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Just how many poop 'jokes' can you fit into five strips without it seeming repetitive?

A sequence of five single-panel breakfast dioramas (more cereal for everyone!)

A whole week of Marten, Claire and Faye sitting on the couch and discussing indie music (with bonus Pintsize Hijinx)

Faye and Bubbles talking about nothing in particular whilst fixing Punchbot (again)

Buttrocket makes a spectacular return and several nice men from the NSA are annoyed!

Dora and Tai domesticity including hints about the new library interns

Steve meets up with Emily and Clinton to tell them that he is Emily's government-provided bodyguard

Future!Emily reveals that Sam is the Prophecied Saviour of the World!

Claire and her Woodland Friends debut their new Disney-esque theme song

Jeph does his own 'character profiles' (like the robot guides) for the main cast

Other (specify in post please!)

[hedgie]

The Big Bang?  Isn't *that* what the Large Hardon Collider is supposed to duplicate?

[retrosteve]

Compliments to Jeph on the very fluid and natural body language for Marten and Claire in this cuddle strip. This cannot have been easy to draw, and he did it very well!

[Case]

It all goes back to the Big Bang. If the Big hadn't Banged, none of this would have happened. Literally.

Looks like you have the market on retcon-guilt-tripping cornered in two posts.
Chapeau!

The Big Bang?  Isn't *that* what the Large Hardon Collider is supposed to duplicate?

Every time somebody makes that pun, Edward Witten starts twitching.
(So go right ahead ...)

[Is it cold in here?]

Welcome, skarnet!

[Delator]

Well I don't know about Massachusetts, but any bar in Wisconsin will serve you water at no charge without any backtalk.

Designated drivers being somewhat helpful, after all.

Hell, if I went into a bar, asked for water, and got treated like that, my next phone call would be to the Tavern League.

Only so many liquor licenses to go around, and it's a long wait list.

[BenRG]

I'm not sure what I think about this. On the one hand, there is the issue of the boss's profits, water being literally dirt-cheap, after all. On the other hand, the customer is always right and surely some sale is better than no sale and increases the chance of repeat business!

I might be remembering wrong but I seem to recall from the date with Emily that Clinton doesn't have the strongest tolerance for alcohol. He also pretty much on the rebound here and alcohol would nicely numb his bad mood; lots of alcohol. I'm wondering if Jeph is planning a drunken one-night stand possibly even leading to consequences of some sort?

[Deadman]

Why do I get the strange feeling this might lead to romance even though it is probably just going to be him working through his problems in a drunken stupor.

[mad hands murphy]

the bar i used to go to would give you anything non alchoholic for free

like water but also cranberry juice or ginger ale or whatever

it was nice

[mad hands murphy]

Why do I get the strange feeling this might lead to romance even though it is probably just going to be him working through his problems in a drunken stupor.

maybe he'll fall in love with being a drunk

[Mordhaus]

Yeah, most bars have soda if they require you to purchase something.

[Timemaster]

Clinton, frustation, anger and alcohol. This cannot possibly end well.

For him.

For us, as the omniscent spectators, it´s completely different.


@ Zebediah: I´d gladly give Emily more hours, but I´m worried what she´ll do with them, given her genius-like skills.
Maybe distort the space-time continuum or create a flux-compensator.
Hmm, I´ll see what I can do. 

TM

[Kugai]

Never known a bar that wouldn't give or serve you water even if you wound up paying a small fee for it.

Then again, most of the bars I've been to have been the sort of mid level places that would charge $3 for a large glass of water.

I think Monday is gonna find Clinton passed out somewhere

[oeoek]

Looks like the Jimbo kind of bar to me. So uhm, next week will be Clin-ton taking romantic advice from our Notorious Novelist? I still have high hopes for this romance...

[Tova]

This comic was very strange for me to read.

Licensed premises in Australia are legally obliged to serve drinking water to anyone who requests it, either free or at a reasonable cost. It's a part of the Responsible Service of Alcohol laws.

[creatureshock]

Well I don't know about Massachusetts, but any bar in Wisconsin will serve you water at no charge without any backtalk.

Designated drivers being somewhat helpful, after all.

Coffee, soda, tea in some cases.  Being the DD one driving people home means you need something to drink.  You want people spending money on booze?  Make sure they can get home.  Easiest way is giving the DD the ability to drink something without booze in it. 

[swapna]

Isn't there a law against this? Where I live, it's illegal for bars not to offer non-alcoholics, and also at least one non-alcoholic drink has to be cheaper than the cheapest alcoholic one. And even if it's not the law, it doesn't make sense not to serve non-alcoholic drinks; they're cheaper, yes, but there's still profit to be made from designated drivers, people who don't drink but like the company and people who do drink but want to slow down sometimes.

