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Use a telephoto lens to determine if the 'taco' for which Gotherella (Dora) speaks is her own.

Drug Marten and shave his 'trail to adventure.'

Drug Marten and tattoo Highway to Hell alongside his 'trail to adventure.'

Acquire a photo of Sven playing air guitar in his underwear, then photoshop it until his body is five times too thin for his head and sell the result to Ralph Lauren.

Do unto Marigold as Pintsize has done. Then grope Hannelore, too, just—just because.

Score compromising pix of Angus with Arianna Huffington and use them to ruin his strawman career.

Write "WWJD?" on Penelope's forearm and Wil's right butt-cheek in permanent ink.

Smack Faye's ass. Twice.

[The Duke]

Depends on whether you leave the head on the pelt or not - small animals not so badass - wolves and bears, definitely.

Very true.  I did not think of that.

[raoullefere]

I've never heard the term bald taco before. It just sounds kind of weird. Pink taco, I've heard, also fish taco.

Beef curtains sounds like the dumbest thing ever. I've never actually heard anyone use that one. I'd laugh at them if they did.

Lady maddness, if you don't laugh at someone who uses any of 95% of the Thousand Names of Womanhood, you should really take things less seriously.

My 'favorite' is Catcher's Mitt , (good lord) and I hope to god no one actually says that, or pink torpedo. Yes, this rule holds equally true of the Thousand Names of Manhood, which are, if anything, sillier.

I did learn something, today, though: I'd no idea flesh tuxedo = foreskin. Changes the way Spinal Tap's "Big Bottom" works, somehow.

Edit: just to note, my (least!) favorite 'name' for breasts has to be fun bags. Every time I see it, I still can't believe it.

[Carl-E]

Someone educate me here: Does the moustache in moustache ride refer to the male or the female? I'm wondering how Dora wearing that shirt should be interpreted.

Usually male, although I suppose a lesbian with a hormonal imbalance who doesn't wax her upper lip could wear one un-ironically...

[Kugai]

How ironic.    





You'd think by now Hanners would be able to pick up on Faye messin' with her head - she's known her long enough.

[Mayhem]

She probably would have, but I doubt she was kidding about being more comfortable with Faye's theory. She's happy that Faye messed with her head.
Hannelore has backsassed Faye once or twice... Or maybe just went she-hulk on her.

[raoullefere]

Results of the 'Moustache Rides' poll.

• Geraldo Rivera    - 6 (16.2%)
• Sarah Silverman    - 9 (24.3%)
• That guy Blitzer teased on CNN on the twentieth anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall  (Jim Clancy)    - 0 (0%)
• Alex Trebeck (which may explain the shave)    - 6 (16.2%)
• Wilfred Brimley ("Diabetus" testing oatmeal sucker)    - 8 (21.6%)
  
• Dr. Phil    - 8 (21.6%)

Conclusion: Several of you watched the Emmys; beyond that, douchiness* is a toss-up (except Rivera, whose seems to have gone down a tad), and no one gives much of a shit about Jim Clancy or Wolfe Blitzer. This last pleases me mightily! Possibly because I'm easily pleased.

*If Colbert can coin the word truthiness, I can create douchiness. Spelling may need some work, though.
Edit: I've been beaten to it. At least I got the spelling right. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=douchiness

[syrupykeyboard]

Hey bros, what's up?

[raoullefere]

Swear to god I didn't look at the comic before posting the poll. What's happening to me? Is Jeph controlling my mind? Not that there's enough of it to make that a large project, but still...

Somehow, using Bro unironically strikes me as worse than wearing the "Mustache Rides" T. Steve's gonna pay for that, somehow.

[syrupykeyboard]

Steve is going to pay $5,000.

[LTK]

Someone educate me here: Does the moustache in moustache ride refer to the male or the female? I'm wondering how Dora wearing that shirt should be interpreted.

Usually male, although I suppose a lesbian with a hormonal imbalance who doesn't wax her upper lip could wear one un-ironically...

Oh, good. Only I was thinking of an uh... 'inverted' moustache in the case of the female.

[Carl-E]

Ah.  Yes, well, I'll take one of those "inverted moustache" rides! 

Better than those "introverted moustaches", like the one Marten was trying to grow...

[Steve the Pocket]

To me, "bro" is only truly obnoxious when it is used in a portmanteau.  Shudder.

[maddness]

Hard time choosing between the Magical Love Gentlemen and the knuckle knife in the poll.

I've never heard the term bald taco before. It just sounds kind of weird. Pink taco, I've heard, also fish taco.

