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Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 110538 times)

cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1850 on: 26 May 2018, 15:01 »

Seen on a billboard in Wisconsin: "To not eat beef would be a missteak."
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HughYeman

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1851 on: 11 Jun 2018, 07:52 »

My wife and I were camping, and one morning we woke up to find that something—presumably a small rodent—had chewed through the bottom of the tent to get at a packet of nuts. I said to her "Honey... if that rodent had chewed all the way through the air mattress, would that have been a Die Fledermaus?"
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1852 on: 11 Jun 2018, 16:36 »

Seen on a billboard in Wisconsin: "To not eat beef would be a missteak."


...Good to know that ABS is still keeping up the bad cow puns.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1853 on: 13 Jun 2018, 00:49 »

Dad, what's an acorn?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1854 on: 04 Jul 2018, 12:14 »

We all depend heavily on seaports but never acknowledge or celebrate them.

There should be a day set aside to honor harbors.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1855 on: 07 Jul 2018, 07:27 »

Quote
when did the Japanese start eating eggs? a long たまご.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1856 on: 11 Jul 2018, 00:13 »

A woman once witness a drunken man urinating in an alley behind a biergarten. Repulsed, she shrieked "That's gross!" The drunkard smiled widely and nodded. "Dankeschön!"
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Tova

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1857 on: 13 Jul 2018, 22:09 »

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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1858 on: 23 Jul 2018, 10:54 »

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1859 on: 28 Jul 2018, 10:53 »

They booked a cruise on a cargo ship? I was a freighter that.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1860 on: 30 Jul 2018, 19:04 »

What's the difference between a well-dressed person on a bicycle, and a poorly-dressed person on a tricycle?

Attire.
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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1861 on: 14 Aug 2018, 10:42 »

A man is at a friend's funeral. After the proceedings, he approaches the widow and asks if she minds if he says a word. "No, of course not," she replies. So he grabs a glass and taps a spoon against it to get everyone's attention, and when the muttering dies down, he clears his throat and speaks: "Plethora." He puts the glass back down and everyone continues their conversations. The widow turns to him, with a tear in her eye. "Thank you," she says.

(click to show/hide)

Source: https://glaceon.social/@monorail/100549774175725122
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1862 on: 30 Aug 2018, 08:08 »

What is the politest branch of mathematics?

Deferential equations.
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jwhouk

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1863 on: 30 Aug 2018, 08:56 »

What is the best thing about Switzerland?
 
I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1864 on: 01 Sep 2018, 20:00 »

Android crashes on boot when running from SD card: https://mastodon.cloud/@atomjack/100653882033091291
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1865 on: 02 Sep 2018, 06:01 »

What's the shepherd's favorite dance?

The Lambada.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1866 on: 02 Sep 2018, 23:46 »

Not the Basque dance?
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1867 on: 03 Sep 2018, 05:28 »

I don't get that one, I fear it's lost in the language barrier.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1868 on: 30 Sep 2018, 17:44 »

Not a pun but might be of interest. From a couple of years back, pun contests
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1869 on: 13 Oct 2018, 08:15 »



edit -- it was showing up fine for me, but let's see if reuploading it to imgur makes it work...
« Last Edit: 13 Oct 2018, 09:28 by cesium133 »
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jwhouk

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1870 on: 13 Oct 2018, 09:23 »



Hm, not showing?
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1871 on: 13 Oct 2018, 12:53 »

I see it.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1872 on: 30 Oct 2018, 20:00 »

Sherlock Homes and Watson are examining a scene, where a dead man is sitting on a toilet.

Sherlock: "I have no idea of the cause of death."
Watson:"It was constipation."
Sherlock: "What makes you say that?"
Watson:"No shit, Sherlock."
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LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1873 on: 08 Nov 2018, 12:43 »

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1874 on: 09 Nov 2018, 07:57 »

Yesterday was "Aid and Abet a Punster Day". Sadly, I had no chance to do so, as the ten regular punsters that I know on various boards I frequent didn't say anything about it.




I'll let you fill in the rest.
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"Character is what you are in the Dark." - D.L. Moody
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Life's too short to be ashamed of how you were born.
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Tova

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1875 on: 09 Nov 2018, 15:44 »

I've got nuthin.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1876 on: 15 Nov 2018, 18:50 »

What is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything?

Fortitude.
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"Non-compliance is a social skill"
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In your face, darkness!  We are the light and we outnumber you!

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1877 on: 15 Nov 2018, 20:40 »

*gasp*
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"There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking." - Sir Joshua Reynolds (paraphrased)

LTK

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1878 on: 18 Dec 2018, 10:44 »

I came across a restaurant that served Arabic and Indian food. It was called the Taj Halal. I was tempted to go eat there just for that.
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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1879 on: 20 Dec 2018, 08:18 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1880 on: 20 Dec 2018, 20:52 »

Q: Is there anything harder than buns of steel?

A: Butt of quartz!
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1881 on: 13 Feb 2019, 11:37 »

A study was performed that observed men in Nepal who had dogs, and found that they were more successful than other men in finding mates. Further study, however, is required to find out what would a cat man do.  :grumpypuss:
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1882 on: 15 Feb 2019, 04:55 »

I dunno man, something just smells fishy if you're not linking the results.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1883 on: 15 Feb 2019, 05:23 »

What kind of animal would leave cheese on the forest floor in Russia? A moss cow.

What do you call an educated flagpole? A graduated cylinder.
« Last Edit: 01 Mar 2019, 05:33 by cesium133 »
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LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1884 on: 16 Mar 2019, 06:56 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1885 on: 16 Mar 2019, 07:39 »

What religion do roads belong to?

They're Catholic, because they cross themselves.
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"Non-compliance is a social skill"
Quote from: an unnamed minister's sermon
In your face, darkness!  We are the light and we outnumber you!

LTK

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1886 on: 17 Mar 2019, 15:56 »

People get so uppity about Russian aggression, but I'm just like "Oh, Crimea river."
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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1887 on: 17 Mar 2019, 20:36 »

There's a pun somewhere around "cookbook for cadavers" and "necro-nom-icon", but that's morbid as fuck.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1888 on: 01 Apr 2019, 03:03 »

I came across a restaurant that served Arabic and Indian food. It was called the Taj Halal. I was tempted to go eat there just for that.
There's a restaurant in North Sydney, at 88 West Street, named Eighty Ate...
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1889 on: 07 Apr 2019, 12:21 »

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1890 on: 07 Apr 2019, 21:04 »

Very good, but the one I really chuckled at was, "Now is the winter of our DISCOUNT TENTS." At Richard III Camping Goods store.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1891 on: 08 Apr 2019, 17:40 »

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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1892 on: 28 Apr 2019, 11:22 »

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LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1893 on: 28 Apr 2019, 14:28 »

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LTK

Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1894 on: 09 May 2019, 04:01 »

Why did the trans man stop eating meat?

He was a herbivore.
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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.
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