Why was six scared of seven?
-Because seven eight nine.
What's purple and communtes?
- An abelian grape.
What's lavender and commutes?
- An Abelian semigrape.
What's purple and all of its offspring have been committed to institutions?
- A simple grape: it has no normal subgrapes.
What is purple, commutes, and is worshipped occasionally?
- A finitely venerated abelian grape.
What's yellow, normed, and complete?
- A Bananach space.
What's green and homeomorphic to the open unit interval?
- The real lime.
What's yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice?
- Zorns lemon.
What happens if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
-You can't cross a scalar with a vector!
All of the functions are at some party. Suddenly the door opens and derivative enters. All of the functions start running outside and shouting "He's going to derivate me! He will!!".
Only one function stays put and looks around smirking.
Derivative comes up to the function and asks "Why aren't you running away?"
It answers "I'm e^x! I don't need to be scared of you!"
The derivative laughs and replies "I'm d/dy."
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply."
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with
him."
[Dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy
and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
