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[Patrick]

This morning I filled in on guitar for my friend's Battle of the Bands audition for his band The Growing Room. I auditioned to be a permanent member a couple years ago and they accepted me, but I decided not to go through with it. But I made it clear that I'd be delighted to be on call to fill in for their guitarist if they ever needed it. Today was that day, and I am pretty confident I nailed it. When we were through with our set the judges asked us how long we'd been playing together, and we told em the truth, that today was the first time I'd ever met half the band. They didn't know how to respond to that. We'll hear back either tonight or by the 7th.

Tonight, my own band's playing a show, so today's going to continue being a busy day. Last night I think I had food poisoning. I feel like a badass today even though I'm exhausted. I TOLD U I WAS HARDCORE

[idontunderstand]

From my experience, as long as the drum and bass are tight in a rock band, the guitarist and singer can fuck up half the time and nobody will even notice. Except singers and guitar players, of course.

[Patrick]

I barely even paid attention to the bassist, strictly drums. This was a really poppy rock band, so basically the whole group is the rhythm section. For the first song, all it is is the two of us and the singer for the first verse, so that kinda set the tone for the whole set for me. Just play like it's a two-piece.

[Patrick]

Update: we found out about 30 minutes ago that we have made it to the finals! Fuck yeah! We didn't even bring our A game. Now it's time to rip the judges a new one.

[idontunderstand]

I was half-joking. Congrats mate, excellent work.

[Barmymoo]

OK, I have a question for you guys - I want to know whether I'm being unreasonable or not.

I tutor via Skype on Sundays, one hour a week. I've been tutoring this kid for over a year now and I enjoy it, he's bright and a fast learner. I'm well paid for it, £15 an hour which isn't bad since I have no teaching qualifications.

He sends me a written diary each week, so that I can look through it and make notes on grammar and spelling mistakes etc. We talk through it and discuss what he's got wrong, and he generally corrects it himself.

His mum just sent me an email asking me to please correct his mistakes and send it back to him before the class, in the same way that I do when I proofread her degree work. I don't want to do this. There are several reasons.

Firstly, a lot of his mistakes are silly mistakes which he knows how to correct himself. Pedalogically, I think it is useful for him to correct them himself.

Secondly, sometimes it isn't so much a mistake as a better way to phrase something. We talk about the possibilities and he chooses how to change it. I want him to take ownership of his writing.

Thirdly, it takes a long time to proofread. When I proofread professionally, I am paid £10 an hour. I'm not paid anything for the time it takes me to prepare each tutoring session, which can range from between 10 minutes and an hour depending whether I need to make new worksheets. If I proofread his diary, particularly if it's a long one like this week (we had a week off for New Year so I've got two weeks, and he wasn't at school so he's written something every day), it will at least double the amount of time it takes to get ready for the lesson.

Finally, the lesson is at noon on Sundays because they are in Korea and the time difference means that no other time is suitable. He sends the diary at varying times, but usually it arrives on Saturday night. I'm in chapel on Sunday mornings, and I leave Chapel breakfast early in order to plan the lesson. I would have to leave even earlier to proofread and return the diary - and there's a finite amount of "earlier" I can leave, because I warden the service and therefore have to be there until after it finishes.

Having written all of those things down, I now sort of feel like I am definitely justified in leaving things as they are. I think I'll compose an email with these points in it - anyone have any input?

[bainidhe_dub]

Did she give a reason for why she wants to change things? I think that your objections of the value of discussing & letting him recognize and correct mistakes, and the fact that this kid is sending them to you at basically the last possible moment are the most compelling.
Does she really realize that you're not getting it until Saturday night? If my timezone calculations are correct, he's sending it to you early Sunday morning and has the tutoring at 9pm Sunday. Presumably if she knew you when they lived in England, then she probably knows you go to chapel, but she still might be thinking you've got "all day" to review it, and not taking into account that you're sleeping and at chapel for most of that time. If you got his journal on Friday, then reviewing and sending a marked-up copy back on Saturday so he could look at it and be ready to discuss on Sunday, that would be a more reasonable request, everything else aside.

