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Author Topic: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.  (Read 245591 times)

LTK

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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3001 on: 27 Sep 2019, 12:22 »

I'm currently out for drinks, and they're playing some cello covers from YouTube. and the last track on the list is "Fear of the Dark", which I misread as "Fear of the Duck".
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3002 on: 27 Sep 2019, 12:40 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3003 on: 27 Sep 2019, 14:35 »

I dunno, that last one's pretty unbelievable. 

I mean, a cat eating salad?  Come on...

It was a tuna salad (but is not any longer!).
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3004 on: 28 Sep 2019, 12:16 »

[Just having fun, in the overwrought style of HP Lovecraft, and riffing on a recent post]

Across the city, people were frowning, suddenly chilled with a feeling that there was something deeply wrong, and looking up into a sky suddenly dank with a nameless miasma.  The moon was become tinged with red, and great shadows were crossing the sky.

Only the shadows, at first.  It was as though they weren't being cast by anything, as though the light itself had been projected in a twisted, distorted form, or passed through spaces somehow bent in directions we cannot see.  But as the night became longer, a suggestion of looming, impossible forms began to cross the sky.

No one could quite bring themselves to see one entire.  The whispered, ghostly suggestion of a great slimy, green foot whose long webbed toes crossed the entire sky made the mind quail and the bowels clench, as dread man has inherited from the most primitive animals reduced the bravest among them to gibbering terror.   The light pressure of a gigantic, ethereal hoof, pressing briefly on one or two square miles of land, supporting an immense, incomprehensible weight and bulk whose vastness was only just beginning to enter upon our reality,  caused hearts to stop.  Some of those hearts started again, hammering in unreasoning fear, and some fortunate few did not.  A single foul, blue-gray feather spiralled menacingly down from the sky, passed through all that dwelled on the surface and into the vulnerable earth beneath them, and left all just a little fouler, a little more debased, a little less human than they'd been before, and a little more of something else.  Something alien, terrible, and incomprehensible.  These signs and manifestations could barely be seen at all.  And having seen one, no one dared look further.  No one dared strain their vision to try to make out the creatures these things portended.  No one dared look, because, somehow, in their hearts suddenly thick with despair and terror, they already knew.

These things had walked the Earth before, in a time before there were men.  In days when ancient, reptilian beings built strange cities on different shores.  Those beings, grown arrogant and careless, had ignored the warnings as psychics and seers among them had all gone mad.  Some members of that strange, long-lost people had called upon these nameless things, and in the years and centuries following, their civilization had been terribly torn asunder.  Finally, when there were no more minds to feed upon, when nothing save animals remained, these vast creatures had called down a great firey cataclysm to erase all traces of that civilization, and left the wounded, mourning world until another crop was ready for harvest.  And now that time had come.  There was no way, save perhaps in the depth of the genetic memory of all living things that feared them, to know how many times it had come before.

They became more visible as they crossed the world, though no one could bear to look upon them.  What had begun as shadows, and become barely-visible ghostly manifestations, became shapes made out of fog, then shadowed shapes somehow obscured by fog, then grew steadily more real.  It was the barrier between realities, wearing away as they made their journey.  As they approached the place where a few mad arrogant fools had opened the way for them.

In a forest clearing deep in the wilderness, in a place to which each had come by a different path, these few now rounded on the frenzied ending of their ritual.  Many were smeared with blood, because that was the kind of ritual it had been.  Most were naked, or clad only in ritual decorations.  They leapt and shrieked and danced and fornicated around their fires, again and again calling upon their obscene idols to become real.  Under it all, a wild drumming never ceased.  Those drums beat with purpose, and yet they had no rhythm we could comprehend.  Their rhythm was inhuman, something imposed on the universe by creatures other than man.  Their song was the opening of the path.

