, Akima's reply then was driving me nuts.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: explicit on 24 Dec 2014, 15:04
She's getting pretty testy about the whole thing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 24 Dec 2014, 17:07
 That's 'cos this stream of puns is bollocks.  :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Dec 2014, 22:46
Global Moderator Comment Please do NOT give me a reason to lock this Thread. Think VEEEERY carefully about how you reply to that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 24 Dec 2014, 22:53
Apologies, I was just running with the testicle-natured current content.  Editing to put a Claireface in order to make my intentions clearer.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: GarandMarine on 24 Dec 2014, 23:14
So what Kugai's saying is you need to kick rocks.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 25 Dec 2014, 06:51
Maybe we'd cheer up if we got a little stoned :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 25 Dec 2014, 07:19
Always seems to be thr base alt ernative
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 25 Dec 2014, 09:21
Someone appears to be taking their spell checker for granite.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 25 Dec 2014, 09:56
No spell checker, I just try to picrite
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Dec 2014, 12:31
At least the Thread didn't come to an igneous end.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 25 Dec 2014, 12:50
Hey, people just Lava a good pun, y'know?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 25 Dec 2014, 13:10
Now we're getting some real gems.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 25 Dec 2014, 14:41
And ones that won't get us in the schist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schist) with the Mods.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 25 Dec 2014, 18:17
Anyone want some dessert? Pyrite?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 25 Dec 2014, 18:57
That one was the Mohs annoying on the pun hardness scale.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 25 Dec 2014, 20:32
Anyone want some dessert? Pyrite?

How gneiss of you to offer! :laugh:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 26 Dec 2014, 03:33
Frack but we're getting some good puns eh?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 26 Dec 2014, 05:20
Well, puns are a deep subject.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 26 Dec 2014, 06:33
Oi, that pun was mine.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 26 Dec 2014, 07:25
You really got shafted there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 26 Dec 2014, 07:51
Yeah, I'll have to dig out something else now
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 26 Dec 2014, 07:52
Take your pick.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 26 Dec 2014, 08:15
I'm not just going to shovel puns on here like a rake.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 26 Dec 2014, 08:54
You're such a hoe.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 Dec 2014, 09:40
We're definitely ploughing through them
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 26 Dec 2014, 19:28
Be careful, if we start to combine puns, we'll harvest them all too quickly.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 26 Dec 2014, 19:31
Eh, we'll just have to weed out the bad ones.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 Dec 2014, 19:44
And sort the wheat from the chaff
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 26 Dec 2014, 20:51
I barley have anything to say about that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 26 Dec 2014, 21:02
I know... It's a teff act to follow
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 26 Dec 2014, 21:12
Amaizing ain't it?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 27 Dec 2014, 01:00
I feel like these puns are going against the grain.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 27 Dec 2014, 01:07
A sobaing thought.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 27 Dec 2014, 01:12
It certainly was a wild rice from start to finish . . .
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 27 Dec 2014, 06:30
Wow, these puns are corny.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 27 Dec 2014, 08:01
I dunno, I think they're kind of rice.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 27 Dec 2014, 10:25
Only cereal killers like puns, the rest of use just tolerate them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: explicit on 21 Jan 2015, 19:14
(http://cdn77.eatliver.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/rock-humor.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Jan 2015, 21:33
Guess he got stoned once or twice during that time too.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 22 Jan 2015, 21:37
What can I say? He likes to rock hard. He's a gneiss guy, though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Jan 2015, 21:44
Yes, but he could get slated for it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 23 Jan 2015, 00:27
Oh Mohs.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 23 Jan 2015, 07:46
So long as his friends don't take him for granite. 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Jan 2015, 12:17
That would be a shisty thing to do.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 26 Jan 2015, 11:43
There are three people on a boat. They have four cigarettes, all want to smoke, but they have no way of igniting the cigarettes. What should they do?

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 26 Jan 2015, 12:34
GROAN
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 26 Jan 2015, 12:40
*Lightly applauds*

I'll admit, I think it's going to be hard to match that one.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 26 Jan 2015, 12:41
Stealth pun, there?

GROAN

Praise indeed. That said, have you seen your avatar?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 26 Jan 2015, 12:43
It'll take a spark of insight to enlighten us to another pun of such brightness.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 26 Jan 2015, 12:43
Wait till you find my pun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 26 Jan 2015, 12:44
No time...?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 Jan 2015, 13:52
He's a bright spark
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 06 Feb 2015, 11:05
Have you seen the movie 'Constipation'?

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: DSL on 06 Feb 2015, 14:59
It's being shown at the Hollywood Bowl.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Feb 2015, 21:02
What a dump
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Feb 2015, 21:04
That place is full of shit.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 06 Feb 2015, 21:13
There's a missing link in this logic chain. It's only turdy percent thought through.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Feb 2015, 22:20
But it isn't going to drain us of puns anytime soon.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 07 Feb 2015, 02:39
I want to contribute to the the thread, but I can't stick around, I gotta runs
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 07 Feb 2015, 08:16
this whole puns thing has become a big job.... you might say it's started a movement
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 07 Feb 2015, 14:03
Indeed.  You might say the whole thing is flushed with success.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 08 Feb 2015, 00:05
The world has never seen this thread's e colI am honored to be a part of it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 08 Feb 2015, 21:46
Ok, that last pun plunged us all into the deepends.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 08 Feb 2015, 22:30
And the thread trots on...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 08 Feb 2015, 22:59
There's so many puns to catch up on, maybe I should find a stool.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 08 Feb 2015, 23:17
Or just sample them. 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 09 Feb 2015, 03:35
I can't stand for that so I'll have to pooh-pooh that idea.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Fig on 09 Feb 2015, 05:39
I think it's time to sink this back to the bowels from whence it came.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 09 Feb 2015, 08:02
Agreed. This thread's clearly circling the bowl.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 09 Feb 2015, 08:24
I'll give that vote number 2. It's going down the pipes.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 09 Feb 2015, 11:24
I can't decide whether this thread is anushering in of horrible things to come orificile treatment of this issue.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 10 Feb 2015, 01:03
I've had enough of you two talking shit. You're really taking the piss.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Feb 2015, 01:14
OK, I think it's time to close the lid on that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 10 Feb 2015, 05:47
Oh, poopy. I never get to have any fun....
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 10 Feb 2015, 06:22
They have medication for that.

Not Immodium, though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Weed Forestin on 10 Feb 2015, 06:26
A friend of mine came up with this:

Hey tornado, why don't you tornadon't?


Much groaning was had.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 10 Feb 2015, 08:38
I'm an American, not an American't*!

*Also works with Mexican/Mexican't and Canadian/Can'tadian
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Fig on 10 Feb 2015, 09:31
The rate of decline in puns is excremental. 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Feb 2015, 14:44
See, we're all enjoying the crap outta this Thread  :-D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 10 Feb 2015, 17:34
I'd make a pun, but it's been a long day so I'm kind of pooped.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 10 Feb 2015, 17:46
Shit.  Where are we going to go next?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Feb 2015, 18:11
I'd say round the bend, but I think that that would be kinda redundant at this stage.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: explicit on 10 Feb 2015, 18:16
You guys are getting really fecestious here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Fig on 10 Feb 2015, 18:20
I hope we don't have to snake out a decent pun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 10 Feb 2015, 18:27
Hopefully this thread isn't giving a death rattle.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 10 Feb 2015, 18:39
Does it have insurance? 



Cobra? 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Fig on 10 Feb 2015, 18:58
There is anyways a way for new ones to slither up to the top.  It doesn't seem like too much to asp for.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 10 Feb 2015, 20:14
Well if anybody's got a a good one, go ahead and adder to the topic.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 10 Feb 2015, 20:18
Whoever revives the thread has the Order of the Garter conferred upon them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Feb 2015, 21:37
Is that Diamond backed?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Fig on 11 Feb 2015, 05:44
I sincerely hope someone can pull this from the pits.  It seems as though I'm just milking it and most of these are simply corny.  Trying to come up with a good one has simply left me cottonmouthed.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 11 Feb 2015, 06:50
Yeah, I got nut-tin'. 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Feb 2015, 12:59
Well, I'll keep Pecan in to see what changes.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 11 Feb 2015, 16:39
This morning it occurred to me: "What do vaginal thrush, and the rising sun have in common?"
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 11 Feb 2015, 16:52
(http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs11/i/2006/214/a/b/_headdesk__by_Warpedmind125.gif)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 11 Feb 2015, 20:19
This morning it occurred to me: "What do vaginal thrush, and the rising sun have in common?"
(click to show/hide)

For some reason, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Your Majesty is like a stream of bat's piss."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 15 Feb 2015, 09:02
(http://fanboys-online.com/comics/2012-09-03-mouths%20to%20feed.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 15 Feb 2015, 11:42
That comic was RAMmed with awesome puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 16 Feb 2015, 16:49
Heh, dinner was served on hard drive platters.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Feb 2015, 20:42
But his joke went all Floppy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 17 Feb 2015, 07:26
Be fair. It can be a hard drive making up puns all the time. Not everybody is programmed to just print them out on command line.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Fig on 17 Feb 2015, 07:31
There's only a select few whose drive for puns is in a solid state.  For others it's read only.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 17 Feb 2015, 07:35
You all should Zip your mouths, these puns just don't Clik with me, they need more Jaz to them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 17 Feb 2015, 21:44
someone should monitor this thread and screen out the bad puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Schmee on 18 Feb 2015, 02:52
So once there was a lake, bordered by three kingdoms. There was an island in the centre of the lake, which all three kingdoms claimed to own, and there were countless minor skirmishes on and around the island as the kingdoms vied for control. Eventually, the kingdoms agreed to a single battle to settle the issue once and for all. The first kingdom sent a party of ten armored knights, with their squires. Not to be outdone, the second kingdom sent twenty-five knights, each with a squire. The third kingdom had fared badly in the battles, so they sent a single, elderly knight with his squire.

On the night before the battle, the knights of the first kingdom drank and caroused while their squires sharpened their swords. The second kingdom's knights also drank and partied, while their squires prepared their armour. The third kingdom's knight sharpened his sword and polished his armour himself, while his squire hung a cooking pot over a fire with a loop of rope.

On the morning of the battle, the first and second kingdom's knights were too hungover to fight, and the elderly knight was so tired from preparing his gear that he couldn't be roused in time, so it was agreed that the squires would fight instead. The battle raged well into the afternoon, and in the end when the dust settled, the squire from the third kingdom remained - battered, bruised, but victorious.

This all goes to show that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 18 Feb 2015, 02:57
Sorry, something doesn't add up there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 18 Feb 2015, 05:14
It's an unusual equation, I addmit, but it's a sine of the times.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 18 Feb 2015, 05:41
Don't go off at a tangent now.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 18 Feb 2015, 06:36
Why, what's your angle on this?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 18 Feb 2015, 06:41
Sorry, am I being obtuse?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Fig on 18 Feb 2015, 07:13
Some people's trains of thought are far too linear.  There's no need to be irrational, after all.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: celticgeek on 18 Feb 2015, 07:17
Sorry, am I being obtuse?

No, you're being acute.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 18 Feb 2015, 07:34
Some people's trains of thought are far too linear.  There's no need to be irrational, after all.

I'd assumed those comments were imaginary.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 18 Feb 2015, 07:41
Some maths people are very poor at plane speaking.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 18 Feb 2015, 07:42
It's a complex issue. You really have to examine the residue.

edit -- I feel like I've punned this before. Have we circled back around?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Feb 2015, 12:48
Now we really are off on a tangent.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Fig on 18 Feb 2015, 13:18
Speaking of tangents, I'm having trouble finding somone to cosign. 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 18 Feb 2015, 13:33
The bank let me sine on my own for my car loan. They were going to be irrational and require a cosiner despite my credit score, but eventually they put 2 and 2 together.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 18 Feb 2015, 14:55
Sadly, anything I'd have to add at this point would be derivative.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 18 Feb 2015, 16:35
Man, it's slighty chilly today, hit -12F. And that blast of air from the Arcsec Circle is going to be here for the rest of the week.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 18 Feb 2015, 17:11
I don't know weather I can come up a suitable reply to that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 18 Feb 2015, 17:12
All hail the great punnery of this thread!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 18 Feb 2015, 17:23
Get thee to a punnery!

(Oh wait, we're already there)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 18 Feb 2015, 17:39
I don't know weather I can come up a suitable reply to that.

Too much pressure.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 18 Feb 2015, 17:42
Snow problem.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Feb 2015, 18:07
And the blizzard of puns continues.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 18 Feb 2015, 18:31
A good barometer for the health of the thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 21 Feb 2015, 08:38
Icey this thread sticking around for a while, it's not going anywhere (like a kid who licks a metal pole in winter).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 21 Feb 2015, 12:38
I see what you did there. Very slick.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 21 Feb 2015, 12:42
Hopefully this isn't a slippery slope.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 21 Feb 2015, 23:19
These puns are starting to slide away from me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Feb 2015, 13:09
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1GF4Gnb-D0
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: explicit on 23 Feb 2015, 20:37
(https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/history-according-tumblr-funny-13.jpg?w=600&h=785)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 25 Feb 2015, 21:55
http://www.amazon.com/Baaa-David-Macaulay/dp/0395395887

Sheep take over the planet from humans and overpopulate, almost starving until a miracle new food source is announced. Oddly, the more of the new meat gets consumed, the lower the population gets.

I got a stony silence from my friend when I suggested the movie adaptation could be called "The Soylents of the Lambs".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 26 Feb 2015, 00:29
Would this be the companion book?
http://www.penguin.com.au/products/9780143501763/where-green-sheep
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 26 Feb 2015, 01:18
It's Soylent Greener Than You Think.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 26 Feb 2015, 03:25
I got a stony silence from my friend when I suggested the movie adaptation could be called "The Soylents of the Lambs".
I am jealous. If I didn't elicit at least a groan with such an excellent pun, I would feel I'd been fleeced.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 26 Feb 2015, 03:35
Ewe really rammed that one home.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 26 Feb 2015, 07:10
Baaaa humbug.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 26 Feb 2015, 08:39
From the interwebs:

(https://scontent-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/11021223_798645423541236_2791518199877992240_n.jpg?oh=3fdf401a910bca6471502d6549062313&oe=558EC8ED)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 26 Feb 2015, 16:15
you mean there's no data cap?

(https://googledrive.com/host/0B-mTdPtjZcvkMkRCVlZMU0VRdkE/320x240.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 26 Feb 2015, 22:15
Well, that's good, you don't have to worry about data throttling.
(http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/3782/88/16x9/960.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 Feb 2015, 12:42
And don't forget your Back-ups

(https://paulareednancarrow.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/data_and_lore_2364.jpg)

(https://forums.questionablecontent.net/data:image/jpeg;base64,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)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 27 Feb 2015, 16:35
Would you take advice from this guy?
(http://www.startrek.com/legacy_media/images/200307/q01/320x240.jpg)
If so, you would have received a Q tip.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 Feb 2015, 18:25
(http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f50/Kugai2/Memes/Rimshot.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 27 Feb 2015, 21:37
At least it's not Fucking, Austria.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 28 Feb 2015, 01:02
(http://i.imgur.com/xdZmuju.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Carl-E on 28 Feb 2015, 11:49
I have a t-shirt with that on it.  Underneath it claims to be sponsored by

Mathematicians
Against
Drunk
Deriving
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 02 Mar 2015, 17:14
What's the difference between an elementary particle and 2,000 pounds of Vietnamese soup?

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: explicit on 04 Mar 2015, 23:11
This is what happens:

(http://files.explosm.net/comics/Kris/hay.png)

Puns have serious consequences guys!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 05 Mar 2015, 01:45
Puns.
Not even once.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 05 Mar 2015, 07:37
Puns.
Not even once.
So just stop at diez, amigo.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 06 Mar 2015, 03:14
Nein.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 06 Mar 2015, 23:50
Scientists have just announced a laser treatment that removes pigmentation from eyes, leaving them with the underlying blue color.

I don't know why they used a laser, unless it was because donuts are a health hazard.

The use of donuts for the purpose dates back to at least 1977, as documented by Crystal Gayle's songwriter:
"Donut make my brown eyes blue"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 07 Mar 2015, 00:38
I donut like the way you spell doughnut.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 07 Mar 2015, 09:14
It's the American spelling.

And, like so many of the Americanised spellings, the more logical one. Just not as pretty.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 07 Mar 2015, 09:20
Although, for doughnut/donut, it's not like there's a misleading pronunciation in the original version, and doughnut is somewhat more descriptive (the etymology is actually believed to be that it's from "nuts" of dough making what we now call doughnut holes).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 07 Mar 2015, 09:29
I'd argue that given the 11 or so different pronunciations of 'ought' in the English language whittling it down to a syllable with only two saves some confusion so you don't end up saying doonuts or duffnuts or, God save us, dupnuts.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 07 Mar 2015, 09:32
Granted, US English simplifies some of those more insane pronunciations with the bulldozer approach (of either pronouncing it like it's spelled, or spelling it like it's pronounced) especially as you go further west.

And, "donut" could easily be parsed and pronounced as "do nut" by someone unfamiliar with the term (granted, it'll be a child or a non-native speaker that'd do that), whereas "doughnut" will in US English always be parsed and pronounced as "dough nut".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 07 Mar 2015, 09:54
I'd argue that given the 11 or so different pronunciations of 'ought' in the English language whittling it down to a syllable with only two saves some confusion so you don't end up saying doonuts or duffnuts or, God save us, dupnuts.

I laughed irrationally hard at this. Thanks.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 07 Mar 2015, 14:21
Doughnuts and donuts are used interchangeably around these parts.

I suspect it's because of Dunkin Donuts, personally.

In other news, there is talk that Metamucil brands may be teaming up with Dunkin Donuts for a new all-natural fiber "donut".

The chain is considering the partnership because they think there have been too many negative connotations for its slogan, "America Runs on Dunkin'."




...I'll show myself out.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 08 Mar 2015, 10:53
(http://i.imgur.com/FnooNVf.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 08 Mar 2015, 11:08
Really more of a reference than a pun. I like it, though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 08 Mar 2015, 13:35
(http://i.imgur.com/FnooNVf.jpg)

Connecting catchers, engines on.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 08 Mar 2015, 15:26
"Connecting catchers"? Isn't it "commencing countdown"?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 08 Mar 2015, 15:35
Kugai was making a lawn care pun.

(http://www.dixonztrparts.com/PublicMedia/GetClientMedia/31287)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 08 Mar 2015, 15:37
Ground control to major Tom, your grass is dead, there's something wrong.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Half Empty Coffee Cup on 08 Mar 2015, 17:42
'Cause heeeeeere, am I sitting in my lawn mower... Faaaaaaar from the curb. My backyard is green and there's no-one to be seen.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 09 Mar 2015, 04:33
Anyone play EVE?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NS4R86PkWbA
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 10 Mar 2015, 13:39
Re: the current arc... Tai should've known what opening Dora's box would bring.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 10 Mar 2015, 13:44
How dare you pan Dora's box.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 10 Mar 2015, 19:47
http://www.theverge.com/2015/3/10/8187967/joke-history-apple-watch-edition-too-cold-too-cold
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 10 Mar 2015, 19:48
How dare you pan Dora's box.

</thread_over>
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Mar 2015, 22:29
He definitely sewed that one up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 11 Mar 2015, 03:03
Almost had me in stitches.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 11 Mar 2015, 05:16
I wouldn't say the thread is over. Who knows how long it'll last.

I mean... how long is a piece of string?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 11 Mar 2015, 05:46
It gets longer the closer you look at it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Mar 2015, 12:34
I'm afraid not, that's just something someone came up with to string you along.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 11 Mar 2015, 13:05
It won't be over until we all agree it's over... by mutual accord
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Mar 2015, 13:17
It won't be over until we all agree it's over... by mutual accord

Sew... Knot happening any time soon, then.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 11 Mar 2015, 13:20
Certainly nothing worth getting high strung over, in any event.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Mar 2015, 13:23
Certainly nothing worth getting high strung over, in any event.

Seriously, I mean, weave got a good thing going on!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 11 Mar 2015, 15:18
Plenty of punning weft to do.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Mar 2015, 15:51
Plenty of punning weft to do.

Eh, I dunno, the pressure's kinda looming over us now...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Mar 2015, 16:57
So you think it's spinning out of control?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Mar 2015, 17:13
So you think it's spinning out of control?

No, I just think we maybe should shuttle this conversation into a different space, is all
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 11 Mar 2015, 19:01
Oh, great, then you'll make the puns shoot off like rockets into spaaaaaaaaaaaaace!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Mar 2015, 19:07
Oh, great, then you'll make the puns shoot off like rockets into spaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

I'm just saying, puns can be intergalactic sometimes. Let's boldly go where no man has gone before, how about, open new worlds of linguistic humor!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Mar 2015, 22:41
So it's time to go Hyperactive huh?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 11 Mar 2015, 22:46
Still seems nebulous to me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 11 Mar 2015, 23:01
it's amazing the path these puns take.
i mean, you couldn't planet.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: explicit on 11 Mar 2015, 23:03
I'm not sure I understand most of these. I'm a super-novaist when it comes to puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 11 Mar 2015, 23:09
That one was, admittedly, less than stellar.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 11 Mar 2015, 23:28
what is the matter with it his post?
i don't understand the gravity of the situation.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 03:31
Oof. Shoulda known a topic like this would end up being a black hole for my time...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 12 Mar 2015, 04:13
I know. It's astronomical isn't it?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 12 Mar 2015, 04:57
Did you hear the one about the sea-food restaurant at Fukushima?
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 12 Mar 2015, 05:09
I feel a grouper fish puns coming along, many of which will skate on thin ice. Maybe one or two will provide a ray but many of them will have no energy and sink like rods.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 05:56
I'm reminded of that song by Queen, Don't Stop Minnow, 'cause we're having a good time.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 12 Mar 2015, 07:04
I told them to put Frodo on the guest list, but they just put salmon.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 12 Mar 2015, 10:14
I can't come up with anything that wouldn't fill me with remoras.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 12 Mar 2015, 10:36
I keep meaning to avoid this thread, but I think I'm hooked.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 10:49
I keep meaning to avoid this thread, but I think I'm hooked.

Whale that's what happens when you experiment with wordplay! You get caught!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 12 Mar 2015, 11:05
I'd hoped they might let me skate.



Unrelated, inadvertent, pun (more of a malapropism, really):
Adauto Puñales: “Communism is an octopus that has its head in Moscow and its testicles everywhere!”
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 12 Mar 2015, 14:44
Don't worry, eventually we'll be singing a different tuna
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 12 Mar 2015, 15:08
Wait, which pun are we on?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 12 Mar 2015, 17:01
who cares... it doesn't matt-hamachi just let some rip and let's see where it gyoza. Here, let me shoyu...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 17:19
Sushi what fish puns do to us?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 12 Mar 2015, 17:24
If this keeps going, I'm going to have to go on a tempurary leave of absence from the forums. Udon't even know how bad these puns are. Miso sick of them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 12 Mar 2015, 17:25
I suppose you're going to go crying to umami?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 12 Mar 2015, 17:26
Or are you just going to lose your tempura?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 12 Mar 2015, 17:27
Sick of them? I can't imagine what pho.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 12 Mar 2015, 17:28
Okay, I'll stop now. Must be the devil in me.

All hail seitan.

Really. Stopping now.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 12 Mar 2015, 17:38
it's amazing the path these puns take.
i mean, you couldn't planet.

The path of a planet?

Talk about an elliptical phrase.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 12 Mar 2015, 17:42
I see you trying to get us back to space-related puns. I understand that inclination, but it's natto going to work.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 12 Mar 2015, 17:50
they all have their own time and relative dimension in space.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 17:53
... Are you implying that puns are Time Lords? Comet me, bro
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 12 Mar 2015, 18:40
These puns do seem larger on the inside...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 12 Mar 2015, 18:46
... Are you implying that puns are Time Lords? Comet me, bro


Easy now, I hear he takes asteroids.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 18:59
You think I care if he's a bit meteor than I am? I've taken on guys twice my size!