[Barmymoo]

She didn't give a reason. In the past she's made suggestions in a similar manner - once an email saying "I think [Student] should have homework" which I didn't wholly agree with, but I do set him vocabulary to learn or exercises to practise if I genuinely think they will be useful, and once saying "I think [Student] should write a diary and send it to you for review" which I definitely think is useful.

I think she does know I'm not getting it until Saturday afternoon/evening, and she is definitely aware of the time difference because she used to live in England too. Perhaps she's forgotten that I have chapel in the morning, but to be honest even if he did send it a day earlier, it would still be extra time I had to spend preparing for a lesson, and time spent doing something I don't think would be of any benefit to anyone. Really, most of the mistakes are simple typos or "brain working faster than fingers" issues which he can catch himself - I have told him as well as putting it in the email that he should read it aloud before sending it - and otherwise it's mostly just a matter of discussing alternative wording which would sound better. He doesn't make grammar mistakes any more. The diary is simply a way for him to practise writing in English and for me to know what he's been up to, and a good warm-up activity for the lesson.

It ain't broke and I dun wanna fix it, basically.

[idontunderstand]

I'm a little confused. She asked you to start doing the diary thing with him, him writing it and you correcting it together with him. So it's basically a pedagogic exercise you do together. What's the point of you correcting it for him? Since she didn't give any reasons for that I can only assume she wants it to be tougher for the kid for the sake of it and I think you are right in saying no to it.

Also, is this the 10-year old you mentioned in the "what's so terrible about kids" thread?

[Barmymoo]

Yup, that's the one. Frankly the only reason I still get him to do the diary is because it satisfies her need to see him doing homework (bear in mind that he goes to school AND to an institute where he learns English, as well as weekly lessons with me) and because it's a good starter exercise for the lesson. It's a good job he actually enjoys studying and learning English. When he had exams at school he looked completely exhausted for about two weeks; I could see that even over webcam. The plus side is that he's going to be very successful (if he doesn't burn out completely at about 16).

[Bluesummers]

"Give a man  fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you feed him for life."

I see no reason to correct his mistakes for him...how is he going to learn, if you're doing all the work?


I addition, you should bring up the point to his mother that your lesson preparation comes at no charge already...if you were to take more time doing it, you'd need to be compensated. Does she realize that you're only tutoring one child? Maybe she thinks you tutor a while classroom, one kid at a time, and are thus compensated...which you aren't.

Good luck with High Expectations Asian Mom.

[pwhodges]

Don't have to be Asian:

My wife tells of the dyslexic maths student at her university (Uni of Surrey, in the UK) last year who asked to use her grant for stuff to help her cope with dyslexia to be used for paying a graduate student to give her extra tutoring.  When she was told that this was not allowed (it's in the written rules), her father wrote to the vice-chancellor of the university to complain.  When he confirmed that it was not allowed, the father wrote to his MP who wrote to the VC, who said it was still not allowed...

[Bluesummers]

So, the student wanted to re-appropriate her dyslexia grant money to hire a tutor? I'm not sure I follow...it's grant money apportioned to her use, anyway, why not use it for studies?

[Barmymoo]

Because it isn't apportioned to her use, it's apportioned to leveling the playing field so that she isn't disadvantaged by the dyslexia. For instance, for buying a laptop or some kind of equipment that makes it easier to read textbooks (special versions perhaps, I don't know much about dyslexia adjustments). Extra tuition wouldn't level the playing field, it would give an advantage.

It's a bit like when I took a year off due to illness. I wasn't allowed to attend lectures in that year, because that would mean I got to cover the material twice - I could take the year out to recover, so that I was in the same healthy state as the other students, but not repeat the instruction.

The mother does know I'm only tutoring one child, definitely. I think she maybe doesn't realise that it would take a lot of extra time. I hope she'll just accept my response and not try to persuade me. Honestly, if I thought it would be useful then I'd already be doing it as part of the lesson preparation. I don't believe that homework has much value at all, and certainly I don't believe me correcting the homework would. He is ten years old, he isn't going to back over the work he's done to see if he understands why the corrections have been made. If I don't take him through them in person, he'll never look at them again - I know I wouldn't.

