Topic: politically incorrect jokes (Read 19184 times)

Zingoleb · « **on:** 27 Jan 2013, 13:11 »

abraham lincoln was never president

Zingoleb · « **Reply #1 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 13:18 »

winston churchill was actually incredibly underweight, but appeared large because of all the snakes he hid under his coat. when threatened by a political opponent he'd rip his coat off and rain snakes upon them

Zingoleb · « **Reply #2 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 13:22 »

jfk was actually a timelord and has been every single president since

Pilchard123 · « **Reply #3 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 13:27 »

I like the second one though.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #4 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 13:46 »

dr. evil was actually closely patterned after mahatma gandhi's alter ego

Carl-E · « **Reply #5 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 14:04 »

FDR could walk fine, he was going for the sympathy vote.

ackblom12 · « **Reply #6 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 14:08 »

Why did the politicians cross the road?

To turn themselves in to law enforcement for embezzling of funds and misleading the public.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #7 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 14:15 »

mitt romney actually mailed in his vote for vermin supreme

jwhouk · « **Reply #8 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 15:04 »

Scott Walker is actually a decent human being who cares for people.

Kugai · « **Reply #9 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 15:52 »

The NRA Board is actually a bunch peace loving Hippies.

RedWolf4 · « **Reply #10 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 16:36 »

FOX is a reliable and unbiased source of news presented by a diverse and qualified team of individuals.

jwhouk · « **Reply #11 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 18:19 »

Sarah Palin really is a caring, devoted wife who enjoys occasional caribou hunts.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #12 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 18:27 »

(can this thread maybe not just turn into sarcastic snipes at politicians you don't like?)

Zingoleb · « **Reply #13 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 19:31 »

Quote from: Carl-E on 27 Jan 2013, 14:04

FDR could walk fine, he was going for the sympathy vote.

well, up to a point anyway. double irony.

Sorflakne · « **Reply #14 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 19:32 »

Rush Limbaugh doesn't actually believe anything he says, he just sells what sells.

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #15 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 20:34 »

William Howard Taft was famous for swinging naked from chandeliers at state functions.

henri bemis · « **Reply #16 on:** 27 Jan 2013, 20:39 »

Scott Brown only farts on Tuesdays, and has an impressive collection of Scott Baio vinyls.

(I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do here, except make up things about politicians. So that's what I do?)

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #17 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 00:40 »

If I've figured out Unicorn's rules for the thread, it has to involve politicians, be incorrect, and be funny. Am I right?

KISS played at George W. Bush's Bar Mitzvah.

RedWolf4 · « **Reply #18 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 03:56 »

George W. Bush's Bar Mitzvah was just a front to sell City Wok to China.

Cire27 · « **Reply #19 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 05:15 »

Quote from: Unicorn on 27 Jan 2013, 13:22

jfk was actually a timelord and has been every single president since

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7y2xPucnAo&list=UUurvu3r_s-yq-6f9WRs4TKA&index=14

j-j-j-j-jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ef kaaaay

Carl-E · « **Reply #20 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 05:20 »

Obama had a white-house showing of Lincoln. He invited several other politicians.

Not a single republican showed up...

Unfortunately, that one's true.

Pilchard123 · « **Reply #21 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 10:35 »

So is the game here to think of the best incorrect political joke, or is it to work out what the game is?

Jace · « **Reply #22 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 10:46 »

After losing to Sub Zero in Mortal Kombat, Baraka changed his name to Barack and attended law school, eventually becoming president of the United States

Zingoleb · « **Reply #23 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 12:53 »

After years of trying to raise Atlantis from the ocean, Margaret Thatcher's plans to revive the British Empire once again were thwarted once she realised she was trying to annex Norway.

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #24 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 13:48 »

Margaret Thatcher is pursuing a second career as a country western singer.

jwhouk · « **Reply #25 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 14:30 »

Gerald Ford actually played football - and was pretty good at it, too.

Carl-E · « **Reply #26 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 14:47 »

That's neither political nor incorrect.

Not sure if it's a joke, though...

jwhouk · « **Reply #27 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 17:14 »

I was wondering if someone would get it. (In reality, he was drafted by an NFL team - which one I don't recall)

Patrick · « **Reply #28 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 17:18 »

Bill Clinton's penis has not been anywhere that might be considered scandalous in politics

Zingoleb · « **Reply #29 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 17:31 »

George Washington had like, thirty goddamn dicks

jwhouk · « **Reply #30 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 17:50 »

The whole cherry pie thing? George thought it unwarranted.

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #31 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 19:13 »

Martin van Buren was the original Marlboro Man.

Bluesummers · « **Reply #32 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 19:34 »

Theodore Roosevelt was actually an oil tycoon, and his plans to lay waste to the great northwest were thwarted when a photographer sold his "hunting" photos to an environmentalist ad agency.

Kugai · « **Reply #33 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 21:06 »

Stevie Wonder has perfect 20/20 vision

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #34 on:** 28 Jan 2013, 22:04 »

Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis were accomplished break dancers.

jwhouk · « **Reply #35 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 04:50 »

Stonewall Jackson was actually the name of a landscaping company based in Marietta, Georgia.

Bluesummers · « **Reply #36 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 09:31 »

Vladimir Putin is an accomplished Judo and Karate master, and even wrote a book about the sport.

Redball · « **Reply #37 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 10:10 »

Vladimir Putin is a flatulist.

LTK · « **Reply #38 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 10:23 »

Vladimir Putin invented Poutine on a diplomatic visit to Canada, naming it after a bastardised French spelling of his name.

(Guess where I stole that joke from?)

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #39 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 11:34 »

Immanuel Kant plagiarized his work from the deep philosophical analyses done by Sarah Palin.

Pilchard123 · « **Reply #40 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 11:57 »

You Kant be serious.

Blood-Tree · « **Reply #41 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 12:32 »

That's not remotely Hum(e)-orous.

Jace · « **Reply #42 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 12:40 »

Kim Jong Il is actually a rapper.

Redball · « **Reply #43 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 12:41 »

Quote from: Blood-Tree on 29 Jan 2013, 12:32

That's not remotely Hum(e)-orous.

Locke the doors! Here we go again.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #44 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 13:10 »

genghis khan made cracking puns a crime to which the only recourse is death and i swear to god i will carry out his legacy

jwhouk · « **Reply #45 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 13:48 »

Quote from: Jace on 29 Jan 2013, 12:40

Kim Jong Il is actually a rapper.

...named PSY.

Blood-Tree · « **Reply #46 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 14:21 »

Quote from: Redball on 29 Jan 2013, 12:41

Locke the doors! Here we go again.

Lucky I know A. lockSmith

jwhouk · « **Reply #47 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 18:09 »

Sir Francis Bacon actually preferred chicken.

CrowFairy · « **Reply #48 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 19:26 »

William McKinley only wanted Hawaii so he could have those drinks in coconuts whenever he wanted.

Teddy Roosevelt made the Panama Canal by himself with his bare hands.

Incidental fact about myself and Teddy Roosevelt:

(click to show/hide)

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #49 on:** 29 Jan 2013, 19:55 »

Newt Gingrich's next two weddings will be Betazoid style.

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Author Topic: politically incorrect jokes (Read 19184 times)

Zingoleb

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ackblom12

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