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Weirdest Ending of A Relationship?
onewheelwizzard:
I personally see trust as "I believe that this person has consideration for my interests, and that in cases in which they behave otherwise, that there is something beyond their control going on that is preventing them from acting in a way that directly communicates that consideration to me," rather than "I believe that this person will not tell me things that are not true." If someone knew this about me and wanted to take advantage of me, I think they'd actually have a hard time doing it ... I don't tend to let my own needs go unattended to, so someone who has legitimately malicious intent would need to actually act it out explicitly in order to hurt me. Someone who just wants to leech off me in some way without giving back is honestly welcome to it, because as soon as I don't feel good about freely giving to them whatever I give, I'll just stop. It's simple, really.
Mr. Skawronska:
--- Quote ---Jestes Polakiem? Czy Polka?
--- End quote ---
JA jestem Polski przy dziedzictwo , oprócz czynić nie mówić po polsku.
I used an online translator. Please forgive me.
--- Quote ---Yeah...having a kid from a drunken one night stand does not magically make it a relationship...unless you count having a kid from a sperm donor as a relationship.
--- End quote ---
And I agree. I am pointing out that life-changing things can happen to people from their choices that others will judge them based upon, and not just from relationships.
That's all. I was making a point.
--- Quote ---Thanks for playing
--- End quote ---
Thanks for letting me.
--- Quote ---SO... Moral of the story is if you love them, keep that shit in your pants. If your not sure, keep it in there until you are sure... you may not realize what you're losing until it's way to late...
--- End quote ---
You are not the only person to learn this terrible lesson the hard way. I know of several others.
I will neither confirm nor deny my own inclusion.
--- Quote ---If it makes him feel any better I am judging him.
--- End quote ---
If I don't care, does that mean I'm judging?
How about if I laugh?
--- Quote ---Yeah, trust is granted, sorry. If you go around expecting everyone to be untrustworthy and they have to earn your trust, they just won't care about your trust and will simply tell you to fuck off.
--- End quote ---
Agreed. I just try to be a decent judge of character and then trust people to be themselves.
I am rarely disappointed these days. But my character judgement wasn't good in the beginning and I got hurt a lot.
But I learned.
Sometimes learning is painful.
S
mbb:
--- Quote from: TheDozarian on 15 Jan 2009, 10:03 ---I was dating a German girl out of high school... She had been an exchange student at a nearby school here in the states... We started out dating and eventually got engaged before I left for the service and she for Germany. We visited several times while I was enlisted; her here and me there. However, I had some issues eventually and I made the mistake of messin' around with another girl down at Ft. Campbell...
I didn't tell her why, but I broke up with her over the phone... It was horrible. She cried and begged... She was going to come over on the next flight and all that... I was so embarrassed about what I had done, that I told her no... She continued and I told her that if she showed up at the base, I'd have her arrested... Not my crowning moment, to be sure.
But I was really ashamed of it all... I've since grown up a lot. I was 19 when that happened. My mom and dad have always kept in touch with her and she has married and has a child. But I've not spoken to her since then. Nothing ever came of the other girl. We had a brief thing, but it was nothing. I realized a few years later what I'd done and it had a significant impact on me at that point. I made an effort to apologize to her and she accepted it. But that was the last I heard from her and the last I tried to contact her. That was by letter rather than phone.
SO... Moral of the story is if you love them, keep that shit in your pants. If your not sure, keep it in there until you are sure... you may not realize what you're losing until it's way to late...
--- End quote ---
I thought the moral of the story there was to learn to keep a secret? Just because you screwed up yourself doesn't mean you should screw things up for the other person by ending it out of guilt/hurting them with the information. (I know a lot of people will disagree with me here, but that's fine and reasonable)
SirJuggles:
That's actually a point of view I really wish I had heard more of BEFORE now. I cheated on my current girlfriend with an ex about a year ago. After a lot of soul searching, guilt, and a revelation that I really do want my current partner to be the one, I ended up telling her everything about a month ago. It was an all-around bad situation since she had previously had suspicions of the ex in question which I had carefully mollified. She's since come to the realization that she feels the same way I do and is willing to give me another chance, but she made the offhand comment that she wishes I had just kept my altruistic mouth shut.
*facepalm*
mbb:
Well, if you think about it, what do you accomplish by telling them? You will certainly hurt them. It's not altruistic, it's selfish. You just "get it off your chest". And as much as you try to continue with someone who's cheated on you, some part of you will always doubt them because of it...or will for a very long time. I think if you can view your cheating experience as something that ultimately made you better in your relationship, you can shrug it off because you appreciate them more because of it and just file it away (as long as you're certain it won't get back to them somehow. yes, you can be certain. especially if the person you decide to cheat on your girlfriend with dies two weeks later in a car accident...which totally happened to me in the relationship I detailed much earlier in the thread...anyway!)
I know of two people who've cheated on their spouses, and in both situations I can't rationalize holding it against them. Anyhow...enough anecdotes for one post.
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