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Bedazzled thread

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Jace:
Before you can come clean, your dad says he has a horse porn fetish, your mom leaves him and takes you with. Dad keeps the computer with all your porn.

I wish I wasn't always so happy.

Zingoleb:
I sock you in the groin whenever you're feeling too happy.

I wish I didn't need to sleep.

tania:
you don't, but you are never tired or able to fall asleep ever again. after a week or so the novelty of having all that extra time wears off and you find yourself excruciatingly bored and lonely every single night, with nothing fun to do and nobody to hang out with because everything is closed and all of your friends are sleeping.

i wish i had a new laptop.

MarkTBSc:
You have a new laptop. Turns out it was stolen and is full of kiddy porn, terrorist plans and viruses. You're arrested, charged and spend the rest of your mercifully short life as the 'special friend' of Roscoe the Weightlifter.

I wish I could code really really well.

ibrahimdelil:
you can code really really well, but only in basic.

i wish i was unique.

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