Well, maybe Jeph didn't have any other justification for Clinton to get drunk except a very, very weird bartender.

[K1dmor]

 Last time Clinton went to a bar, things got really ugly. Here's hoping it doesn't happen again.

[Doc]

"Okay barb*tch, there are a gazillion bars in this neighborhood. If you serve me a water now, maybe a next time I'll take a beer. And hey, maybe you'll get a tip!"

[Near Lurker]

Well I don't know about Massachusetts, but any bar in Wisconsin will serve you water at no charge without any backtalk.

Designated drivers being somewhat helpful, after all.

Hell, if I went into a bar, asked for water, and got treated like that, my next phone call would be to the Tavern League.

Only so many liquor licenses to go around, and it's a long wait list.

Liquor licenses are a notorious pain in the ass here, but I doubt you could get one revoked over a thing like that.

Designated drivers are fine, but if you're alone, at least if you're a young man, you'd better be buying something.

[Dust]

So they don't even have water in the bar gun? I've seen some rough as guts small-town pubs, but that's a first for me.

[swapna]

Liquor licenses are a notorious pain in the ass here, but I doubt you could get one revoked over a thing like that.

Designated drivers are fine, but if you're alone, at least if you're a young man, you'd better be buying something.

I don't think he expected to get the water for free; she could also have offered him a soda or a coffee or something.

[USS Martenclaire]

The Big Bang?  Isn't *that* what the Large Hardon Collider is supposed to duplicate?

The LHC creates a Very Small Parping Sound. Think "cosmic fart in an elevator".

[BenRG]

Why do I get the strange feeling this might lead to romance even though it is probably just going to be him working through his problems in a drunken stupor.

BARLADY: "I am not the 'Barkeep'. I am the 'Host'; the lady who draws the brews; the genial smile that greets the sad faces that come through the door; the sympathetic listening ear to the tales of woe brought to me by hopeless patrons."

CLINTON: "Whatever! You sure helped me out! Thanks, Barkeep!"

CLINTON throws a few bills at BARLADY and runs out of the bar.

BARLADY: "I... think I might be good at this!"

BARLADY turns to an unconscious JIMBO, whose head is resting on the bar. She pats him on the shoulder.

BARLADY: "So, what's your story?"

JIMBO slumps bonelessly onto the floor.

Yes, a ST-DS9 reference, courtesy of Quark, surely the most awesomely funny barkeep in the history of sci-fi!

[Akima]

Licensed premises in Australia are legally obliged to serve drinking water to anyone who requests it, either free or at a reasonable cost. It's a part of the Responsible Service of Alcohol laws.

I've ordered non-alcoholic drinks in bars in the USA too, so yes, this comic seemed strange. The is the bar of compulsory alcohol, apparently.

[Cypher]

Seems that no chance is ever to be missed for personal interaction between Clinton and another person to go badly/ uncomfortably... if Jeph is trying to make about half his readers completely sympathise with Clinton, who appears to be some kind of universal chump, he's going the right way about it in my book. I mean, seriously? She couldn't have addressed him in something approaching a pleasant (or just not asinine) manner? Oh well, par for the course if you're Clinton, it seems (and no, this isn't an endorsement of his flying off the handle at Claire, even if I do think her actions were, to say the least, ill-advised).

[oddtail]

I was actually baffled enough at the comic that I registered just to comment (hi, everyone!)

Judging from the responses above mine, I'm not the only person who found the comic a bit strange... I don't know if it's different in America, but I have never seen a bar that didn't offer at least a few non-alcoholic drinks (and some snacks). If nothing else, I know very few people who drink vodka (and vodka is a pretty popular drink in my country) without any sort of chaser. In fact, the fact that I don't bother with chasers leads, more often than not, to people giving me funny looks (again, maybe that's specific to how people tend to drink in Poland, if people in the US and elsewhere typically drink hard liquor with no chaser, let me know). So a bar without at least orange juice offered or something would be inconvenient in addition to being somewhat weird.

Is the "bar that offers absolutely nothing non-alcoholic because they're a bar" a thing in the US?

[Case]

Isn't there a law against this? Where I live, it's illegal for bars not to offer non-alcoholics, and also at least one non-alcoholic drink has to be cheaper than the cheapest alcoholic one.

Same where I live. 

Well, maybe Jeph didn't have any other justification for Clinton to get drunk except a very, very weird bartender.

Could be smth. as simple as pointing out how policies like the one portrayed affect people trying to stay dry ... if the local bars in your place of residence refuse to serve non-alcoholic drinks, a lot of the resident night-life becomes off-limits.

[Lubricus]

Hi, oddtail!

Here in Norway, it's technically illegal for a bar to refuse water to people, and even to charge money for it. The latter part is ignored quite often, but the law is crystal clear. You do not refuse to give someone water.

