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need advice/criticism/screams of pain (UPDATED 5/17)

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Mikendher:
Any comments at all would be awesome :-)

UPDATED VERSION:Michael Jermyn - Scarecrow

Michael Jermyn - Fireworks Trembling In Our Hair (Old)

Michael Jermyn - Burn! Your! Lips! (Old)

The vocals are what I'm most worried about. Advice?

(Just to note, I have posted it in actual recording forums, but they weren't helpful at all, and honestly I consider you all much more helpful and to have better judgment with music)[/url]

karl gambolputty...:
I like the melody, but the shift (around 2 and a half minutes in) seems a little abrupt.  As far as the vocals go, not bad.  I'm guessing you're going for the wistful-sort-of-thing, but maybe a little more force during the verses wouldn't hurt.

Mikendher:
I definitely agree about the more force thing. I'm very unaggresive vocally, which is a problem for this song because it is such a powerful song (unlike all of my acoustic stuff). That's why I added distortion, to make up for my lack of vocal aggression. I think I should probably just get it right to start with though.

As for the abrupt change, I kind of like it, because it's completely unexpected. But I'm open to suggestions as to how to change it?

karl gambolputty...:
If you like it, don't change it.  It's completely up to personal taste, and yours is just about the only one that matters when it comes to stuff like that.

Johnny C:
One, reverb plus vocals. Try it. It is your friend. With your voice's unagressive tendencies, the way you have it is right up to the listener and that frankly makes it seem even quieter. Reverb will add a distant, dreamy quality, if used in the right dosage. Sound-wise, the distortion only really works if you sing with a little more punch and the occasional "yaeuuuuuuaoh!" scream (see: The Strokes, The Bravery).

Two, I like the shift.

Three, I'm with karl. Don't dick with the song itself. I think you should try different production things but besides that, stick with it.

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