I once turned down a tutoring student (after I'd intially accepted, for which I feel guilty) because I didn't feel capable of teaching them, and I didn't feel that they should be being taught. The parent wanted two two-hour sessions a week of english, maths and study skills... for their five year old. In addition to regular school, that is. I cannot sit still for two hours at a time after a full day of school, never mind expecting a five year old to do so.

[Pilchard123]

A five-year-old? What happened to letting kids be kids?

[Carl-E]

Overachieving parents, that's what. 
----------------------------------------------

So I was sitting around after church today talking with a few of the remaining members about this and that, and Debbie B, who'ss a good friend, says "I know, I'll ask Carl, maybe he can". 

She got sidetracked, and a little later I asked her what she was going to ask me. 


"Would you like a part time job?"


0_o


Uh.... YES!!!

Debbie owns the Beer Barn here in town, and since her husband Lennie passed away two years ago, it's been just her and two of her sons (and a few delivery drivers for the commercial customers).  They got stretched pretty thin over the holidays, and if one of them gets sick or needs a day for something, they wind up shorthanded.  I'll be taking two days a week outside my teaching schedule, and other days/evenings as needed, especially around holidays (they were stretched pretty thin these last two weeks). 

Her only question for me was, "Do you know how to run a cash register?"

 

Since '76.  And modern ones, too.  I can even count change, which is a dying art...


So that makes it three part time jobs, now.  And I've made a tearoff flyer for tutoring at the local Penn State Campus (like Dillinger said, "because that's where the money is")

It might actually be a good year!  Now if only I can get some health insurance somewhere...

[Redball]

Good work! Oughta be fun if you don't deal with drunks.

[Pilchard123]

That's what the broadsword is for.

[Bluesummers]

It's a bit like when I took a year off due to illness. I wasn't allowed to attend lectures in that year, because that would mean I got to cover the material twice - I could take the year out to recover, so that I was in the same healthy state as the other students, but not repeat the instruction.

Wow...UK must have very different rules governing education then. My wife took a medical leave two different semesters, and ended up taking the same class three times...no rule against that here. Of course, she wasn't happy about it...it was a Chem class taught by a professor so inane that when I sat in on the class with her, I was ready to strangle him for not following through on his examples and explaining why things did what they did...and I wasn't even a student at that university.

But I digress. I can understand the grant restrictions, that makes sense.

I can only hope the mother will understand the limitations, given that you have a life outside of tutoring. If not, that's her loss, not yours (aside from 15 pounds per week). Don't sweat it.

[Patrick]

That's what the broadsword is for.

I use mine to open lots and lots of boxes and sometimes chest cavities

[Barmymoo]

Carl, that's great, things are looking up! I hope you find somewhere with insurance, what kind of jobs offer that? Is it only really full time ones?

My compromise suggestion that I send a corrected version after the class based on our discussion was accepted. That won't be an issue, I correct as we go along anyway and I just need to highlight the corrections which is easy. I am sure she's right when she says that he misses out some of the corrections on his own version!

[Carl-E]

Most places only pay for part of your insurance if you're full time.  Otherwise you can buy into the work plan, but for most part-time jobs, that will take most of your salary...

[Redball]

I'm sure you've been evaluating the Affordable Care Act as it unfolds. Does that hold out some hope?

[Carl-E]

Actually, I've not been tracking PA's invilvement, and I don't think the health care exchanges kick in until 2014...

A lot can happen in a year. 

[Zingoleb]

I went and applied for insurance and food stamps. got turned down. don't really remember clearly what happened next. had some kind of meltdown, tried ot kill myself, cops grabbed me, forced me into a cop car and took me to the hospital. just got out abut an hour ago, just got home twenty minutes ago. turnso ut my father's rented out my room. all my stuff's gone except my bed.

kind of numb.

[Barmymoo]

I am so sorry that you are going through this shit. You deserve so much better, and I wish there was something we could do

[nekowafer]

I second what May said. And offer digital hugs for lack of anything more constructive.

[Zingoleb]

what I *want* is to smoke, but my stash that was in my room is missing, too.

