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What was the funniest thing anyone's ever said to you?

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SonofZ3:
While fishing down a small local stream one day I came upon an elderly gentleman. I said "Morning sir" to which he replied "My wife won't let me do anything." I just nodded and continued on downstream.

SilentJ:
My brother drunk dialed me a few days ago and was telling me about how awesome the trip he was on was, and how he had managed to get out of work the next morning with what he called the "only five words you need."  Now, knowing my brother, I was bracing myself for just how far he was willing to go to get out of work; "my grandma died last night," "my mom's in the hospital," "I shot my own foot," etc.  But no, he had to top 'em all:




"There's blood in my stool."

supersheep:
Today, I'm waiting to for one of my housemates to arrive home, because I've cunningly left my keys at home again, and an old lady walks past. I nod, say "Hi" or something, and smile at her. She says that she's had a bad day, and I think to myself, fair enough, so have I. She walks on.
Then she starts ranting at me, all the way down the street, shouting at me. Why? Apparently, our mailbox is horribly offensive because it has the number 25 on it. Leaving aside the fact that it actually says 2S, what the everliving fuck?

There was also the extremely drunk guy at a music festival four years ago who continually claimed to everyone that he would "Kill you in the face."

ThePQ4:

--- Quote from: Scandanavian War Machine on 27 Aug 2008, 14:53 ---read www.overheardinnewyork.com

it's much funnier than you or your friends.

--- End quote ---

I whole-heartedly agree with this statement.
I also throw out: Not Always Right which is a lot of the stupid (but hilarious) things that customers have said to those of us in the customer service/retail/sales biz.

Jimmy the Squid:
Back when I was a market research interviewer I made a call to a home run business, asking to speak to the person who handles the finances of the business (going to the bank, paying the bills etc...). A guy picks up the phone, he was 50 if he was a day, and I ask to speak to the finance person and he replies "Oh, that's Melanie*, my wife. She usually handles that sort of thing." So I obviously ask if I can speak with her and without missing a beat the guy just says

"Oh, nah sorry mate, I don't let her use the phone."

*Names have been changed because I honestly can't remember what they actually were.

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