It didn't... Didn't end well for me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 12 Mar 2015, 19:16
Yeah, it doesn't help when they dwarf you.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 19:21
Yeah, it doesn't help when they dwarf you.

What they never expect is for me to be all threatening, then make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 12 Mar 2015, 20:20
listen to you jabba on.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 20:48
Hey, you're the guy trying to make Time Lords out of wordplay! Hans in the air, just Leia down on the ground and no one will get hurt. Luke at me, do you think I'm joking?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 12 Mar 2015, 21:15
i do not.

these pun sarlaccing something.
they boba round in my head for a while to make sure i'm not trying to force them.


Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 21:20
Obi quiet, you, those puns are just fine. It doesn't Fett the Star Wars theme, but I find your punning capacacity QUITE Enterprising!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 12 Mar 2015, 21:33
are we still going to babylon about space.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Mar 2015, 21:38
There are so many unexplored galacticas out there, I don't see why not. Why stay cylon?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 12 Mar 2015, 21:59
Obi quiet, you, those puns are just fine. It doesn't Fett the Star Wars theme, but I find your punning capacacity QUITE Enterprising!

Defiant of you to trek in that direction. Much as I like this turn, I hope we don't Klingon too long.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 13 Mar 2015, 04:13
Easy now, don't Firefly off the handle.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 13 Mar 2015, 05:05
Jeremiah Weed get in trouble if we did that, after all.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Mar 2015, 06:04
Obi quiet, you, those puns are just fine. It doesn't Fett the Star Wars theme, but I find your punning capacacity QUITE Enterprising!

Defiant of you to trek in that direction. Much as I like this turn, I hope we don't Klingon too long.

So you don't think we should get too Farscape into this?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 13 Mar 2015, 06:54
I'm lost (IN SPAAAAAAAACE!)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Mar 2015, 07:48
I'm lost (IN SPAAAAAAAACE!)

Well I'm lost on a mysterious island
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 Mar 2015, 14:05
Hopefully, you're not a Shadow of yourself, that would be too Morden of you mister.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Mar 2015, 14:16
I've never actually WATCHED an episode of Lost (At least not in a language I understand) so I'm sitting here, thinking so hard I can practically feel a smoke monster coming out my ears. Just... polar bear with me here while I make puns referencing what few details I know about the show.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Mar 2015, 22:32
Okay, after so many hours with no more Lost puns, I'm thinking we should smoothly transition into aerial linguistic humor. I'm plane disappointed. I half-expected people who watched the show to pick up the topic and runway with it, but it didn't take off, I guess.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 13 Mar 2015, 22:43
Maybe it was up to you to propel it forward all along.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Mar 2015, 22:47
Maybe it was up to you to propel it forward all along.

I'm happiest when this thread is just zeppelin along. Definitely not ready to say good biplane
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 13 Mar 2015, 23:15
I'm having trouble with this topic so my approach is to just flap about and wing it until something takes off.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Mar 2015, 06:58
I'm having trouble with this topic so my approach is to just flap about and wing it until something takes off.

Aww, don't worry, it's not like anyone's gonna start mockingbird you! It'll be owl right!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 14 Mar 2015, 10:06
From @SwiftOnSecurity (an infosec twitter account that's a parody of Taylor Swift at the same time): https://twitter.com/swiftonsecurity/status/576657787553509376

Quote
Why did Google Car switch from MD5 to SHA512?

They wanted to reduce collisions.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 14 Mar 2015, 14:01
Is that something to crow about?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Mar 2015, 18:44
Is that something to crow about?

Don't be robin people of the pleasure of punning, now
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 14 Mar 2015, 19:09
There's no worries about that.  People will just do moa
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 14 Mar 2015, 19:47
I was going to make a Larry Bird pun, but I wondered if that'd be a cardinal sin.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Mar 2015, 19:52
I was going to make a Larry Bird pun, but I wondered if that'd be a cardinal sin.

If changing the subject of a string of puns were an offense, I'd have been kicked off this thread several times. Seagull, kiwi can handle it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 14 Mar 2015, 19:54
Quit raven, you tit.
I can hardly swallow these puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Mar 2015, 20:17
Quit raven, you tit.
I can hardly swallow these puns.

Sorry, can't hear your meanness over the sound of my own hummingbird. Auk away while you can, I've been taking birding trips to the coast with my dad since I was a toddler. Don't make me start waxwing poetic on how many types of birds exist; things could get hawkward. (Please don't, in fact, auk away, I'm having fun)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Half Empty Coffee Cup on 14 Mar 2015, 20:29
Wren will it end?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Mar 2015, 20:33
Wren will it end?

 I could stop at any— Oh wait, like PELICAN!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 14 Mar 2015, 20:48
I'm not storking you, but owl follow you henywhere.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Mar 2015, 20:53
I'm not storking you, but owl follow you henywhere.

Glad to hear you're not CHICKEN!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 14 Mar 2015, 21:07
That's a fowl call.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Mar 2015, 21:20
Don't play the henpecked husband here. Heron the forums, everything within human decency is fair game!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Mar 2015, 21:21
For real though, don't be too unpheasant.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 14 Mar 2015, 21:55
(wonders if the chicks dig puns)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 14 Mar 2015, 23:35
As long as it's all for a lark and you don't act like a cock.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 15 Mar 2015, 03:18
Yeah, don't get all emu-tional about it, you might egret it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 15 Mar 2015, 04:51
You could try puffin your chest out.
But just remember that toucan play at that game.
Their might be some competition from another cockatoo.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 15 Mar 2015, 04:56
By the way, just as an aside, here's an over dose of puns with an Australian theme (so most of them will be meaningless to non Australians.)
It's also from the early 80s so the humour is a bit ... Different.


Edit: it's been censored too so some really good puns aren't audible. :(
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 15 Mar 2015, 12:38
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/7f/99/fe/7f99fe9d201a56609c31f4125421455c.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Mar 2015, 13:28
You could try puffin your chest out.
But just remember that toucan play at that game.
Their might be some competition from another cockatoo.

This is good advice. Parrot it everytime you feel unsure. You could also try holding your breath until you turn purple martin. That gets people concerned about you, and the more people looking after you, the better. You'll pouledeau* through

*kind of duck found in louisiana
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 15 Mar 2015, 13:36
As long as you pullet together.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 15 Mar 2015, 14:04
I can never do that. I'm to chicken.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Mar 2015, 14:38
I can never do that. I'm to chicken.

Aww, did some Ruddy Turnstone tease you too much? Let me at 'im, I'll Snipe that sonuvabitch!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 15 Mar 2015, 18:56
I think he's on the other side of the road.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Mar 2015, 20:15
You think that matters? I'l Scaup* that motherhugger

*another duck found in Louisiana. Care to guess which specific coast my dad liked to visit?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 15 Mar 2015, 20:44
chaospersonified seems to be a bit of a quackpot.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Mar 2015, 20:50
chaospersonified seems to be a bit of a quackpot.

I am simply a pun enthusiast, you Yellow-billed Loon, what variety of slate-colored junco is this nonsense! I know birds, motherhugger; my own father is in the louisiana state university records of ornithology as the first to see a certain hummingbird this far east!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Mar 2015, 20:59
In amother note, I shiuld stop posting here so much*. The puns are overflowing to regular life, and they're even worse. Like, I'll be talking smart- something about the political climate or about the location of purple martins given the time of year, and then BOOM, puns. Really makes me feel like an American Coot.

*i will never stop making pubs
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 15 Mar 2015, 21:10
a poorly timed pun can make someone appear to be a right goose.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 15 Mar 2015, 21:59

*i will never stop making pubs


Drinks all round then

Mine's a Guinniss.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 15 Mar 2015, 23:14
ooh. puns about booze, might as well throw some philosophy into the mix as well.

Quote
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya'
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
SOCRATES, HIMSELF, WAS PERMANENTLY PISSED...

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away;
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am"
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 05:38
Don't keep these things bottled up, right? If the people around you don't appreciate your terrible puns, make them beer!

As for the typo, I suppose it's only right that I can blame it on the alcohol.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 16 Mar 2015, 05:45
From an article I was reading:

Quote
"Friday is payday. Saturday is play day. Sunday is pray day. We're trying to make Monday the 'all health breaks loose' day," said Sid Lerner, a former advertising executive who founded the Monday Campaigns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 08:55
Sonnet, let me explain the difference between a pun and a poem. Stanza on your own two feet, yo.

They were clever poems, I'll give them that. That's my honest opinion, it's not just a line
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 16 Mar 2015, 10:19
Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 10:42
Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?

I'll warn you now, keep Shakespeare off the shelf; he's kinda reckless with the spear. He'll probably knock the whole thing oeuvre
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 16 Mar 2015, 11:45
Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?
Be careful when reading books about undercooked meat. They're E-collated.

The NFL had an electronic football game a few months ago, and to distinguish it from next year's game they're putting letters after the name. It was the E-Bowl A.

a poorly timed pun can make someone appear to be a right goose.
Just so long as you didn't look up when they flu over.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Half Empty Coffee Cup on 16 Mar 2015, 12:26
Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?
Be careful when reading books about undercooked meat. They're E-collated.

The NFL had an electronic football game a few months ago, and to distinguish it from next year's game they're putting letters after the name. It was the E-Bowl A.

a poorly timed pun can make someone appear to be a right goose.
Just so long as you didn't look up when they flu over.
Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?

I'll warn you now, keep Shakespeare off the shelf; he's kinda reckless with the spear. He'll probably knock the whole thing oeuvre

A plague on both your houses.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 12:29
Would a bookshelf of poetry be a folio outbreak?
Be careful when reading books about undercooked meat. They're E-collated.

The NFL had an electronic football game a few months ago, and to distinguish it from next year's game they're putting letters after the name. It was the E-Bowl A.

a poorly timed pun can make someone appear to be a right goose.
Just so long as you didn't look up when they flu over.

Medical puns now, okay. Stroke of luck, I've got a few. Some pretty hearty ones, even.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Mar 2015, 13:48
Now you're just trying to doctor the Thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 13:51
Now you're just trying to doctor the Thread.

Is the treatment working?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 16 Mar 2015, 13:52
The puns have their cold grippe on this thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 13:55
The puns have their cold grippe on this thread.

Just have some patients
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Mar 2015, 13:57
Shall we set up some Wards?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 16 Mar 2015, 13:58
Perhaps we should ping Guy Fieri to this thread to examine for conjunctivitis.  :roll:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 13:58
Shall we set up some Wards?

If you think it would help nurse the situation
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 16 Mar 2015, 15:18
Good to see these puns are coming in a nice orderly fashion.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 16 Mar 2015, 15:26
I agree, I wasn't expecting such surgical precision.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 15:43
Totally bonesaw it coming

Perhaps we should ping Guy Fieri to this thread to examine for conjunctivitis.  :roll:

Glad you went with Fieri, not Fawkes. Things can get heated when Guy Fawkes around, explosive even!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 16 Mar 2015, 16:42
the bird puns were coot
the medical puns RN endless source of amusement
but I'd like tobiko-ing back to sushi puns
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 16 Mar 2015, 17:23
i would have to train myself to make a sushi pun.

thinking about it is maki me hungry.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 18:08
the bird puns were coot
the medical puns RN endless source of amusement
but I'd like tobiko-ing back to sushi puns

Oh, WELL DONE! I don't know much about sushi, unfortunately, but there's always Google to help me out, so I'll just let ebi.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 16 Mar 2015, 18:52
the bird puns were coot
the medical puns RN endless source of amusement
but I'd like tobiko-ing back to sushi puns

Oh, WELL DONE!

It's not sushi, then.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 16 Mar 2015, 20:26
not all sushi contains raw seafood.
they often contain cooked products such as prawns, crab, beef, chicken, etc.

the above statement is not very punny.

nagano do that again.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Mar 2015, 20:40
Edo do good puns though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 16 Mar 2015, 20:58
Iwate with baited breath for the next one.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 21:37

the above statement is not very punny.

nagano do that again.

Uramaki some strong accusations, my friend! He's taking my choice of words and turning it into a food preparation pun! Sashimi is the raw fish sort of sushi, yeah?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 16 Mar 2015, 21:38
A tip of the kappa to you.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Mar 2015, 21:45
A tip of the kappa to you.

Wasabi cool, man, I got your back
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 16 Mar 2015, 21:48
Sashimi is the raw fish sort of sushi, yeah?
sashimi is usually served as thin slices without rice. (or with rice in a separate bowl as a type of side dish)

anago have some lunch now.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 16 Mar 2015, 21:54
Also, sashimi doesn't have to be fish/seafood.  Meat is also sometimes used.  Well, no good puns here, so I should gyoza.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 16 Mar 2015, 21:58
Very stealthy. Un-kani, even.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 16 Mar 2015, 22:01
(on a side note, I wonder if they have hokkigai named after Wayne Gretzky)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 16 Mar 2015, 22:06
Last time I had sushi I tried using my credit card, but they're strictly cash and karei.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 16 Mar 2015, 22:07
Ayu! Stop pretending you can't hirame.

I'll show myself out.  :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 05:14
Ayu! Stop pretending you can't hirame.

I'll show myself out.  :claireface:

Aww, no need tai get so upset! I was sleeping, is all!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Mar 2015, 16:16
We'll lay off slapping you on the wrist with a wet noodle then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 17 Mar 2015, 16:44
Ramen to that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 17 Mar 2015, 16:50
Other punsters: Don't let this switch to a different Japanese cuisine chasu away. No need to be wari. You are shio to find punnable terms. Unless I tako them all first.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 17 Mar 2015, 16:59
What chew taco 'bout, Willis?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 17 Mar 2015, 17:46
nacho what he's saying but i think we're in mexico now.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 18:11
I'm totally happy to shift continents. Queso what, we can't change cuisines suddenly? Who the heck says?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 17 Mar 2015, 18:39
Are you sure such a shift is prudenchilada?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 19:57
Are you sure such a shift is prudenchilada?

Absolutamente! Frijoles have some fun!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 17 Mar 2015, 20:01
Did you hear the reason the mentally unstable train conductor gave for his crimes? It was a loco motive!  :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 20:54
You are tu quick to shift from mexican cuisine to straight up spanish, methinks. hola-t more puns might be made about mexican cuisine, I'm sure
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 17 Mar 2015, 21:02
Last time I asked for butter in a Mexican restaurant the waitress said, "Butter. Por qué?"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 21:10
Last time I asked for butter in a Mexican restaurant the waitress said, "Butter. Por qué?"

This makes no sense to me, either as a pun, or as a story. Was she calling you porky? No comprendo.

Uno what would be nice? An explanation, preferably with a pun thrown in there somewhere, in keeping with the theme of the thread
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Mar 2015, 21:10
I got nuttin' 


Guess I'll just have to si where this goes..
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 21:12
I got nuttin' 


Guess I'll just have to si where this goes..

I suppose I could gustar-t it on my own. Hopefully with a better pun than that. What can I say, I like it!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 17 Mar 2015, 21:14
Explanation:
Qué is pronounced "kay".

And here's where I show my age: "Butter? Parkay!" was the tagline in the old Parkay margarine commercials.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 21:19
I know how que is pronounced; I've spent time in Guatemala, Mexico, and Spain. I wasn't sure if YOU knew. I've never heard of Parkay. That was my mistake. I've heard more Matamoros spanish than I care to learn
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 17 Mar 2015, 21:36
*sigh* Only dropping in for entertainment, porque estoy un pocito a burrito.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 21:41
*sigh* Only dropping in for entertainment, porque estoy un pocito a burrito.

Warning: I will eat burritos, regardless of size (Put that last bit through Google Translate)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 17 Mar 2015, 22:07
I know how que is pronounced; I've spent time in Guatemala, Mexico, and Spain. I wasn't sure if YOU knew. I've never heard of Parkay. That was my mistake. I've heard more Matamoros spanish than I care to learn

...and that's where you lost me. What's "Matamoros Spanish"? I know a Trio Matamoros, but I don't think they ever did margarine commercials.  :clairedoge:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 17 Mar 2015, 22:12
Warning: I will eat burritos, regardless of size (Put that last bit through Google Translate)

Derp.  I'm quite rusty.  I was aiming for "I am bored", but ended up with making a pun on "I am boring/dull".  Time to stop trying to make puns in languages that I haven't studied in 16 years.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 22:13
I know how que is pronounced; I've spent time in Guatemala, Mexico, and Spain. I wasn't sure if YOU knew. I've never heard of Parkay. That was my mistake. I've heard more Matamoros spanish than I care to learn

...and that's where you lost me. What's "Matamoros Spanish"? I know a Trio Matamoros, but I don't think they ever did margarine commercials.  :clairedoge:

Mexico, city closest to Brownville, Texas. Beec there several times. Tello* me something new

*Spanish surname, of a girl I met in Matamoros
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 22:14
Warning: I will eat burritos, regardless of size (Put that last bit through Google Translate)

Derp.  I'm quite rusty.  I was aiming for "I am bored", but ended up with making a pun on "I am boring/dull".  Time to stop trying to make puns in languages that I haven't studied in 16 years.

Don't be silly, trust to Gootle Translate, mi amigo. (Not even remotely a pun, just advice because I think you're cool)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 17 Mar 2015, 22:43
Actually, according to the Oxford Spanish Dictionary, it would work the first way.  Giggle Translate mucks things up quite often.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 22:52
Actually, according to the Oxford Spanish Dictionary, it would work the first way.  Giggle Translate mucks things up quite often.

Did you consider for the verb conjugation?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 17 Mar 2015, 22:58
More the specific verb than the conujugation. 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Mar 2015, 23:03
More the specific verb than the conujugation.

No matter what you consider bien the fault, it was there
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 18 Mar 2015, 09:20
Don't let this linguistic diversion cinco the thread. A nueve of puns could wash over us at any moment!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 09:36
Don't let this linguistic diversion cinco the thread. A nueve of puns could wash over us at any moment!

Gosh, I really hope this thread never dies, but I especially hope they can't tres it back to this poorly-prepared polyglottal diversion!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Mar 2015, 14:32
Well, at least it isn't a Latin Lesson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAfKFKBlZbM
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 14:37
Well, at least it isn't a Latin Lesson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAfKFKBlZbM

WEll Spanish comes from Latin, so in a way, it's like a hand-me-down Latin lesson from spain? You might say they were Roman far from home, even
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 18 Mar 2015, 14:43
That's not a very Venice thing to say.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 14:45
That's not a very Venice thing to say.

WEll, you Caesar,  I'm not a very nice man
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Mar 2015, 14:46
But he had the Gaul to say it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 14:48
But he had the Gaul to say it.

You wanna pizza me?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Mar 2015, 14:56
Garumphf
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 14:59
Garumphf

Some might call your behavior rather 'fishy'
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 18 Mar 2015, 15:04
Oh, you basstard, are we back on fish?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 18 Mar 2015, 15:28
I'll let myself trout.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 15:31
Oh, you basstard, are we back on fish?

I suppose. I'm gill-ty... Sorry, y'all, I was at a loss, and I knew Garum was a fish-based sauce, and he seemed grumpy, and I guess I just fell for the trap. I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 18 Mar 2015, 16:32
Pick your hoisin.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 16:57
Mayo you chicken be forever crispy
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 18 Mar 2015, 18:31
Fish aren't funny if they kill you.

You know the string of poop goldfish often swim around with? Imagine how large and sticky that could be on a sport fish. One fisherman was actually pulled under and drowned by fish feces.

His bereaved father is famous for yelling "You cling-on bass turds, you killed my son!".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 18 Mar 2015, 18:44
Mr. Sulu, set phasers on disintegrate.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 18:53
Come on, jwouk, back to Kirk! Don't space out!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 18 Mar 2015, 19:23
This place is getting warped.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 18 Mar 2015, 19:25
The puns right now are relativistically mild.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 19:51
Well, when you've had einstein of beer, things get a little hazy. Time starts to look weird.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 18 Mar 2015, 20:00
But at least it shows that we have a sense of humour, and aren't just Bohrs.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 18 Mar 2015, 20:03
This sense of humor might be sinful. I should ask a Priestly and a Rabi.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 20:05
Try a doctor, first. They might find a Curie for that Crick in your neck, if you're lucky
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 18 Mar 2015, 20:23
He'll be on the Mendel in no time.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 18 Mar 2015, 20:27
Is there nothing I can do? Feynman, I'll play along.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 18 Mar 2015, 20:29
I'm glad we're not doing the Mexican food puns. They're not Fermi.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Mar 2015, 20:51
Just so long as you don't wind up Hawking it up.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 20:54
Archimedes puns aren't bad overall. We're just Mendel-ving deep into the big names throughout science's history
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 18 Mar 2015, 20:56
What if I'm not Redi?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 21:06
C'mon, you're not so Newton this kind of thing!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 18 Mar 2015, 21:37
You're right. Okay... breathe deeply... and exhale... Ohm...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Mar 2015, 21:48
You're right. Okay... breathe deeply... and exhale... Ohm...

That's it. Don't resist, why would you do that? Watt's the point?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 18 Mar 2015, 23:25
Try a doctor, first. They might find a Curie for that Crick in your neck, if you're lucky

But if the doc asks you to lie on a couch and tell him Watson your mind, you've gone into the wrong office.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Loki on 19 Mar 2015, 00:08
You should then probably go back to elementary school, my dear.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 19 Mar 2015, 02:45
T'each his own I guess.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Active Madness on 19 Mar 2015, 03:51
*Yawn*. What a Bohr.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Mar 2015, 05:02
T'each his own I guess.

Chalk it up to personal preference
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Mar 2015, 15:15
Noted
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Mar 2015, 15:17
Noted

Have I told you before, Kugai, how much I like your posts? You're a real class act!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Mar 2015, 15:31
I try to be educational without lecturing
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Mar 2015, 15:36
Well, you're succeeding, and more than that, you're passing it off as easy
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Mar 2015, 22:11
It's a studied response
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 04:00
It's a studied response

Well I wish I could learn
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 20 Mar 2015, 04:19
Iwishicouldkern.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 04:30
Iwishicouldkern.

What's with the typeface talk? I mean, it's comic, but where did it come from?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 20 Mar 2015, 04:52
This thread shall be sans discussion of the typeface that shall not be named.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 05:00
This thread shall be sans discussion of the typeface that shall not be named.

Too late. Serif you have a problem with my mention of a terrible typeface, then keep it to yourself!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 20 Mar 2015, 07:05
This thread is fontastic.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 07:20
This thread is fontastic.

Arial you so sure? I mean, it's definitely had a big impact on my presence here
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 20 Mar 2015, 07:27
Impact? Seriously? Get with the Times. There's a lot of New fonts that aren't so old that the Romans were probably using them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 07:30
Impact? Seriously? Get with the Times. There's a lot of New fonts that aren't so old that the Romans were probably using them.

Did you miss your courier? We're with Calibri, now, TNR is out
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 20 Mar 2015, 07:40
Unfortunately, I got a New one, and they lost the Papyrus that the memo was printed on.

Both I and my courier needed someone to Consolas after that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 07:48
Oh come on, what, the paper just grew wingdings and flew away? Fire that guy, get someone from Georgia, they're the best at getting messages across, even if they have to use a trebuchet
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 11:43
Okay, so this space in pun-posts makes me sad. Is there anyway to get the MS Word out?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 20 Mar 2015, 12:35
Sorry, I'm having a bit of trouble hearing you.  Covered in LaTeX, after all.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 12:39
Sorry, wasn't trying to printing PRESS you too hard, I just prefer bouncing puns off other people to double-posting
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 20 Mar 2015, 14:25
Font puns are very much to my Palatino. They are the Futura of this thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 14:30
Font puns are very much to my Palatino. They are the Futura of this thread.

