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Cake

10 (17.2%)

Vegetarian item

3 (5.2%)

Cereal

2 (3.4%)

Hummus

4 (6.9%)

Salad

6 (10.3%)

Meat snack plate

25 (43.1%)

Soup

4 (6.9%)

Other (Write in reply)

4 (6.9%)

Total Members Voted: 36

Voting closed: 02 May 2021, 18:30

[Shjade]

"This is escalating and I don't know why" is such a relatable sentiment.

[Oenone]

That and Dora probably doesn’t think it’s healthy that they’re that deeply tied together — Tai’s current best friend is Dora’s old boyfriend.

Their social circle is both A LOT and actually very small.

[Christophelous]

This is exactly what I was hoping wouldn't happen. Come on, Jeph, let Dora show some character growth and not bite her SO's head off. At the minimum, let Tai's calm be the foil to Dora's panic, and show us why they work so well.

"This is escalating and I don't know why" is such a relatable sentiment.

Yeah, it's almost sad how much I relate to that, too

[DaiJB]

Problem's pretty basic: Dora has friends, Tai has anonymous stoner acquaintances and old flings! 

I can imagine Dora finding Tai's admission of no close family or friends a bit sad. Also that Tai has no problem with not caring about literally anyone (except her parents) prior to meeting Dora's (and Marten's) circle...

New comic.

Oh dear. I hope Dora doesn't start thinking that Tai isn't taking the wedding seriously.

That is a worry - Dora's insecurity is an old bogeyman that could loom up again ("What if Tai's feeling for me isn't love? What if she's just experienced real friendship for the first time and is just overwhelmed by the knowledge that someone actually cares??")

[starkruzr]

I'm kinda with Tai here, to be honest. Like, she really doesn't have anyone she wants to invite that isn't on Dora's list...is there a problem with that?

I mean... it *is* kinda weird and slightly alarming to discover that your partner's entire social and family life with the exception of her parents hinges around you. Like, if Tai's history is that bad you'd think they would have discussed it by now and Dora wouldn't be so surprised?

[St.Clair]

"Why aren't you approaching this task like an obsessive control freak, that is to say, correctly?"

[Gyrre]

You say that like mustard is a monolithic block of a singular substance…

Being that I work in a condiment factor that produces A LOT of prepared yellow mustard and at least four separate varieties of honey mustard, I've had to branch out.

There's horseradish honey mustard, spicy brown mustard, white mustard, habanero honey mustard, cracked seed mustard [1], etc. And that's not even getting into the mixes Heinz did a year or so ago[2].

[1] Practically all mustard has chunks of seed in it. Who is this stuff even for?
[2] I still wonder if these limited runs were to save costs for some colossal batching screw up.

[oddtail]

[1] Practically all mustard has chunks of seed in it. Who is this stuff even for?

*raises hand* depending on what it's for and my mood, I like mustard with mustard seeds in it.

[flondrix]

That and Dora probably doesn’t think it’s healthy that they’re that deeply tied together — Tai’s current best friend is Dora’s old boyfriend.

Their social circle is both A LOT and actually very small.

It's a rather glaring omission that Marten and Claire are not on Tai's list.  I would expect them to sit on Tai's side of the...whatever venue you use for a secular gay wedding.

To be fair, Tai and Dora have made social contacts since they became a couple that "belong" to both of them.

I wonder if Sven is on Dora's list?  And she really should accept his offer to help pay for the damn thing.  Weddings are stupid expensive.

[Scarlet Manuka]

It's a rather glaring omission that Marten and Claire are not on Tai's list.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Either she actually doesn't care about having Marten at her wedding, or she hasn't thought deeply enough about it to register that she should invite Marten etc. Either of those possibilities is a bit concerning, though in different ways.

[SpanielBear]

It's a rather glaring omission that Marten and Claire are not on Tai's list.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Either she actually doesn't care about having Marten at her wedding, or she hasn't thought deeply enough about it to register that she should invite Marten etc. Either of those possibilities is a bit concerning, though in different ways.

Weren’t the core gang already invited when the wedding was declared? So this exercise is about who else to include?

[Fuzzlepuzzle]

Weddings take a lot of effort and energy to plan, and Dora might be feeling like Tai's not been pulling her weight on the "not-fun" stuff. Dora's been putting a lot of effort and energy into planning this particular unfun part, like making sure her guests will have compatible people sitting with them, so that no one's left as the awkward person out who doesn't know anyone and who no one will approach.

I think Tai does have people she wants to invite, like Marten and probably Claire, but she just assumes Dora will remember to invite them herself. She's pushing the labor of remembering everyone off on Dora. And Dora probably knows that Tai's "whatever you want" is actually conditional, even if she doesn't realize it -- if Marten wasn't invited, she'd probably be upset. So now Dora has to decide who's on the invite list not just for herself, but for Tai as well, and hope she doesn't miss anyone who Tai wanted invited but didn't think to mention because she assumed Dora would invite them.