Beef curtains sounds like the dumbest thing ever. I've never actually heard anyone use that one. I'd laugh at them if they did.

Lady maddness, if you don't laugh at someone who uses any of 95% of the Thousand Names of Womanhood, you should really take things less seriously.

My 'favorite' is Catcher's Mitt , (good lord) and I hope to god no one actually says that, or pink torpedo. Yes, this rule holds equally true of the Thousand Names of Manhood, which are, if anything, sillier.

To be honest, I don't know anyone who actually really uses any of those, at least not around me. I wouldn't laugh, I'd at them in an obvious manner, because that's what I do when people are being obnoxiously juvenile.

For some reason this discussion makes me think of a period novel I read once where a character commented "If my wife can't call carnal knowledge something like carnal knowledge she can marry some other idiot and leave me in peace."

Edit: just to note, my (least!) favorite 'name' for breasts has to be fun bags. Every time I see it, I still can't believe it.

That one's stupid, but I find skin sacks and teats out right skeevy.

[Random832]

To me, "bro" is only truly obnoxious when it is used in a portmanteau.  Shudder.

Wouldn't that be a... portmanbreau?

[raoullefere]

I find skin sacks and teats out right skeevy.

Skin sacks is skeezy or worse, but the argument has been made that since breast technically refers to the pectoral area (give or take a bit) of either gender, that teat (pronounced 'tit,' probably thanks to vowel backing) is actually the correct word. Which doesn't mean it cannot get one slapped.

[Near Lurker]

Oh, God, those portmanteaux get me seething.  Like a man should delete all his male contacts the minute he graduates Skull & Bones.  "Man-" or "guy-" too.  "Guyliner?"  "Man-purse?"  It's a fucking purse!  Call it a "handbag" or a "tote bag" if you want to sound less feminine, but...don't do this!

And "manorexia"...dear God.  Taking a disease and putting "man" in front of it - what the hell do you think you're doing?  Really?

[Darke]

I adore people getting all up in arms about the "butchering" of language. So often they fail to realise that the people doing it are generally being ironic, and the rare few who aren't... well, so what? Language changes over time. That's just what it does.

[ink slinger]

That one's stupid, but I find skin sacks and teats out right skeevy.

Skin sacks?! Wow...I think that's the worst I've ever heard.

[SleeperCylon]

Anyone think it's ironic that moments after calling people hipster douches for wearing a stupid T shirt, Marten goes out of his way to balk at the term 'bro'?

So either Marten is ironically being a hypocrite, or he's the kind of hipster who makes fun of hipsters because he's insecure about being one.  (A hypocritester!)

[Carl-E]

Hypstercrite? 

[Near Lurker]

I adore people getting all up in arms about the "butchering" of language. So often they fail to realise that the people doing it are generally being ironic, and the rare few who aren't... well, so what? Language changes over time. That's just what it does.

If you think the ""butchering" of language" is my complaint there, you utterly fail reading comprehension.

[raoullefere]

I don't think Marten is being hipstocritical; I think he simply has limits. His is bro, which I understand completely, and mine is portmanteaus. Any portmanteaus, although couple portmanteaus rattle my cage the worst.

I adore people getting all up in arms about the "butchering" of language. So often they fail to realise that the people doing it are generally being ironic, and the rare few who aren't... well, so what? Language changes over time. That's just what it does.

'Snothechanjean, 'smifeerthat everiwordwilooklikthis. It's happening anyway, but I see no reason for a few who think it amusing, or, worse, actually think it's 'cool,' to hasten the process. In other words, yes, the gas can will explode one day, but until then, let's not light our farts near it, okay?

[Kugai]

Guess you don't get many Maori's on this site eh bro?

   














And no, I am not one.

[ChopstickForge]

Is it just me, or does Steve seem a tad more desperate then in the old days?

[giant_bug]

"Did XXX just say YYY un-ironically?"

Is that now a running gag?  Or did Jeph just forget he'd used that line before?

[Near Lurker]

Also, what in God's name makes you think most of the people complaining about the butchering of language are being ironic?  I don't think I've ever seen it ironically.

[Carl-E]

Wait, I thought he said the butchers were being ironic, not the complainers...

Aw hell, now I'm as concussed confussed confused as you are. 

[raoullefere]

Probably not, Carl. Assuming the you to be me, and not well, some other person. Who may be me, too, if this solipsism thing is right. Although, if it is, does it matter?

