Fun Stuff > CHATTER
Body/Self Image
Trollstormur:
this is what i'd look like in the matrix
Darkbluerabbit:
As long as I am active, I'm pretty happy with myself. Right now I have some tummy pudge and I wish I was more toned, but I'm training for a half-marathon, so that's going to change. I've been back into running for about six weeks, and I can definitely tell the difference already. The most obvious thing is my skin. Breaking a sweat three or four times a week seems to improve my complexion remarkably.
My main complaint with my body has more to do with clothes than anything. I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl, but I'm too curvy to look really good in most t-shirts. Most are snug in some places and baggy in others, and look quite weird on me.
I think I'm happiest with the things I have control over. It is nice if someone thinks I'm good looking, but looks are largely genetic and I really wish they weren't so important. Like a lot of people have said, I do things to improve (in my opinion) what I have. I like my style. I have a haircut that suits me, I am really happy with my piercings, and I'm finally putting together a decent wardrobe. (For a while I had basically two outfits that weren't stained or ripped. I was a total ragamuffin.) This kind of stuff, along with keeping myself in shape, is what I feel good about.
Tangent/Rant: on more than one occasion, I've had a total stranger ask me "why would a pretty girl like you put that thing through your lip/do that to your ears/dye your hair that color/etc?" It's a horribly backhanded compliment, if it's even a compliment. Why do people think it's okay to say things like this? I don't go up to random people and say "You know, you might be better looking if you got a different haircut or worked out more." WTF?
Boro_Bandito:
First of all I laughed at that for five straight minutes, so loud that my brother came down to see what I was laughing at and ended up just walking away and shaking his head in disgust. I've got the midnight crazies. But on to self esteem and why mine is incredibly low.
I'm not sure if I was around for the last thread on it, but basically ever since I was a kid I've been a bit of a butterball. In elementary school I was the fattest kid in all of my grades and it wasn't until around middle school where I began to even out due to my height increasing faster than I could gain weight. I was picked on for this kind of thing mercilessly, and just when I thought I was starting to look better in 8th grade I got glasses due to my swiftly degrading vision. Basically I just never tried to look good, because I felt that I never could look good, and I didn't dwell on it that much. I learned to stick with the friends I could get like superglue, and ignore or stay away from the people who would cause problems for me. This continued all through high school.
Now for a picture from my junior year, around the time when other people are starting to go out on serious dates and get with the smoochin'.
That is my Junior Year picture from High School, Spring 2005. If you can tell, The poofy hair, the grandpa glasses, the double chin and the absolutely horrifying gaping smile, not to mention the round face and underneath that head is a body that is at least 200 pounds. In fact the only thing about myself at that time that I could take pride in was the fact that I had hella perfect skin, I mean, not a blemish on it. This may sound wierd but keep in mind that my two best friends had rather bad acne, with one friend whose acne was so bad he had to carry bandages around when his face started bleeding. But he is a talented guy, he is one of the best trumpet players I have ever met, and he's really smart. In fact, despite the glasses I was never the smart one in my group of friends. I had friends who wanted to go to college to be chemists, mathmeticians, and one of my best friends was a good looking mother fucker with wavy blonde hair and blue eyes and still managed to be the smartest guy I've ever met, certifiable genius. And there I am making C's on average in most of my classes, which may or may not come from extreme amounts of procrastination. So even among my friends I'm usually not taken seriously as a person on their level of intellectual power.
Here is me from a much more recent picture (couple of weeks ago Spring 2008):
There are some improvements here. Glasses that fit my face, shorter haircut, and I never smile with my mouth open in a picture if I can help it. But I'm still overweight and out of shape, and at an all-time high in weight, my head is shaped like a honeypot from the 100 acre wood, and my senior year of high school I started developing pretty bad acne on my chest and shoulders and some on my face, just when I thought puberty was all over. Not to mention the move my senior year of high school to a new state with zero friends at graduation, that didn't help the self-esteem at all. I'm still recovering from high school, I think I'm better, and that I look better, but not by much. I've only ever been on one date and that was literally this semester about a month ago, and it didn't go well. I didn't know what to do, and even if I thought the girl really had any sort of attraction towards me, I can't see my self from a sexual perspective, my mind is not wired for that. I can't see how anyone could ever find me attractive, since literally no one has ever looked at me in that way.