[Gyrre]

[1] Practically all mustard has chunks of seed in it. Who is this stuff even for?

*raises hand* depending on what it's for and my mood, I like mustard with mustard seeds in it.

It's 'cracked seed' like cracked wheat bread. The seeds aren't ground up very well, if at all. It would utterly fail the grind test we do for the yellow mustard at work.  Like a 12 or a 14 on the grind test[1] if it even registered below a 20 on the low end[2].

[1]target is 2.5 at the lowest to pass.
[2] The 'low end' refers to how ground down the seeds are. Finely ground seeds are on the high end, at .25 to 1. The higher the number, the lower the grind.

EDIT: looks like I spaced on specifying 'below a 20' when I typed this. BTW 20 is the lowest grind on our equipment.

[awkwardness]

We haven't delved into Tai's past much, perhaps there's a good reason why she hasn't had family visit and why she has no outside friends- bad fallout over her sexuality? recluse in high school?

Other than her former coworkers and Marten, she hasn't hung out with anyone else so maybe she just doesn't need a big circle of people to tell her that she's beautiful and take a lot of picture for social media?

Also: not cool, Dora! You're becoming bridezilla there...

[Annemoon]

Weddings take a lot of effort and energy to plan, and Dora might be feeling like Tai's not been pulling her weight on the "not-fun" stuff. Dora's been putting a lot of effort and energy into planning this particular unfun part, like making sure her guests will have compatible people sitting with them, so that no one's left as the awkward person out who doesn't know anyone and who no one will approach.

I think Tai does have people she wants to invite, like Marten and probably Claire, but she just assumes Dora will remember to invite them herself. She's pushing the labor of remembering everyone off on Dora. And Dora probably knows that Tai's "whatever you want" is actually conditional, even if she doesn't realize it -- if Marten wasn't invited, she'd probably be upset. So now Dora has to decide who's on the invite list not just for herself, but for Tai as well, and hope she doesn't miss anyone who Tai wanted invited but didn't think to mention because she assumed Dora would invite them.

Exactly what I would want to mention. Tai is effectively putting the whole responsibility and effort of the complete task onto Dora.
It's a similar principle as with house chores, if you're both doing them, but one person has to check when every task is needed, remind the other person to do it,
that person is not only getting the stuff of doing the task but also the mental effort of holding the responsibility.

[Potato Farmer]

I'm just hoping it's something as straightforward as "If I knew that I could have made a longer list", or maybe "Now I have to also think about who you would want to be there."

If Dora starts thinking that Tai is not taking the wedding seriously or something that's a recipe for disaster.

[Ghanima Atreides]

I assumed people like Marten and Claire were a given and these lists had more to do with people from Dora and Tai's independent social groups, people each of them wanted to invite that the other didn't know, or weren't close enough to themselves (hence, the mention of family members and old college friends.)

I really feel where Tai's coming from, myself. If my boyfriend and I got married, I would be in the same situation - worse, even, since both my parents are dead. I can think of only one person I might want to invite, and she lives in a different country. So, yeah, I can easily imagine not being able to come up with a whole list of people to invite to your wedding.

[stayctee]

I'm kinda with Tai here, to be honest. Like, she really doesn't have anyone she wants to invite that isn't on Dora's list...is there a problem with that?

I mean... it *is* kinda weird and slightly alarming to discover that your partner's entire social and family life with the exception of her parents hinges around you. Like, if Tai's history is that bad you'd think they would have discussed it by now and Dora wouldn't be so surprised?

Yeah really. Why is Dora just finding out about this now? I could see how it would be annoying that your partner wouldn't at least pick up on your energy and try to feign interest around it. Being blatantly "meh" while they're obsessing is a tad tone deaf.

[Elder Sign]

As with every reasonably well-written argument between characters, both of them have legitimate points as well as glaring flaws:

- Tai has every right to invite as few people as she wants to witness her and Dora getting married; she's not obligated to invite as many people as Dora does, nor to over-obsess about who to invite or not.  At the same time, though, she certainly seems to be letting Dora do all the heavy lifting in terms of organization.

- Dora has every right to put as much thought and effort as she wants into her invitation list, and is justifiably frustrated with Tai for, at least outwardly, not treating a momentous occasion for the two of them with more thought and seriousness like it deserves.  At the same time, though, it's not justified to immediately flip out just because the other person isn't also a control freak in all things (and they wouldn't work long as a pair if they both were).

That said, on an out-of-universe level, it feels to me like this is a plot vehicle to sink Dora and Tai's engagement and relationship, both since they are older established non-AI members of the main cast (with all of whom Jeph is plainly and abundantly bored) and because a separate stable lesbian relationship exists (Faye and Bubbles) and the storyline doesn't necessarily need two running at once.