These things had not been passed down through generations.  Every civilization that has ever beaten that rhythm and sung that song has left behind no one to carry forward that knowledge.  Rather, they have been subtly woven into the fabric of our universe.  Something a little bit like them is bound to emerge, if only by chance.  And then, because intelligent, conscious minds have a peculiar, universal habit of steadily repeating and changing things, guided as often by a frisson of fear as by any other impulse, having emerged it reaches, sooner or later, a form true enough to open the way.   If there are conscious, intelligent minds to bring it into that form, that rhythm and that song must eventually emerge.  In an obscene and cruel parody of nature, these vast creatures have adapted perfectly, because conscious, intelligent minds are their nourishment.

The words were not the same words, of course.  The words that had been sung millions of years before had been sung by inhuman tongues and emerged from strange, reptilian throats in languages structured differently from the languages of men.  The words were different every time.  But always they conveyed the same intent - to bring the ancient unnatural things from whatever reality held them into ours.  And always they had the same result.  Those who beat that rhythm and sang those words would be the first to be eaten.  As the members of the cult danced and drummed and fornicated themselves ever closer to death, the chant continued.

"It's time to light the incense.
It's time to slay the sheep.
It's time to wake the muppets
From a million years of sleep.


It's time to raze existence
It's time to banish light
It's time to call the Void in
On the Muppet Show tonight!


With apologies to HP Lovecraft and Jim Henson....
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3005 on: 28 Sep 2019, 20:05 »

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3007 on: 30 Sep 2019, 07:05 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3008 on: 03 Oct 2019, 11:50 »

Fozzie Cent - In Da Club

Sesamtage (I need to find the original movie and watch it with my daughters)
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3009 on: 07 Oct 2019, 08:13 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3010 on: 14 Oct 2019, 12:21 »

So the TV channel FreeForm is have their Halloween special month "31 days of Halloween" and so they recut trailers for movies to make them Misleading, like the movie Scream is recut with the Dawson's Creek music to make it seem like its a Teen Drama movie from the 90s rather than a horror movie. another good one is with the trailer for Mrs. Doubtfire recut as a horror movie:


Ironman


Addams Family



There are more but I can't seem to find them on youtube. Whomever is editing these for FreeForm needs a raise!
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3011 on: 21 Oct 2019, 10:43 »

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3012 on: 24 Oct 2019, 12:37 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3013 on: 28 Oct 2019, 07:26 »

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3014 on: 29 Oct 2019, 07:19 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

LTK

Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3015 on: 29 Oct 2019, 14:27 »

I just discovered what happened to the deer in Alice Grove!

This

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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3016 on: 29 Oct 2019, 15:08 »

That is pretty twisted.  I like it.
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3017 on: 29 Oct 2019, 19:18 »

God I love these Untitled Goose Game memes.




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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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"Being human, having your health; that's what's important."  (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"  (from: The Eccentric Family )

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3019 on: 30 Oct 2019, 07:19 »

French healthcare advertisement promoting vaccination against seasonal flu
I can't find the video, so here is an imgur gif with sounds:
https://imgur.com/gallery/kMzJZPK


« Last Edit: 30 Oct 2019, 07:45 by LeeC »
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3020 on: 01 Nov 2019, 10:28 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3021 on: 01 Nov 2019, 18:52 »

I hate to say this, but I need that one explained...
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3022 on: 01 Nov 2019, 19:31 »

Internet Explorer is so slow its only now getting to area 51 for the raid which was on September 20th

The comment is saying that the further in the future you finally come across this meme, the funnier it is because to the viewer it seems like internet explorer is just now getting to it.
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3023 on: 01 Nov 2019, 23:27 »

I read it as a 'lost time' joke.

There's a story UFO enthusiasts tell one another about planes that take off, spend (say) three hours flying to their destination, and land three hours AND TEN MINUTES later.  Where did the ten minutes go?  What happened?  Why doesn't anybody remember?  We must have gotten interfered with by Aliens!!!  The longer the chunk of time that's missing, the more certain the evidence of aliens becomes.

It's the airline variation on an earlier 'guy making a ten minute trip arrives six hours later, thinks he's been driving for ten minutes' story. 

