I like everything about this comment! And the paratransit services are late, so I may or may not have time to reply to it!
It isn't about what hurts Peter. It is about the splash damage. Not mocking somebody's body is about not contributing to a culture where the size and/or shape of a person's genitals is a source of shame or pride. I have made great effort lately to not use my common go-to insults because they mock appearance, cognitive ability or language skills. While me calling someone "gammon faced" seems trivial, I am increasingly uncomfortable with suggesting that being unattractive is something worth shaming someone for, even if they're being an ass. Her recognition of this was very timely for me.
Yeah... this isn't necessarily a habit I had to break in myself, as much as something became increasingly opposed to in the behavior of some of my friends, but yeah, so much this.
As for Thrillho pointing out that Brun may be far more sarcastic that we give her credit for; absolutely yes. I work in a grocery store. A large portion of our bagging staff are somewhere on the spectrum. One thing you learn about people on the spectrum (if you take the time to get to know them) is just how vast the spectrum is. Frequently, new hires have to be given some guidance on interacting with them because they understand far less about interacting with the neurodivergent baggers than those baggers understand about interacting with the rest of us.
Oh yeah. I'm on the spectrum, and I my job involves helping and informing others on the spectrum and those who live/work with them. Often, I've been told that someone on the spectrum has a "problem with authority", and my opinion has been that it's mainly the authority that has a problem with the person, not the other way around.
"Sara is totally non-communicative. Just put her at a register and let her bag. Be nice and say hello, just don't put too much pressure on her to make small talk. Mark is really into schedules, so he'll probably remember yours better than you do. It helps him feel in control if things are steady and predictable and it gives him something to talk about. Bella hasn't quite got the hang of small talk, so she's going to tell you all about what she had for lunch. Tell her about yours and give her a high five and she'll be the sweetest person you ever met. Ted? Ted was just fucking with you. It's just a little harder to figure out his sarcasm voice. You'll get the hang of it." They run the gamut form very high to very low function socially. But when you learn to stop seeing them in terms of their position on the spectrum, you can almost forget that they're on the spectrum at all.
I love that explenation rundown. It's excellent, and very useful. And the final comment is very true. My younger sister said of growing up and living with me: "I never thought of AP as different, you know? I just thought of it as part of who AP was. Like, every now and then in conversations, I'll throw out a line, like "do you get it?", and if they do, I'll keep going, otherwise I'll explain further. Never thought of it as a handicap or whatever."
Brun, if she is indeed on the spectrum, reminds me of Ted (his name has been changed just in case). He understands sarcasm perfectly well, it just isn't intuitive to him. He has to think about it. And he knows that most people assume that he doesn't get sarcasm and he uses that to his advantage. He's the sort of person who will make someone explain a racist joke just to make them feel bad for thinking a racist joke was funny. I think Brun may have been poking a little fun at Renee for her habit of giving people anatomical nick-names. And I think it worked precisely because Renee would assume Brun was being serious.
Heh. Yeah, I've done that. I don't understand all humor, especially slapstick is just arcane to me, but for a lot of it, I understand it, but it's not intuitive.
Also, there are jokes I can tell that other people really couldn't (or so people tell me). they'd sound insulting or otherwise not work while mine make people laugh. When you say something in a completely serious voice, and people know you mean exactly what you say and don't mean anything beyond that, that if you had a problem with someone you'd say so verbatim not use verbal barbs, that opens up comical possibilites.
At last years easter party, my sisters +1 made fun of a family friends hairdo, who was sitting next to me. She asks "No, it looks cute, right?" and I respond, completely serious: "Yeah, it's adorable. It looks like a cute octopus sitting on top of your head" And this was recieved with much laughter, no offense taken.
Might say more of I wasn't stressed out because I'll be late for work and it's been 25 minutes and paratransit still isn't here, but eh, you do what you can with the position you're in. I'll just press post. Might come back to this conversation after work.