[TinPenguin]

It's the law in England, too. I've walked into pubs parched, got a drink of water, walked straight out. Does the hired bartender give a shit? Of course not.

That aside, it's a really weird business model to sell nothing but alcohol. May as well just be an off-license with a bench outside.

[swapna]

Well, maybe Jeph didn't have any other justification for Clinton to get drunk except a very, very weird bartender.

Could be smth. as simple as pointing out how policies like the one portrayed affect people trying to stay dry ... if the local bars in your place of residence refuse to serve non-alcoholic drinks, a lot of the resident night-life becomes off-limits.

Could be, but that would be.. a weird, non-existing problem. No bar would have such a policy (for all the reasons mentioned). People trying to stay dry have a lot of other problems (peer pressure, temptation, dealing with drunk people, paying 3$ for a small glass of soda) but being refused water is not one of them.

[Delator]

(click to show/hide)

Well I don't know about Massachusetts, but any bar in Wisconsin will serve you water at no charge without any backtalk.

Designated drivers being somewhat helpful, after all.

Hell, if I went into a bar, asked for water, and got treated like that, my next phone call would be to the Tavern League.

Only so many liquor licenses to go around, and it's a long wait list.

Liquor licenses are a notorious pain in the ass here, but I doubt you could get one revoked over a thing like that.

In all likelihood, no, but they will do a follow up, and unless the bartender is also the owner, she can expect to get an earful.

[blt]

Is Clinton underage?  Her trying to bluntly remind him it's a bar basically to say "you don't belong here, shoo" is about the only reason this could begin to resemble a normal human interaction in my books.   

Unless she's a robot, given a high quality skin covering and VERY limited programming.

Or she's been cursed by a travelling witch to only know those two phrases and she's desperately trying to say them louder to get help 

[brightwings00]

I could see her being a little baffled and irritated if Clinton only ordered a water, in the vein of "...so, you can't get a bottle from a convenience store because...?" You have to admit, alcohol is usually the first, second and third reason people show up to bars.

Her insistence that he has to buy a drink is weird, though. Maybe they give out water for free and she's irritated that he's taking up space from tipping/paying customers?

[cloudbuster]

"Scotch and water. Hold the scotch."

[gopher]

"I think this line's mostly filler"

[themacnut]

Clinton has clearly become such a butt monkey that he's gotten the bad luck to wander into the one bar that says "f*ck the law, alcohol only". Since he's presently the comic's butt monkey, he doesn't realize he can just wander over to the next bar, who'd happily serve him water.

Either that, or he's come in on the shift of the new barkeep who isn't fully acquainted with the law or general bar policy. Or she's taken one look at him and decided he could be bullied into buying an alcoholic drink.

[Case]

Well, maybe Jeph didn't have any other justification for Clinton to get drunk except a very, very weird bartender.

Could be smth. as simple as pointing out how policies like the one portrayed affect people trying to stay dry ... if the local bars in your place of residence refuse to serve non-alcoholic drinks, a lot of the resident night-life becomes off-limits.

Could be, but that would be.. a weird, non-existing problem. No bar would have such a policy (for all the reasons mentioned). People trying to stay dry have a lot of other problems (peer pressure, temptation, dealing with drunk people, paying 3$ for a small glass of soda) but being refused water is not one of them.

You're probably right - I was just racking my mind for a possible explanation & since Jeph going dry a while back was an inspiration for me to do the same, I came up with this one. I actually stayed away from bars for close to year, for fear of giving in to temptation - but apparently, I was lucky to have jumped the train at the last possible stop before "functional Alcoholic" Central Station (which is a misnomer - it just means that your schedule is flexible enough for you to keep up appearances & stay below the threshold where both you and people around you cannot avoid noticing any longer). Breaking the habit turned out to be a lot easier than I had feared.

I didn't find peer pressure such a problem - though I have to add I'm way past college age - the only thing I found odd was that virtually everybody around me, from family and friends, to fellow barflies or servers, broached the subject A LOT more readily when I stopped drinking, instead of when I was showing very clear warning signs, over a long period of time. Nobody ever tried to pressure me into drinking, but there's stuff like:
* People suddenly starting to worry about appearing drunk when you're around (Answer: Nope. I don't notice any difference until roughly 2:00 AM - but then it becomes pretty drastic)
* You've suddenly become the leading expert on breaking an alcohol habit -> My weirdest experience was a bartender at my local watering hole suddenly loudly worrying about her habit. There's as many reasons for developing a bad habit as there are people - I only know what worked for me.
 
Wrt. to US law - I'm trying to make it a habit to not assume anything about US legal standards, especially when it comes to state-, or communal legislation. It's too easy to project my central european cultural experience onto a culture that looks similar, but didn't develop in the same way. Though you are probably right: MA seems to be one of the places where the problem is rather one of getting properly shitfaced with gusto, in public.

