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Eye contact
Papersatan:
--- Quote from: Akima on 07 Sep 2012, 02:38 ---Eye contact is heavily subject to cultural conditioning, and varies a lot in different countries. As a little girl, I was taught *not* to maintain eye contact, especially with people of perceived higher social status, and part of adjusting to Australian culture involved learning the different standards that apply here. The idea that someone *must* maintain eye-contact in any one particular way, or is demonstrating some definite thing if they do not, is as chauvinistic as demanding that they all speak English.
--- End quote ---
I actually had a 'yay diversity" video at a job once that brought up eye contact as one of the cultural differences that one should be sensitive about. It was set up as a poorly acted role play thing where the one white guy says to the other about an Asian woman "uggh she is so stuck up, she won't even look at me!" and the other explains that it is a cultural difference and they should be sensitive to that. This of course changed his mind and they all went off to lunch together or whatever.
Pilchard123:
Whee, Aesop videos! I never get the point of those. In general, the ones that pay any attention are (not) doing whatever the video tells them they should (not) be doing, and the ones that are doing the "wrong" thing don't care so don't pay attention. Of course, there are exceptions, but...
It's like how whole-class detentions (how I hated teachers that did that) were at school; if the class had to return later, those that were clean turned up on time and sat the whole thing, those that were the actual troublemakers rolled up late, if at all. But then, that was a few years ago, so I'm just moaning for the sake of it.
Redball:
--- Quote from: nekowafer on 07 Sep 2012, 06:00 ---And see, that sort of thing doesn't matter to me in the least. I can certainly understand that others would enjoy it. But I don't really want random strangers to smile at me.
--- End quote ---
Interesting in that I don't know if I'm smiling at them or not. It seems like I just catch their eye and see a smile. It matters to me, when I think about it, because I realize that it's a way of connecting to those around me. I also engage a server in a restaurant or at a checkout counter. Flirting? I don't think so. Pleasant feel-good social contact both ways? I hope so.
Is it cold in here?:
--- Quote from: Akima on 07 Sep 2012, 02:38 ---Eye contact is heavily subject to cultural conditioning, and varies a lot in different countries. As a little girl, I was taught *not* to maintain eye contact, especially with people of perceived higher social status, and part of adjusting to Australian culture involved learning the different standards that apply here. The idea that someone *must* maintain eye-contact in any one particular way, or is demonstrating some definite thing if they do not, is as chauvinistic as demanding that they all speak English.
--- End quote ---
If, on the other hand, someone finds it prohibitively difficult to make eye contact regardless of the cultural context, then that's an appropriate issue for a therapist to raise.
Barmymoo:
I read somewhere that in a conversation, the person listening usually watches the face of the speaker for nuanced clues as to their meaning, and to indicate they're paying attention, while the speaker glances to the listener (maybe to check if they are understanding and listening) and then looks away more. I've noticed this to be the case in most of my interactions with people. I think it helps, though, to remember that some people concentrate better when they're not looking and apparently are concentrating on something else - I vividly remember a boy at my school who I often sat next to, and he would doodle and look at his paper when the teacher was talking, but always be able to repeat what was said and give intelligent answers. He just had to occupy his eyes and hands while he listened.
Something I've noticed in the USA is that people find it rude if you walk by them on the street without acknowledging them (at least, not in city centres but in the smaller places where there are fewer people). It is unusual for people to say hello to strangers walking past in the UK, and in fact once I made eye contact and gave a small smile to two men walking past me near my college, and they mugged me.
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