Results of last poll
Question: If things don't work out with waitress-library-awkward zone girl, Steve will need a new set of photos. These should include:

• A photo of Steve with Marten dressed as the Magical Love Gentleman, and Steve holding a sign: "I'll introduce you."    - 10 (25.6%)
• A waist-up photo of Steve bare-chested with a knuckle knife clenched in his teeth. (Props to Robert B. Parker)    - 4 (10.3%)
• A small print of a portrait of Steve seated wearing Victorian evening clothes, only the wine in his glass in color. Caption: "Never an awkward moment."    - 8 (20.5%)
• A full-color backdrop of a nuke exploding, with Steve nude, a fall-out warning circle positioned over his junk.    - 8 (20.5%)
• Picture of Steve with bowl of Cheerios. Caption: "Got my ohs!"    - 1 (2.6%)
• Picture of Steve holding a platter bearing a large stack of pancakes.    - 8 (20.5%)

A slight boost for the MLG pic, but (recalling how little I know of statistics) "Awkward," "Nuke" and, of course, "Pancakes" all seem close enough to be a 4-way tie.
I know, I know: "You ask too many questions!" And it only gets worse, as you can see from tonight's poll. But it's the last one. My brain is all hollow now, so it's someone else's turn. I got a turkey to cook.

Hope that isn't another of those sexual euphemisms.

[Carl-E]

Oh, wow.  Second voter.  But those were some damned hard choices, Raoullefere! 

And it's only the baster, not the whole turkey, that's full of innuendo. 

And out the other. 

[ysth]

From twitter:

one panel down, gotta grind this one outttttt

Have I mentioned that I love my job? Because I fucking love my job.

All I can say is: http://waxy.org/random/images/weblog/love_your_job.gif

[Border Reiver]

Good choices.  Nicely done.

Try Deep frying the turkey - it takes much less time and the bird is much juicier. 

And as for today's comic - awkward!

[Carl-E]

Um, yeah.  But Tai's always been pretty easy relaxed about her sexuality. 

I think the reaction of her friend is the best. 

You wake up after a fun night with your lover to see a strange man sitting on the edge of the bed holding a vibrator... I'd say her not squealing/screaming (squeeming?) is pretty good! 

Also, you can't make good gravy from a fried turkey. 

[raoullefere]

I guess my initial reaction wasn't the same as others': I got the idea Marten had accedntally extracted the vibrator from the other girl. (Now I think it may have recently fallen out.)

Ew factor aside, given the sort of sexual madhouse Tai has described her dorm to be, I doubt anyone is much surprised at anything. Add to that sleep and/or, ah, over-stimulation fogging the brain, and there goes teh screaming, teh screaming.

Tai's lookin' good in this comic.

Is it just me, or does Steve seem a tad more desperate then in the old days?

Not really. Remember him fretting about how to find Meena again? I wish he would, and how well that turned out for him. But, of course, that wouldn't be as amusing to us.

Try Deep frying the turkey - it takes much less time and the bird is much juicier. 

I don't fry anything if I can help it (those turkey fryers scare me a tad, too), and I'm not keen on gravy, either. I do make the latter for those who just can't stuff enough greasy fat down, though. On the other hand, lest I sound a health-prude, I do eat jellied, flavored sugar-blob (cranberry sauce), and sometimes am daring enough to consume the 'rough,' which apparently describes what happens to us older folks when it, ah, passes.

[Border Reiver]

Awkward for Marten.

I can't make good gravy anyways (from scratch) and rely on canned or instant gravy so that isn't a problem.

[LTK]

I guess my initial reaction wasn't the same as others': I got the idea Marten had accedntally extracted the vibrator from the other girl. (Now I think it may have recently fallen out.)

Ew factor aside, given the sort of sexual madhouse Tai has described her dorm to be, I doubt anyone is much surprised at anything. Add to that sleep and/or, ah, over-stimulation fogging the brain, and there goes teh screaming, teh screaming.

Tai's lookin' good in this comic.

Eh, you think? I thought she looked exceptionally weird in panel two. Torso, fingers, face, doesn't look like Tai very much. She's picture perfect in the rest of the comic, though.

[Carl-E]

I can't make good gravy anyways (from scratch) and rely on canned or instant gravy so that isn't a problem.

That's cause yer fryin the bird!  I know, circular logic...

But you need pan drippings... some scorched onions that have been in there for hours... and an old iron roaster that hasn't been cleaned thoroughly in years...

Well, you don't need those, but they help.  And don't use corn starch, it's gotta be flour.  

'sokay, though.  Heinz is pretty good.  