[Dust]

I could see her being a little baffled and irritated if Clinton only ordered a water, in the vein of "...so, you can't get a bottle from a convenience store because...?" You have to admit, alcohol is usually the first, second and third reason people show up to bars.

Her insistence that he has to buy a drink is weird, though. Maybe they give out water for free and she's irritated that he's taking up space from tipping/paying customers?

Maybe. Should still be mid-afternoon at the latest, and the place seems empty, so it's not like he's holding up the queue.

[Tova]

All this condemnation of Clarie's behaviour would carry a little more weight if anyone had called her out on it before Clinton blew up.

Dismiss all you want people defending her by saying that she didn't realise she was doing the wrong thing, but you know what? No-one else here realised, either.

[BenRG]

Sometimes, it takes a bad and destructive failure to realise that a methodology was wrong from the outset.

[MrNumbers]

This comic was very strange for me to read.

Licensed premises in Australia are legally obliged to serve drinking water to anyone who requests it, either free or at a reasonable cost. It's a part of the Responsible Service of Alcohol laws.

I was about to say, but then another Australian beat me to it.

Always weird finding an Australian out in the wild, isn't it? You just take it for granted there won't be another one on the forum/comments section of wherever you visit, because you're already filling the Token Designated Australian slot by being there yourself.

[BlueFatima]

This comic was very strange for me to read.

Licensed premises in Australia are legally obliged to serve drinking water to anyone who requests it, either free or at a reasonable cost. It's a part of the Responsible Service of Alcohol laws.

We have a lot of variations from state-to-state in the US, but in my state it is law to give a cup of free water—even if you sell bottled water. Every bar I've been to offers it, too (I always order water with my drinks).

Of course, just because something is law doesn't mean people will choose to follow it. This bar tender could be uneducated or just an angry and wanting $$$ regardless of what their law is.

[Neko_Ali]

Well, here's a point. It may not be anything to do with laws or the bar's policy. It may just be frustration on  the bartender's fault. Clinton is just waiting on the bus.  Which means that the area where the buses stop probably doesn't have a waiting area of it's own, or one that is uncomfortable. And the bar is probably the closest place where you can sit down in comfort. So she probably has a lot of people just coming down and squatting until their boss shows up. Would you like it if your work had an issue day after day of people just coming in, hanging out and never buying anything?

[Cartagia]

I think we found the real asshole in this story, bar lady.

[BlueFatima]

Why do I have the feeling this is going to end with Clinton getting drunk and doing something out of character?

[DSL]

Manipulated again, Clinton ...

[BlueFatima]

Manipulated again, Clinton ...

He needs a beer or two to tell the bartender to piss off.   

Edit - On a different note, could this be Sam's mom? If so, I think we can piece together why she and Jim aren't still married from her lovely personality here.

[Case]

Well, here's a point. It may not be anything to do with laws or the bar's policy. It may just be frustration on  the bartender's fault. Clinton is just waiting on the bus.  Which means that the area where the buses stop probably doesn't have a waiting area of it's own, or one that is uncomfortable. And the bar is probably the closest place where you can sit down in comfort. So she probably has a lot of people just coming down and squatting until their boss shows up. Would you like it if your work had an issue day after day of people just coming in, hanging out and never buying anything?

How dare you post a simple, logical and probable explanation in the WCDT?

What are we going to speculate about until tomorrow? What about all the lost opportunities to group into deeply entrenched warring factions - Do you think they grow on trees?
 

[Neko_Ali]

Yeah, that's me. Being the sensible, logical one again. I'll get my hat and show myself out...

[BenRG]

Well, at least we now know who 'Balls' is. It's Bartender Lady! There are a few differences but, comparing 'Balls' with this sketch, I think that everyone can see the character design development lineage leading to Bartender Lady today.

So, apart from being an extremely dogmatic bartender, who is she? I can't see Jeph going to all this trouble just for a one-off character for a single arc. She may quite possibly be a new regular character, the first since Corpse Witch!

Is there some kind of partnership with Clinton in the offing? Ummm... maybe. Monday's comic probably will tell. Jeph did them all in a single run-through so I'm betting Monday will be part 2 of Clinton's adventure in the bar.

On a different note, could this be Sam's mom? If so, I think we can piece together why she and Jim aren't still married from her lovely personality here.

If it is, and she's about to become a recurring character, the potential for soap operatic levels of drama are quite immence, especially if she isn't happy with Jim remarrying and especially isn't happy with Sam preferring Veronica's company to hers. Could Clinton become a tool to attack Veronica via Claire and Marten? Alternately, this may just be her introduction and she'll have her own ally group (as we saw in those other sketches in Jeph's Twitter feed).