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Gregory House defines Facetious
Ozymandias:
--- Quote ---Dr. Cox: The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body.
Turk: What?
Dr. Cox: Do you understand the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle.
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---Dr. Cox: Well, gosh - I guess I became a doctor because ever since I was a little boy, I just wanted to help people. I don't tell this story often, but I remember when I was seven years old, one time I found a bird that had fallen out of its nest, and so I picked him up and I brought him home, and I made him a house out of an empty shoebox.
[starts laughing]
Dr. Cox: I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does - chicks, money, power and chicks.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---Dr. Cox: [explaining he doesn't care it's JD's last week of residency] I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, every-everything that exists past present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!
[turns away, then turns back]
Dr. Cox: Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
J.D.: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!
--- End quote ---
If Dr. Cox and House were to meet on the plains of battle, the universe would collapse into a ball of hate.
KB_Hurr_Hurr:
lol for what i see here....yes they would...or it would be a battle of the witty zingers that would never end!!!
--- Quote ---
Dr. House: See that, they all assume I'm a patient because of the cane.
Dr. Wilson: Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us?
Dr. House: Then they'll think I'm a doctor.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---
Dr. House: When did my signature get so girly?
Dr. Cameron: I can explain.
Dr. House: See that "G," see how it makes a big loop on top? It doesn't even look like my handwriting. Think I have something? What's the differential diagnosis for writing "G's" like a junior high school girl?
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---
Patient's Mother: How can you just sit there?
Dr. House: If I eat standing up, I spill.
--- End quote ---
Electric Monk:
--- Quote ---Dr. Cox: Yes, hello? Could we please get my hormonal, extremely annoying ex-wife's amnio underway?
Jordan: Wow, I can't wait to write that down in the baby journal.
[Dr. Cox grunts]
Jordan: Could you be a bigger ass right now?
Dr. Cox: Could you have a bigger ass right now?
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---Dr. Cox: You know, the only way you could be more useless right now is if you actually were the wall. Now, it certainly is true that you'd at least be serving a purpose - specifically a surface for a jackass to lean against - but it could be argued that this is more useless than doing nothing. I know, it's a conundrum but don't you worry, I'll noodle it for you right here. Meanwhile, you just skip along, all right Shirley?
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---Dr. Kelso: Dr. Cox, did you get my memo stating that residents should wear their lab coats at all times?
Dr. Cox: Yes I did. At first I just threw it away, but then I thought, that's not grand enough a gesture; so I made a model of you out of straw, put my lab coat on it - with your memo in the pocket - and invited the neighborhood kids to set fire to it and beat it with sticks.
--- End quote ---
Because I can't not quote Cox when the subject comes up.
KB_Hurr_Hurr:
very interesting....at the risk of sounding like a complete idiot....who is this Dr. Cox you speak of??? and please don't kill me!!!!
~KB~
nihilist:
Third season is currently eating a bag of dirty dicks.
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