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Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 96340 times)

cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1850 on: 26 May 2018, 15:01 »

Seen on a billboard in Wisconsin: "To not eat beef would be a missteak."
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HughYeman

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1851 on: 11 Jun 2018, 07:52 »

My wife and I were camping, and one morning we woke up to find that something—presumably a small rodent—had chewed through the bottom of the tent to get at a packet of nuts. I said to her "Honey... if that rodent had chewed all the way through the air mattress, would that have been a Die Fledermaus?"
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jwhouk

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1852 on: 11 Jun 2018, 16:36 »

Seen on a billboard in Wisconsin: "To not eat beef would be a missteak."


...Good to know that ABS is still keeping up the bad cow puns.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1853 on: 13 Jun 2018, 00:49 »

Dad, what's an acorn?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1854 on: 04 Jul 2018, 12:14 »

We all depend heavily on seaports but never acknowledge or celebrate them.

There should be a day set aside to honor harbors.
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Blue Kitty

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1855 on: 07 Jul 2018, 07:27 »

Quote
when did the Japanese start eating eggs? a long たまご.
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pecoros7

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1856 on: 11 Jul 2018, 00:13 »

A woman once witness a drunken man urinating in an alley behind a biergarten. Repulsed, she shrieked "That's gross!" The drunkard smiled widely and nodded. "Dankeschön!"
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1857 on: 13 Jul 2018, 22:09 »

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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1858 on: 23 Jul 2018, 10:54 »

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1859 on: 28 Jul 2018, 10:53 »

They booked a cruise on a cargo ship? I was a freighter that.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1860 on: 30 Jul 2018, 19:04 »

What's the difference between a well-dressed person on a bicycle, and a poorly-dressed person on a tricycle?

Attire.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1861 on: 14 Aug 2018, 10:42 »

A man is at a friend's funeral. After the proceedings, he approaches the widow and asks if she minds if he says a word. "No, of course not," she replies. So he grabs a glass and taps a spoon against it to get everyone's attention, and when the muttering dies down, he clears his throat and speaks: "Plethora." He puts the glass back down and everyone continues their conversations. The widow turns to him, with a tear in her eye. "Thank you," she says.

(click to show/hide)

Source: https://glaceon.social/@monorail/100549774175725122
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1862 on: 30 Aug 2018, 08:08 »

What is the politest branch of mathematics?

Deferential equations.
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jwhouk

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1863 on: 30 Aug 2018, 08:56 »

What is the best thing about Switzerland?
 
I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1864 on: 01 Sep 2018, 20:00 »

Android crashes on boot when running from SD card: https://mastodon.cloud/@atomjack/100653882033091291
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cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1865 on: 02 Sep 2018, 06:01 »

What's the shepherd's favorite dance?

The Lambada.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1866 on: 02 Sep 2018, 23:46 »

Not the Basque dance?
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1867 on: 03 Sep 2018, 05:28 »

I don't get that one, I fear it's lost in the language barrier.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1868 on: 30 Sep 2018, 17:44 »

Not a pun but might be of interest. From a couple of years back, pun contests
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Quote from: Officer O'Malley
Friggin' Mondays, I swear to God.
Quote from: an unnamed minister's sermon
In your face, darkness!  We are the light and we outnumber you!

cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1869 on: 13 Oct 2018, 08:15 »



edit -- it was showing up fine for me, but let's see if reuploading it to imgur makes it work...
« Last Edit: 13 Oct 2018, 09:28 by cesium133 »
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jwhouk

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1870 on: 13 Oct 2018, 09:23 »



Hm, not showing?
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pwhodges

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1871 on: 13 Oct 2018, 12:53 »

I see it.
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"Being human, having your health; that's what's important."  (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"  (from: The Eccentric Family )

cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1872 on: 30 Oct 2018, 20:00 »

Sherlock Homes and Watson are examining a scene, where a dead man is sitting on a toilet.

Sherlock: "I have no idea of the cause of death."
Watson:"It was constipation."
Sherlock: "What makes you say that?"
Watson:"No shit, Sherlock."
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LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1873 on: 08 Nov 2018, 12:43 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1874 on: 09 Nov 2018, 07:57 »

Yesterday was "Aid and Abet a Punster Day". Sadly, I had no chance to do so, as the ten regular punsters that I know on various boards I frequent didn't say anything about it.




I'll let you fill in the rest.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1875 on: 09 Nov 2018, 15:44 »

I've got nuthin.
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ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA!  ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES!  ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS!!  ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR!  ED MAKES THE SUN SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!!
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