[sitnspin]

There are multiple straight relationships in the comic, why aren't those "unnecessary"? Surely one is enough.

[Shjade]

Yeah, when you start veering off into amateur mind-reading of the author's interest in their characters you're getting deep into the weeds.

This conflict makes sense for both of them. It's not something that had to be manufactured to sink the relationship, and I seriously doubt whatever this is is going to sink anything.

[oddtail]

This conflict makes sense for both of them.

I would honestly go so far as to say that - in my opinion - it's one of the best-written interactions, the most rooted in character personalities and motivations, I've seen in this comic in a long time.

Dora is frustrated, and a little unreasonable, the way I expect Dora to be (and the way we've *seen* her act). Her reaction doesn't make much rational sense, but she does seem to *know* it doesn't. And on an emotional level, the reaction is not completely crazy or out of the left field. It makes emotional sense, at least to me.

I find it all interesting, and am excited to know where the conversation will go next.

[dutchrvl]

I was going to make fun of anti-mayo people, but then I realized that no matter what the foodstuff, there will always be people who dislike it, and I am not really one to say anything about weird dislikes, since I hate popcorn (mostly because of the smell, I find the flavor just boring), do not like icecream, mint (except fresh mint-tea), and peanutbutter (unless as a sauce base for Asian dishes).

That said, being from the Netherlands I still do not understand why people in the US insist on ketchup to eat their fries with instead of mayo. I do like Curry Ketchup with fries though, which is oddly hard to find in the US.

[dutchrvl]

I'm kinda with Tai here, to be honest. Like, she really doesn't have anyone she wants to invite that isn't on Dora's list...is there a problem with that?

I mean... it *is* kinda weird and slightly alarming to discover that your partner's entire social and family life with the exception of her parents hinges around you. Like, if Tai's history is that bad you'd think they would have discussed it by now and Dora wouldn't be so surprised?

I don't think it's necessarily bad if one person's social circle basically hinges around their SO. It seems to work quite often. Personally I am not a fan, if anything because you run the risk of subconsciously not wanting t break up out of fear your SO will be left without any social circle, and THAT is certainly an unhealthy situation.

But, this situation is a little different though. Tai already became part of the social group prior to getting involved with Dora. It's not like she started dating Dora and that's when she started meeting everybody. They simply have the same social circle and as such it's not that strange Tai doesn't have anyone in addition to Dora's list.

More worrying is that Dora apparently wasn't aware that this is the case. Either Dora has not been very actively interested in Tai's life (including before Dora), or Tai has been very closed off about her life.

[sitnspin]

When my wife and I got married, aside from two or three people, all of our friends were mutual. We had the same social circle. Is it really that unusual?

[Shjade]

I think the issue may be more that they weren't communicating/coordinating about this. Maybe?

Like, there's no rule saying they couldn't come up with the same guest list even if they share a social circle*. But rather than come up with her own guest list, Tai just assumed Dora would handle it. I think this is more or less what some other people noted in this thread already, and while I don't think Tai would have thought of this as putting responsibility on Dora, it is pretty in character for her to shirk responsibility in general.

Clear example that comes to mind: Claire having been told to tell Tai she needed her evaluation a week before it was due to get Tai to actually do it on time.

Dora runs her own business and is pretty big on control. Tai is laid back to a fault. To me that seems like all this is, those two extremely contrasting qualities causing friction.


Edit: also relevant re: Tai's social circle, "I, uh...I don't really have 'other friends.'"

[Oenone]

I think the issue may be more that they weren't communicating/coordinating about this. Maybe?

Like, there's no rule saying they couldn't come up with the same guest list even if they share a social circle*. But rather than come up with her own guest list, Tai just assumed Dora would handle it. I think this is more or less what some other people noted in this thread already, and while I don't think Tai would have thought of this as putting responsibility on Dora, it is pretty in character for her to shirk responsibility in general.

Clear example that comes to mind: Claire having been told to tell Tai she needed her evaluation a week before it was due to get Tai to actually do it on time.

Dora runs her own business and is pretty big on control. Tai is laid back to a fault. To me that seems like all this is, those two extremely contrasting qualities causing friction.


Edit: also relevant re: Tai's social circle, "I, uh...I don't really have 'other friends.'"

I forgot how much I missed that art style.

But yes, I think the issue is that Tai is (willfully?) not involved.

[Gnabberwocky]

Comic's up.

Y'know, I've always preferred the sans-dingbat fonts to the dingbat ones, for some reason.

[Fuzzlepuzzle]

So Tai listed three things she was responsible for, and all of them Dora is doing now. Is Tai currently doing any wedding planning? Cause if she is, why didn't she mention the things that are still her responsibility? It's fine to not help with certain things as long as you are still carrying your weight.