Oh, shit, is it just font puns we're supposed to be doing? I thought it was printed word- based stuff in general. I came, I saw that, and I thought 'Gutenberg, we can totally do this!' but just font names? Not such a verdana pasture.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Mar 2015, 15:03
Helvetican think of some more puns
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 20 Mar 2015, 15:06
Sorry, I'm having a bit of trouble hearing you.  Covered in LaTeX, after all.
TeXnology puns, eh? I excel at those, or my name isn't Bob!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 15:07
Helvetican think of some more puns

Oh sure we can. I mean, we've got a Century's worth of font types to choose from, and terms relating to fonts, it's not a problem! There's a font of information concerning these kinds of things!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 15:08
Sorry, I'm having a bit of trouble hearing you.  Covered in LaTeX, after all.
TeXnology puns, eh? I excel at those, or my name isn't Bob!

IS your name Bob? I don't know if you've said, and I'm a bit Ross-ty when it comes to searching through forums for information like that. Hope you understand
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Mar 2015, 15:10
I guess that that's a Signo the times
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 20 Mar 2015, 18:05
*sighs*
This thread is full of Dingbats.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 18:06
*sighs*
This thread is full of Dingbats.

WEBDINGbats???? :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 20 Mar 2015, 18:12
Actually, dingbats is the proper typographical term for graphics used in typesetting. Webdings is just a typeface of dingbats. You'd know that if you would read a Bookman.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Mar 2015, 18:38
Actually, dingbats is the proper typographical term for graphics used in typesetting. Webdings is just a typeface of dingbats. You'd know that if you would read a Bookman.

That is a boldface lie. I have read many a book that had nothing to say on the matter, you absolute rod!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Mar 2015, 21:06
Things are getting a bit Cuckoo here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 Mar 2015, 01:31
Things are getting a bit Cuckoo here.

Well it's about time! Gears have been ticking that way for a while now!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 21 Mar 2015, 01:41
One of these days, though, the pendulum will be swinging the other way.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 21 Mar 2015, 06:12
Just make sure you don't fall into a pit avoiding it. Or else you might be seen nevermore.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 21 Mar 2015, 06:29
I love a good Poe m.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 Mar 2015, 07:12
Certainly got me raven
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Mar 2015, 14:28
Got you Crowing too.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 Mar 2015, 18:28
Got you Crowing too.

Ooh, watch out for the eagle-eye on this one, just swooping in for the kill outta nowhere!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Mar 2015, 16:35
Keep this up and you'll have us in stitches
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Mar 2015, 16:48
Keep this up and you'll have us in stitches

Better than an open wound, amiright? :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Mar 2015, 19:28
It looks like injury puns are a bit of a sore subject in this thread. I'm just trying to be a cut-up over here, not trying to drain this thread of life and vitality. I'm not Dracula.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Mar 2015, 20:00
I've said how much I dislike double-posting, but the die have been cast, and so it must be. Any way you dress it up, puns are too important to be forgotten. All day long, I've been in withdrawal.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Mar 2015, 21:07
You can bank on someone coming up with a pun to make the Thread pay off
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: YourBuddyBill on 23 Mar 2015, 23:04
Since this is also for "Bad Jokes", I'll drop whatever I found on my other forum hangouts that isn't inappropriate to post. Emotes have been replaced with relevant equivalents. Sorry if any of these have been posted before, but pages here are really big and I should have been in bed three hours ago.

Quote from: Tonkka²
What did i do when i wanted to see what gullible means? I looked it up!  :claireface:
Quote from: Quote Story
How did I escape Iraq?

I ran.
Quote from: Mega-Bear
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Quote from: Cargøn
Why did the bartender push his wife off a cliff?


tequila
Quote from: kompressor
Every one of you has a little of me in your heart.

PS You should see a cardiologist about that.
Quote from: Bomb Kirby
Why are there no knock-knock jokes about freedom?

Because freedom rings.
Quote from: Pie Crust
An engineer, a physicist and a statistician are building a cannon to hit the target.

The engineer misses by 5m. The physicist misses by -5m. The statistician yells "BULLSEYE!".
Quote from: Pie Crust
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender tells him "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here". He doesn't react.
Quote from: Pie Crust
-I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
-When chemists die, they barium.
-Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
-How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
-I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
-This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
-I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
-I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
-They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
-PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.
-I posted 10 puns on an online forum hoping one would make the users laugh but no pun in-ten-did!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 24 Mar 2015, 07:25
Ah! An avalanche of bad jokes! Snow good!

Welvome, new person! Ice to meet you! You seem cool
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 24 Mar 2015, 08:25
Chemistry puns, eh? That reminds me of the time I met a cute gallium in Californium. We played polonium until she hit her neon the ground. We went to the hospital, where the attending physician was named Cal. We waited for hours until the nurse came out and told everyone "Calcium now. He'll helium." We cesiumed the opportunity to see the doctor, and it turns out she was OK. The doctor was a boron guy, though. He droned on and on about ironing his shirt. I was going to drive her home, but it turns out cars weren't allowed in the town because of the carbon. At least the buses were cheap. They only cost a nickel. It all ended in tragedy, though, when the FBI launched a radon her house. It turns out she had been lead into a trap.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 24 Mar 2015, 13:18
You're segue is stretching it. Careful not to overextend yourself, else you might pull a muscle
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Mar 2015, 15:53
He's just fission for compliments
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 24 Mar 2015, 16:09
He's just fission for compliments

Well he's trying at least, getting atom, throwing a lot of jokes out and hoping not to bomb. Gotta respect that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Mar 2015, 22:41
There is that, and he's not being a little boy about it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Mar 2015, 01:21
Oooh, Kugai, be careful. That way lies mutually-assured destruction...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 25 Mar 2015, 12:29
There is that, and he's not being a little boy about it.
Are you calling me a fat man?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 25 Mar 2015, 12:41
There is that, and he's not being a little boy about it.
Are you calling me a fat man?
Either one would fit in a Bockscar, so I wouldn't necessarily take offense.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Mar 2015, 14:40
Loving this Tibbets
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 25 Mar 2015, 15:44
Plane puns, physics puns and bomb puns... there's your Trinity.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Mar 2015, 15:57
So, wait. Which one's the Father?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 25 Mar 2015, 18:15
Ow,ow,ow, I was cutting a block of wood and it slipped, a Sawtooth caught my knuckle and now I'm bleeding.

*edit*
Dang it, I got my code names for nuclear bomb tests mixed up with names for fictional nuclear bomb tests (Sawtooth was from a book,  X-files: Ground Zero)

I feel about as Bright as an Anvil right now. :-P
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Mar 2015, 18:19
Ow,ow,ow, I was cutting a block of wood and it slipped, a Sawtooth caught my knuckle and now I'm bleeding.

I'm sure that's a sharp pun, but it's going straight over my head. Like, I'm sure it cuts right to the core, but I'm ignorant. I'd ask for an explanation, but unless you could work in a woodworking pun, I'd feel like you were off-topic
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 26 Mar 2015, 20:57
there's your Trinity.
The Carrie, the Anne, and the Moss?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 26 Mar 2015, 21:21
there's your Trinity.
The Carrie, the Anne, and the Moss?

Introducing something neo! I like it! It seems unreal!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 26 Mar 2015, 21:33
Good thing Mick Jagger wasn't in that. They'd have gathered no Moss.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 26 Mar 2015, 23:51
Introducing something neo! I like it! It seems unreal!
I'm always up to my tricks! <--- Works better in an Australian accent
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 Mar 2015, 00:01
A bit CONventional
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 Mar 2015, 05:25
A bit CONventional

Don't be such a prisoner to convention, I mean, we're free people here!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Active Madness on 28 Mar 2015, 02:28
Why did Aleister Crowley call himself a giant ground sloth?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 28 Mar 2015, 12:49
Beeeecause he wanted to stay out of the Trees??
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 29 Mar 2015, 00:48
Because he was covered in fir?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 29 Mar 2015, 12:48
Ow,ow,ow, I was cutting a block of wood and it slipped, a Sawtooth caught my knuckle and now I'm bleeding.

I'm sure that's a sharp pun, but it's going straight over my head. Like, I'm sure it cuts right to the core, but I'm ignorant. I'd ask for an explanation, but unless you could work in a woodworking pun, I'd feel like you were off-topic

Some woodworking tools are off-limits anyway, for example the banned saw.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Mar 2015, 13:52
I wouldn't fret it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 29 Mar 2015, 14:57
I saw what you did there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 29 Mar 2015, 17:10
Puns about about Forstner bits are so boring.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 29 Mar 2015, 18:03
That is plane to see.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 29 Mar 2015, 18:05
How boring. We should hold some drills to get people interested.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Mar 2015, 18:20
I wouldn't press the issue
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 29 Mar 2015, 18:28
We might have to call you Torque-mada otherwise.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 29 Mar 2015, 19:10
(http://i.imgur.com/phdeveG.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Mar 2015, 22:57
Mitre good saw there
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 30 Mar 2015, 07:02
You're all coping better than I expected with this.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 30 Mar 2015, 07:21
You're all coping better than I expected with this.

Calls for a jig, I think.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Mar 2015, 11:59
What's all the buzz about?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 30 Mar 2015, 15:16
We're just hacking away at the puns
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Mar 2015, 16:44
Ain't that the tooth!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 31 Mar 2015, 03:28
Brace yourselves, I have a filling this topic will not decay.
I've been to the dentist many times so I know the drill.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 31 Mar 2015, 05:33
Tomorrow is the first day of April, and here's what I plan to do.

Every morning, I will examine the weather maps, looking for patterns, driving to wherever is still sunny. I'll spend a fortune in gas over the next 30 days, but it will all be worth it, because we all know the saying: 'April showers bring May flowers.'

And I fucking hate pilgrims.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 31 Mar 2015, 06:34
So there will be no thanks giving from you for the pilgrims?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 31 Mar 2015, 08:19
I just find their whole outlook so... Puritanical, you know?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 31 Mar 2015, 09:26
I just find their whole outlook so... Puritanical, you know?

Sure, but some pine for the days when a young settler could take a break and play with his mutt under an elm or a mulberry... they think it was the acme of human existence.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 31 Mar 2015, 11:39
I just find their whole outlook so... Puritanical, you know?

Sure, but some pine for the days when a young settler could take a break and play with his mutt under an elm or a mulberry... they think it was the acme of human existence.

Huh, are arboreal puns poplar now? Tree whiz, never wood have guessed that
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 31 Mar 2015, 11:44
Pine, mutt, elm, and mulberry are all mail clients.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 31 Mar 2015, 14:24
So there will be no thanks giving from you for the pilgrims?

Never the Wayne shall meet.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 31 Mar 2015, 15:26
That's a bit Colt
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 31 Mar 2015, 16:03
Tried to come up with a better one, but I was shooting blanks.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 31 Mar 2015, 16:27
The caliber of the posts has suddenly declined.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 31 Mar 2015, 16:45
Right on the mark with that one, SubaruStephen. Bullseye.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 31 Mar 2015, 17:55
Bit Sharpe though
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Apr 2015, 06:45
Bit Sharpe though

Sean Bean a bit Stark, I think.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 01 Apr 2015, 06:52
He's a bit of a cleanskin.
Always ronin around trying to achieve equilibrium.
It takes a real golden eye to spot such a national treasure.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Apr 2015, 06:57
Good Lord of the Rings, you know your Sean Bean works! He's pretty prolific, I mean, we could play this Game of Thrones all day! 
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Apr 2015, 12:51
At least we're not going to make an outlaw out of you and send you far north.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Apr 2015, 12:56
At least we're not going to make an outlaw out of you and send you far north.

Long as I'm not walled in
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Apr 2015, 13:03
Naaaah, we'll just put you in the field and keep an airborne watch on you.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Apr 2015, 13:40
Where do the airborne come down, anyway? King's Landing?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 02 Apr 2015, 16:37
More often than not they land on a silent hill in the dark
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Apr 2015, 17:28
Silent hill, huh? I'm guessing I'm imprisoned nearby, then. Do I get a Playstation?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Apr 2015, 20:28
Silent hill, huh? I'm guessing I'm imprisoned nearby, then. Do I get a Playstation?

I'm upset that there hasn't been a response in so long. I didn't mean to X-box anyone out of the conversation. I'm not like, that much a controller. All this, it's just a game, boy, a game with words.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 02 Apr 2015, 20:36
I'd have posted sooner, but I was thinking of the dreamcast of a Questionable Content tv series.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Apr 2015, 21:19
Ouch, don't get too visualboy. There's gamesharks that live in these waters, and they can smell blood
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 02 Apr 2015, 21:20
Nobody expected video game puns, but that's just an example of the law of unnintendoed consequences.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Apr 2015, 21:22
I dunno, I'd Sega-d knows, anything could happen
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Apr 2015, 21:23
Long as no one makes a joke about a cartridge in a pear tree, I'm okay. I have weird childhood issues related to that, AND IT'S NOT FUCKING CHRISTMAS
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 02 Apr 2015, 22:49
That's no the gameboy
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 03 Apr 2015, 05:56
That's no the gameboy

Huh. N64 years, I never thought I'd see such hack
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 03 Apr 2015, 16:05
All these modern game systems use dedicated monitors these days, it's almost as if there's no more interest left Intellivision
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 03 Apr 2015, 16:13
Hey, with a dedicated display on your console, you can game behind the Commodedoor.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 Apr 2015, 16:30
Now we'll get a Blizzard of company names
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 03 Apr 2015, 17:03
It will be Epic.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 05 Apr 2015, 03:28
Well that came from out of nowhere.
I'm falling to pieces here.
Surprise you're dead I said to the zombie eaters.
Everyone knows that the real thing is underwater love but most don't find out until the morning after by which time the woodpecker from mars and the war pigs have appeared on the edge of the world.

.....
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 05 Apr 2015, 08:50
Wut?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 05 Apr 2015, 10:34
A series of Faith No More puns, IIRC. Though something may be Bungled in there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 Apr 2015, 11:19
It was a bit Zippy
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 05 Apr 2015, 12:03
You know, the other day, there was a ghost in my room. I didn't want him in here, so I asked him to leave. He refused to go. I told him if he didn't leave, I would beat the shit out of him. He still wouldn't go.

So kicked his phantom ass.

... :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 07:29
Spring has sprung, and after yesterday's Easter dinner, so has my the button on my pants.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Apr 2015, 12:00
Took it in your stride though by the sound of it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 12:02
Might seam that way, but it's pretty tear-able.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Apr 2015, 12:05
It could always become a ripping yarn old boy
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 12:08
Eh, I'm more of the mindset where I just want to cleave it alone. Seperate myself from the incident. The fabric of reality won't open up and swallow me for that, right?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Apr 2015, 12:11
So you just want the whole thing sewn up without leaving a patchy mark.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 12:19
That's knot what I said, but it's very true. Pinpoint accuracy, as usual, Kugai.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 13:08
Gotta say though, it's been needling me for a while...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 18:29
Harrumph. The stitching/sewing/fabric puns appear to failing in their purpose of holding this topic together. My attempts should be more sticky if they hope to adhere, so says my friend. Elmer's pretty good at this kind of thing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 18:32
I mean, he's not SUPER or anything, but he holds it together
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 06 Apr 2015, 20:29
I heard he was bit Crazy...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 21:01
I heard he was bit Crazy...

Nah, he's just a little stuck in his ways.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Apr 2015, 21:45
Can't allow yourself to get bogged down in things.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 06 Apr 2015, 21:49
Sorry I haven't been punning much lately. I've been swamped in things I have to do.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Apr 2015, 21:53
Long as you don't say good bayou'll be back eventually.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Apr 2015, 20:32
Buying the Europe discography in its original medium*... It's the vinyl countdown.


*this is a lie. I apologize to any hair metal fans out there, just... not my scene.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 07 Apr 2015, 22:13
Well, at least you're not going round in circles
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Apr 2015, 22:37
Well, at least you're not going round in circles

What can I say, I'm cassette in my ways!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 07 Apr 2015, 22:43
Just so long as things don't spiral out of control.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 09 Apr 2015, 19:00
Subject: Mexican food. Don't guac away. Taco 'bout it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 09 Apr 2015, 23:11
Nacho average food.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 10 Apr 2015, 01:21
If your house is cold, eat Mexican food. Use it fajitas.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 10 Apr 2015, 02:28
If your house is cold, eat Mexican food. Use it fajitas.

The internet is a wonderful place. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, you can use it to groan loudly at a pun made by someone on the other side of the world.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 10 Apr 2015, 02:38
If your house is cold, eat Mexican food. Use it fajitas.

The internet is a wonderful place. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, you can use it to groan loudly at a pun made by someone on the other side of the world.

These days the world really is like a disappointing fish and chips.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 10 Apr 2015, 04:36
These days the world really is like a disappointing fish and chips.
It's covered in oil, leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and makes you want to vomit?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: The Seldom Killer on 10 Apr 2015, 05:07
It's just a small plaice.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 10 Apr 2015, 08:02
It's just a small plaice.

*shaking my head*

I ought to smack you with a fish for that terrible pun, Mackerel example out of you.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: DSL on 10 Apr 2015, 09:01
Walleye oughta smack you off your perch.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 10 Apr 2015, 10:07
Be singing a different Tuna-fter I'm through with you! Different register, too, soprano instead of Bass.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 10 Apr 2015, 10:20
Pugelism, eh? Yer crucian for a bruisin. Hit me with your best shad. I bet you can't even leave a shiner on my cheek or bruise on my chinook.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 10 Apr 2015, 12:28
Pugelism, eh? Yer crucian for a bruisin. Hit me with your best shad. I bet you can't even leave a shiner on my cheek or bruise on my chinook.

Don't mess with me! If you're smaller than me, then I'd tell you to watch it, Shrimp.

If you're bigger then me... uh... Brains over Prawn?

This far down in the internet, things like this are kinda murky.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Apr 2015, 14:05
Looks at both of you with a Sergeant Major face.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 10 Apr 2015, 14:16
Looks at both of you with a Sergeant Major face.

HEY STOP THAT I AM A PRIVATE PERSON
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 10 Apr 2015, 14:22
But private eyes are watching you. They see your every move...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 10 Apr 2015, 14:23
Sleuthing around, are they? I've noticed just the one such Snoop, and he's totally a Dogg.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Apr 2015, 06:46
I'm at work and I just realized I forgot to take my attention medication. These things... they ADD up.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 15 Apr 2015, 10:03
So if the image of the old woman in a chair were done in wood instead of oil, would we call her Whittler's Mother?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Apr 2015, 11:36
So if the image of the old woman in a chair were done in wood instead of oil, would we call her Whittler's Mother?

Wooden you like to know
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 15 Apr 2015, 13:47
I dunno.. These puns are leaving me kind of flat. Maybe I'm just board with them, and pine-ing for something new?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 15 Apr 2015, 14:04
Well, if we spruce things up a bit maybe your bored feet will lumber along more quickly.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 15 Apr 2015, 14:36
So I say to my wife, "Now I gotta look up kinds of wood."
Wife: "Are you aspen me?"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 15 Apr 2015, 14:39
She laughs at my humor, but sometimes she thinks I'm a pain in the ash.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 15 Apr 2015, 15:26
Well, at least she gives a fig.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Apr 2015, 15:30
I can barely be-leaf it! People! Here! Puns! Oh, happy day!

I've been running low on punning possibilities as of late...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Apr 2015, 15:31
Or, if you're looking for a more concise wording, you'd just say I've been punning low
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 15 Apr 2015, 16:26
It doesn't take much to set off this group. It doesn't even have to be in this thread. We can derail other threads.

Well, at least she gives a fig.

After reading that to wife: "Orange'ou going to give a reply?"

We've only been married since October. I keep finding new reasons to keep her. She's no lemon.

Oh, and can you tell we're in Arizona?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Apr 2015, 17:19
Pear-y nice, Redbull, regarding everything that was said! Good for you, berry good!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 15 Apr 2015, 17:46
Corny jokes have their detractors, but personally I think they're amaizeing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 15 Apr 2015, 18:52
That makes a kernel of sense.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Apr 2015, 18:55
Cob on, you're just buttering Madness up now!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 15 Apr 2015, 21:11
I don't mind it. The conversation is really starting to pop now.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 15 Apr 2015, 21:22
A harvest of corn-y puns, interesting combine.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Apr 2015, 05:36
Shucks, this is getting started again, ain't it?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 16 Apr 2015, 08:57
I know... going back to this well shows true grits. Maybe we should have asked the thread whether we wanted to... in a polenta.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 16 Apr 2015, 09:07
To be fair, vegetable puns are a pretty big field. There is a lot of potential sprouting there, just waiting to be harvested.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 16 Apr 2015, 09:17
Considering the origin of this, I think I'm up a tree.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Apr 2015, 10:42
Redbull, just please, don't make like a tree. Do not leaf.

Vegetables, though, don't want to squash this option. Farming in general, lettuce say things till the well runs dry! We can use this as a chance to weed out the weaker seeds among us, thin the patch a bit!*

*Let's please not, this was a joke. We need as many people as possible. People who carrot all.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 16 Apr 2015, 11:29
Peas in our time. That's all I'm asking for.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Apr 2015, 15:06
Let's hope it sprouts up all round and we can squash any negativity.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 16 Apr 2015, 15:21
Don't give up hope, Kugal; something will turnip.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Apr 2015, 15:23
This thread has been peppered with controversy,  at times it's been difficult to mustard up the  courage to say more things. Why? Uh, none of your business! *

*to be pronounced: Onion of ya business
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Apr 2015, 15:42
Don't give up hope, Kugal; something will turnip.

I'll just keep ploughing on then  :-D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Apr 2015, 16:02
Just don't beet yourself up over it
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Apr 2015, 18:29
This has all bean well and good, but Lima take a break until the urge returns. It will likely be soon.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 16 Apr 2015, 19:43
Careful, if you take a too short a break, you can get re-fried.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Apr 2015, 20:11
At least he hasn't done a runner.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Apr 2015, 21:21
Oof, I mean, maybe I got a black eye (-d pea) but I'm not abandoning the thread! Not like y'all stole my kidney or anything! If you think I'm gone so fast, y'all don't know Jack!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Apr 2015, 07:00
Snap, y'all didn't make any more puns while I was asleep. I'm running low on bean varieties, I'll have to ask my fava, seeing as we grow some around my house.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 17 Apr 2015, 10:17
Well, there's always coffee beans, or is that off by a latte?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Apr 2015, 11:36
Oof, now you're mocha me crave caffeine. Stoppit, I need to be able to sleep tonight, I gotta be up early tomorrow.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 17 Apr 2015, 12:43
Personally, I think you're full of beans. Unless you just didn't espresso yourself well.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Apr 2015, 12:46
Don't french press the isue, yeah? Record store day, I gotta drive an hour to get to a good store! Leaving at 7 AM, I'm hardly ever even UP that early! Gotta grind though, if I'm gonna get the good stuff!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 17 Apr 2015, 13:01
Hope you got the crema the crop.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Apr 2015, 13:15
It's gonna be rainy, but at least the roads won't be iced. Can't be lait if I want to get the good stuff. (If I don't get what I'm looking for, I'll still probably find something else good) Got three stops for record, so my time in each shop will be breve, but I'm planning to make it count
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Apr 2015, 13:37
Just so you manage to filter out the dregs and get what you want.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Apr 2015, 13:40
I've never actually driven in the city before, I figured RSD was grounds for a new thing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Apr 2015, 12:45
Just be Robusta about your driving.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Apr 2015, 13:32
It's all good, traffic was light. Blended in just fine, got home before dark.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Apr 2015, 14:36
All the driving, though, by the end I was pretty tired. Didn't crash, so not a total disaster.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Apr 2015, 16:39
(http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/yes/two-thumbs-up-smiley-emoticon.gif)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Apr 2015, 17:43
Thumbs up? Eh, pretty handy gesture
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 20 Apr 2015, 18:47
Did you hear about the group of west coast ride sharing aficionados and lobbists who had their vacation in Southeast Asia ruined when real Sarin gas was accidentally used in a historical war reenactment, causing massive civil unrest which lead to the flipping over of the only multi-person vehicle in the country?

