Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT

WCDT January 9-13, 2012 (2096-2100)

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NotAwesomeAnymore:
The sexism conversation continues! Frankly, calling out sexism is as much an accusation as is calling out the naturalistic fallacy. The difference between sexism and other fallacies in these modern-day coversations is that it is a social faux pas, the fart among liberals. But saying something sexist doesn't inherently make someone a bad person. They're probs a good person - who said something sexist, and also once got a math problem wrong. The "accusations" of sexism are pointing out minor possible gender biases, which needs to be discussed, not hushed, because sexism is a big issue.

As for flipping the genders, I'd be careful to take into account gender norms and what happens to people when they deviate from them i.e. when a man has feelings, or when a woman doesn't. If a man did what Padma did to Marten, I speculate he would be considered an asshole (not a bitch) and the condemnation would revolve around how "clueless" and "sex-hungry" men are, not how manipulative. (The male stereotypes are still awful and untrue.) A gender-neutral condemnation would be that she didn't take into account his feelings, and failed to communicate. Do we know anything besides that?

Also: I remember someone asked Jeph how he writes women characters so well. He responded that he just writes them as people.

Also also: I really hope I didn't drag this issue out further. Like, I just don't think having the sexism conversation is that bad. And if people disagree on whether something is sexist - GOOD! I just hope they do it with knowledge, as people have managed earlier in the thread.

lepetitfromage:

--- Quote from: Is it cold in here? on 13 Jan 2012, 13:14 ---All moderators can do is keep toxic ingredients out of the soup.

--- End quote ---

I really enjoy the way you put this.  :-) Good job monitoring the soup!

vsonics:

--- Quote from: Oenone on 13 Jan 2012, 13:00 ---I'm not sure if someone's already mentioned this but:

MOVING SUCKS.

I just moved across the country (Massachusetts to Hawaii) and the last week I was in town, I broke a lot of plans, and basically only saw people if they specifically came over (generally uninvited) to help me pack. Like, I don't think Padme blew Marten off for no reason -- I think when you're trying to move your whole life on fairly short notice (in my case, my husband got restationed, and in hers her g'ma is ill) that sometimes you have to be selfish with your time.

This doesn't mean Marten's totally in the wrong -- I get that his feelings are hurt, and that when you flake there's consequences -- but I'm just really surprised at how many people in the forum are all, "oh she blew him off" when she's moving herself across the country.  

--- End quote ---

I understand where you're coming from, and Padma certainly is going through a big move and also seems to be wading through some deep emotional confusion as well, but even if the only reason she hadn't called was because she really was busy all week packing I don't think that this entirely excuses her in this case.

Remember, as far as Marten knew at the time Padma WASN'T moving. She'd put it off for a week, presumably just to spend a little bit more time with him. I think that part of the anger that had Marten blowing Padma off was rooted in his surprise that she was leaving the next day - last he'd heard they had another week. She didn't call him to let him know that she'd changed the date she was leaving again until the night before and suddenly there was no more time.

Vista:
(We were doing so well, too.  Anyway.)

Padma didn't have an obligation to hang out with Marten all week, even if she caused him to think that she would.
1. They haven't had a "relationship talk."
2. In fact, she told him this was a short-term deal, and hasn't hinted at otherwise.
3. Her staying is at her own expense, making it a large opportunity cost.
4. He's not a particularly busy man, so he has no opportunity cost for waiting on her to call the shots.

She also wasn't obligated to tell him why she had changed her mind.
5. And he didn't ask.
6. It is his obligation to ask for things he wants.
7. He didn't tell her that he needed time with her or he would move on.  He left the ball entirely in her court.

Assuming Padma wasn't playing games--she really doesn't seem the type of person, more likely she was in combined panic/denial--I think her actions are okay, if not great.  She could be more forthcoming, which would sustain the friendship or grow the relationship, but she's never promised anything.  And why are we assuming she was making a booty call, not an "I just want to hang out on a park bench with you for an hour" call?  The latter's been more common for me upon people important to me leaving.

In contrast, Marten blew off Padma when he had nothing better to do--and he didn't--and may never see her again.  He acted like an asshole towards someone who should have been a friend first, because he didn't get what he wanted.  (I understand that he didn't consider her a friend first, and I find that sad.)

But he was probably just trying to protect himself.

It's just too bad he's the kind of person who needs to.  Not that it doesn't put him in the majority.

Arrgh:
I didn't really get the impression Padma was playing games or blowing him off. It seemed to me like what was happening was she was developing real relationshippy feelings for Martin, but given the timing, didn't know what to do with that. And since they were at the slept-together-but-haven't-been-together-long-enough point in their relationship to talk about love and whatnot (they were both employing the face-saving mechanisms of being careful not to confess too much too soon), I imagine she might have felt stuck and unable to decide what to do. That's the impression I got from the look on her face in the last panel they were together, to the hesitant conversation on the phone. She handled it badly, but I don't think it was malicious, and who really knows what she might have suggested (long distance relationship? A move back in 6 months? Maybe neither?) if Martin had gone over there to find out what was up rather than let his temper and pride decide things.

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