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Author Topic: Random Puns  (Read 224941 times)

Blue Kitty

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1950 on: 08 Feb 2020, 11:29 »

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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1951 on: 08 Feb 2020, 16:10 »

pain staking would be driving a stake through the heart of a baguette also that so-called "pun" doesn't work at all when you read it out aloud nggghghhhhhhhh  :psyduck:
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cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1952 on: 10 Feb 2020, 14:44 »

pain staking would be driving a stake through the heart of a baguette also that so-called "pun" doesn't work at all when you read it out aloud nggghghhhhhhhh  :psyduck:

Go away, you with your inpainatrable logic!
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1953 on: 10 Feb 2020, 23:05 »

nggghghhhhhhhh
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1954 on: 11 Feb 2020, 02:35 »

Is Roko pansexual?
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cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1955 on: 13 Feb 2020, 08:04 »

Is a melody that makes you fall asleep a naptune?
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1956 on: 14 Feb 2020, 03:56 »

Why should justice be cold?
(click to show/hide)
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RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1957 on: 14 Feb 2020, 04:15 »

You take your like and you get out.
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cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1958 on: 14 Feb 2020, 09:05 »

What's a vacuum's favourite dance?

The roomba.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1959 on: 24 Feb 2020, 23:49 »

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says, I think I might be a type o.
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cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1960 on: 27 Feb 2020, 02:56 »

Bloody hell.
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LTK

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1961 on: 01 Mar 2020, 06:37 »

No matter how meaty you are, a falling star is meteor.
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I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

TorporChambre

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« Reply #1962 on: 18 Mar 2020, 23:56 »

Indian taxors discovered a northern dwarf who, supernaturally, made alotta taxfree. When asked about his sharp double-entendre rejoindery, by which he eludes prosecution, his only comment was ``I eat Punjabi for breakfast.''
Brute force is neither a solution nor a base for one.
At least I'm not a mid-range computer + low-end pen.
« Last Edit: 19 Mar 2020, 00:16 by TorporChambre »
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LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1963 on: 16 Apr 2020, 18:11 »

How do glasses help you with math?

(click to show/hide)

Also these sailor moon fan comics are just great:
https://imgur.com/t/sailor_venus/f8TH7

I've never seen the show, but this comic makes Sailor Venus my favorite.
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1964 on: 08 May 2020, 08:07 »

I went to Southern California and had breakfast on the beach. It was the worst waffle I ever had: a sandy Eggo.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1965 on: 08 May 2020, 11:48 »

I went to Southern California and had breakfast on the beach. It was the worst waffle I ever had: a sandy Eggo.

Stay classy, Cesium.  :roll:
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LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1966 on: 24 May 2020, 21:15 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1967 on: 27 May 2020, 04:46 »

I felt I didn't know enough about excavating, so I got myself a digtionary.
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Case

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1968 on: 27 May 2020, 06:24 »

I felt I didn't know enough about excavating, so I got myself a digtionary.

*Glares daggers into cybersmurf*
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1969 on: 27 May 2020, 16:14 »

That pun paid off in spaaaaaaheyheyheygeddawayfrommeCase
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RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1970 on: 28 May 2020, 01:33 »

Miner complaint, but we're kinda hitting rock bottom here aren't we?
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1971 on: 28 May 2020, 05:05 »

There are depths not yet plumbed. Dig?
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RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1972 on: 28 May 2020, 07:00 »

Dug.
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cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1973 on: 28 May 2020, 09:26 »

If I hurt myself in autumn, does that count as fall damage?
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1974 on: 28 May 2020, 18:22 »

In Australia, if you fall while you march, April may.
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LeeC

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1975 on: 06 Jun 2020, 19:38 »

How do you cut the Roman Empire in half? You use Caesars!
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1976 on: 07 Jun 2020, 20:03 »

Please tell me that’s not how you pronounce scissors.
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cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1977 on: 14 Jul 2020, 12:24 »

Stolen, but makes me chuckle every time:

What's the difference between the bird flu, and the swine flu?
One needs tweetment, the other one needs oinkment.
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1978 on: 15 Jul 2020, 18:46 »

Are you going too watch the World Origami Championships?
(click to show/hide)
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RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1979 on: 15 Jul 2020, 21:15 »