The newspaper headline was "California Über Allies's Holiday in Cambodia ends in Chemical Warfare, Riot and destruction of a Police Truck"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 20 Apr 2015, 19:37
 :facepalm:

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/204/500103721_4aae8d436a.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Apr 2015, 19:52
Did you hear about the group of west coast ride sharing aficionados and lobbists who had their vacation in Southeast Asia ruined when real Sarin gas was accidentally used in a historical war reenactment causing massive civil unrest which lead to the flipping over of the only multi-person vehicle in the country?

The newspaper headline was "California Über Allies's Holiday in Cambodia ends in Chemical Warfare, Riot and destruction of a Police Truck"

Call me Kennedy, because I am DEAD
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Apr 2015, 19:58
Are we doing punk-themed stuff now? I wouldn't want to X out the possibility for FEAR there could be chances for more than I know, but I don't know if we could keep that up for long before we clash...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Apr 2015, 20:30
:facepalm:

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/204/500103721_4aae8d436a.jpg)

I'm sorry, that's just WRONG on so many levels
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 20 Apr 2015, 20:34
Are we doing punk-themed stuff now? I wouldn't want to X out the possibility for FEAR there could be chances for more than I know, but I don't know if we could keep that up for long before we clash...

Well I'll be Damned. I'm sure there's a Killing Joke in there somewhere, unless someone gets touchy about their Public Image or otherwise ends up in a Jam.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 Apr 2015, 08:07
Well I'll be Damned. I'm sure there's a Killing Joke in there somewhere, unless someone gets touchy about their Public Image or otherwise ends up in a Jam.

My real concern is that punk rock fans tend to be Misfits, their Offspring even more so. Descendants of punk rockers tend to be pretty Rancid. Lots of Germs, in my experience
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 21 Apr 2015, 08:36
These punk puns are only a Minor Threat. You'd have to have a Glassjaw not to be able to put up with it.

Honestly, some other people on this forum tried to convince me to participate in this thread and I Refused.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 Apr 2015, 09:00
Yeah Yeah Yeah, don't be Crass. People who refuse to visit here are being Exploited and we need to gather them up, smother them in word play. I'd joke about being cunning linguists to them, but that might be sexual harassment
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Aziraphale on 21 Apr 2015, 09:17
It's all fun and games 'til someone gets 999 on the Wire... Either that or the thread devolves into a Circle Jerk.

Surprised to see Gareth here, incidentally. It seems like it's usually just the Gang of Four.

Okay, enough out of me. Time to rest my Stiff Little Fingers.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 Apr 2015, 10:25
Aziraphale, I know you're not trying to be confrontational, but it would seem you're trying Rise Against the idea of other people joining our small group of Stooges.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Apr 2015, 16:38
Whyayeautta .............
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Apr 2015, 11:49
Whyayeautta .............

Knucklehead. (COMBINATION OF THREE STOOGES REFERENCE THAT IS ALSO A CANADIAN PUNK GROUP)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 May 2015, 19:32
Wtf guys, my wi-fi goes out for seven days and y'all just let this thread die? Week.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 05 May 2015, 19:46
:clairedoge:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 May 2015, 20:20
DO NOT DOGE THE QUESTION, METHOD WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 May 2015, 20:20
*Makes Puppydog Eyes*
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 May 2015, 20:25
I see through your shih tzu! Don't play games with me, boy, I mastered puppy dog eyes at an early age! I know their power and they do not work on me!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 May 2015, 20:32
Cerberus!


Actually, I've been doing more FanFic Reading, YouTubing and FBing anyway
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 May 2015, 20:35
Cerberus!

Hey, you started the Hades, not me. By Zeus, if you get struck by lightning, I wouldn't shocked. Upset, yes, surprised, no.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 May 2015, 20:35
I'll be Chariotable then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 May 2015, 20:44
From Greece to Italy, I see you're Roman around quite a bit! Who are you, Alexander? Here to Hellenistic Period and back with you!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Half Empty Coffee Cup on 05 May 2015, 21:17
From Greece to Italy, I see you're Roman around quite a bit! Who are you, Alexander? Here to Hellenistic Period and back with you!
Quite an odyssey you take in your quest to hector each other. Are you going to keep troying until you've dragged the conversation to Paris?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 May 2015, 21:36
From Greece to Italy, I see you're Roman around quite a bit! Who are you, Alexander? Here to Hellenistic Period and back with you!
Quite an odyssey you take in your quest to hector each other. Are you going to keep troying until you've dragged the conversation to Paris?

Speaking Illiad of your neighbor, I see. Just you wait until the chickens come Homer to roost
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 05 May 2015, 21:40
The puns that launched a thousand ships...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 May 2015, 21:44
The puns that launched a thousand ships...

Oh Helen, bringing that up again. (I sound like an old codger, talking shit to his wife for that one, but I swear, it's a pun on "oh hell," not a sexist thing at all, which sounds like something a sexist asshat would say, I know, but you gotta believe me on this)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 05 May 2015, 22:52
So you're saying that it's your Achilles heel?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 May 2015, 09:33
So you're saying that it's your Achilles heel?

You know, I Troy and I Troy, but these things keep coming up again
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 May 2015, 14:07
Just a Phalanx of problems
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 May 2015, 14:32
Not so well shielded, eh? Build up a wall around yourself; it's emotionally unhealthy as hell, but you'll be safe, so long as you beware of Greeks bearing gifts. The Trojans wouldve been much better off if no one ever told them not to look a gift horse in the mouth
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 07 May 2015, 00:17
But at least you don't have to Hector them
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 May 2015, 09:11
Yeah, hectoring Trojans just ends badly, like being-dragged-around-the-walls-of-the-city kind of bad.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 10 May 2015, 23:28
Have you noticed that you never see big cats wearing mirrorshades?

There's a reason. Mirroshades are opaque.

"You can't hide, your lion eyes"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 11 May 2015, 02:45
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 May 2015, 07:14
I think working as a rock climbing instructor is the only time it's okay to be hungover at work, in the literal sense, I mean.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 May 2015, 14:14
Belay that
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 May 2015, 14:35
I will not. The idea rappells me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 11 May 2015, 15:55
Well, hang in there and don't tie yourself into knots.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 May 2015, 16:35
You know, I meant to make that exact pun in my last post? Luckily, I had a foothold in a different pun, so it worked out
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 12 May 2015, 16:39
At least you had a foot up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 May 2015, 19:29
You might say I was hanging on by my fingertips
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 May 2015, 00:11
So, not a mission impossible then.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 13 May 2015, 00:15
such a thing would take a few good men.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 May 2015, 14:05
As long as they're not expendable
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 16 May 2015, 08:09
Quote
so two sisters inherit a ranch. they decide to work on it a bit and after a while realize that they need a bull in order to help them around the place. so they gather together all the spare money they have—around four hundred dollars—and one sister looks at listings online and finds a man a while away who’s got a bull to sell. she decides that she’ll travel down to see him alone and tells her sister that she’ll send a telegram so that the sister can drive down with their truck if they are able to get the bull.

so the sister eventually reaches the man who’s selling his bull and asks what his price will be. he says, “listen. I won’t take a dollar less than three hundred and ninety-nine dollars.” so the sister agrees and pays him the amount, leaving her with one dollar. then she goes to the post office and asks to send a telegram back to her sister to let her know that she’s got the bull so her sister should come and pick them up. but when she asks the person at the counter, they tell her that the telegram costs a dollar per word. the sister only has one dollar so she picks a word carefully and sends the telegram.

what word does she pick?
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 18 May 2015, 12:57
(http://41.media.tumblr.com/aeac379351fb7ecc284f11e386ec763d/tumblr_nod3kdi7GP1tv0pt7o1_1280.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 May 2015, 15:01
(http://41.media.tumblr.com/aeac379351fb7ecc284f11e386ec763d/tumblr_nod3kdi7GP1tv0pt7o1_1280.jpg)

Trick question, it was their father, who's name they never knew, hence the question mark.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 20 May 2015, 17:01
https://twitter.com/pundamentalism/status/600289777322168320
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 20 May 2015, 17:50
Weird, it wouldn't embed. Anyway, here's the text from that tweet.

[courtroom] "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair. What happens next will shock you."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 May 2015, 14:43
What a revoltin' development
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 21 May 2015, 17:16
I dunno, it's kinda static for them really.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 May 2015, 17:21
Really? Seems pretty electrifying to me
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 21 May 2015, 18:06
That's because you weren't in charge.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 May 2015, 19:41
That's because you weren't in charge.

Oh, ZAP! Damage DONE!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 21 May 2015, 19:50
ESL students need a magazine with monthly tips on when to use "a" and "the".

They would swear they only read it for the articles.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 May 2015, 15:35
Aaaand the Thread comes to a crashing halt.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 22 May 2015, 17:32
I would definitely read it for the articles, for an indefinite period. Until I came to a full stop.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 May 2015, 19:47
Aaaand the Thread comes to a crashing halt.

STOP! Grammar Time
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 May 2015, 22:53
I'd make a comment about Puffy Pants, but that'd be just cruel.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 May 2015, 23:16
I'd make a comment about Puffy Pants, but that'd be just cruel.

Cruel? Mean is average.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 23 May 2015, 10:22
That post was a bit out of range.

Maybe we should try a different mode.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 May 2015, 10:30
That post was a bit out of range.

Maybe we should try a different mode.

That's the point. Maybe we should co-ordinate better, map things out?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 23 May 2015, 10:39
Sounds a little bit scattered.

I don't want a piece of this pie. Maybe we should chart-er a jet to the nearest bar.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 23 May 2015, 11:16
I'm not sure I want to deviate much from standard means, though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 May 2015, 12:33
Don't worry, we won't get TOO graphic
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 23 May 2015, 14:14
https://twitter.com/chris_gammell/status/602189136540377088

Quote
Before you could only buy high ohm resistors. Now you have to legally swear you'll resist getting high on ohms.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CFtn0xqWYAAqkeW.jpg:large)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 May 2015, 15:02
Ohm: resisting the flow.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 24 May 2015, 14:18
So, this distribution curve hires a therapist and says "Am I normal?"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 25 May 2015, 08:22
I don't go in for meditation though. I have a great resistance to ohms.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 May 2015, 14:29
But he always makes it right!!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 25 May 2015, 20:46
A man called Ian goes to see a psychiatrist, and asks "Am I normal?"

"That's what I'd guess, Ian."

Edit: Perhaps better would be:

"Your guess, Ian."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 25 May 2015, 22:13
I'd give you a thumbs down, but since you're in Australia you'd mistake if for a thumbs up.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 25 May 2015, 22:13
Can someone explain the Ian one to me? I don't get it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: celticgeek on 25 May 2015, 22:18
gaussian.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 26 May 2015, 03:23
No, actually I'm a German-Irish mix...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 26 May 2015, 05:59
Ian's girlfriend is named Lauren. She's definitely the boss of him, so much that he calls himself Lauren's Ian.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 26 May 2015, 12:34
How do you train someone to like beer?

(click to show/hide)

This message is coming from Tapatalk inside my phone!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 May 2015, 16:20
That was an aleing pun
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 26 May 2015, 16:22
Well, if you think you can do bitter, you should hop right to it. I'll just be over there, thinking and letting things ferment before my puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 May 2015, 16:28
I just prefer to see the larger picture and be stout about it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 26 May 2015, 16:42
Beer is the cure and what ales you!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 26 May 2015, 17:43
I just prefer to see the larger picture and be stout about it.

Long as you don't bottle it up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 27 May 2015, 00:29
it's best to tap into your emotions.
this sometimes results in them coming to a head and pouring out.

it took me a while to draught this reply up.
it really had me over a barrel.
if it's unsuitable i could brew a new one that i can serve up.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 May 2015, 10:41
All this talk of alcohol got me foaming at the mouth
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 27 May 2015, 17:26
cujo have rabies?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 May 2015, 17:40
That was a biteing remark.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 May 2015, 18:01
Suckers, you fell straight into my change of subject! Fangs very much!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 27 May 2015, 18:19
Woof. That was a dog of a move.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 May 2015, 18:32
It was a bit hairy. Barking mad, even.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 27 May 2015, 19:24
the tooth hurts.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 May 2015, 19:27
Well go to the dentist! Not to drill you or anything, but cone on!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 27 May 2015, 19:42
i can't go yet.
i have to wait until 2:30.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 May 2015, 19:46
Aw, they put a cap on the open slots? Come on, dentist offices, clean up your schedule!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 May 2015, 19:52
My dentist runs a gun range, actually. Spends the day placing caps, spends the nights busting them. Kind of a racket (he lives next door and his guns are loud. Pretty sure I'm half deaf thanks to him)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 27 May 2015, 20:10
kind of give new meaning to the expression "shoot your mouth off".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 May 2015, 22:28
He's pretty outspoken about gun rights, a real spitfire, making these long lists of reasons everyone should own a gun. Gave me one after I had a cavity filled. So many bullet-points, man
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 28 May 2015, 14:40
A machine gunned list I take it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 28 May 2015, 19:07
Pretty much. He's what you might call insensitive, not afraid to drop a bombshell on innocent civilians, very up and atom sort of fellow.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 May 2015, 16:34
Sounds like a bit of a tallboy to me and determined to go for a grand slam as well.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 29 May 2015, 18:11
If you're going for a grand slam, you need to go over easy. You don't want to pancake, or you'll lose your bacon and that list will be ground into sausage. I've seen it happen to Dennys.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 29 May 2015, 19:36
Oh, Denny's.

I went there once, ordered soup.

They forgot the broth.

Soup was terrible, but I mean, it wasn't bad. Can't complain, they did create peas in our thyme.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Jun 2015, 23:21
Dammit, I just posted four groups of terrible puns on a cute girl's facebook post.

What have you done to me, four-ums*

*oh, god, I'm sorry. It was coincidence, not my original intent. I came to complain, nothing more
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Jun 2015, 23:22
That doesn't count against me, does it? The shitty number pun? That would be two much.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Jun 2015, 23:23
I'm a three man, aren't I? In a three country? Three-dom!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 07 Jun 2015, 04:41
You're punning so fast, people might think your days were numbered.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Jun 2015, 05:05
Nah, just four-tified.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Metope on 07 Jun 2015, 09:47
Triple posting is a little over the top, better watch out if you don't want to be punished.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 07 Jun 2015, 12:45
I don't think we'd be that PUNitive.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 07 Jun 2015, 12:46
Nothing like that would ever happun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Jun 2015, 13:42
That's a relief. It would be awk-word...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 07 Jun 2015, 16:46
What Cesium sed.  Now I'm starting to get a grep on this whole pun thing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Jun 2015, 16:54
What Cesium sed.  Now I'm starting to get a grep on this whole pun thing.

File that away for future reference. Data could be useful
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 08 Jun 2015, 01:55
Pun-sequitur:

I've got to stop pushing nuns in the mud.

Filthy habit.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 08 Jun 2015, 03:03
Now. Now.
We'll have nun of that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 08 Jun 2015, 15:12
Yeah, we're fairly conventional here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 08 Jun 2015, 15:20
I think we've had just Abbot enough of this nunsence.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 08 Jun 2015, 16:27
In other news, my big, black flashdrive o' porn is missing again. This keeps happening, it's totally fucked. I'm doing my best to reproduce the contents of it, though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 08 Jun 2015, 19:12
We'll have to wait and see if the message here really penetrates my thick skull, I guess. I need some kind of protection to stop this shit happening. I'm just worried if I set a system in place, everyone's gonna start accusing me of being anal with my porn collection
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 11 Jun 2015, 12:55
Quote
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
“I think it’s raining,” says the man.
“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.
“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!” exclaims the man. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”
“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 11 Jun 2015, 12:59
I like it, but shouldn't it be Leningrad?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Jun 2015, 16:04
Stalin for time are we?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 11 Jun 2015, 17:08
The inaccuracy is why I can't give it full Marx.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 11 Jun 2015, 20:11
you guys are biCzar.

i was russian that one, i hope it's ok.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Jun 2015, 20:42
I won't Beriya a grudge
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Jun 2015, 20:49
See, I'm trying to think of something in this theme, but the only Russian things I'm familiar with are the dolls, Anastasia, and vodka.

The first just seems so many layers of fake. The second, I'd rather not try and bring back the dead. The third just seems whiskey.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 11 Jun 2015, 21:01
You could consider making some Olympic puns, but those would be Sochi-p.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Jun 2015, 21:11
Oh, I have a mountain of Olympic puns, so many they run circles around a 400M track. Let me go that direction, you're removing SO many goshdang hurdles. Take a shot, put (shotput) yourself out there, try me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: celticgeek on 11 Jun 2015, 21:36
Are you trying for a Homer run?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Jun 2015, 23:54
Double that, you'd be right on base. Batting a thousand, as they say.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 12 Jun 2015, 06:42
That' s juuuuuuust a bit outside.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 12 Jun 2015, 07:50
I protest. These ball puns are absolutely foul.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 12 Jun 2015, 07:57
You're just chicken.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Jun 2015, 08:05

I protest. These ball puns are absolutely foul.

Really? I thought we knocked them out the park!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 12 Jun 2015, 09:09
You're just chicken.
A line drive got sent toward me, but I managed to duck.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Masterpiece on 12 Jun 2015, 12:03
What do you get when there's no more coffee?

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Jun 2015, 12:59
What do you get when there's no more coffee?

(click to show/hide)

Hold up, how the hell is there no coffee?

Why would you let it get that bad?

I've bean in tough times before, but that you'd let it go so far, that grinds my gears! French presses my buttons, you know? Caffeine is Shrek.

Shrek is love.
Shrek is life.

How could you not have coffee?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 12 Jun 2015, 16:56
Indeed, I'd be a hasbean without it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Jun 2015, 18:05
Maybe I'm milking this, but I do consider food based puns of all varieties to be the cream of the crop.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 12 Jun 2015, 21:59
A Toast to you then  :)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Jun 2015, 05:32
Gjad you're not jelly; we'd be in a bit if a jam if that happened. It's butter this way
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 13 Jun 2015, 13:28
Oh, this topic is still around?

There's Nutella-ing how long it'll last
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 Jun 2015, 14:31
We don't do this for Peanuts, nor to butter people up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Jun 2015, 14:55
Oh, this topic is still around?

There's Nutella-ing how long it'll last

Trying to start a beef? Or just egging us on for no reason?
Come at me, bro, I'll scramble you!

This topic has the shelf-life of a goddamn Twinkie.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 Jun 2015, 15:14
I see I've been sandwiched.

That takes the Bacon.  Still, lets Egg this on.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Jun 2015, 15:58
Long as no one starts wine-ing, we'll be fine. We don't need to be walking on eggshells here. I ham feeling very positive about this.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 Jun 2015, 22:21
Well, the steaks aren't that high, though I may be looking at this with a glazed perception
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Jun 2015, 22:35
No, you're not imagining. It's a piece of cake, doing this. Beer in this thread, we spout off with no difficulty.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 Jun 2015, 22:36
A stout perception there

Guinness me, we're on a roll too!!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 13 Jun 2015, 22:38
Puns are definitely a-bun-dant. Rye, it's like they're falling from the sky!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 14 Jun 2015, 12:48
Whisky?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Jun 2015, 16:43
Whisky?

I'm unsure what you're saying here. Are my pun-detection skills sub par tonight? This whole thing is getting corny. Is my opinion, and I think there's a kernel of truth in that
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 15 Jun 2015, 00:16
Sorry I got a bit corny, lets pop on with other things then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Jun 2015, 03:07
Better than boiling over. Let's let things simer, shall we?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 15 Jun 2015, 14:33
Well, that's that sauteed then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Jun 2015, 17:26
Well, that's that sauteed then

 Things got a bit dicey, but things panned out okay. Out of the frying pan, and onto the beautifully-prepared plate for presentation, as per the plan
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 15 Jun 2015, 17:51
yes, things Tourné-d out pretty well. Carré on.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Jun 2015, 21:27
I thought we were toast, but crumb on, we're stronger than that! We're a well-bread bunch.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 16 Jun 2015, 05:48
Don't try to butter us up. You can't get out of a jam that easily.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 10:16
It was worth a fry
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 16 Jun 2015, 10:28
Oh don't worry. Some of your puns may be half-baked this is true. But you're not a bad egg. Lettuce put all of this behind us and just roll on.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 10:30
I'll ketchup soon enough.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 10:30
Mayo predictions prove true
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 16 Jun 2015, 13:21
We'll all relish that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 14:10
Glad to beer I don't have to bottle up my feelings anymore
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 16 Jun 2015, 14:31
Absolutely... if you mash that stuff down deep in your soul it'll make you hopping mad and bitter at the same time.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Jun 2015, 16:59
There's a lager issue there I think.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 17:41
There's a lager issue there I think.

Ale be the judge of that!

...

I'll be gin-tle. You could do bitter. Come bock with something more whisky, or your ass is glass

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 16 Jun 2015, 17:43
Don't be such a grump.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 18:11
I'll wine if I want! Dunkel the vibe!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 18:11
Tequila this would be criminal
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 16 Jun 2015, 19:16
As long as you're living the High Life, I don't think you have a problem.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 20:11
Look, I mean, while you ARE my Bud,weiser people have said different. Samuel, Adams, both those fucks would argue with you. I figure it's fine just stein where I am.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 16 Jun 2015, 20:47
If they're not friends with us, you can just Harpoon them for all I care. We all go Weyerbacher.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jun 2015, 21:33
Such unshakeable bonds are to be commended (get it? Like cocktail shaker?)

Some friends, though, turn out bad. Booze to them. Theor life is in the middle of a  in a cockTail-spin, that they may or may not come out of alive.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Jun 2015, 23:27
Dammit Jim, Beam me up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 17 Jun 2015, 06:20
Tell your buddy Johnny to keep on walking.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 17 Jun 2015, 12:24
My car has a flat. Got a jack, Daniels?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Jun 2015, 13:23
No, but I got a screwdriver.