[turns away and makes a Calvin & Hobbes "Bleah" face]

[TheReaper]

And "manorexia"...dear God.  Taking a disease and putting "man" in front of it - what the hell do you think you're doing?  Really?

Mancer.
MIV.
Mupus
M--yeah, I'm done.
Wasn't very good anyway.

Anyway, poor Marten MANten.

[stale]

College yearbook? Does this really exist?

[Kharn]

Where'd Tai's tattoos go?
And just 'ew' on the vibrator 'recently falling out', it was (most likely) just sitting on the bed.

[maddness]

Heartily agree about Tai looking very un-Tai like in panel two.

I once bought the awesomest Cajun fried turkey from this restaurant and everyone thought it was the best thing they ever tasted. It's the only fried turkey I ever had and it wasn't greasy at all. Too bad that restaurant closed. I can usually bake a mean turkey. I like to marinate it in Mojo Criollo from Goya. I've never had one go dry on me.

Hope that isn't another of those sexual euphemisms.

Well, there is "stuffing the turkey", but that's more of a smuggling euphemism than a sexual one.

I don't fry anything if I can help it (those turkey fryers scare me a tad, too), and I'm not keen on gravy, either. I do make the latter for those who just can't stuff enough greasy fat down, though.

For those who can't get enough greasy fat, there is just one turkey recipe that will do: turbaconducken. Bonus? Raw, it looks like like one of those skinless zombie dogs from Resident Evil!

[kent_eh]

I just hope the girl in Tai's bed isn't the one that Steve was asking about.
Now that would be awkward!

[maddness]

Nah, the girl Steve's looking for was blond.

[zagraf]

I might've expected Bailey in the bed.  Remember her?  Last seen at Tai's impromptu rave in the library, high on Ecstasy and offering make-outs.

[Kugai]

Nice to see 'The Marten Effect' has lost none of it's potency.

Now, the question is, will he tell Dora about this?      


As for Steve, there's desperation and then there's desperation - You can guess which category I think this fits under.

[raoullefere]

Heartily agree about Tai looking very un-Tai like in panel two.

Sadly, that may be why I think she looks good. No offense to Jeph's art, but Tai too often comes across looking like a crazed chipmunk to me. Here she didn't, for the whole strip, in fact. "She look-a like-a girl." Possibly a satiated one.

I once bought the awesomest Cajun fried turkey from this restaurant and everyone thought it was the best thing they ever tasted. It's the only fried turkey I ever had and it wasn't greasy at all. Too bad that restaurant closed. I can usually bake a mean turkey. I like to marinate it in Mojo Criollo from Goya. I've never had one go dry on me.

Sorry if I gave the impression I thought fried turkey was greasy. It's not. I've done the frying-it-at-a-restaurant thing, a local barbecue place, when my guest list suddenly increased. It was awesome. But I'm terrified of doing it myself.

For those who can't get enough greasy fat, there is just one turkey recipe that will do: turbaconducken.

Someday they're going to wrap—no, I won't say it. Because some silly bugger will do it, and then the world will drown in grease, slipping down the Drain of History, but only to a certain point before causing a clog. Then will be the Coming of the Giant Plunger. And maybe the fearsome god D'rain-oy.

[Border Reiver]

You say that like drowning in bacon grease and * would be a bad thing.  (well, maybe it would be for the devout Jews and Muslims, and the vegetarians, but that just means more for the rest of us....)

[oyf]

Since she usually binds them, I wasn't expecting her breasts to big quite as large as they are. Plus she's missing her glasses. I think I prefer the demented chipmunk look, though.

[Near Lurker]

Am I the only one who thinks that might just be a roommate?

[TheFathomist]

Oh, God, those portmanteaux get me seething.  Like a man should delete all his male contacts the minute he graduates Skull & Bones.  "Man-" or "guy-" too.  "Guyliner?"  "Man-purse?"  It's a fucking purse!  Call it a "handbag" or a "tote bag" if you want to sound less feminine, but...don't do this!

And "manorexia"...dear God.  Taking a disease and putting "man" in front of it - what the hell do you think you're doing?  Really?

I always preferred putting the word "action" in front of it. Action Purse, Action Eyeliner, Action Belt, etc. It keeps it from being an obnoxious portmanteau and keeps it gender neutral.

[ink slinger]

And just 'ew' on the vibrator 'recently falling out', it was (most likely) just sitting on the bed.

That'd be my theory, too, for a variety of reasons, not least of which being that Tai is completely dressed and, therefore, things were likely already, um, finished up (seeing as the other girl appears to have been asleep until Marten sat down).