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Bedazzled thread

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Dazed:
Instead you have a predisposition towards Heroin abuse. Never quite enough to cause a fatal overdose, but just enough to keep you hopelessly addicted, a drain on your friends and family, and alive in constant misery with nothing to look forward to but the all-too-brief respite of your next fix.

I wish I had a decent 9-iron.

Patrick:
You have one. That is the only thing you have that isn't a complete piece of shit.

I wish I had every single piece of musical equipment I have ever wanted in my entire life.

wafflecone:
You have them, sure, only they're all broken.

I wish it was warm & sunny out today.

Patrick:
It is warm because you're standing outside your burning house at midday (so it's sunny!) during the longest, most severe heat wave and drought your vicinity has ever seen.

I wish I still had self-respect.

Tom:
You do, but you're only going to lose it again anyway.

I wish to be loved.

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