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Author Topic: Ask The Makeout Hobo  (Read 26905 times)

SeanBateman

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Ask The Makeout Hobo
« on: 09 May 2007, 00:24 »

I am pretty drunk and feel like dispensing some wisdom on all y'alls.

Ask me questions, and I will answer them, regardless of what they are about.

Advice, personal information, gossip... you name it, I got it.

Holla!
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #1 on: 09 May 2007, 00:43 »

Dear Abby Hobo;

I don't think my boyfriend finds me sexy any more. How can I make the bedroom more interesting?
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Barfy

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #2 on: 09 May 2007, 01:15 »

Dear Hobo,

How do I make a geeky Jewish boy fall for me when next semester I will likely have no reason to see him because we won't be in any classes together?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #3 on: 09 May 2007, 01:17 »

Dear Hobo,

Who is the dude in Dirk Hopeless' avatar?

Lots of Love,

Tommy.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #4 on: 09 May 2007, 01:54 »

Dear Mr. Hobo,

How does one become a Makeout Hobo?? How do you experience the lifestyle? Do you think one Makeout Hobo what this world can handle? Would two make the earth explode in an attempt of the moon to smooch it?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #5 on: 09 May 2007, 02:54 »

Dear Hobo,

How do I make a geeky Jewish boy fall for me when next semester I will likely have no reason to see him because we won't be in any classes together?

Bagels.

(sorry)

Dear Hobo,

how do i growed beard??? :( No, seriously, I should be able to grow a goddamn beard by now, or at least something past miserable peach fuzz. I'm 18 fer fuck's sake.

And Snopes seems to think that shaving it all off doesn't make it grow faster.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #6 on: 09 May 2007, 05:37 »

Dear Abby Hobo;

I don't think my boyfriend finds me sexy any more. How can I make the bedroom more interesting?
Post nude pictures on the internet. That'll work like a charm, trust me.

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #7 on: 09 May 2007, 06:15 »

Dear Hobo,
How do I stop my cat from trying to eat emery boards?
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SeanBateman

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #8 on: 09 May 2007, 08:39 »

I accidentally got too drunk and passed out on my floor in a puddle of spilt whiskey. A little awkward. I will answer questions now.


Dear Abby Hobo;

I don't think my boyfriend finds me sexy any more. How can I make the bedroom more interesting?

This depends entirely on your own proclivities and true essence. Also what gets his rocks off. Find a way to get him to expose his deepest desires in basic conversation, and then ambush him in the bedroom with unexpected sexieness.

I can pretty much tell you now though, that he will either want a threesome with another girl, light bondage for either you(more likely) or him(unlikely), or he will want you to dress up as Princess Leia.

Also, for me to truly establish what is needed to maximize your potential sexitude, we do need you to email or PM pictures to me, posthaste, so I can understand what kind of lingerie will most excite your lover as it is slowly and tenderly removed, leaving you lighter and him heavier, demanding the union of your two bodies.

Alternatively to all that, just get on top and go crazy.
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SeanBateman

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #9 on: 09 May 2007, 08:56 »

Dear Hobo,

How do I make a geeky Jewish boy fall for me when next semester I will likely have no reason to see him because we won't be in any classes together?

Don't sleep with him. Granting immediate access to your body will lessen his desire to come closer to your soul through future intimacy. Instead, spend as much time possible this semester talking to him about whatever you can, learn more about his inner essence and true nature. Get under his skin, get into his herat and mind, and then take him out drinking. I am sure a young NYU student like yourself knows places you can drink without fear of being carded. Take him someplace closer to your place than his, and ask him back for a nightcap, or to watch a movie.

Make excuses to be the same places he is, and make sure you are not obvious with your desires right off the bat. Nurture them and let them grow, both in yourself and him, before making the move towards the final union of the sexist kisses.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #10 on: 09 May 2007, 09:53 »

Dear hobo,

How come the girls don't like me? It seems that the only ones that do are quite odd in nature.

I THINK WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS...HOW DO I ATTRACT A SEEMINGLY NORMAL GIRL?


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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #11 on: 09 May 2007, 10:07 »

Dear Hobo,

What Shane said.
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Barfy

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #12 on: 09 May 2007, 13:21 »

Kieff, he doesn't drink. All he seems to care about is Heroes and Green Lantern which is lovely because most of what I care about are those things too. But what am I supposed to do with him if he doesn't drink?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #13 on: 09 May 2007, 13:25 »

Coffee.

Geeky Jews love coffe.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #14 on: 09 May 2007, 13:44 »

Kieff, he doesn't drink. All he seems to care about is Heroes and Green Lantern which is lovely because most of what I care about are those things too. But what am I supposed to do with him if he doesn't drink?
Same plan as far as getting under his skin, and then when you make your move take him to the comic shop on 33rd street. Two doors down is a strip club; on your way out of the comic shop teasingly suggest stopping there, and use that to get him all hot and bothered. It doesn't matter if he actually wants to go; the mere fact that you brought it up will gnaw at his brain, keeping you at the front of his thinking.

