He has done it with a smile on his face and offered a shoulder for friends to lean on. And now, when he needs one for himself, he finds nothing.
And then you contradict yourself by providing great examples of people trying to help him. What exactly are they supposed to do, suck his dick? They're being there for him in ways that are well within their character. Also, keep in mind that Faye has already made some effort to repair the ruined relationship (be it friendship or more) by getting Dora the help she needs. At this time, Faye's done the most to help Marten.
Hanners has never had a romantic relationship because of her anxieties and her OCD. Sven was until recently a womanising cad, who even admitted that he is 28 years old, and has never been in a proper relationship. Since she has been in the comic, Tai has been in at least one polymous relationship, but not a stable, loving relationship as Dora and Marten seemed to be. While they did try to help Marten, none of them really have the experience of what its like to have a relationship that you thought was going crash and burn in a relatively short time. Not to mention that by trying to "help", they're essentially slapping an open wound.
Now consider Dora, the instigator of the break up. First thing in the morning, Faye hugs her, after work, Sven hugs her. Admittedly, when Faye hugged her, there was a threat of violence, but there was still concern. What happened before Faye left for work? Were there any words of comfort for Marten? Any friendly hug? Nope, just Faye threatening to break Dora’s arm.
At a time when Marten needed his friends, there is no one around to comfort him. So like I’ve said, yes, Marten is being a dick, but damn it if he doesn’t deserve to act like one.
Absolutely not, as mentioned above. Dealing with this better would show strength of character. While his actions are completely understandable and many of us should be able to sympathize with him...it doesn't make him right in this. Lashing out at your closest friends and being self-destructive? Hard to say that it's ever 'right' or 'deserved' IMO.
The fact is, humans are animals, and if an animal is wounded, you stay away from it, because it will lash out, even if aid or comfort would help it. Right now, Marten is hurting and he needs space, space that is being constantly invaded by other people. It doesn’t matter if a friend’s heart is in the right place, sometimes a person just wants to be left alone and wallow in their own pain and misery, it’s part of the healing process. It’s like a scab, if you keep picking at it, the wound won’t heal. What Marten’s friends are doing right now is grabbing it and tearing it off. So is Marten supposed to let this continue or should he do something about it? Its not about strength of character, but about being human, and what he is doing right now is all too human.
Marten needs his friends, but he also needs them to understand what he is going through and what they are doing right now isn’t helping, it’s hurting him
Now if you just meant that his actions are understandable, then I withdraw most of my statements.
My points are based on experience. Without going into too much detail, I have been in Marten’s place. I also know that the worse thing to say to someone in that time, especially the day after the break up, is that “they’ll be alright”. They don’t hear that, all a person hears is “It doesn’t matter what you feel, get over it so we don’t have to hear anymore whining.” I’ve done the getting drunk phase, the lashing out at friends phase and the trying to blame someone else phase, so I completely understand Marten’s actions and I’m certain that any relatively normal person would do the exact same if they were in his position
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Topic: WCDT: 13-17 Dec 2010 (1816-20) (Read 290831 times)