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LTK

Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3024 on: 02 Nov 2019, 01:28 »

Mori, I think you VASTLY overestimate the level of thought that goes into these memes.
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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3025 on: 02 Nov 2019, 08:55 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE.

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

normal person in 1st century Nazareth: making my way downtown, walking fast

*sees J boy, 8 yo, staring at you from across the street*

normal person: walking faster

even funnier, the only person 100% on board with his Prophetic Kid Talk is his mother Miriam, an otherwise placid, absolutely normal woman around 25 or so



kid JC, coming home at twilight, a single white dove following him and chirping with weirdly human-like precision:

 moth̫́er,̦͌ ̮̉i h͙̉av͔̽e ͓͗b̘̃r̞̓o̮͘u̲̒gh̟͒t̺́ you a do̗͐ṽ͙e̢͘ ͈̾m͒͢a͈̽dē̝ ỏ̘f ͈̓c̆͜l͔̂aỷ͇ aṋ̑d̳̿ g͢͞i̹̾fted̖͡ ̻͐it ͓͂w̖̿it̎͜h t̥̃h͙͒e ̨̒m̧̂i̡̍ŗ͒â̫cḷ̔è̤ ̛̻of̞̅ l̘̈i̛̦fè̳
Miriam: ! that’s my little boy :) now let’s go get ready for dinner :)

her husband Yosef, a carpenter who only marginally got signed up for this:

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3026 on: 05 Nov 2019, 07:32 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3027 on: 05 Nov 2019, 13:26 »

Here's some wholesomeness. Be sure to turn on sound:
Baby laughs at cooing Chewbacca.
https://imgur.com/gallery/kIZBAg5
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3028 on: 06 Nov 2019, 03:05 »

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3029 on: 06 Nov 2019, 07:41 »

Quote
The probability of you getting attacked by a gorilla at any given point is very low… but it’s never zero.
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3030 on: 07 Nov 2019, 16:15 »



"One day, you go into work when you see Clark and Diana chatting to another man. You're sure you've seen him before, but you can't quite place it. Its only as you get closer, you realise its Gotham billionaire Bruce Wayne. For a moment, you're struck by two points - the first is that for three completely different friends, they each have the same shade of black hair and their eyes are the same shade of blue. Secondly, you look over Bruce's head and see the Dangerometer has broken."
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3031 on: 08 Nov 2019, 07:34 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3032 on: 08 Nov 2019, 11:23 »

A wholesome post for Friday:

https://imgur.com/gallery/JoOIWkt
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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3033 on: 08 Nov 2019, 14:43 »

(with Yelling Bird in the comments, I note.)
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3034 on: 08 Nov 2019, 15:03 »

A wholesome post for Friday:

https://imgur.com/gallery/JoOIWkt

This was a pure delight.
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3035 on: 09 Nov 2019, 18:58 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3036 on: 12 Nov 2019, 07:13 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3038 on: 16 Nov 2019, 20:21 »

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3039 on: 17 Nov 2019, 04:22 »

(click to show/hide)
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3040 on: 18 Nov 2019, 12:28 »

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You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it. - M. Gustave

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3041 on: 19 Nov 2019, 13:11 »





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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3042 on: 20 Nov 2019, 15:27 »

That was an excellent fucking contribution to this thread, friend.
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3043 on: Yesterday at 08:27 »

Yelling Bird ain't got nothing on this:

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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3044 on: Today at 07:07 »





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cesium133

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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3045 on: Today at 07:17 »

Yelling Bird ain't got nothing on this:

Sounds like a fire alarm.

Incidentally, a few weeks ago, I was walking in the woods when I heard a police siren off in the distance. Then, nearby, I heard what sounded like 20 police sirens. Turns out in the suburbs of Chicago, the coyotes like to imitate police car sirens with their howling.
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Re: This thread is like a broken pencil: pointless.
« Reply #3046 on: Today at 09:17 »

Makes you wonder what, exactly, a police siren means in Coyote ...
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