EDIT: for reference
http://www.jhuniverse.com/
http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G1-138057376.html
« Last Edit: 09 May 2007, 13:55 by jhocking »
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #15 on: 09 May 2007, 14:08 »

Don't sleep with him. Granting immediate access to your body will lessen his desire to come closer to your soul through future intimacy.

Dear Hobo,

How do I turn the part where I do this into sexytime kissings?

-JC

Oh and Tommy the dude in Kieff's avatar is the future of superheroism.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #16 on: 09 May 2007, 14:22 »

union of the sexist kisses.


You make me giggle, young lad. You make me giggle.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #17 on: 09 May 2007, 15:31 »

 Kisses while telling the female that she should stay in the kitchen?

 Dear Hobo,

 Guess my deepest fantasy.
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SeanBateman

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #18 on: 09 May 2007, 17:00 »

Dear Mr. Hobo,

How does one become a Makeout Hobo?? How do you experience the lifestyle? Do you think one Makeout Hobo what this world can handle? Would two make the earth explode in an attempt of the moon to smooch it?

There is a seed deep inside every young boy and girl, that begins to sprout as they approach adolescence. Every child must then make a choice, whether to nurture this seed, let it grow within them and fill their souls with a ramblin spirit and their lips with an unquenchable desire for kisses, or to neglect it, let it die, and live life without it. You are the only one who can make the decision for yourself, and even you can not know where the choice will take you. Some nurture their seed, but lack the moral fortitude and rougish charm to live the life. Others have the charm, but find themselves debilitated by Mono and Oral herpes before they even get out the gate.

I have smooched the moon already Vergecoa. Perhaps, someday, if you live your life right, you may as well.
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SeanBateman

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #19 on: 09 May 2007, 19:33 »

Dear Hobo,

how do i growed beard??? :( No, seriously, I should be able to grow a goddamn beard by now, or at least something past miserable peach fuzz. I'm 18 fer fuck's sake.

And Snopes seems to think that shaving it all off doesn't make it grow faster.

Some are blessed with the inner strength to create the superior beardage you have seen on the faces of myself, daniel, and others. Some are sadly born lacking this power. I have friends as old as 25 who are still unable to grow anything but the most tragic, patchy, white trash monster truck rally beards. The beard is a thing that, if it is not inside you, is not likely ever to be on your face.

Most girls think they are gross though. Or at least they do until they experience them.
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Unosuke

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #20 on: 09 May 2007, 21:10 »

Dear Makeout Hobo,

How do I become an unstoppable date machine, and have ladies drawn to me in hoards by some unseen force?
« Last Edit: 09 May 2007, 21:11 by Unosuke »
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #21 on: 09 May 2007, 21:13 »

Dear Hobo,

Was I right to abort the 'How many roads must a man walk down' joke that I was halfway through typing? And did I just fail miserably by asking?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #22 on: 09 May 2007, 21:28 »

Dear Hobo

I recently came into super powers and was wondering whether I should use them for good or for evil?
« Last Edit: 09 May 2007, 23:01 by Blue Kitty »
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Tyler

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #23 on: 09 May 2007, 21:30 »

use them for awesome.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #24 on: 09 May 2007, 22:05 »

So not so much evil as wicked. Not so much good as niiiiiiice.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #25 on: 09 May 2007, 22:41 »

Dear Hobo,

Why am I asking for advice from a man with a naked man for an avatar shaking back and forth? Should I be obeying everything he tells us all to do?
Will I be a better person if I do?


How long will it be before that avatar gets yanked?
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Spinless

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #26 on: 10 May 2007, 00:47 »

Probably until he realises it's there.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #27 on: 10 May 2007, 15:47 »

it's the lead singer bloke of of montreal i think


and it's either on purpose or he's using ryan's photobucket again
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #28 on: 10 May 2007, 17:39 »

Dear Makeout Hobo,


How an I get rid of a sore throat, and a stuffy, yet runny nose?


Also, what should I make for dinner?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #29 on: 10 May 2007, 20:51 »

Dear The Makeout Hobo,

Boxers or Briefs?


Love, Calenlass
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SeanBateman

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #30 on: 10 May 2007, 20:57 »

Dear Hobo,
How do I stop my cat from trying to eat emery boards?

I do not know what this means.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #31 on: 10 May 2007, 20:59 »




Duh.
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SeanBateman

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #32 on: 10 May 2007, 21:06 »

Dear Hobo,

Why are flowers so pretty?

Flowers are solid natural proof that mother earth is in favor of Makeouts. Flowers are the earts way of kissing the sky, and they are necessarily pretty so that the sky will continue to love our planet, and not leave us all to suffocate. This is why they work so well as an offering to potential lovers, because we all feel the connection to our earth mother and and the sky who protects us.

