I wasn't aware people were paying attention!
This morning, my roommate hooked his phone up to my sound system and woke me up by playing I am the Walrus by Jim Carrey. I did not know Jim Carrey did a version of I am the Walrus, and I wish I still did not know that Jim Carrey did a version of I am the Walrus.
We spent last night taking my breast forms (fake tits you put in yr bra to give yrself bigger tits (or just plain tits if you didn't have any to start with)) and shotputting them around the apartment. They suction cup to the walls.
Two days ago I was bitten in the face by a St. Bernard! It was scary and it hurt, but I was already pulling away when it got me so it only broke the skin in one place. This woman came over and was like "OH MY GOD YOU SHOULD COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND I WILL CLEAN THAT UP" and after being around her for about thirty seconds, it was readily apparent she was on cocaine. This was given away by the first question she asked me once in her house, which was if I liked cocaine. Then she introduced me to her son, big black guy, who gave me the creepiest smile. She mixed me a drink (there was vodka in it and other things) which I politely sipped and poured out when she didn't see me, and offered me a bed to sleep on. All four corners of the bed had ropes attached. I looked around and figured, this smells like rape! So I tried to leave, at which point she had a massive crying breakdown on me about her ex-husband, and then gave me two books that I absolutely have to read. I took them and left. They were "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and "Best American Erotica of 1995".