Sorry, maybe we can go all Macgyver on this, get something hammered out
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Jun 2015, 14:44
We'll get this one nailed before we all become board
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 17 Jun 2015, 14:47
"The Donald" running for president reminds me of a story from when I was in grad school. One of the guys in the lab went to Chicago to attend his sister's wedding. While he was there he stayed at Trump Tower and kept the key from his room after he left. After that, I only played spades a few more times. He always had a Trump card.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Jun 2015, 15:04
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oShTJ90fC34
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Jun 2015, 20:48
Eh. Too rich for my blood
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Jun 2015, 22:42
Just vamp it up then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 18 Jun 2015, 06:39
Just vamp it up then

Eh, from what I've seen and heard, vampires suck. Being a werewolf sounds like a howling good time, at least.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 Jun 2015, 18:42
When it comes to hatchet brands, I'm extremely picky. Only the best, no axe-ceptions. Anything less wood not be cool.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Jun 2015, 23:07
I saw what you did there
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 21 Jun 2015, 23:30
talk about hammering home a point.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Jun 2015, 23:32
That's a fact Jack
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 30 Jun 2015, 20:10
nailed it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Jun 2015, 20:36
Here, I thought this thread was screwed
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 30 Jun 2015, 20:45
You're all nuts. I'm going to bolt for the door.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Jun 2015, 20:56
Are we nuts? You really wanna drill so deep into our collective psyche?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 30 Jun 2015, 20:59
I would, but I have to collet rather boring. I'll be milling around over there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Jun 2015, 21:19
Milling? You're barley stumbling.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Jul 2015, 14:20
And the Thread trips in a new direction
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Jul 2015, 15:01
Call us Liam; we don't stay with One Direction.
(I hate myself already)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 01 Jul 2015, 17:14
You're not quite N'Sync with things here.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 01 Jul 2015, 17:19
Not quite a burn, its a mere 98 degrees.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 01 Jul 2015, 17:21
I was rather disappointed with Thanksgiving dinner. We had Limp Bizkits.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 01 Jul 2015, 17:24
The Korn was none too fresh, either.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 01 Jul 2015, 17:47
But afterwards we went out Smashing Pumpkins, so that was kind of fun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 01 Jul 2015, 17:51
It was the best day ever, it was so much fun that we reached Nirvana.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Jul 2015, 18:04
That was you, Neko-Ali? Come on, we were using soundgarden-ing techniques, and you had to mess it up?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Jul 2015, 18:18
Maybe she needs to be put in an Iron Maiden
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Jul 2015, 18:44
That would be the Genesis of a new era, one built on torture, one I could never support in good faith. Surely we can find a compromise, some Oasis of goodwill towards each other?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Jul 2015, 20:09
That would make a Crowded House
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Jul 2015, 20:35
Seems a Simple Plan
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 01 Jul 2015, 21:31
What about Simple Minds?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 01 Jul 2015, 23:55
What about Simple Minds?
they're naughty by nature.

what we really need is a new order.

everything else is just a whisper in the noise.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 02 Jul 2015, 00:15
Look, I don't give a Flock of Seagulls about all this.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Jul 2015, 06:43
Well then! Have I shown you The Doors?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 02 Jul 2015, 07:53
No, but I'll make like a Rolling Stone and (Fly)leaf.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Jul 2015, 08:07
That'll be difficult, seeing as we've locked the door! Here, you'll need the Black Keys
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 02 Jul 2015, 09:47
Can I borrow these Black Keys? I'm off on a Journey. I need to follow these White Stripes to go see the Queen.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 02 Jul 2015, 11:23
She's probably on a 'Walkabout'.  Don't worry though, I'm sure the BBC will cross to her Link in Park
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 02 Jul 2015, 14:31
Okay, that was a stretch, Yes?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 02 Jul 2015, 14:39
Maybe. Who am I to judge, though?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 02 Jul 2015, 14:45
I've got an extensive road trip planned for Independence Day. Going to Chicago, Boston, Alabama, and Kansas.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 02 Jul 2015, 14:52
In other words, all over America.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 02 Jul 2015, 16:23
It's a Big Country.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Jul 2015, 16:52
Just as long as you're looking at the trip with Bright Eyes, it'll be okay
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 02 Jul 2015, 16:58
if it doesn't end in megadeth, it'll be megafaun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Jul 2015, 17:37
Don't try to Spoon-feed me such silliness.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 02 Jul 2015, 18:06
what if i used a Grinspoon?

sorry. i took a bit of a Chicane there and it all became a bit of a Blur.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 02 Jul 2015, 19:25
So you got so dizzy you were seeing a Vertical Horizon?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 02 Jul 2015, 19:58
it was a real Oddjob.
i was away with the Pixies for a while there.
i thought at first it was the Morphine, but that turned out to be a Placebo.

and now i've put on My Morning Jacket and i'm heading out into the the Golden Smog.


EDIT: i have just noticed that instead of one, i now have two Stars.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 02 Jul 2015, 19:58
With all that traveling, I just hope his Motorhead don't blow up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 02 Jul 2015, 20:04
if it does, you'll have to take it to Mike & The Mechanics.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Jul 2015, 20:44
I just hope it's fun. Whatever it is, I hope it is fun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 02 Jul 2015, 21:54
With all that traveling, I just hope his Motorhead don't blow up

If it does I can swap it with a Apollo440 c.i. v8 for him.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 02 Jul 2015, 23:55
With all that traveling, I just hope his Motorhead don't blow up

If it does I can swap it with a Apollo440 c.i. v8 for him.

he might prefer a 78 saab.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 Jul 2015, 17:09
I'd prefer a Range Rover
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 03 Jul 2015, 20:02
I'd prefer a Range Rover

Question is, can you af-Ford one? Feel free to Dodge the question, I'm aware it's gauche to talk money amongst friendly strangers. I'm Audi.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 03 Jul 2015, 22:18
i'm barely Holden on with all these puns.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 04 Jul 2015, 08:09
Me too, I've never been scuba diving, but I think all these puns are giving me the Benz.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 04 Jul 2015, 08:23
Be careful with that; you don't want to be KIA.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 04 Jul 2015, 08:38
That would be quite the Saab story, if you forgot your Scubaru equipment.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 04 Jul 2015, 15:50
Better to be Hyundai than that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 04 Jul 2015, 16:44
There's been a few Noble efforts, but mostly there's a Lada bad car puns in this thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 04 Jul 2015, 17:10
Sorry, car based puns aren't exactly in my wheelhouse
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 04 Jul 2015, 19:27
Wheelhouse?
Water you talking a boat?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 04 Jul 2015, 21:23
Sorry, I'm rather stream of conscience.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 04 Jul 2015, 21:35
I guess I should come up with another water themed pun oar I'll be asked to leave.
Canoe see what I'm saying?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 04 Jul 2015, 21:36
It appears you've made quite a splash.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 05 Jul 2015, 00:34
So I sea.
I guess the quay to a good water themed pun is to harbour only ideas that are worth a dam and to send all others down the drain.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 Jul 2015, 04:36
I don't give a dam about 'good' water-based puns! If you haven't noticed, I'm more a qauntity over quality guy in this respect. The pool of possibilities is only so big, why not try to exhaust it entirely?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 Jul 2015, 14:32
No need to Barque at us about it though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 Jul 2015, 15:08
Just trying to bridge the gap in knowledge, is all. Wave goodbye to misunderstandings, I have corrected them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Jul 2015, 00:19
Hope you were able to Ketch the humor in my Post though  :)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 06 Jul 2015, 02:05
i did, Yawl.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Jul 2015, 13:53
That's Wherry good then.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 06 Jul 2015, 15:34
I sea what you did there.
Ferry clever.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Jul 2015, 16:39
Wheel keeps on turning...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Jul 2015, 18:01
I'll just keep on paddling then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Jul 2015, 18:13
It gets hard after too long. Canoe do it, you think?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 06 Jul 2015, 18:49
it's worth a Punt.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Jul 2015, 19:16
Just barge in and try it
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Jul 2015, 20:53
Not if you get Tuged out of the way.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Jul 2015, 05:38
Glad to hear you wouldn't sloop to such a level
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 07 Jul 2015, 06:06
Now come on people. You know the rules about shipping on this forum. Surely you don't want this thread to be sunk, do you?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 07 Jul 2015, 06:19
This thread's Junk anyway.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Jul 2015, 08:40
Yawl don't need to be so rude!*

I'm a-boat done anyway.

*
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 07 Jul 2015, 15:59
I think there might be a few more miles to the Galleon to go before we hit the reef.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Jul 2015, 16:20
I dunno, I seem to have hit a Great Barrier
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 07 Jul 2015, 17:07
It's not that bad, at least you didn't end up in the Showdown At the O.K. Coral.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 07 Jul 2015, 17:44
you would have been surrounded by anemones if you did.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 07 Jul 2015, 23:49
All these worries, they octopi my mind, concerning me, and you people keep beinging them up! Do you sea the problem? You geyser just being mean, with high-motion waters!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 08 Jul 2015, 15:25
There just Basking in the glory of their puns chaos, I wouldn't let that get to you.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 09 Jul 2015, 04:32
Basking, eh? Sun, I try not to be so sensitive, but it flares up sometimes, burns me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 09 Jul 2015, 15:55
At least you didn't Flare up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 09 Jul 2015, 16:11
There's no need to be sensitive, calm down. Here, have a Corona Light.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 09 Jul 2015, 17:03
I prefer my Beer Dark, Matters not though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 09 Jul 2015, 17:24
If you're trying to keep me here a little lager, ale stay around a while.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 10 Jul 2015, 16:41
I'm glad you are and are not being Bitter about it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 10 Jul 2015, 18:20
Vodka'd I do, just abandon puns? Sounds whiskey.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 10 Jul 2015, 18:30
I am being given a hangover bai-jiu (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baijiu) making these drink puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 10 Jul 2015, 18:55
Oh... Am I making a glass of myself?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 10 Jul 2015, 20:53
No, that would really blow. You'd melt, then get all bent out of shape.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 10 Jul 2015, 21:47
Don't vase my time with this pottery/glass/ceramics-shaping wordplay. Cool down, you're kiln me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Jul 2015, 16:29
*Glazes in wonder at the change in direction*
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Jul 2015, 19:14
Wheel, it's not the most difficult thing. I could do this all clay
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Jul 2015, 20:43
Unless we slip into something else I would tend to agree.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 11 Jul 2015, 21:05
I'd say we were just getting fired up, but I dunno, I'm running out quickly...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 11 Jul 2015, 22:58
(http://i.imgur.com/2K4SI40.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 12 Jul 2015, 10:00
Professor Oak offered me Bulbasaur, Squirtle, or Charmander, but I went with none of them. I'm pretty Pika-choosy when it comes to my pokemon.

I apologize, I'm high and Pokemon are involved with my day because Netflix. I couldn't not share.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 12 Jul 2015, 15:29
Dang, I miss Brisco County, Jr.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 12 Jul 2015, 20:19
we seem to be all over the place at the moment, so here...

(http://i.imgur.com/aZaZclO.gif)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 Jul 2015, 17:41
That's a blast
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 14 Jul 2015, 06:28
Take the blue pill, Kugai...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 14 Jul 2015, 15:09
I have no need for Blue Pills  :-D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Jul 2015, 15:26
Good for you, Kugai, but some older people need Viagra, and you should probably be mindful before bragging.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Jul 2015, 15:29
I am not older, I just need some direction like those people need d-erection.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 14 Jul 2015, 15:30
Let's not build on that
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Jul 2015, 15:31
It's a terrible foundation, you're right.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 14 Jul 2015, 19:44
i can dig that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Jul 2015, 21:13
i can dig that.

You sure it's not what you call dirty work?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 15 Jul 2015, 13:45
If you do it with a digger, it won't be done dirt cheap.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Jul 2015, 14:34
If you do it with a digger, it won't be done dirt cheap.

Why are we digging, guys? I mean, all we are is dust in the wind.
God, that's depressing, sorry, I just watched Bill & Ted for the first time.

 Let's just get our footing again, find some solid ground.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 15 Jul 2015, 15:13
Well, Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite, You Never Give Me Your Money. But, Here Comes the Sun.

And, in The End, Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Jul 2015, 17:14
Well, Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite, You Never Give Me Your Money. But, Here Comes the Sun.

And, in The End, Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl.

Y'know, I like the Beatles, but something in their music always felt buggy, you know? They were great, so you know, I let it be, but their later stuff felt weird.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 15 Jul 2015, 18:09
I would pun with the lyrics to Revolution number 9 in reply...



...if, of course, there were any lyrics...  :psyduck:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 15 Jul 2015, 18:23
Just a day in the life.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 15 Jul 2015, 18:46
Y'know, I like the Beatles, but something in their music always felt buggy, you know? They were great, so you know, I let it be, but their later stuff felt weird.
did it feel weird Within You Without You?

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 16 Jul 2015, 01:18
*cracks knuckles*

Now you Piggies have opened up a can of worms here, Don't Pass Me By before I get a chance to contribute. It Please Pleases Me to get a chance to do Beatle puns; as a matter of fact What You're Doing warms my Rubber Soul. As for jwhouk, I Wanna Hold Your Hand for this, I could write enough of these that they'd stretch Across The Universe, although I'll admit I found most of them in an Octopus's Garden. In fact I'm so obsessed with Beatle puns that I got prescribed with some meds by Dr. Robert, although Because he got screwed by the Taxman I don't get them any more so I'm Free As A Bird. As for the good doctor - well, they found him on Penny Lane with a Revolver.

Anyway, I better stop these before I get a little woozy, since at the moment I Feel Fine and I still want to ride the Helter Skelter before the Rain starts. Oooh look! Here Comes The Sun, I'd better go.

If you guys miss me overnight, remember I'm Only Sleeping.

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 16 Jul 2015, 02:34
Impressive.
You should be a Paperback Writer.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 16 Jul 2015, 04:04
Read the above post and Tell Me What You see, because I'm pretty sure I've Just Seen A Face.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 16 Jul 2015, 04:55
(http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/CJ_H/IamtheEggman.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 16 Jul 2015, 06:57
...


What impresses me is that he literally got puns from the entire Beatles catalogue in there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Jul 2015, 13:13
Imagine that
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 16 Jul 2015, 13:35
Maybe I'm amazed at such a post...maybe.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 16 Jul 2015, 16:16
Yeah, that was impressive. And rare, almost as rare as a Glass Onion.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 16 Jul 2015, 17:01
Maybe I'm amazed at such a post...maybe.

BZZZT! Wrong answer.

(Bangs down Maxwell's Silver Hammer)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 16 Jul 2015, 17:31
what's your Beef Jerk(y)?

don't mind me, i'm only playing Mind Games.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 16 Jul 2015, 18:03
Goin' outside the catalogue there, kid. Yer Blues are singing in the wrong decade.

I'm So Tired of all the non-Beatle songs being quoted.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 16 Jul 2015, 18:25
Wah-Wah.

it's a pun thread dude.
not a beatles pun thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Jul 2015, 22:31
It doesn't matter Who you use.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Jul 2015, 23:31
It doesn't matter Who you use.

Now we're just rolling stones at each other. Take a break, go to the beach, boys, it is summer after all
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 17 Jul 2015, 00:50
This post string has been quite a Sentimental Journey.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 17 Jul 2015, 04:43
Can we take the journey on a Starship?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 17 Jul 2015, 06:26
Only if we use the Black Keys.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Jul 2015, 06:48
Only if we use the Black Keys.

Eh, I'm more into the major notes. All about the white stripes on a piano.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Jul 2015, 14:45
Hopefully, not ones left by A Flock Of Seagulls
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 17 Jul 2015, 18:27
No, I think they left with Morris Day. (It was his Time.)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Jul 2015, 14:49
That was a Green Day indeed
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Jul 2015, 02:46
That was a Green Day indeed

Sounds like The Time of Your Life.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 19 Jul 2015, 03:07
If we are going to go down that road, on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, well, forget it.

Wake me up when September ends.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Jul 2015, 05:51
Sounds like something an American Idiot would say. Then again, it's not like those are in the Minority.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 19 Jul 2015, 12:30
Hmmmm

Looks like the Winds Of Change are blowing through the Thread
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 19 Jul 2015, 18:09
Crazy World.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 19 Jul 2015, 18:38
Ah, but we'll never be Royals.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Jul 2015, 18:44
It would be awesome to be Astros, though. Though some might be satisfied just being Brewers.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 20 Jul 2015, 02:52
Ein Prosit!

(https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/2768099878/8aad65890ada94e842038de48f665be2.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Jul 2015, 15:44
Batman
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 20 Jul 2015, 22:17
Is a crossbow a bolt action weapon?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 21 Jul 2015, 02:22
I won't quarrel (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crossbow_bolt) with that suggestion.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 21 Jul 2015, 04:29
(https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/v/t1.0-9/564679_462673357091264_1684955990_n.jpg?oh=089678d61406b20488d32d678ce2bf36&oe=56110779)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 21 Jul 2015, 05:26
Not really a pun, but I've always wanted to have three dogs and call them "come here", "stay" and "Fuck off".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: celticgeek on 21 Jul 2015, 07:46
There was a movie where the two dogs were named "Get off the rug" and "you, too".  Can't remember the movie, though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 21 Jul 2015, 08:30
Louis CK said he wanted to call a dog 'Ladies and Gentlemen,' so if it's misbehaving you yell 'LADIES AND GENTLEMAN PLEASE!'
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 21 Jul 2015, 13:58
Or if you're a Cheap Trick fan. "HELLO THERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 22 Jul 2015, 14:07
[tweet]623702802167001088[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Jul 2015, 21:15
Not really a pun, but I've always wanted to have three dogs and call them "come here", "stay" and "Fuck off".

This could be problematic if Stay is being obnoxious, because you command Stay, "Fuck off," and now you have twice as many problem animals. It's doggone irritating when these things happen, ans they will unleash havoc on your peace of mind. Drive you barking mad.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Jul 2015, 14:12
That's a good Pointer
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Jul 2015, 21:09
I hung out with an old friend today. She's gluten-free now, and I had to ask what the crust her pizza was made from. she said it was pressed flour, and the highlight of my evening was watching the disappointment/appreciation on her face as she realized what I meant when I said it didn't look especially floral.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Jul 2015, 23:06
Well, at least it wasn't a half baked statement
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 24 Jul 2015, 01:02
Only an inbread would find that funny.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 24 Jul 2015, 07:40
Only an inbread would find that funny.

You didn't see her face. Crust me, it was priceless.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Jul 2015, 14:03
You Kneaded to take pictures
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 24 Jul 2015, 15:03
You Kneaded to take pictures

If I could go back, I'd rye, but I think this is one of those 'had to be there' things
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 24 Jul 2015, 15:03
If you find a good recipe and sell it, you'll make plenty of dough.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 24 Jul 2015, 16:00
If you find a good recipe and sell it, you'll make plenty of dough.

If not, at yeast you have some tasty bread to nom
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Jul 2015, 15:02
Just so long as you remember to Baguette and store it in the Fridge
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Jul 2015, 16:40
Just so long as you remember to Baguette and store it in the Fridge

Oof, that sounds cool, but don't you agree, storing it in the fridge makes it get stale faster?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 25 Jul 2015, 21:19
What is the most dangerous mountain on Earth?

The Antimatterhorn.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 26 Jul 2015, 05:01
What is the most dangerous mountain on Earth?

The Antimatterhorn.

Coulda swore it was Kill-a-man-jaro
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 Jul 2015, 15:01
Just so long as you remember to Baguette and store it in the Fridge

Oof, that sounds cool, but don't you agree, storing it in the fridge makes it get stale faster?

I actually find it keeps the loafs longer.  I tend to go through three a week, and storeing them in the Fridge keeps them fresh for longer from Wednesday to Wednesday.


Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 31 Jul 2015, 08:38
(https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/11046883_1114703795223936_3996959718884199937_n.jpg?oh=a6563bb9cf9162dd08e90c2fbe8e0f22&oe=56587048)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Aug 2015, 08:33
(https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/11046883_1114703795223936_3996959718884199937_n.jpg?oh=a6563bb9cf9162dd08e90c2fbe8e0f22&oe=56587048)

I am so confused by this dress. Someone, taco 'bout it, explain the pun I'm missing? It appears to be half mexican food?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 01 Aug 2015, 08:36
She's the Taco Belle.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 01 Aug 2015, 08:41
Huh. I see.

Someone photoshop Pizza the Hutt behind her. I love the combination Pizza (the) Hutt and Taco Belle.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 01 Aug 2015, 10:44
(https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtf1/v/t1.0-9/s480x480/11826027_1322570731105710_5784098544009930638_n.jpg?oh=9ad3140671061db197b93f67d77b63d2&oe=560E866B)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Aug 2015, 15:23
Grizzly bugger
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 02 Aug 2015, 05:17
I made this a while back, I guess sometime last year or so.

(https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xat1/v/t1.0-9/11822705_1055696457788948_4865178029198930814_n.jpg?oh=13ba45d90ddd34d9d409ba638c953b1e&oe=5656014A) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Gritti)

:wow: Andrea Gritti, Doge of Venice :wow:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 Aug 2015, 12:11
Why was Diogenes always late?

He took the cynic route.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 Aug 2015, 17:03
He took the path anon
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 06 Aug 2015, 19:44
(http://i.imgur.com/BOcLGaS.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Aug 2015, 19:46
That tech pun feels a little buggy...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 07 Aug 2015, 13:26
I like his Outlook.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 07 Aug 2015, 13:31
Was he granted Access?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 07 Aug 2015, 15:10
To the Open Office?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 09 Aug 2015, 13:18
 Or did he find strength in Numbers.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 09 Aug 2015, 14:35
As long as he doesn't tell you to Mind Your Own Business, yeah.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Aug 2015, 17:54
(https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/l/t1.0-9/s480x480/10301122_833995469962225_5566337295664007836_n.png?oh=e48050d26e3c454afe8aca88d7499537&oe=567807F0)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Aug 2015, 19:24
(https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/l/t1.0-9/s480x480/10301122_833995469962225_5566337295664007836_n.png?oh=e48050d26e3c454afe8aca88d7499537&oe=567807F0)

Oof. This bird pun didn't really take off, did it? Parrot down to the simplest bits and try again
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Aug 2015, 19:36
Are we all going to crow about these bird puns? I'd pay a double eagle not to have to listen to that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 19 Aug 2015, 20:07
Are we all going to crow about these bird puns? I'd pay a double eagle not to have to listen to that.

Oh, sorry, is that a cardinal sin in these parts? I can take a wing
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 20 Aug 2015, 10:28
I'd pay a double eagle not to have to listen to that.

You can't expect results from such a poultry sum.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Aug 2015, 14:48
I'd pay a double eagle not to have to listen to that.

You can't expect results from such a poultry sum.

You gotta try, though, unless you're chicken
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Aug 2015, 16:43
Now you're just egging him on
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 20 Aug 2015, 17:05
That's pretty much it, in a shell.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 20 Aug 2015, 18:59
aww, I was just making a damn yolk, why you gotta scramble my words?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Aug 2015, 14:23
It's a devil of a thing
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 22 Aug 2015, 02:08
At least it went over easy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Aug 2015, 05:42
You guys are cracking me up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 22 Aug 2015, 07:25
Well I'm not happy that you guys are poaching my puns. In fact I'm getting a bit steamed.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Aug 2015, 08:28
Well I'm not happy that you guys are poaching my puns. In fact I'm getting a bit steamed.

Come on, be a good sport. The world's a good place, everything's sunny-side up!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 22 Aug 2015, 09:36
I guess you're right. I've been kind of hard boiled lately. Life just isn't over easy you know.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Aug 2015, 10:09
I guess you're right. I've been kind of hard boiled lately. Life just isn't over easy you know.

It's all good, omlette you off without warning, just don't be so tough on yourself
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Aug 2015, 13:37
Sometimes things just Crepe up on you
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 22 Aug 2015, 14:44
And when they do they leave you flat as a pancake
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 22 Aug 2015, 18:10
And if that happens, you're toast.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Aug 2015, 21:43
Just egg on your face.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 22 Aug 2015, 23:28
Marmite object to this turn of conversation.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 23 Aug 2015, 08:10
And vegemite not care!

Vege's kind of a jerk though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 23 Aug 2015, 08:14
What do you get when you cross a Dragon Ball character with cattle?
A Vegeta bull!  :clairedoge:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Aug 2015, 14:31
What do you get when you cross a Dragon Ball character with cattle?
A Vegeta bull!  :clairedoge:

I feel like you're steering this thread in a weird direction.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Aug 2015, 14:57
Kobe a good change though
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Aug 2015, 15:59
Are we seriously gonna follow this livestock riff? You're all sheep. I think I might be, too. This is leading to an existential crisis
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 23 Aug 2015, 19:14
Put a steak in it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Aug 2015, 20:37
Put a steak in it.

Geez, don't burn me. It's rare I get outpunned in here and in life.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 23 Aug 2015, 20:39
To get outpunned in the afterlife, you'd need a medium.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 24 Aug 2015, 06:57
Unfortunately, we can't do that right now. Our midget psychic has escaped and we're trying to find her....
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 24 Aug 2015, 11:04
Is there a small medium at large?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Aug 2015, 14:13
A little over the top there don't you think?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 24 Aug 2015, 14:36
No, that'd be an extra at large.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 24 Aug 2015, 22:08
(https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11873628_1341699759192807_901194215253718413_n.jpg?oh=ef578413b73dab8561aaec4293e33c7c&oe=5639B904)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 25 Aug 2015, 06:15
Oh you have cat to be kitten me with that picture...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Aug 2015, 06:45
(https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11873628_1341699759192807_901194215253718413_n.jpg?oh=ef578413b73dab8561aaec4293e33c7c&oe=5639B904)

Purrfect.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 25 Aug 2015, 06:59
You'll be held in contempt of cat!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 25 Aug 2015, 07:37
I'm sorry your  honor. I didn't do it on purr-pose!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 25 Aug 2015, 08:13
You will be judged by a furry of your purrs.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 25 Aug 2015, 08:58
Nooo! I'm telling you, I catnip go to jail! I'm way to young a purrty! Have meowcy on me, your honor!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Aug 2015, 12:06
What you did was against the claw. Life of crime always comes back to bite you in the end, so just accept it. Don't be a pussy(cat)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Aug 2015, 17:34
It's a sad, familiar tail
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: looktall on 28 Aug 2015, 04:21
http://imgur.com/gallery/3zadW

Enjoy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 28 Aug 2015, 08:34
http://imgur.com/gallery/3zadW

Enjoy.