Every time a lady kisses you after you give her flowers, you are retelling the love story of earth and sky.
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SeanBateman

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #33 on: 10 May 2007, 21:09 »

Lunchy I am happy to see you saved that.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #34 on: 10 May 2007, 22:11 »

I am also happy to see how well her avatar works in combination with that picture.





Pee ess: I know whose boxers those arewere. Question still stands.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #35 on: 10 May 2007, 22:26 »

Dear Mr. Hobo,

why do you hate everyone?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #36 on: 10 May 2007, 22:30 »

Hey sir
How was your day?
No wait that's not the question!!!!
How was your most recent birthday??
I just want to know
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SeanBateman

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #37 on: 11 May 2007, 00:49 »

Dear hobo,

How come the girls don't like me? It seems that the only ones that do are quite odd in nature.
I THINK WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS...HOW DO I ATTRACT A SEEMINGLY NORMAL GIRL?

This is a tricky question, and one that really I can not answer for you. The true solution can only come from deep inside yourself. However, one of the best lessons I learned in regards to this was from a man that I truly respect and admire, John Cusack. In the film High Fidelity, he imparted this wisdom "always punch your weight." This is a thing everyone must remember. Not all men are born to fly to the lofty heights that I have, and not all men get to kiss girls as pretty as the one I kissed most recently. Make sure that when you are attempting to attract a seemingly normal girl, she is not Jessica Alba if you are more of a Will Ferrel.

The second step is even harder. Many who aspire to makeouts make the mistake of assuming that they are like the most powerful of magnets, and makeouts are  made of iron. Kisses will not fly to you of their own voalition, they must be sought, pursued, and claimed for ones own. They are given, but not freely. They must be earned. If you want to attract a normal girl, for gods sake get yourself around some normal girls. Go to shows alone. Go to bars. Go to cafes. Meet your friends friends. Meet your enemies friends. Just meet new people. And be interesting. Awe them with your humour and insights, delight them with your witticisms, enlighten them with your truly original viewpoints. Be confident in the fact that you are worth kissing, and others will share the belief.

How you perform the ceremonious union of two souls through 4 lips is your own buisiness. And as for getting there, well, I can only show you the road. I can't drive the van down it for you.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #38 on: 11 May 2007, 03:21 »

The beard is a thing that, if it is not inside you, is not likely ever to be on your face.

Well I mean, there's EPIC beards on both sides of my family, and I've got the bumfluff thing going on in all beard-related areas, but it just refuses to get darker. Should I devour protein shakes (and in the process bulk up like a mothafucka) or just let the bumfluff phase run it's course?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #39 on: 11 May 2007, 06:33 »

HELLO QCm UI GUESS> I GUESS I JHUT WANT OT ASK

I MEAN. IF YOU ARE SO FUCKED THAT COHERENT CONVESATION IS FEASIBLE< HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU RECOMEND MAKING TALK WITH PEOPLE?!?

AND MOR EIMPORTANTLY,.... WHERE THE FUCK IS THE QC DRUNK THREAD.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #40 on: 11 May 2007, 11:32 »

I can only show you the road. I can't drive the van down it for you.

oh my god this is the best thing i've read today
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #41 on: 11 May 2007, 17:01 »

Dear Makeout Hobo,

How can I aspire to be the elegant drunk you are, instead of the manic, keyboard thumping maniac that I so obviously am?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #42 on: 11 May 2007, 18:27 »

I ahfb af abe the  eiasthb.
#

Hthe esothe osetnen?
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Spinless

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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #43 on: 11 May 2007, 21:22 »

Hat, just relax and take things real slow.
Don't do what Pete did and not proof read your drunk post several times if you want to pull it off on the internet.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #44 on: 11 May 2007, 21:31 »

Dear Makeout Hobo,

Is my avatar offensive?  Can you tell me why i'm an insomniac?

Sincerely,
imapiratearg
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #45 on: 12 May 2007, 22:00 »

Dear Makeout Hobo,

How can I aspire to be the elegant drunk you are
HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA, oh, that's funny. That make me laugh.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #46 on: 14 May 2007, 14:20 »

Dear Makeout Hobo,
how can I make the boy I like fall in love with me before Wednesday lunchtime?
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #47 on: 14 May 2007, 14:34 »

Dear Makeout Hobo,

Return to me my shirt. I rather fancy it.

Love,
Tyler
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #48 on: 14 May 2007, 15:00 »

Dear Makeout Hobo,

How does one "shake their booty"?

Sincerely, Linds

P.S. I never thought it was possible for a picture of a kitten to make me nauseous until I saw your avatar. This is bigger than it seems.
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Re: Ask The Makeout Hobo
« Reply #49 on: 16 May 2007, 00:01 »

You know, when I first read this thread I didn't realize who Dirk Hopeless was... I was thinking "damn this guy does a good Kieffer"
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