I know you only do this to hurt me. I've come so close, and yet they've always been so unbearably far away. Instead of all the taunting and dancing around, why don't you just come out and say that you're trying to make my life as miserable as possible? Why don't you just say that you enjoy my pain? That you get off on hurting me?
If you're going to hurt me, just stamp me out instead of slowly suffocating me until the flames die. Don't prolong my suffering Mai, just don't...
Heartless bitch.
darryl, i absolutely promise you that one of the first things i will do when my bank balance reaches my goal amount is to send you a delicious batch of brownie cupcakes. hopefully these will actually
make it there this time.
i have 20 minutes to kill before i go see the lemonheads so i am going to spend it telling my sob story to the blog thread.
meebo people have often heard me lamenting over 'tea boy'. he is a very pretty boy who sometimes stands outside the tea shop in the mall where i work handing out free samples. i finally managed to strike up conversation with him, and then began to greet him with a 'hello' and a smile whenever we ran into each other (which is fairly often). i was met with awkward polite friendliness, but i could tell it was fake. he would wave hi to me with a look in his eyes that said "oh great, there is that weird girl who keeps saying hi to me, i guess i should just smile and be nice until she goes away."
i started taking a different route to work. one that didn't involve passing the tea shop. i didn't see him for a long time. his dreamy eyes and cute smile began to fade from my mind. he didn't matter to me anymore.
then today, i saw him. i was walking outside for my lunch break, he was walking towards me. i was caught off guard. i couldn't pretend like i hadn't seen him so i gave him a sheepish smile (i'm sorry! i know you don't want to say hi to me but i guess it is too late for that now!) and scampered away to sit on my bench and eat my lunch.
a few minutes later, right in the middle of an awkward bite, he appeared again out of nowhere. "is this seat taken?" he asked.
"ummm no!" i replied, my heart aflutter. why was he here? did he not hate me after all? maybe all the disdain he had shown me was all in my head. maybe he secretly liked me but just could never show it because of that crazy girlfriend everyone had told me about! i didn't understand why there was this sudden change of heart but at least he was finally showing some semblance of interest in interacting with me!
"so, you know my friend stacy right?" he asks right away.
"yeah," i reply, my heart sinking. "we've bumped into each other a few times."
"well, i think he really has a thing for you. he keeps coming to me and telling me how pretty you are."
what can i even say to that?
"oh well... that's nice of him. he seems like a nice guy..."
"yeah, he is too shy to come talk to you. but he kept talking about you so i finally told him i would come talk to you for him."
"that's just silly," i laugh. "he should come talk to me. i don't bite."
"not hard anyways," he counters with a grin.
"not in a bad way," i cheekily agree.
are we ...
flirting???
"anyways," he says. "i'll come to your work sometime with him and make him talk to you. you wouldn't get in trouble for that, right?
(oh. i guess we're not.)
"okay... that's fine."
"he keeps trying to set me up," he says suddenly "with that girl there. katie?"
"...oh?"
"yeah. i keep saying no. i have a girlfriend and even though things aren't going well with her i'm not going to go around chasing other girls. and besides, how old is she?"
"she's 20."
he perks up. "hey! that's definitely legal!"
with that, he stands up to leave. "i'll see you later with stacy!" he says before waving at me and walking away.
i sit with my lunch left half unfinished. dejected. pretty tea boy only came to talk with me so he could set me up with his friend and get set up with my coworker. from now on we will be back to forced half smiles and strained hellos when we pass each other in the hall.
then i suddenly remember there are 15 cupcakes sitting in the break room and all memories of tea boy fade swiftly from my mind. there is no more room in my heart for heartache and thoughts of boys. not when there are
cupcakes!!!
