I'm not sure how many times I've posted on these forums, I think it's about... 2. Including this post. Maybe 3? Damn.
I don't particularly like Marten and Dora as characters. Or really Faye, for that matter. Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me. Or maybe them. I guess I just see Marten as kind of spineless (and he is), a spoiled, whiny, submissive emo boy who needs to GROW A PAIR AND GET A REAL FUCKING JOB AND DEDICATE HIMSELF FULLY TO SOMETHING FOR ONCE IN HIS DAMN LIFE AHHHHHH
Which is kind of ironic seeing as how if Marten was a chick, I'd probably be all over him (her) IRL. Or jeez... maybe even as a guy. I dunno. I think I just had a number of experiences growing up which left me with a very low tolerance for people who refuse to stand up for themselves. Whether it's a parent, a girlfriend, or a best friend, I've listened to people complain about their very legitimate grievances, given appropriate advice, and watched them discard my and any other good advice and launch themselves into a flaming abyss of self-inflicted misery. I like that Marten is supportive and I feel that I identify with him in that way, but he lacks assertiveness. And Dora seems to lack the ability to trust Marten even given overwhelming evidence of his love for her. I generally see myself as an assertive and ridiculously trusting person, so maybe that's what bothers me about both of them. Before breaking up, shouldn't they at least have an honest discussion about their issues? Not a hasty referendum and apology in the middle of an argument? Like someone else mentioned, Dora did talk about seeing someone to discuss her issues, which I think is a GREAT idea. Even if it doesn't work out in the end, at least they would know that they tried. Trust me, that is a small consolation but it is much better than nothing.
A few months ago, I ended a 7-year relationship. It was my decision and I felt it was the right thing to do, but it was... and is... incredibly difficult. I felt we tried to make it work - and when it didn't seem like it was working, we talked about it. We never went to bed angry, we tried taking breaks, counseling, the whole nine yards. I know that we still love each other very much, but as in Dora and Marten's situation, her insecurity led her to treat me in ways that caused my resentment to build up to the point where we were both bitter and sad and fighting. What I told her was that although I knew we loved each other, we weren't good for each other right now. We'd tried to fix things together, but it hadn't worked. We were set in our ways relationship-wise, and although I could imagine us working in the future, the best thing for us would be to take some time for personal growth and let go of our resentments - things we didn't give each other much room to do when we were together.
So as painful as it has been for me to realize this, sometimes letting go is the best option. But I believe that part of loving someone is being willing to change, which can be a scary and painful process. Not change in the sense of trying to become a totally different person just to please them, but in the sense of working on traits and behaviors that you are aware are detrimental to the relationship. It is possible that Dora's insecurity is tied in some meaningful way to how her relationship with Marten began, and only some time, distance and self-reflection are going to help her get over it. But I think it's just as possible that this is something she could overcome with a loving and supportive partner and a close circle of friends and confidants, rather than alienating them all and probably feeling like a bad person for a good long while. At least try it, Dora.
Then again, this is QC - so when it comes to the choice of rational, emotionally mature behavior and boarding the express train to Dramatown, do I REALLY have to ask which Jeph will choose?
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Topic: WCDT 15-19 November 2010 (1796-1800) (Read 445556 times)