Eh, photo-based punnery is like a concrete airplane, can't really picture that taking off
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 28 Aug 2015, 08:51
It'll never get anywhere if it doesn't get visibility.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 28 Aug 2015, 14:03
It'll never get anywhere if it doesn't get visibility.

Nice vision-based pun. Eye appreciate it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 28 Aug 2015, 14:39
I wonder if someone will come up with a Cornia one
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 28 Aug 2015, 14:40
I wonder if someone will come up with a Cornia one

Longer these go, the more Iris-k it
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 28 Aug 2015, 16:27
Just don't blink or you'll miss it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 28 Aug 2015, 17:16
I wonder if someone will come up with a Cornia one
I'm sorry to lecture you as if you were a pupil, but that should be "cornea". It is important to get these things retina forum like this.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 28 Aug 2015, 17:30
The excel-lens of this thread diminishes when the possible puns dry up. Gets hard to focus.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 29 Aug 2015, 11:04
I wonder if someone will come up with a Cornia one
I'm sorry to lecture you as if you were a pupil, but that should be "cornea". It is important to get these things retina forum like this.

You're the "Spare the rod..." type, aren't you? That's a bit cone-serning.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 29 Aug 2015, 11:22
I really don't see this going much further. Anyone got something else to work off?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 29 Aug 2015, 11:59
Well if you don't want to keep going on, I suppose I could turn a blind eye to it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 29 Aug 2015, 12:39
Well if you don't want to keep going on, I suppose I could turn a blind eye to it.

Which one? The first two are otherwise occupied. The third one? Maybe, but I dunno... if that's how it's gonna be, I need something to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 30 Aug 2015, 08:19
Google's new self-driving car, with chrome wheels:

(http://i.imgur.com/L6YdThP.jpg)

(via http://imgur.com/gallery/L6YdThP)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 30 Aug 2015, 10:59
Error 404: Traffic not found
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 30 Aug 2015, 15:05
If only!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 31 Aug 2015, 14:57
CIR-CU-LATE!

CIR-CU-LATE!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 31 Aug 2015, 14:58
Of course the car's biggest drawback is when it stops to buffer right in the middle of heavy traffic.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 03 Sep 2015, 14:01
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog. It was a shih tzu.   :clairedoge:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 Sep 2015, 14:04
Aye Chihuahua!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 04 Sep 2015, 14:43
There's an episode of Doc Martin in which one of his patients, feeling fatigued, self-treated for anemia when in fact she had the opposite problem, sky-high and symptom-causing ferritin levels.

In other words, trying to treat her problem, she made it worse.

Isn't it ironic?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 04 Sep 2015, 15:21
There's an episode of Doc Martin in which one of his patients, feeling fatigued, self-treated for anemia when in fact she had the opposite problem, sky-high and symptom-causing ferritin levels.

In other words, trying to treat her problem, she made it worse.

Isn't it ironic?

I feel this is stretched. A bit wrought.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 04 Sep 2015, 17:23
Sometimes, it pays to see an expert to get things Ironed out.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 04 Sep 2015, 18:16
The punning is starting to fall flat.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 04 Sep 2015, 18:25
Flat like a mesa, the highest form of imitation, imitation being the highest form of flattery
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 04 Sep 2015, 18:28
Sorry for the geological joke, just laying some groundwork for potentially mountainous punnery
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 04 Sep 2015, 19:39
Nah, nah it's cool. I can dig it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 04 Sep 2015, 20:04
These puns are good, but I hope we don't plateau.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 04 Sep 2015, 20:09
Glad to seecit's working. Wasn't sure how this would land.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 04 Sep 2015, 20:17
These puns are good, but I hope we don't plateau.
I think any suggestion we've plateaued isthmus taken.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 04 Sep 2015, 20:28
Well I don't think that we can sink any lower. We're certainly mining the depths for puns, tying to find diamonds.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 04 Sep 2015, 21:19
Some are real gold though
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Sep 2015, 09:09
I respectfully disagree. Don't lead us on. These puns are iron pyrite, cubic zirconium at best
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Sep 2015, 09:28
You'd think so at a glance, but you might find a diamond in the rough.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Sep 2015, 12:59
Just so we don't Coral a load of bad ones
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 03 Oct 2015, 18:40
(http://i.imgur.com/gKXks9e.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Metope on 03 Oct 2015, 20:00
I know someone here (the states) who used to work in Netflix CS, he said a surprising number of people pronounce it "qwewe". I guess it sort of makes sense if you've never heard it spoken out loud before, but I still think it's pretty funny.

To their defense, it's a pretty bonkers way of spelling a word.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 03 Oct 2015, 21:38
What's funny is I had heard it said out loud plenty of times...but then I saw it and made literally no connection in my head between the word that I heard that sounds like "cue" and the word I saw in front of me that looks like kwee-wee. I forget exactly how I realized it. Probably context. Still though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 04 Oct 2015, 14:07
At least it only takes up one line
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 04 Oct 2015, 14:22
Yeah, the word itself is pretty orderly...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 26 Oct 2015, 23:47
Should Marigold Farmer's name have been Annie Maynard?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 27 Oct 2015, 04:35
I don't get it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 27 Oct 2015, 04:50
Say it really quickly. Or, move the space three characters to the right.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 27 Oct 2015, 05:21
Ahhh. Anna would've worked better.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 27 Oct 2015, 19:35
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtf1/v/t1.0-9/12187730_1052761978109086_6414160201797070518_n.jpg?oh=e95f36688b829d3e29edc415382ee0be&oe=56D1CDF1)

(For folks outside the states, Daylight Saving Time ends this weekend, clocks go back an hour.)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 Oct 2015, 21:18
That happened about a month or so ago for us
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 27 Oct 2015, 22:42
My wife had never seen Mentos dropped into diet Coke, so I bought some to show her.

There are Mentos left over.

Our city collects food scraps along with yard waste to be publicly composted. My wife was unwilling to toss the candy into that waste stream.

They are non compost Mentos.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 29 Oct 2015, 20:03
[tweet]659928111409065984[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 30 Oct 2015, 15:59
(https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtp1/v/t1.0-9/12189691_1033378000026249_7406625773738411375_n.jpg?oh=f85121596f1c6d136a4766a4f7751cee&oe=56C869AD)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 30 Oct 2015, 16:22
My friend who hates puns recently decided that puns are ok as long as you tell them with a completely straight face, which...no, fuck that. Making the face is half the pun :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 30 Oct 2015, 16:30
Best use of the Clairedoge meme yet...

 :clairedoge:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 12 Nov 2015, 17:37
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/12190854_1318911934820270_6313765570101904553_n.jpg?oh=e242b11159b9173cf829a56815c93c5a&oe=56F1262A)

:clairedoge:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 13 Nov 2015, 00:05
I wonder if I should apply for a moderator position at an Indian restaurant.

My wife points out that an Indian restaurant is a chaat room.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 13 Nov 2015, 03:29
I'll be having naan of that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 13 Nov 2015, 12:01
You'll have to curry favour with the owner  :mrgreen:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 13 Nov 2015, 14:28
Just be careful of food poisoning. You wouldn't want to be stuck vin da loo.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 13 Nov 2015, 17:29
You might need keema therapy for that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 15 Nov 2015, 21:50
Not an idli solution, seems like overkill for getting stuck in the ladoo.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 16 Nov 2015, 05:23
(http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/1447515327-20151114.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Nov 2015, 11:21
It only works when you add Bacon.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 16 Nov 2015, 15:33
That's true with pretty much everything, including bacon.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 16 Nov 2015, 16:09
mmm. Bacon wrapped bacon, fried in bacon grease, topped with crumbled bacon topping and bacon dressing...

I'll have the double bypass please, doctor.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 16 Nov 2015, 19:33
(http://bacontoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/tinwkeekekeke.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 26 Nov 2015, 12:53
From a friend of mine:

Quote
I can't wait to get my portion of officially nuked turkey from russia
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 27 Nov 2015, 14:17
Working on a farm is fun until the cows come home, but I'd be lying if I said it grows on you.

Today, I made trenches and buried branches to help support a tractor at a later date. I dug it, wouldn't ditch the chance to do it again, but I don't know if it'll stick around too long.

I will be paid, but I'm not making fat stacks, exactly, though hay was involved.

We're growing blueberries there, if anyone wants to use that, or anything else I said here, as a jumping-off point for more punnery.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 28 Nov 2015, 10:49
So basically you're just fielding some farm puns
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 28 Nov 2015, 10:58
So basically you're just fielding some farm puns

And waiting to see what grows, yes.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 28 Nov 2015, 13:27
I know that you were sowing the seeds hoping for some farm puns, but would it go against the grain if someone posted other puns? Some just find them way to corny.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 28 Nov 2015, 15:59
I know that you were sowing the seeds hoping for some farm puns, but would it go against the grain if someone posted other puns? Some just find them way to corny.

I was sowing seeds for any and all agricultural puns, really, no need to separate the wheat from the chaff here. I mentioned what specifically we were planting, because fruit puns are just juicy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 29 Nov 2015, 02:33
Hmm... Hard to till whether this board will sink so loam as to yield you some at puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Nov 2015, 14:17
You could always combine things for a rich harvest
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 29 Nov 2015, 20:48
Such as? I'm talking veggies, you're talking combinations, together we're talking soup, and I'm all for it. I'm no chicken. There's gotta be some soup puns sloshing around in this old noodle, good enough to bowl you over.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Nov 2015, 22:44
Borscht!!!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 30 Nov 2015, 04:30
Meh... That laksa certain something.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Nov 2015, 07:16
Borscht!!!

I'm trying to find the pun here. It's like you couldn't think of one so you were just like '...what's a kind of soup? BORSCHT!!!'

Perhaps you were russian? Or are you just feeling beet?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Nov 2015, 07:37
I suppose soup based puns was a bit specific. It's barley bouillon enough to float anyway. I roux the day I tried to go there. Miso sorry to get us into this stew, and also that I spoke brief Jar-Jar Binks for the sake of a weak pun. Ramen hot water now, I think, and I'm struggling to think of a new pun riff. Pho-ck.

It... It seems that CHEESE soups are a thing, would that brie cheddar?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 30 Nov 2015, 09:35
(http://i.imgur.com/pcW6a.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 30 Nov 2015, 12:38
I suppose soup based puns was a bit specific. It's barley bouillon enough to float anyway. I roux the day I tried to go there. Miso sorry to get us into this stew, and also that I spoke brief Jar-Jar Binks for the sake of a weak pun. Ramen hot water now, I think, and I'm struggling to think of a new pun riff. Pho-ck.

It... It seems that CHEESE soups are a thing, would that brie cheddar?

Edam, that would be Tasty
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Nov 2015, 20:04
I suppose soup based puns was a bit specific. It's barley bouillon enough to float anyway. I roux the day I tried to go there. Miso sorry to get us into this stew, and also that I spoke brief Jar-Jar Binks for the sake of a weak pun. Ramen hot water now, I think, and I'm struggling to think of a new pun riff. Pho-ck.

It... It seems that CHEESE soups are a thing, would that brie cheddar?

Edam, that would be Tasty

Gouda. I can put in the work, try and Kraft a Single pun, but I'm happier just making up many.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Dec 2015, 13:24
While some of us have the capacity to Bries through them given the right circumstances.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 01 Dec 2015, 16:17
"I'm getting tired of all these puns."

*goes and watches TV*

"Eh, nothing good on except reruns of The Muensters."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 02 Dec 2015, 11:55
That's Vintage television!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Dec 2015, 13:06
Maybe we should leave these puns about hardened dairy products provolone? I'm trying to think of more, coming up with Colby Jack squat. I Camembert this failure, it eats away at my spirit.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 02 Dec 2015, 14:42
We could make iT ALBOT muppets maybe? like kermit the froG OR GONZO, LAtino king prawn PEPE, BERT or maybe BABYBEL bear?

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 02 Dec 2015, 19:12
There's a Wisconsin joke somewhere in there, but I'd rather not badger anyone about it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 02 Dec 2015, 19:50
There's a Wisconsin joke somewhere in there, but I'd rather not badger anyone about it.

Oh honey, badger on, nobody gives a fuck.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 Dec 2015, 12:36
Yeah, Gopher broke
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 03 Dec 2015, 17:18
Don't (Saint) Croix me, Kiwi Breath...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 04 Dec 2015, 12:56
Did you hear about the French monk who swallowed a crucifix?
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 Dec 2015, 11:55
We all have our Croix to bear
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 05 Dec 2015, 12:01
Don't (Saint) Croix me, Kiwi Breath...
Steven's* got a good Point. We shouldn't be Racine to make Wisconsin puns.

Oh, look it's Eau Claire:  :cry: :claireface:

*Yeah, well don't call me Shirley.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Dec 2015, 15:20
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xlp1/v/t1.0-9/11224309_3155574770434_1430517227606293065_n.jpg?oh=d090dea437a843c251035775db3f81d6&oe=56DF50F6)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 07 Dec 2015, 20:39
How did the Australians get to Arrakis?

They started a spice program.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 07 Dec 2015, 22:59
That is a wildly innacurate representation of pur accent, maate.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 07 Dec 2015, 23:18
Now we're just getting catty
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Dec 2015, 15:11
Now we're just getting catty

You ain't kitten.

We can't well kick-start the thread from a typo, though, petty as it would be, so I'm going to try and tell a tale I heard from a friend I made recently.


See, I took a theatre appreciation course, and I auditioned for a part in A Christmas Carol, because auditions gave +5 to your final grade and getting cast gave +50. I got cast, so I aced the shit out of the course, and also found out that a) I fucking love theatre, and b) there's some fascinating folk in little theatre!

The professor of the class for example, Layne. Layne's not got a degree in teaching, he only got the job because of his past experience as an actor, meaning they weren't about to pass up the offer from a former Broadway performer.

He's a pretty cool guy, full of stories about his time in New York, about the people he met. In addition to the actors, he met a bunch of the orchestra folk, and the shenanigans they could get up to while the actors were on-stage, or, most memorably, during long symphonic performances.

The story starts with his roommate at the time, played the double bass, not in the New York Philharmonic, but in a less-well-known, less-well-paying equivalent. The production was of Beethoven's ninth, and the thing about the bass part of that particular piece, is that there's about 20 minutes, right near the end, where they don't do a dang thing, they're meant to just sit there and look pretty, which they would have done was it the Philharmonic. However, the pay wasn't that good, they weren't doing that, so one night, they hit a timer so they knew when to get back and sneaked away. They ducked out of the performance venue, into an alley where they'd set aside a cooler for this exact purpose.

They had a drink, then another, and then a few more.

The buzzer went off, they had to rush back inside, but they'd had a bit much to drink!

Layne's roommate grins at his fellow player's panic, slurs at them, "Don't worry, I bought us some time! I made a knot out of the sheet music!"

This did not make things any better.

It was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the bassists were loaded.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 14 Dec 2015, 15:15
That turned from truth to pun only with after I invented a roommate. I am prepared to pun about theatre, performing arts, musicals and drama alike. Don't play, come at me, I'm not blocking anyone from stepping to me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 15 Dec 2015, 03:18
(wonders if chaospersonified has an encore post lined up)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 15 Dec 2015, 13:44
How did the Australians get to Arrakis? They started a spice program.
It was started by bogans, clearly.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 15 Dec 2015, 21:14
(wonders if chaospersonified has an encore post lined up)

See, normally I would, but I'm just not sure this is the platform. Punning is best and most prolific when created as part of a dialogue, so why would I want to just go solo?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 17 Dec 2015, 15:29
Breaking News: Cow sets fire to a cannabis field.

Not to be blunt, or make light of the situation, but the steaks have never been higher.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 17 Dec 2015, 17:03
Well done
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 17 Dec 2015, 20:18
You'd think I'd have heard that one a lot, but it's one of the rare ones.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Emoroffle on 17 Dec 2015, 20:29
I thought I had one for this thread but it was a missed steak. I'll just be moo-ving on then.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 20 Dec 2015, 11:26
If you are what you eat, does eating Indian bread make you a naan-entity? Does eating pahd Thai make you a pahd person?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 20 Dec 2015, 11:51
Or does eating Pancakes make you flat?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 20 Dec 2015, 15:01
Do eating french fries make you Belgian?

Edit: Whoa, I just wiki'd fries and apparently "chips" only refer to steak fries, and not all types of fries like I'd assumed.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 20 Dec 2015, 20:33
If priests are defrocked, are judges disrobed? Are people who divorce women debrided? Are people whose cars are repossessed derided?

Can unprotected aural sex cause hearing AIDS?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Dec 2015, 12:28
Do eating french fries make you Belgian?

Edit: Whoa, I just wiki'd fries and apparently "chips" only refer to steak fries, and not all types of fries like I'd assumed.

Technically true, but where I come from we call all sorts of Fries Chips.  It's just a cultural thing really
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 21 Dec 2015, 20:27
I don't think I've ever tried a style of potato I haven't liked.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 24 Dec 2015, 19:32
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/12373428_1022637504467156_4107386060772522193_n.jpg?oh=fcdbd64f47d921e265b3600711d2faba&oe=5716C968)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Grognard on 24 Dec 2015, 21:19
LoLs.  :D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 24 Dec 2015, 21:52
That pun is like the prequels, better fits the name Star WORSE.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 24 Dec 2015, 21:54
But, given the inverse nature of pun quality, that means it's fantastic.

Gotta Han it to you, I can't pretend I've never stooped Solo for the chance to make a proper pun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Dec 2015, 23:27
You may be Tarkin some sense there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 25 Dec 2015, 00:49
That pun did seem forced.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Dec 2015, 12:32
Well, I did have to choke that one out.  I was at a Darth of ideas.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 25 Dec 2015, 13:18
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtf1/v/t34.0-12/12399284_1137171809641412_274341044_n.jpg?oh=52aa66c43618ad4881d138b2c49e331a&oe=567F435F)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Dec 2015, 13:18
Well, I did have to choke that one out.  I was at a Darth of ideas.

So you wait a bit! A good one will come, sooner or Vader. Just Sith down a few minutes and one will pop up
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 25 Dec 2015, 19:37
But before you post it take another minute and Maul it over.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 25 Dec 2015, 19:54
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/12313862_765036113627421_271763544945522701_n.jpg?oh=dfa21b79b31d63eea952e9fbd4ba9c87&oe=57119936)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Dec 2015, 20:47
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/12313862_765036113627421_271763544945522701_n.jpg?oh=dfa21b79b31d63eea952e9fbd4ba9c87&oe=57119936)

No offense, but this pun seems rather like a skull, which is to say boneheaded. I find it mildly humerus. We should find a doctor, someone well-versed in both puns and bone structure, they might could patella good joke about this sort of thing
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 25 Dec 2015, 23:17
But before you post it take another minute and Maul it over.

I've never before found such a wretched hive of pun and villiany.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Dec 2015, 23:55
But before you post it take another minute and Maul it over.

I've never before found such a wretched hive of pun and villiany.

Well these are just what come Mos Easily, is all.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 Dec 2015, 11:28
And you don't have to be Po faced about it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 26 Dec 2015, 11:58
I dunno about Po faced. Red faced, maybe:
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTexxL3wBWxPRwUNUTpCQjjRMJe-A5ZIgAH8XZtXDRXCbDe1ahw-7E61zV-EA)

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 26 Dec 2015, 12:26
I guess only time will tell if someone will pick up that marketing idea and rum with it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 26 Dec 2015, 13:28
I wouldn't pay for something like that without proof.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: EvilDuckyBec on 26 Dec 2015, 23:05
A little late, perhaps, but...

(http://i.imgur.com/jj7gqP5.jpg)

EDIT: To clarify, "Hosanna in excel sheets". Ding dong merrily on high...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 27 Dec 2015, 01:22
You must have loaded that one on a plane, cause that went way over my head.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 27 Dec 2015, 03:14
On December 1, the county medical examiner was informed that she was being replaced at the end of the year. She was surprised, since she'd only been in the position for the past eleven months, and had never had any complaints about her work. This was not disputed, but she was told that it was policy, and could not be avoided. "New year, new ME."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 27 Dec 2015, 08:14
There is such a thing as unscented shampoo.

It would be handy to have the same for real poo.

EDIT: speaking of body functions, could we plant a hoax in medical textbooks that spitting is controlled by the pituitary gland?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 08 Feb 2016, 04:16
So Jessi's mom had some Ernest Hemingway tea, and we were trying to figure out what kind it was, since the packaging didn't indicate it. I decided it was The Old Man and the Tea.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 08 Feb 2016, 11:27
I went to the Ford dealership to buy a small SUV, but I couldn't leave since all they had were Mustangs, Expeditions, Edges, Focuses, Fiestas, Explorers, F series trucks, Tauruses, Fusions, Flexes, 4 Transit vans, and a C-Max.

There was no Escape.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 08 Feb 2016, 12:58
Goes with the Territory
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 23 Feb 2016, 13:36
Comment under a photo of a cat inside a drum.

"I hope he's not ensnared."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 23 Feb 2016, 13:40
He enjoys eating bass.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 23 Feb 2016, 14:46
Yeah, he gets a kick out of it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 23 Feb 2016, 15:00
Cats like chicken, right? He could eat drumsticks.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 23 Feb 2016, 17:00
Can catgut handle the feathery snare of chicken bones?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Feb 2016, 18:44
I'm feline the answer could be yes, but that's entirely bass on almost no knowledge of purr-cussion instruments.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 23 Feb 2016, 21:44
Tom-toms love drumsticks, and are not snared.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Feb 2016, 14:15
Just so long as you don't let them near the Kettle
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 24 Feb 2016, 17:26
Could you guys take a brake from these drum puns. Just stop, please.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 24 Feb 2016, 17:31
Why stop? This is a sign that we should not yield to the urge to quit. Perhaps a speed limit to the puns may help. I give the green light to that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 Mar 2016, 12:29
Is someone who studies Egyptian looped crosses an ankhologist?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 Mar 2016, 14:25
I've heard it's only a Pyramid Scheme
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 Mar 2016, 20:35
If you install a stereo in a Chevy hybrid, are you putting an amp in a Volt?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 05 Mar 2016, 21:07
Is that a current model?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 05 Mar 2016, 21:11
Be careful. The electronics are sensitive to a static Spark. That can cause as much damage as an F150 tornado Fording a river like an Explorer.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 Mar 2016, 22:25
Oof. I don't fully understand the shift we've made into automotives, but I'm sure if I just Focus, I can find the connective tissue here, there's always something to connect these things, some Fusion to speak of.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 06 Mar 2016, 09:22
We really gotta stop holden onto these puns guys, or at least put them in spoilers.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Mar 2016, 12:31
That's a Noble sentiment RedWolf4.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 06 Mar 2016, 12:40
I expected resistance.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Mar 2016, 12:44
I guess we've shocked you then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 06 Mar 2016, 18:45
Wire you saying that?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 06 Mar 2016, 20:50
This conversation is certainly living up to its potential.

Wire you saying that?

Probably because you're normally so grounded.

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 06 Mar 2016, 21:11
Ohmgee, you guys, wire we doing this, even
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 07 Mar 2016, 03:21
Hey, you're a repeater.  8-)

Time for a joke.

Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar.
"I'll have a gin please, but no tonic."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 07 Mar 2016, 03:46
René Descartes walked into a bar and ordered a drink. After he drank it, the bartender asked if he wanted another. "I think not," he said, and immediately ceased to exist.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 07 Mar 2016, 10:33
OUR EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH CONMAN

R: Thank you for letting me be the first to interview you in your underground fortress. I notice that, like Batman, instead of a building that sticks out of the ground you've chosen a lair with an entrance that curves inward.
C: Yes, I call it the Concave.
R: This looks challenging to keep going. How do you get fresh air, for example?
C: There's a large air pipe to the nunnery at ground level, the Convent.
R: Do you rely on utility power?
C: No, I have my own nuclear plant, the Confusion reactor.
R: I notice you have a lot of scientific equipment and instruments. Do you run experiments here?
C: Yes, often.
R: I saw a bunch of large dumb-looking creatures under the bridge on the way here. Were they one of your experiments?
C: Just the opposite, that was the Controll Group.
R: How self-sufficient are you?
C: I even grow my own crops, under artificial light.
R: That's a really large field. Isn't it too big for you to take care of by hand?
C: Absolutely, which is why I hire a Contractor.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 21 Mar 2016, 17:14
Today I learned that you should never believe an atom. They make up everything.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 21 Mar 2016, 21:48
Today I learned that you should never believe an atom. They make up everything.

I'd say it wasn't important, but this... Guys, atoms, they matter.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 21 Mar 2016, 21:49
Today I learned that you should never believe an atom. They make up everything.
I began a plan to lose weight. I want to be an atomizer.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Mar 2016, 09:03
I'm pretty positive the atoms in my body are losing electrons.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Mar 2016, 13:45
That's a shocking thought
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 22 Mar 2016, 13:56
This conversation has become such a Bohr. Let's go Plancking! or maybe see Straight Outta Compton?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 23 Mar 2016, 15:37
I've decided that warm and happy is preferable to hot and cross.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 23 Mar 2016, 15:42
Dorothy was sick one day, and the Cowardly Lion had accidentally angered her when he ran away afraid. So she deliberately infected him with her illness. The lesson: don't cross Dot, she's a vector.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Mar 2016, 15:46
Geometry/calculus/numbers puns? Godammit, as an unintelligent troglodyte, I will  KICK your math.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 23 Mar 2016, 16:47
Typical. I post about food, and someone goes off on a tangent.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 23 Mar 2016, 17:28
It's a sine!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 23 Mar 2016, 18:14
Yes, to a degree.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 23 Mar 2016, 19:34
Wait, you're agreeing with me? What's your angle?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 23 Mar 2016, 21:17
My angle is acute little thing, with her rosy cheeks and wings and halo, et. You might call her 'heavenly,' if you believe in such stuff
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 23 Mar 2016, 22:37
Sharp question, but I'm afraid I can't tell you except to say that it's integral to my schemes.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 24 Mar 2016, 07:00
Now now... there's no need to be divisive here. Can't we all just add our knowledge together?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Mar 2016, 15:17
Or at least be able to run in parallel
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 25 Mar 2016, 01:59
If we work at it, I think we can reach congruence.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 Apr 2016, 20:59
The big game hunter bagged a once-in-a-lifetime specimen of a tiger and sent the carcass to the taxidermist to have the head stuffed and mounted.

The taxidermist screwed up and stuffed and mounted the rear end instead.

The hunter cried out "This is a catastrophe!".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 05 Apr 2016, 21:14
Not feline this one.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 06 Apr 2016, 11:49
Now the hunter uses it as a towel holder.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Apr 2016, 15:39
That's one hoopy frood then.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 21 Apr 2016, 13:08
Was Balaam an example of talking out of one's ass?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Apr 2016, 09:31
Was Balaam an example of talking out of one's ass?

I'd point out that, strictly speaking, it was GOD talking out of his ass (currently Balaam's possession) but then I would risk people pointing out it's possible the entire scripture is such.


I'm going to hell for saying this, but that Roman centurion at the end of the gospels really nailed it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 22 Apr 2016, 13:15
Someone might get cross with you.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 22 Apr 2016, 13:18
Yeah, but give it three days and all will be ok.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 22 Apr 2016, 20:09
Jesus, this is getting out of hole-pierced hand. I mean, I'm glad this thread has seen such a resurrection!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Apr 2016, 23:33
I didn't doubt it would.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 23 Apr 2016, 06:00
Gee, thanks, Thomas.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Apr 2016, 14:37
You're welcome - and yes, one of my middle names is Thomas :-D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 23 Apr 2016, 23:51
I wouldn't doubt you.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Apr 2016, 13:33
You're a rock there then :D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 24 Apr 2016, 16:00
I can't let this line of thought Peter out. It's apostible.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Skewbrow on 24 Apr 2016, 21:57
Mark my words. The gospel of this thread will survive for generations to come.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Apr 2016, 23:53
Indeed, since it's genesis was 32 pages ago and shows no sign of any end times.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 25 Apr 2016, 08:15
Look, let's not beat around the burning bush here. I mean, holy heck. Nobody here's got time for a sermon you know?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 25 Apr 2016, 13:05
Indeed, since it's genesis was 32 pages ago and shows no sign of any end times.

I'd call this a revelation, but it seems pretty common sense. It'd take an act of God to stop this thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 25 Apr 2016, 14:02
I really wish you made that joke 60+ pages later, so I could say "you rang?" and lock it (before starting a new one).

Of course, I'm a minor god at best, but still! Opportunity lost.

I'll just put that thought in a basket and push it down the river for now.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Apr 2016, 14:45
Hmmmm

Wouldn't that take 40 days and 40 nights to reach?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 25 Apr 2016, 15:09
Man, I hope not. Otherwise the mods are going to get flooded with complaints.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 25 Apr 2016, 15:38
Oh noah! We don't need a conversation arc like that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 25 Apr 2016, 18:29
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/13091954_10154818782893508_6251924438156845839_n.jpg?oh=84679e83b4b835a526871660fcf87370&oe=57AF3B6A)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Skewbrow on 25 Apr 2016, 22:09
Still (a true story). When serving there was often 3 busloads of us conscripts on our way to a weekend leave. It was a 3 hour bus ride from the coastal fortress to the city. This was the 80s, so no toilets onboard the buses, and we had to unload during a 10-minute ferry trip. There were only two toilets on the ferry so multiple occupancy was the only way. And the rule was  :claireface: :claireface: :claireface:

Do not cross the streams.

 :claireface: :claireface: :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 25 Apr 2016, 23:26
The piss arc is the whole point, you dictator.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 29 Apr 2016, 14:10
[tweet]333595397626945536[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 29 Apr 2016, 15:28
We're gonna need a bigger boat for that one.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 30 Apr 2016, 15:41
In the jaws of a dilemma over that one
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 30 Apr 2016, 21:16
Don't many ready responses to that in my sharktank... Kinda bites, being so blank.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 01 May 2016, 05:56
So you've seen the Descartes before the horse joke. It's making the rounds on my Facebook pages.

After I'd seen it for the umpteenth time, I posted:

"High Marx for this kind of creativity. We Kant exclude puns from proper humor, put it behind a Locke and key hidden behind fireplaces on Hobbes. It should be out in the open, served on a Plato’ silver if not gold, lead if not silver. Besides, danger may lurk outside that bar; there are Russellers out there."

I complained to my wife a few hours later that there'd been no responses. She responded, with a "like."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 May 2016, 14:53
Philosophically, a right answer then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 01 May 2016, 15:42
 :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 01 May 2016, 19:28
Descartes argued that animals reacted by reflex whereas humans were above that.

He might have changed his mind had be been subjected to an experiment putting him in contact with Paris's ladies of the evening, forcing him to recognize his own automatic reflexes.

But that would be putting Descartes before the whores.

The cruise ship's doctor proposed a mix of fresh air and art therapy for respiratory patients, having them sun themselves on top of the ship while gazing at paintings propped up in front of them. The captain vetoed it because it was putting deck art before the hoarse.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 02 May 2016, 14:53
I Kant believe you Posted that
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 03 May 2016, 03:16
So I was running rather quickly with scissors, and then I thought of this thread.

You see, I ran dumb.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 May 2016, 16:15
That's a little Flaky though
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 30 May 2016, 13:24
(http://i.imgur.com/kZlh5dN.gif)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 04 Jun 2016, 02:41
If an ovary is the organ that eggs come from, shouldn't a testicle be called a "seminary"?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 04 Jun 2016, 03:04
A seminary should produce, not priests, but seamen.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Skewbrow on 04 Jun 2016, 08:04
So after taking the vow of obedience the seminarians follow the vas deference?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Redball on 04 Jun 2016, 09:57
Sometimes, when I try a little too hard to get into one of these threads, I pull out a few dictionaries and toss them into the air. This time, they all seem to fallopian to the same page.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 05 Jun 2016, 01:27
Don't work so hard. Simply plant a seed.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 06 Jun 2016, 19:29
The trees must be mad at me for complaining about their pollen.

Every sunny day since then, they've been throwing shade at me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 07 Jun 2016, 03:02
A surfer-dude, travelling to Phuket to catch the big waves off Pansea Beach, had his Enlightenment, and decided to become a Buddhist monk. Now he sits in the shade of a great tree, chanting: "Om brah... Om brah...".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 08 Jun 2016, 23:57
He then wrote it down, becoming the first ever to pen "om brah".

So, an executive pardon can liberate a prisoner. The prisoner lost his freedom in the first place due to a jury verdict. Is that why people talk about juries deliberating?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 24 Jun 2016, 10:29
One I heard re: Brexit...

Quote
Europe now has 1 GB of free space.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 09 Jul 2016, 07:35
I'm pretty sure I made this up the other day (as opposed to it being from a show and me forgetting about it like "crucifixins").

Why are lawyers such good exorcists? Because possession is nine-tenths of the law :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 09 Jul 2016, 12:22
The solid red-purple mass I had on my lower leg caused the nurse who looked at it to be audibly startled.

I guess professional detachment can be overcome by fuchsia shock.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 09 Jul 2016, 14:15
That must have been a bruising encounter
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 11 Jul 2016, 16:41
I wonder how many lives could have been saved by having a waiting period before holding a duel.

They used to take seconds to arrange.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Jul 2016, 15:48
I pass by this building (http://host.madison.com/wsj/business/pyare-square-building-being-slowly-demolished-after-years-of-prominence/article_516b0d2b-5249-564e-bacf-185ca6a0f30c.html) on the way to work every day and didn't know its name until I read this article... and its name is fit for this thread.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 19 Jul 2016, 16:04
It took me a few seconds because I was pronouncing it wrong in my head.

Edit: Aww, it was named that on purpose? Now I'm disappointed, I was hoping it was actually named after someone named Pyare and the pun was an accident.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 20 Jul 2016, 18:49
Pyar means love in Hindi... Pyar squared might be the mutual love between two people. Love is a circle, obviously.

Seen on a blackboard outside a delicatessen yesterday:
"What kind of cheese would you use to disguise a horse?"
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 20 Jul 2016, 20:00
Wait, the e isn't silent? I've been saying it wrong...well, for years, but I've probably only said it three or four times.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 21 Jul 2016, 22:52
The exterminator had to be called back for another go at the Insanely Aggressive Bugs From Hell.

The paperwork described the work as "retreatment".

Dear FSM, the IABFH are so aggressive that they make even professionals retreat.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Jul 2016, 00:20
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VywKJSglL24
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 06 Aug 2016, 11:43
(http://i.imgur.com/4Jiz7c2.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Aug 2016, 12:28
I...don't get it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 06 Aug 2016, 12:34
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 06 Aug 2016, 18:47
 :roll:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 07 Aug 2016, 02:53
(http://www.solofoods.com/sites/solofoods.com/files/cat-eating-cake-3.jpg)
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 15 Aug 2016, 23:51
If snow is just another form of water, doesn't that mean that snowboarding is just another form of waterboarding?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: chaospersonified on 16 Aug 2016, 15:45
 My new thing is to ask everyone I see and know wearing a cowboy hat and boots if they're looking for salad. I mean, they're ranch dressing
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 17 Aug 2016, 19:06
Once upon a time there was a small desert village with a single well outside town. One day a young woman went to the well to fetch water, and the well heard her crying, and asked “What’s wrong?”

She stopped her sobbing and asked the well “You can talk?”

“Yes,” said the well. “Long ago, the witch who lives in this town gave me life so I could serve as a guardian to the townspeople.”

“Alas,” said the young woman. “I am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the townsfolk for many years. But the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the people up against her, and they burned her at the stake. I am young and still do not know very much magic. I tried to curse them, but my curses fizzled. Now I worry I will never avenge my mother’s death.”

“Do not be afraid,” said the well. “I will take care of this.”

The next morning, when the Mayor came to fetch water from the well, he heard an odd noise coming from the bottom. He peered over as far as he could to see what was happening. Then an impossibly long arm shot up from the bottom of the well, grabbed the mayor, and pulled him into the well shaft. There was a horrible crunching sound, and nobody ever saw the Mayor again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter, and they all lived happily ever after.

Moral of the story: living well is the best revenge
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 18 Aug 2016, 13:59
One could say he wound up going down to a crushing defeat
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 18 Aug 2016, 15:05
Well. That's a deep subject. Holds a lot of water.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Skewbrow on 26 Aug 2016, 12:52
So the mayor went to the well once too often?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 26 Aug 2016, 13:28
Well, he mayor may not have.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 Aug 2016, 14:02
In either case, he wound up loosing his grip on power
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 26 Aug 2016, 15:49
Stolen shamelessly from Oppositelock (http://oppositelock.kinja.com/how-do-camshafts-travel-1785820037)...

How do camshafts travel?

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 Aug 2016, 15:21
That'll do in a clutch
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 27 Aug 2016, 15:44
Should we pull the brakes on this train of thought?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 28 Aug 2016, 12:32
Well, it's either alternator carry on
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 28 Aug 2016, 13:36
Eh, I always just flywheel by the seat of my pants. But if you want to shift gears I'm okay with that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 28 Aug 2016, 18:59
Mitsubishi crankshafts would rather walk. (https://youtu.be/wFGGeIw5dwA)

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 30 Aug 2016, 16:13
Always going Ford though.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 31 Aug 2016, 04:08
Sure you couldn't Holden for a minute and let the rest of us catch up?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 31 Aug 2016, 16:37
That wouldn't be a Lada effort.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 31 Aug 2016, 19:20
Let Skoda extra mile.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 31 Aug 2016, 19:24
But, after we get Audi here, maybe we should take a SEAT.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 31 Aug 2016, 23:28
Just so we don't Dodge the issue.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 01 Sep 2016, 02:37
I'm afraid people are going to get tired of this fuelishness and go to bed oily.

(Can anyone figure out how to make a fuel injector pun that neither confuses people nor explains too much and spoils the pun? It would be easy to go off the rails.)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Skewbrow on 02 Sep 2016, 11:27
Fiat lux!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 02 Sep 2016, 11:29
Fiat lux!
God, please provide inspiration photons of people in their hour of darkness. Lumen.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 02 Sep 2016, 14:03
I'm Schacht at all this.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 02 Sep 2016, 14:30
Just stay away from the coastlines there, Kugai, so we don't have to worry about you in the after-Schachts.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 03 Sep 2016, 15:37
 :D


I'm aware of my enVeyronment. so don't worry  :-D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 23 Sep 2016, 16:34
Someone on Jeph's Twitter feed pointed out that if Hannelore did break into houses and alphabetize people's bookshelves, then that would be organized crime.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 23 Sep 2016, 18:28
Someone on Jeph's Twitter feed pointed out that if Hannelore did break into houses and alphabetize people's bookshelves, then that would be organized crime.

Pun jar. NOW.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 23 Sep 2016, 18:48
If you hit someone with the pun jar in the northern part of the Subcontinent, is that a Pun Jab?  :clairedoge:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 23 Sep 2016, 18:50
Hannelore would get hired by the mob whenever someone needs to be sorted out.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 24 Sep 2016, 10:09
If I run for President my platform will be to ban garlic powder and shredded cheese. It's time to re-discover the lost art of making those fresh by using a grater.

MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 24 Sep 2016, 11:38
Here's hoping your platform performs well in the mainstream garlic press.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 24 Sep 2016, 14:49
One has to be careful though, the Press can be a Nut Cracker when it wants to be.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 25 Sep 2016, 12:12
https://twitter.com/tom_forsyth/status/779936424875266049
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 25 Sep 2016, 14:49
I know these have been pun before, but I saw this today and it was indeed tearable.

(http://i.imgur.com/65UstEj.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Sep 2016, 16:27
Now you're just ripping things off



:-D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 26 Sep 2016, 07:13
A friend of mine was talking about her fluid dynamics homework, and was complaining of having to do calculations involving p (pressure) and rho (density), which caused me to think of a pun.

Rho, rho, rho your boat, sink into the stream...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 Sep 2016, 13:52
... Ha ha fooled you all, I'm a Submarine 


:-D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 26 Sep 2016, 15:57
Sure you're not just drunk off port?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 27 Sep 2016, 14:37
Well, that was a Stern talking too  ;)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Detachable Felix on 29 Sep 2016, 14:28
Let's hope this thread doesn't run aground
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Sep 2016, 14:36
Or head into a storm of Hurricane proportions
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 29 Sep 2016, 14:53
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14449024_1402458986435043_985989496780657163_n.jpg?oh=5d692bfe8177db7c8ae378b2b14d4b32&oe=58AADD5D)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Sep 2016, 15:33
(http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f50/Kugai2/Memes/Rimshot.jpg) (http://s44.photobucket.com/user/Kugai2/media/Memes/Rimshot.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 30 Sep 2016, 03:13
At least it's not Fucking.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 01 Oct 2016, 02:40
Is a prisoner in solitary a single-cell organism?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 01 Oct 2016, 14:00
Is the team bus parked right next to the field an example of Sideline Coaching?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 03 Oct 2016, 19:04
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14449024_1402458986435043_985989496780657163_n.jpg?oh=5d692bfe8177db7c8ae378b2b14d4b32&oe=58AADD5D)

Quote from: Not Bob Marley
I sought the serif!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 04 Oct 2016, 16:05
A pun I saw on Facebook:

Said into CB radio: What's today?
Reply: 10/4, good buddy.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 04 Oct 2016, 16:11
Ha! I wish I heard it earlier today.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 Oct 2016, 15:27
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14449024_1402458986435043_985989496780657163_n.jpg?oh=5d692bfe8177db7c8ae378b2b14d4b32&oe=58AADD5D)

Quote from: Not Bob Marley
I sought the serif!

At least it has Impact
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 05 Oct 2016, 17:28
[tweet]783729205020426240[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 06 Oct 2016, 22:54
Have you tried an Artiste Brewery?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 07 Oct 2016, 05:14
Puns relating to an ongoing natural disaster, so spoilering it.

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 07 Oct 2016, 06:14
(http://67.media.tumblr.com/5a2991ab86a6e953397ee1ddd63fb9a5/tumblr_o6ckh0SgOs1ridgmwo1_400.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 08 Oct 2016, 13:03
(http://i.imgur.com/4RcGJBT.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 13 Oct 2016, 17:45
[tweet]786645910998646788[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 14 Oct 2016, 15:15
That's awful, and I'm going to tell everyone I know.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 24 Nov 2016, 01:30
How do you control sheriffs?

Grab 'em by the posse.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 27 Nov 2016, 14:57
(https://i.imgur.com/99m0UoF.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 04 Dec 2016, 21:43
From http://imgur.com/gallery/t5LaE:

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu.

A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 Dec 2016, 00:05
Someone at a party was discussing a concussion she got by walking into a door.

Her doctor, she said, had asked if she had done it again since.

Straight lines like that don't come along just every year.

There was a quick quip of "One does not simply walk into more doors".
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 05 Dec 2016, 00:18
I might borrow mere elements of that pun.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 06 Dec 2016, 17:07
A mother with a prodigiously kinky hair texture who wore it naturally got a modeling job based on the resulting look. She saved all the proceeds in order to fund the purchase of a needed item for her son William who in his burgeoning career as a violinist had broken the means with which he had previously produced sound on the Stradivarius he was borrowing.

When asked what her strategy was she replied:

"I'm using my 'Fro Dough to buy a Bill Bow."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 06 Dec 2016, 18:16
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Skewbrow on 07 Dec 2016, 02:00
From http://imgur.com/gallery/t5LaE:

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu.

A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".

Only in America New England.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 15 Dec 2016, 04:15
Here's some fresh ground coffee to wake up with:

(http://i.imgur.com/TTH6JJp.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 15 Dec 2016, 20:23
In The Chroncles of Narnia, the Talking Mice compensated for their small size by being exceptionally brave warriors.

Their slogan could have been
"The few. The proud. The Murines."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 23 Jan 2017, 09:47
[tweet]823579689948155904[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 23 Jan 2017, 13:35
Here's some fresh ground coffee to wake up with:

(http://i.imgur.com/TTH6JJp.jpg)

There is a level in Hades for people who waste Coffee like that!!!!!


Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 23 Jan 2017, 17:34
(http://i.imgur.com/z1I4hch.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 24 Jan 2017, 15:37
Wondermark is hitting it out of the park at the moment.

http://wondermark.com/c1286/
http://wondermark.com/c1287/
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 26 Jan 2017, 16:40
[tweet]824775706471174147[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 26 Jan 2017, 22:36
My wife went to the chiropractor for a massage. Her knee was hurting but she limited the massage to back and shoulders. She said that going further would be misogyny.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 27 Jan 2017, 05:33
I get the knee at the end but the rest is lost on me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 27 Jan 2017, 10:20
Massage a knee.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 27 Jan 2017, 11:42
Oh.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 01 Feb 2017, 17:59
Why can't introverts have a food of their own?

Extroverts have extroversion olive oil.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LTK on 11 Feb 2017, 08:59
I offered my friend a German beer, but he refused, being all snobby about it. He said it was too löwebrau.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Feb 2017, 14:05
Sounds like he's a bit sour about kraut beer
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 11 Feb 2017, 23:49
Whatever country you make the beer in, the yeast needs to Germanate.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 14 Feb 2017, 04:17
If you make a beer-tankard out of parts of old broken ones, should you call it a frankenstein?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 14 Feb 2017, 06:24
That's FRONK-en-Steen...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 14 Feb 2017, 08:36
Fronkenshteen would like to drive a car, but he's not a Froaderick.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 14 Feb 2017, 14:35
And you wouldn't want to make a Hobbit of it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 25 Feb 2017, 03:46
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/d7/24/74/d724747f5ffeeef22b023ae53b3c7f60.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 25 Feb 2017, 17:01
[tweet]835271332812083200[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 26 Feb 2017, 06:17
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C5d62MAU0AAbDNu.jpg)

For some reason posting the tweet didn't post the actual picture.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 26 Feb 2017, 06:37
I see the picture on my end (Vivaldi on desktop Windows), it may depend on what client you're using (mobile web, Tapatalk, or desktop).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 26 Feb 2017, 06:39
Interesting, it doesn't show up on desktop Firefox OR mobile Safari, but when I disabled my content blockers on mobile Safari the whole tweet showed up instead of just text and a link to the tweet. So...maybe tweets get seen as an ad for some reason?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 26 Feb 2017, 07:20
Both worked fine for me (Firefox on Windows 7).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 26 Feb 2017, 07:35
Super bizarre, then.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 04 Mar 2017, 06:01
Not so much pun as double entendre, but amusing nonetheless.