So in conclusion, dear blog thread...
Eris:
--- Quote from: Darkbluerabbit on 14 May 2008, 00:03 ---Tangent/Rant: on more than one occasion, I've had a total stranger ask me "why would a pretty girl like you put that thing through your lip/do that to your ears/dye your hair that color/etc?" It's a horribly backhanded compliment, if it's even a compliment. Why do people think it's okay to say things like this? I don't go up to random people and say "You know, you might be better looking if you got a different haircut or worked out more." WTF?
--- End quote ---
I have that problem with my weight. People will always go "You're so skinny!", as if it is an achievement, but if I went and said "Man, you are huge!" I'm pretty sure people would get offended. That and I kept getting comments on my nose ring, the whole "You've got something on your nose there". Am I supposed to not have noticed the bit of metal through my nose? how is it different to the two rings in my ears?
In other words, people are stupid.
RedLion:
Alright, to answer this thread seriously:
I'm quite alright with how I look right now. I don't much like my height, since I'm semi-short (5'6"-7"), but I'm very well built and skinny without being frail, this being owed somewhat to the fact that I work out at the local Y at least thrice a week, and so have biceps that are noticeable without being overly bulky, and I have well defined abs and pectorals. I really, really don't like my nose. I have a very Roman nose, to say the least (despite the fact that I've not a blood of Italian in me, and am more French than anything.) It's too big, frankly, and the left side is somewhat larger than the right, though it's not noticeable from anyone else's perspective. In fact, that's also true of my chin--the left side of it is just a tad larger than the right. This is due to the fact that, as a child, I would huddle up on the far left side of my bed, and dig the right side of my face into the sheets, and lay there with the right side of my nose and chin pressed hard against the bed, which, as a very little kid, hindered the bone growth in those two areas. But like I said, no one else has ever noticed it except me and my doctor, and when I've asked people who I trust if they've noticed it, their reaction is generally "what the hell are you talking about," so it's not a huge deal.
What I'm most complimented on, however, is my eyes, and I'm extremely proud of them. If there's one thing that I'm vain about, that's what it is. I have wonderful, green/blue/teal eyes that are in a sunburst pattern, with a golden ring around the pupils, which always seem to be large and inviting without appearing unnaturally dilated.
So, yeah, I like how I look presently (Oddly appealing is probably the best way to describe it. Not 'hot' in any conventional sense of the word, but attractive in an attention-getting way. That's how I've had it described to me, and it's what I've witnessed.)
Of course, as a youngster, I didn't look like this. In 4th grade-6th, I was somewhat chubby. Not fat, but pudgy; extra weight. My haircut during this period--well, really, until freshman year of highschool--was atrocious. Far too short for the frame of my face and jawline. I was horribly socially awkward from 4th to 7th grade, which was based in low-level depression/anxiety that I never brought up to anyone because I figured that was just me, was just how I was, and there was nothing to do about it. This of course took my focus off of interacting with other people, who in turn saw me as weird and unfit to hang out with (among the "popular" kids, at least.) So this just added to my self-esteem problems and furthered my anxiety issues. After a massive breakdown in the summer of 7th grade, I finally got those looked at and started to get help for them, and almost immediately my demeanor changed, as did the way I physically carried and handled myself, and within a few months, girls who would never have even looked at me before suddenly wanted to be my lab partner all the time. Still, no one complimented me on my looks or anything, not that I was expecting them to. I figured I just wasn't all that physically attractive.
But in high school, I started dressing with my own sense of what was style and fashion and let my hair grow out, and was subsequently told by all kinds of girls I'd never seen before in my life what I was "cute" "hot stuff" etc. I didn't really know how to take that at first. But after being asked out on dates by very attractive women who other people were trying to get with like mad, including hella popular jocks, I started to realize that I may not be too rough on the eyes after all. So I started taking care of the way I look more in general, learning some basic rules of fashion and such.
Maybe it seems like I have a big head? I don't, really. I know full well that I'm not eye candy (nor would I want to be, honestly.) I'm certainly nothing to marvel at. But I'm content with the way I look, and I get plenty of glances and girls going "tee-hee, we made eye contact" in the hallways and on the streets.
tl;dr - ugly duckling becomes fairly attractive duckling.
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