[Patrick]

That is some bullshit and if I had weed I'd ask for your address to send some.

Guys,

The cutest girl I've ever met sent me the cutest video I've ever seen in my entire life, and it was her singing something from Adventure Time and basically she asked me out and YES I WILL GO OUT WITH YOU, IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION

[Welu]

Unicorn, many e-hugs your way.

~ ~

Doctor ended up doing what he always does, "Diet and exercise." but he gave some actually advice instead of just, "Lose weight." Gave me some ideas for exercises, told me some stuff to Google including Intermittent Fasting. Seems odd but he said since you're still eating it is okay? I'll think about it.
Says my back issue is not sciatica but it's likely I'll develop it sooner or later, since my issue is where the lumbar meets the spine. The check he did by putting pressure on my back has left me quite sore.
He basically said the exercises he gave me will delay it developing and there'll always be pain to some extent. One thing he did different is he told me to come back in a few weeks to see how things go. Probably more to hold me accountable than anything but in fairness, that could be what I need. He also made a joke about my Da's heart problem which was uncool but I laughed politely any way.
Oh, and a script for painkillers, of course.

[Carl-E]

Do you have a chiropractor you can see?  Spinal alignment problems can actually be corrected and held off indefinitely by such treatments, but a lot of regular MD's still think of them as quacks. 

But I'm walking again, and it's just been a year since I was knocked down by a car and couldn't walk at all.  All treatments wound up being chiropractic, because the pain pills the doc gave me didn't do shit to relieve the pressure on the nerve in my leg...

[Bluesummers]

turns out my father's rented out my room. all my stuff's gone except my bed.
 
 kind of numb.
 

Wow...Unicorn, your father sounds like a real shitcock.

Jeez....How the fuck does someone get turned down for foodstamps? I've been making more than full-time minimum wage, and I was receiving them up until my job change a couple months ago. I had a long talk with my case worker, who basically told me flat out "the system is broken, it's a bureaucratic hellmaw, you need to supplement anything you get from us with assistance from a private organization, and not tell us about it."

Not sure it that's a viable option for you, but it's worth a try. I've gotten a lot of help from local food pantries.

[Zingoleb]

Because the social worker knows my father and thinks he's just a great guy all around and is here to help me, therefore I don't need assistance.

Also, all of the food pantries that were in the area that I knew of closed down after Walmart came in - they're the biggest grocery store in the area now, and they put food in the trash compactor rather than donate it.

[Welu]

Do you have a chiropractor you can see?  Spinal alignment problems can actually be corrected and held off indefinitely by such treatments, but a lot of regular MD's still think of them as quacks. 

But I'm walking again, and it's just been a year since I was knocked down by a car and couldn't walk at all.  All treatments wound up being chiropractic, because the pain pills the doc gave me didn't do shit to relieve the pressure on the nerve in my leg...

There's a private one in town but I don't know anything about it. May look into it. I've also heard there's a physio who's employed by the hospital but does some moonlighting in his home surgery. Usually deals with sports injuries but I've heard good things about him.

[Papersatan]

Just spent the morning looking for internships and getting upset, then I ran across this:

Internships Don't Need to Pay as long as You're Rich.

<sigh>

I keep seeing great internships, but they are unpaid, and if I don't get paid this summer I get evicted. We ran through the last of our savings last summer and there is no student aid available for the summer term. 

I need to do an internship to graduate.

[Carl-E]

Look for one that's cooperative with the school - many, instead of offering pay, will (with the authority of the school and usually some kind of paper/report) give hours of credit, so you can take it during a semester and still get financial aid. 

They're out there, but you usually have to go throough the school to find them. 

[Barmymoo]

Welp, I'm single again.

I saw that coming weeks ago, but I hoped it was just paranoia. Guess that's what I get for dating a fresher.

[Bluesummers]

You're above his league anyway...don't let it get you too down.

Look for one that's cooperative with the school - many, instead of offering pay, will (with the authority of the school and usually some kind of paper/report) give hours of credit, so you can take it during a semester and still get financial aid. 

They're out there, but you usually have to go throough the school to find them. 