I imagine it got exactly as wooden a response then as it did now.
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TorporChambre

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A nonrandom arbitrary
« Reply #1980 on: 25 Jul 2020, 21:22 »

Exoärchæologialitally thrown the 4th Solfrom my boredom mortescent; an abandoned post-case textile recrescent, memorially by contemporaries' despite me initiative's reëxcavation, dignitaries observed.
« Last Edit: 12 Aug 2020, 17:01 by TorporChambre »
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cybersmurf

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1981 on: 26 Jul 2020, 11:31 »

Have you heard about the new hip apple based alcoholic beverage?
It's an in cider.
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Akima

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1983 on: 28 Aug 2020, 23:38 »

Astronaut Boris:   "I can't find the milk for my tea!"
Astronaut Alice:   "In space no one can. Here, use cream."
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Pilchard123

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1984 on: 29 Aug 2020, 03:00 »

I'm torn. Should I like that or report it?
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RedWolf4

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1985 on: 29 Aug 2020, 03:17 »

Either way so long as Darjeeling with it, the rest of us don't have to worry about it.
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cesium133

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1986 on: 03 Sep 2020, 07:10 »

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厚目眠子

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1987 on: 04 Sep 2020, 23:58 »

I don't like trying new things, but I decided to try a pack of something that is not quite black tea. They shipped a case of it. It's bins oolong since I had tea that I like.
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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1988 on: 05 Sep 2020, 18:29 »

I don't like trying new things, but I decided to try a pack of something that is not quite black tea. They shipped a case of it. It's bins oolong since I had tea that I like.
Always assam to have something you enjoy.
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Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1989 on: 05 Sep 2020, 19:55 »

Sorry, you two, but Akima has now raised the bar for groanworthy puns.
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厚目眠子

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BREAKING: Lawyer enters bar, says "ouch".
« Reply #1990 on: 05 Sep 2020, 21:52 »

A few months ago, a lawyer entered the bar. To celebrate, the lawyer walked into a bar and overheard the bartender harassing a horse about the shape of it's face. The lawyer convinced the horse to sue the bar for discriminatory practices. They discover other discriminatory practices, such as refusing service to a string who subsequently suffered a mid-life crisis involving self-harm. This bar settled the class-action suit out of court. The lawyer now lies unconscious. Cut to eyewitness---cut back to the reporter, turn to lawyer regaining consciousness: "ouch."
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Gyrre

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1991 on: 25 Sep 2020, 04:46 »

What did the nervous Roman soldier pray when he offered a piece of albacore to the approaching storm?

"Hail for tuna."
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"Broken swords and dragon bones scattered on the way back home."

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bhtooefr

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1992 on: 25 Sep 2020, 10:55 »

Seen online:

(click to show/hide)
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Gyrre

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1993 on: 26 Sep 2020, 03:12 »

Seen online:

(click to show/hide)

Guess I'm still too sheltered in regards to drugs to get this one.
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Quote
a real-ass gaddam sword
Quote
"Broken swords and dragon bones scattered on the way back home."

Too stubborn to die, just like the rest of my family.

Tova

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1994 on: 26 Sep 2020, 04:05 »

(click to show/hide)
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Gyrre

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1995 on: 28 Sep 2020, 00:12 »

(click to show/hide)
Ah.
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Quote
a real-ass gaddam sword
Quote
"Broken swords and dragon bones scattered on the way back home."

Too stubborn to die, just like the rest of my family.

Farideh

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1996 on: 28 Sep 2020, 01:17 »

(click to show/hide)


Ah! I just kept thinking about encryption standards.
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thorp
« Reply #1997 on: 07 Oct 2020, 21:00 »

They've made a first lycanthorpe, once our octothorpe unlycanthrope---would be yet were wolves unhumanizate.
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snubnose

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1998 on: 08 Oct 2020, 06:08 »

(click to show/hide)
(click to show/hide)
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Dandi Andi

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Re: Random Puns
« Reply #1999 on: 08 Oct 2020, 07:02 »

(click to show/hide)
(click to show/hide)

I believe an old joke is appropriate here.

Jokes are a lot like frogs. You might learn something by dissecting them, but they never survive the process.
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