Annals of email porn filtering (http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=31352)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 05 Mar 2017, 08:24
[tweet]834454023260532737[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 15 Mar 2017, 17:06
[tweet]539908657501446144[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 16 Mar 2017, 13:02
Id circle that pun with care
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 16 Mar 2017, 14:44
[tweet]842293450997436416[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 16 Mar 2017, 14:50
Let's be honest here... If someone was presented with such a clear punchline, people would have really gone after him for not taking such a low hanging fruit. And truly, he would have deserved every raspberry that he got.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 17 Mar 2017, 02:34
I'm glad that headline has been preserved.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 20 Mar 2017, 01:32
That is such a good pun, I'm finding it hard not to be jelly.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 21 Mar 2017, 02:48
[tweet]733229485802184704[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 21 Mar 2017, 16:30
But what key is it in.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 22 Mar 2017, 02:07
A flat.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 22 Mar 2017, 15:34
Minor?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 01 Apr 2017, 22:09
How does a guitar player count coup?

With a coup stick guitar.

A man was out at a restaurant with religious friends, the type who say they warmly care about gay people even though they consider them sinful.

The restaurant was noisy and one of his friends couldn't hear him.

The man said "You know what to do. Hate the din, love the dinner."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 02 Apr 2017, 15:54
Gave hos friend something to chew over  then
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 05 Apr 2017, 00:26
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 05 Apr 2017, 05:14
A business magazine had two equally qualified candidates for one position. They spent all day going over their resumes before picking the candidate who had thickened their font. Why? Because Fortune favors the bold.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 24 Apr 2017, 18:38
(http://i.imgur.com/5LilTrE.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 25 Apr 2017, 04:00
Never trust a kleptomaniac. They take everything, literally.

Never trust an atom, they make up everything.

Also that Mondays one is FUCKING AMAZING.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 25 Apr 2017, 19:48
I actually had to resort to google to work out what the heck the Mondays one was about.

Two things. Firstly, it is absolutely true that a joke is unfunny when explained. Secondly, I have never in my life used or heard the expression, 'A case of the Mondays.' It sounds weirder every time I read it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 25 Apr 2017, 19:50
Think of "the Mondays" as a medical condition, as in "a case of $disease".

Here it's used in one of the most famous contexts:

Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 26 Apr 2017, 16:42
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 04 May 2017, 20:17
(https://i.imgur.com/wgTXouE.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 05 May 2017, 04:48
[tweet]860458934930419712[/tweet]

Not what I normally follow @a2_4am for, but still good. (He usually tweets about removing Apple II copy protection.)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 05 May 2017, 05:54
My pet rock doesn't give a schist.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 May 2017, 10:08
My pet rock talks a blue streak.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 05 May 2017, 10:24
Last Summer my pet rock decided to split.

Still broken up over it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 05 May 2017, 12:33
I had a pet rock once. Turns out it was a rolling stone and left to pursue a career in music.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 May 2017, 16:05
My pet rock is very gneiss to me.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 05 May 2017, 16:09
I think I have some more rock puns, but I'll see if I can dig some up.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 05 May 2017, 16:10
Didn't gather any moss then..
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 05 May 2017, 17:48
Having a pet rock is just so hard.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Case on 05 May 2017, 20:27
My pet rock is covered in funk  :-D
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 May 2017, 22:32
My pet rock is stoned.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 07 May 2017, 18:38
My pet rock broke up with me, and now I have shingles.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 07 May 2017, 18:57
I used to talk to my pet rock everyday.

Until I realised it was stone deaf.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 07 May 2017, 22:04
My Pet Rock gained weight and became a  little Thek
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 09 May 2017, 21:05
My Pet Rock looks like a pair of boobs, squeezed together. It has great cleavage (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleavage_(geology)).
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 10 May 2017, 04:23
I turn my back for a moment, and before I know it, everyone has unleashed an avalanche of puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 10 May 2017, 06:17
You really have to watch out for falling puns. You don't want to get buried under a landslide of them.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 10 May 2017, 09:58
I guess the EU is clearing up 1GB of free space now.

(I'm going to hell for that one, aren't I)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 11 May 2017, 08:48
A kid wants to take a girl to the prom.

He goes to get a tux, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets his tux.

He goes to get her flowers, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets the flowers.

He goes to get a limo, and there’s a long line, but he finally gets the limo.

They go to prom, and there’s a long line, but they finally get in.

He goes to get them some punch, and there’s no punchline.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 12 May 2017, 17:28
[tweet]863027252660928513[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 May 2017, 17:06
A wee joke there
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 13 May 2017, 17:15
Now you're just taking the piss.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 May 2017, 17:17
Guess I was just flush with humour
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 13 May 2017, 20:07
Any more flush and you're in trouble. :laugh:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 13 May 2017, 20:13
I wonder how long before that DVD leaks, anyway.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 13 May 2017, 20:28
Comey, to Trump: "Urine trouble."
Trump, to Comey: "I'm pissed at you. You're fired."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 13 May 2017, 22:24
That argument barely holds water.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 16 May 2017, 05:13
[tweet]864451346765930501[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 16 May 2017, 05:46
Eh, I can only really give that 12 points.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 19 May 2017, 18:54
[tweet]865332887217897472[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 27 May 2017, 16:53
[tweet]868612262596157440[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 06 Jun 2017, 17:54
I was supposed to go to the cinema tonight with some friends.

Ended up waiting for (Gal) Gadot for nothing.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 12 Jun 2017, 19:16
[tweet]874332870067793923[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 13 Jun 2017, 19:22
Making a  Monkey of himself as usual
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 11 Jul 2017, 05:47
What happened when the woman backed into the airplane propeller?

(click to show/hide)

(Stolen from here (https://reddit.com/r/Justrolledintotheshop/comments/6mhto6/just_rolled_the_prop/dk2951j/).)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 11 Jul 2017, 17:50
Putting a new spin on things
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 12 Jul 2017, 02:21
Ouch, you know something propped off.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: FunkyTuba on 12 Jul 2017, 15:41
She wouldn't be nearly so cheeky afterwards
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 01 Aug 2017, 20:29
(http://i.imgur.com/LIFVUgb.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: NemesisDancer on 02 Aug 2017, 05:59
What do you call an empire run by napkins?
The Serviette Union.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: NemesisDancer on 02 Aug 2017, 10:18
Sorry to double-post, but just came up with a slightly more niche one:

--

Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero are comparing exam results. Greg asks, "How did you do, Tommy?"

Tommy responds: "I did Film Studies."

"I know that, but what grade? Did you get a high mark or a low mark?"

"Oh, high mark."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 06 Aug 2017, 17:38
I looked up both of them and I still don't get it, I'm afraid.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 06 Aug 2017, 18:44
The second one is a reference to The Room. Watch it. It’s wonderfully awful.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: NemesisDancer on 07 Aug 2017, 05:17
I looked up both of them and I still don't get it, I'm afraid.

It's a reference to a famously (and hilariously) bad film called The Room; Tommy Wiseau's character very frequently says "Oh hi, Mark!", sometimes at inappropriate times.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Pilchard123 on 07 Aug 2017, 11:00
There's a D&D stream I've been following (the campaign in question is now finished, and they've moved on to a new one) in which films from our world are all plays in-game. The Dark Knight is about a man wearing blackened armour fighting up a jester, for example. Shrek is a documentary. Tommy Wiseau is human, but everyone thinks he's half-orc.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 14 Aug 2017, 13:25
https://twitter.com/Noahpinion/status/897169732469530624
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 24 Aug 2017, 19:09
Dog to farmer: Here are all 30 sheep.
Farmer: But I count only 26.
Dog: I rounded them up.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: zisraelsen on 24 Aug 2017, 19:14
It was a ruff estimate anyway.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 24 Aug 2017, 20:49
The farmer felt it was more of a paw estimate.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tlaloc on 25 Aug 2017, 05:14
 :psyduck:
Are you barking?

Still better than the dog accountant who got six years for tax fraud. The judge was ruff in sentencing, and the defendant tried to get the ball thrown out of court.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 25 Aug 2017, 15:46
What a heel
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: zisraelsen on 25 Aug 2017, 18:50
What, did you expect him to just roll over?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tlaloc on 29 Aug 2017, 00:17
This thread quacks me up.

*ducks thrown objects*

So I opened a nightclub. It was called erectile dysfunction.
It was a complete flop...
Nobody came...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 29 Aug 2017, 06:33
Are people who worship antiperspirant Mennenites?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 29 Aug 2017, 16:21
I would say they're Armish   :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 29 Aug 2017, 17:08
Quick question.

Does anyone have any Ygrettes about Game of Thrones finishing for a year?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tlaloc on 29 Aug 2017, 23:45
Quick question.

Does anyone have any Ygrettes about Game of Thrones finishing for a year?

That's a wight good one...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 30 Aug 2017, 18:01
It's gonna feel an Aeygon till next season
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 30 Aug 2017, 18:50
It does feel like they'll be Drogon this wait on for a bit, doesn't it?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tlaloc on 31 Aug 2017, 00:15
Aerys you Mad you have to wait? :psyduck:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Kugai on 31 Aug 2017, 15:28
Just so we don't Hound the Producers
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 31 Aug 2017, 16:07
I know there are people who'll climb a Mountain to get some info about season 8.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 31 Aug 2017, 18:19
(https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/i0nfdfnnsjavjbutymgg.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 31 Aug 2017, 20:45
Is a suitcase made of leather carrion luggage?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 23 Sep 2017, 12:02
https://twitter.com/jennschiffer/status/911440951092097024
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 26 Sep 2017, 23:30
Why can't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

Every time he tries, he kills all 140 characters.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Method of Madness on 27 Sep 2017, 12:36
Now that Twitter allows 280 characters, maybe he'll finally release Winds of Winter to kill the rest?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 05 Nov 2017, 16:57
Quote
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “you’re in here alot, are you an alcoholic?”
The horse ponders for a minute and responds “I don’t think I am”
And poof he disappears
This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, “I think, therefore I am.”
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LTK on 16 Nov 2017, 11:03
Apparently Android phones have supported facial recognition unlocking for a while now, at least software side.

I could see myself using that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 19 Nov 2017, 21:58
I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.
(http://cdn.newsapi.com.au/image/v1/17971d0c742e7888525e153e29d1b746)
It has so many flaws.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 19 Nov 2017, 22:07
I've forgotten where I've heard this one (it may have been in this thread...), but:

Why do so many crows get killed by trucks on the Massachusetts Turnpike? Because they only know how to say 'caw'.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 19 Nov 2017, 22:19
I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.
It has so many flaws.

Yes, but really, I'm impressed it got built at all.

It was a tall order.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 30 Nov 2017, 04:13
AMD missed an opportunity when they named Zen's interconnect protocol, Infinity Fabric.

They should've named it Infinity External Interface.

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 03 Dec 2017, 17:31
(https://i.imgur.com/3kYoDhS.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Cornelius on 04 Dec 2017, 12:31
I dislike the Blue's Point Tower.

It has so many flaws.

This one took me far too long to get...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 05 Dec 2017, 07:48
From https://cybre.space/users/viciousviscosity/statuses/99122226376439226:

Quote
Kleptomaniacs always take things; literally.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 06 Dec 2017, 04:12
From https://x0r.be/@iks/99122552717950680:

Quote
Avoid diseases like the plague.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Welu on 14 Dec 2017, 11:08
https://twitter.com/HEAVENPEGASUS/status/926520679872073728
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 19 Dec 2017, 14:44
From http://oppositelock.kinja.com/things-you-didnt-know-1821444507:

Did you know that job applications to Citroën have to be made in duplicate?

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 24 Dec 2017, 12:28
Seen in an IRC channel:

Quote
[15:25] <Mark_F> My band is called 1023MB. We haven't had a gig yet..
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 24 Dec 2017, 15:21
Bees come back from scouting trips and inform the rest of the hive about routes to food.

Most large organizations depend on trust but a hive lives on constant bee trails.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 02 Jan 2018, 14:08
It's the Game of Drones.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 18 Jan 2018, 04:30
(https://i.imgur.com/wzHg0DJ.png)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 18 Jan 2018, 16:27
I saw this online, and it made me laugh.

A guy goes to change his password, and enters BEEFSTEW.
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 19 Jan 2018, 03:04
From https://cronk.stenoweb.net/@calvin/99374568538190591:

Quote
when cleaning your printer, gently place it in the tub and use proper Epson salts
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 20 Jan 2018, 09:12
(https://68.media.tumblr.com/2801f58b225469c7d451f92e19ff3507/tumblr_p27lnkfD6o1wwghevo1_1280.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 07 Mar 2018, 09:20
[tweet]971411364894867456[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 17 Mar 2018, 03:17
From which metal should you never make bearings?
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Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Ignominious on 19 Mar 2018, 02:35
I didn't know which direction you were taking that in.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 19 Mar 2018, 02:44
Are you trying to needle us?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Neko_Ali on 19 Mar 2018, 06:56
I just don't see the point in it, is all.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 19 Mar 2018, 08:54
From which metal should you never make bearings?
(click to show/hide)

Are you positive?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 20 Mar 2018, 05:07
From https://mst3k.interlinked.me/@luciferMysticus/99714024846293408:

Quote
Did you hear the one about the arctic birds who ate an entire marijuana field?

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Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 31 Mar 2018, 09:44
From this thread: https://mastodon.social/@Altruest/99371558880977280

Quote
What do you call it when somebody's kink is dressing up like trigonometric functions?

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Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 31 Mar 2018, 10:07
I once had a book about medieval knights.

Then a page fell out.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: SubaruStephen on 20 Apr 2018, 04:59
A French werewolf who knows everything about oils and greases:

He is a Lube Guru.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 26 May 2018, 15:01
Seen on a billboard in Wisconsin: "To not eat beef would be a missteak."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: HughYeman on 11 Jun 2018, 07:52
My wife and I were camping, and one morning we woke up to find that something—presumably a small rodent—had chewed through the bottom of the tent to get at a packet of nuts. I said to her "Honey... if that rodent had chewed all the way through the air mattress, would that have been a Die Fledermaus?"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 11 Jun 2018, 16:36
Seen on a billboard in Wisconsin: "To not eat beef would be a missteak."


...Good to know that ABS is still keeping up the bad cow puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: pwhodges on 13 Jun 2018, 00:49
Dad, what's an acorn?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 04 Jul 2018, 12:14
We all depend heavily on seaports but never acknowledge or celebrate them.

There should be a day set aside to honor harbors.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Blue Kitty on 07 Jul 2018, 07:27
Quote
when did the Japanese start eating eggs? a long たまご.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: pecoros7 on 11 Jul 2018, 00:13
A woman once witness a drunken man urinating in an alley behind a biergarten. Repulsed, she shrieked "That's gross!" The drunkard smiled widely and nodded. "Dankeschön!"
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 13 Jul 2018, 22:09
(https://agnostic.com/images/posts/63776_5msry7qfbu1xb61_full.jpeg?v=2)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 23 Jul 2018, 10:54
[tweet]1021089416721428482[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: DSL on 28 Jul 2018, 10:53
They booked a cruise on a cargo ship? I was a freighter that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 30 Jul 2018, 19:04
What's the difference between a well-dressed person on a bicycle, and a poorly-dressed person on a tricycle?

Attire.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 14 Aug 2018, 10:42
A man is at a friend's funeral. After the proceedings, he approaches the widow and asks if she minds if he says a word. "No, of course not," she replies. So he grabs a glass and taps a spoon against it to get everyone's attention, and when the muttering dies down, he clears his throat and speaks: "Plethora." He puts the glass back down and everyone continues their conversations. The widow turns to him, with a tear in her eye. "Thank you," she says.

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Source: https://glaceon.social/@monorail/100549774175725122
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 30 Aug 2018, 08:08
What is the politest branch of mathematics?

Deferential equations.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 30 Aug 2018, 08:56
What is the best thing about Switzerland?
 
I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 01 Sep 2018, 20:00
Android crashes on boot when running from SD card: https://mastodon.cloud/@atomjack/100653882033091291
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cybersmurf on 02 Sep 2018, 06:01
What's the shepherd's favorite dance?

The Lambada.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 02 Sep 2018, 23:46
Not the Basque dance?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cybersmurf on 03 Sep 2018, 05:28
I don't get that one, I fear it's lost in the language barrier.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 30 Sep 2018, 17:44
Not a pun but might be of interest. From a couple of years back, pun contests (https://www.wired.com/2016/09/pun-competitions/?CNDID=29750970&mbid=nl_093018_backchannel_list1_p2)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 13 Oct 2018, 08:15
(https://imgur.com/ozPSfhf.jpg)

edit -- it was showing up fine for me, but let's see if reuploading it to imgur makes it work...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 13 Oct 2018, 09:23
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DpZXayoX4AIqzFV.jpg)

Hm, not showing?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: pwhodges on 13 Oct 2018, 12:53
I see it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 30 Oct 2018, 20:00
Sherlock Homes and Watson are examining a scene, where a dead man is sitting on a toilet.

Sherlock: "I have no idea of the cause of death."
Watson:"It was constipation."
Sherlock: "What makes you say that?"
Watson:"No shit, Sherlock."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 08 Nov 2018, 12:43
(https://i.imgur.com/d1B5Vi2.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 09 Nov 2018, 07:57
Yesterday was "Aid and Abet a Punster Day". Sadly, I had no chance to do so, as the ten regular punsters that I know on various boards I frequent didn't say anything about it.




I'll let you fill in the rest.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 09 Nov 2018, 15:44
I've got nuthin.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 15 Nov 2018, 18:50
What is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything?

Fortitude.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 15 Nov 2018, 20:40
*gasp*
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LTK on 18 Dec 2018, 10:44
I came across a restaurant that served Arabic and Indian food. It was called the Taj Halal. I was tempted to go eat there just for that.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 20 Dec 2018, 08:18
(https://i.imgur.com/dLKpXB6.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 20 Dec 2018, 20:52
Q: Is there anything harder than buns of steel?

A: Butt of quartz!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 13 Feb 2019, 11:37
A study was performed that observed men in Nepal who had dogs, and found that they were more successful than other men in finding mates. Further study, however, is required to find out what would a cat man do.  :grumpypuss:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 15 Feb 2019, 04:55
I dunno man, something just smells fishy if you're not linking the results.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 15 Feb 2019, 05:23
What kind of animal would leave cheese on the forest floor in Russia? A moss cow.

What do you call an educated flagpole? A graduated cylinder.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 16 Mar 2019, 06:56
(https://i.imgur.com/fN6YVnr.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 16 Mar 2019, 07:39
What religion do roads belong to?

They're Catholic, because they cross themselves.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LTK on 17 Mar 2019, 15:56
People get so uppity about Russian aggression, but I'm just like "Oh, Crimea river."
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cybersmurf on 17 Mar 2019, 20:36
There's a pun somewhere around "cookbook for cadavers" and "necro-nom-icon", but that's morbid as fuck.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 01 Apr 2019, 03:03
I came across a restaurant that served Arabic and Indian food. It was called the Taj Halal. I was tempted to go eat there just for that.
There's a restaurant in North Sydney, at 88 West Street, named Eighty Ate...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 07 Apr 2019, 12:21
[tweet]1114425137883906048[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 07 Apr 2019, 21:04
Very good, but the one I really chuckled at was, "Now is the winter of our DISCOUNT TENTS." At Richard III Camping Goods store.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 08 Apr 2019, 17:40
[tweet]1115402384518332420[/tweet]
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 28 Apr 2019, 11:22
How many legs does a horse have? (https://www.google.com/search?q=how%20many%20legs%20does%20a%20horse%20have)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 28 Apr 2019, 14:28
(https://i.imgur.com/kWj3djT.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LTK on 09 May 2019, 04:01
Why did the trans man stop eating meat?

He was a herbivore.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 28 Jun 2019, 11:00
Pretty sure this counts:

Who was the Greek god of getting in the way?

Obstacles.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Case on 28 Jun 2019, 11:57
Pretty sure this counts:

Who was the Greek god of getting in the way?

Obstacles.

Makes me wonder about the Greek God of being cranky ...  :angel:

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Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 11 Jul 2019, 21:02
Why don't the nine ants who live together in an apartment pay rent?

Because they're not tenants.  :venonat:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 19 Aug 2019, 07:51
(Skyrim joke)

Why did the Dragonborn climb the seven thousand steps?

He wanted to know what all the Fus was about
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 19 Aug 2019, 09:18
How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?
Four fingers and a Thu'um.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 24 Aug 2019, 09:51
What do you call someone who studies looped Egyptian crosses?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LTK on 24 Aug 2019, 10:12
An ankheologist?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 01 Sep 2019, 15:17
What do you call the press secretary for a bicycle club?

The spokesperson.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 01 Sep 2019, 16:41
Okay, that one deserves one  :claireface:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 01 Sep 2019, 19:40
I disagree, it was awful and he should pedal his wares elsewhere.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 03 Sep 2019, 03:52
Come on, let's not derail this thread...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: jwhouk on 03 Sep 2019, 05:07
I think it would be recumbent to not continue on this course.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 03 Sep 2019, 05:45
In tandem with our responsibility to not continue with this course, we should consider that nobody would pay a penny or a farthing to listen to these puns.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 03 Sep 2019, 06:47
And so the vicious cycle continues. . . .
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 03 Sep 2019, 17:36
The spokesperson.
Rim-shot!
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 03 Sep 2019, 17:54
You all are just freewheeling with these puns. Put a fork in it, seriously.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Akima on 03 Sep 2019, 20:39
Sorry, you're just saddled with us
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 04 Sep 2019, 02:13
I think we need to change gears a bit, these are all just starting to chain together.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Thrillho on 04 Sep 2019, 11:42
I don't see the link, there.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cybersmurf on 04 Sep 2019, 12:07
This is going downhill from here, unless you do something inchainous
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: bhtooefr on 04 Sep 2019, 12:56
You all think you're a bunch of dynamos, pumping yourselves up like this, don't you.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 04 Sep 2019, 20:06
You’re just recycling jokes now.

This is a bit meta.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 04 Sep 2019, 20:27
How shocking, I don't think I can absorb all this at once, I'm in such suspension.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 04 Sep 2019, 20:28
Now, let's not go off the handlebars...
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 04 Sep 2019, 22:34
Q: What do you call the motors that drive power looms?

A: Warp engines.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cybersmurf on 05 Sep 2019, 07:06
would cubed beef be cow-a-dice?
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 06 Sep 2019, 02:37
Not to mince words with you, but yes.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cesium133 on 06 Sep 2019, 05:59
What kind of animal do you get sausage from?
Groundhog.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 06 Sep 2019, 07:03
Way to raise the steaks.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 06 Sep 2019, 09:09
These meat puns aren't very cleaver.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 06 Sep 2019, 17:19
I'll admit, they're a bit lean on the imagination. No need to shank us about it though mate.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 06 Sep 2019, 17:23
This bloody thread.  :roll:
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 06 Sep 2019, 17:24
You know, I'm sure I have another meat pun, but I'm certain I'd butcher it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Castlerook on 06 Sep 2019, 17:25
This bloody thread.  :roll:

Hey, a good meat pun is a rare medium well done.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: RedWolf4 on 06 Sep 2019, 18:03
Fuck, ok, you win. No bones about it.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: cybersmurf on 07 Sep 2019, 09:04
This bloody thread.  :roll:

Hey, a good meat pun is a rare medium well done.

this reminds me of a bad joke:
Quote
Confucius says:
It's good for girl to meet boy in park.
but it's better for boy to park meat in girl.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: Tova on 08 Sep 2019, 23:47
Noseguard is a dangerous anagram.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: hedgie on 22 Sep 2019, 16:20
Considering how many NPCs and locations I've stolen from Discworld for the first major city that my players encounter, even my own ideas have taken a turn for the pune:
The bar that the city guard in the slums drinks at is called "The Bent Copper", the local purveyor of stolen goods runs a shop called "The Good Neighbour", and the advice columnist in the local paper (UK forumites will get this one immediately) is a priestess of the goddess of pain.
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 30 Sep 2019, 08:16
(https://i.imgur.com/3wvSckI.jpg)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 07 Oct 2019, 12:24
I think a great name for a minor or peewee hockey team is the "Chilly Dogs"

A play on words of Chili Dogs and being cold (chilly)
Title: Re: Random Puns
Post by: LeeC on 15 Oct 2019, 11:00
(https://i.imgur.com/zQFj4GK.jpg)