[Perfectly Reasonable]

Not Hannelore. Tilly!

[shanejayell]

Dora, you're overthinking this. Alot. 

[Farideh]

At least they're talking through the issues, which is good.

But yeah, what IS on Tai's plate at the moment?

[dreed]

As accountant I say Dora's approach is very sensible and easy to use
+1 as support.

[Hypersapien]

I keep having to remind myself that they aren't going through a pandemic.

[Oenone]

🥺 please let the wedding conflict be Faye getting jealous of Hanners being Dora’s Maid of Honor because Hanners is more trustworthy/reliable. 🥺 I feel like there’s some processing over Faye’s reliability/volatility that would be such fun to explore.

Also, DANG has Dora grown as a character.

[Farideh]

Not Hannelore. Tilly!

Did Tai and Tilly ever meet?

[Mr Intrepid]

[1] Practically all mustard has chunks of seed in it. Who is this stuff even for?

*raises hand* depending on what it's for and my mood, I like mustard with mustard seeds in it.

It's 'cracked seed' like cracked wheat bread. The seeds aren't ground up very well, if at all. It would utterly fail the grind test we do for the yellow mustard at work.  Like a 12 or a 14 on the grind test[1] if it even registered on the low end[2].

[1]target is 2.5 at the lowest to pass.
[2] The 'low end' refers to how ground down the seeds are. Finely ground seeds are on the high end, at .25 to 1. The higher the number, the lower the grind.

Just to throw in: Middleton, WI. has a mustard museum.  My guess is that they could answer any questions about the subject.  Also, it is thought they have a tasting bar for evaluations.

[cesium133]

I lived in Madison for three years. My opinions about mustard were not popular there.

[Mr Intrepid]

Not Hannelore. Tilly!

If Tilly goes, she could bring Station's holodrone as her +1.

_{EDIT: fixed quote tags (Gnabberwocky)}

[Oenone]

Also: should you get married if you can’t plan a big project together? It seems like Tai and Dora have wildly incompatible project management approaches, and that Tai is strategically incompetent when necessary to get out of their share of the work

[Gyrre]

"And this column is for people wbo're allowed to know we're married but not allowed to know we have kids."

Geeze. That'd be a hell of a form of revenge.

[Gyrre]

I think the issue may be more that they weren't communicating/coordinating about this. Maybe?

Like, there's no rule saying they couldn't come up with the same guest list even if they share a social circle*. But rather than come up with her own guest list, Tai just assumed Dora would handle it. I think this is more or less what some other people noted in this thread already, and while I don't think Tai would have thought of this as putting responsibility on Dora, it is pretty in character for her to shirk responsibility in general.

Clear example that comes to mind: Claire having been told to tell Tai she needed her evaluation a week before it was due to get Tai to actually do it on time.

Dora runs her own business and is pretty big on control. Tai is laid back to a fault. To me that seems like all this is, those two extremely contrasting qualities causing friction.


Edit: also relevant re: Tai's social circle, "I, uh...I don't really have 'other friends.'"

I forgot how much I missed that art style.

But yes, I think the issue is that Tai is (willfully?) not involved.

People can be a lot to deal with sometimes. Perhaps she's gotten proverbially burned in the past.

[zmeiat_joro]

Oh, I got it.

[QuestionableIntentions]

Uff, Dora sliding back into bad old habits.

[Is it cold in here?]

Also: should you get married if you can’t plan a big project together? It seems like Tai and Dora have wildly incompatible project management approaches, and that Tai is strategically incompetent when necessary to get out of their share of the work

Did Tai switch to they/them pronouns? As of https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=974 Tai said chocolate pronouns were good.

[DaiJB]

Anyone else have the impression that Dora's been planning her wedding (consciously or subconsciously) for a very long time? 

[St.Clair]

I think it's important that Tai clearly understands what who she's marrying.

[Farideh]

Tai and Dora know each other well, they were friends for years before they started dating. This is the first big event that they are planning together though, so it will require more communication from both of them. Dora attacks and plans this like she does with everything, whereas Tai is a bit more laid back with a "she'll be right" attitude. They should be able to work through this and play to each other's strengths if they just keep talking openly and honestly.

[Ghanima Atreides]

Once again, I can sympathize with Tai; my eyes glaze over whenever spreadsheets and statistics come into play.    If I had to plan something like this, I'd just make a broad list, send out invites, see who confirms and go from there.

On the other hand, "well, I just figured you'd be cool with handling this on your own, because you're better at it than me" doesn't quite fly either, especially since it seems to encompass the whole of the wedding preparations. Surely there must be something Tai could handle, or at the very least they could work on it together, which they seem to be trying to do now so...fingers crossed.

[Oenone]

I can’t think of anything Tai can do if she’s that uncomfortable with dates, contracts, research, etc. Even setting up a DJ or a band requires making a list of some kind.