Is Work-study an option? My wife worked at a greenhouse during her college years, and it helped (a portion, anyway) with her college debt.

[Carl-E]

I think she means an internship in her field of study.  Can't just be a school based work-study job. 

[Redball]

Welp, I'm single again.
I saw that coming weeks ago, but I hoped it was just paranoia. Guess that's what I get for dating a fresher.

And besides The Learning Experience, I recall from your posts that you had some good times.

[Papersatan]

Yes, I need an internship in my field of study. I need to complete 240 hours and most internships do this by having you work full time for a summer.  In addition I need to register for the internship class (at $5,000) to get credit for it.  I will take the class next fall when I can get a loan to pay for it, but that still leaves me with no income for the summer. 

I have been using my school's database to search for internships, the problem is my specialization.  The Human Computer Interaction kids get internships that pay them $20 an hour.  The best I have found for me is $10, and most don't pay at all.

[Barmymoo]

Yeah, I was enjoying being with him. I like him a lot. I guess it's just that he wants to be more casual, or maybe date lots of people or something. I don't know. He just said "I don't think this is what I want".

And yes, a learning experience. I've said it before but I am hoping this time it will be for definite; no more dating. No more rushing into things. This has shown me very vividly that I can't handle being with someone if it isn't likely to last forever (or at least as long as forever means in these things), so there's no point getting involved and making it hard for someone else. I'm sure he feels bad about hurting me.

[BeoPuppy]

Might be a stupid question on my part but how do you know something might last forever?

[Redball]

With each relationship, you do the best you can and hope for the best. Whether you rush into things or not, I hope you meet lots of guys and hang out with a few of them and maybe even lose your heart to two or three -- serially, of course.

It reminds me that after my parents' divorce, followed years later by my own, I had hopes but no enormous expectations that my second marriage would last forever. When it lasted longer than either of my parents' two marriages, I was a little surprised. Quite proud, too, that I hadn't screwed it up.

[Carl-E]

I've said it before but I am hoping this time it will be for definite; no more dating. No more rushing into things.

Wait - I think you have part of that backwards. 

You should date.  You don't commit yourself to a pair of shoes without trying them on, do you?  Take a few steps, so you can say "No way", or "...mmmmaybe".  That's what dating's for.  If someone seems really compatible, then you can go further with things, at a reasonable pace.  It's the opposite of "rushing into things". 


Unless, of course, you fall for every person you date.  That's a hazard. 

[Barmymoo]

"Dating" isn't quite the same thing in the UK as it is in the US. People don't generally go on dates with lots of different people to see who they like best, although some probably do. It's generally used as a synonym for "going out", or "going steady" (that last one hasn't been said since about the 1970s though).

I certainly know when something almost certainly isn't going to last forever. Last time, there were two problems. The first one was that he wouldn't even say he was my boyfriend (massive red flag that I pretended would go away) and also he was violently atheist and couldn't deal with me being Christian. Not going to last. This time, the fact that he is 18 and I'm about to graduate and move away meant the odds were against us, and there were lots of little pinkish flags, if not one big red one, which meant I knew I liked him more than he liked me.

So I guess you can't know it will last forever. But you can know it won't, and so far I always have.

[Patrick]

I'm sick as hell, been in bed all day, and I work 1130a-630p AND run my bar's jam night tomorrow. My realjob shift is right along the time frame where I have to do every single bulk item curbside pickup appointment.

I do not know how I will survive.

[pwhodges]

So I guess you can't know it will last forever.

When you're twenty, you're looking for a relationship that might last three times longer than you have existed on Earth - predicting that reliably is pretty unlikely, really, and it's somewhat amazing that we manage even as well as we do.

[pwhodges]

This evening's entertainment: Sir Harrison Birtwistle

[VonKleist]

Whoa, Patrick, can't you stay in?
I avoid working while sick because I once worked for weeks with a pretty hefty cold that then turned sinusitis and since then every minor cold has a good chance to turn into a pretty bad sinusitis. Just cause I couldn't say "no" to my then employer.

Soo, I´m fresh outta ca$h again, my nigs
but I found that I still have money on my student-card so I can go eat at the cafeteria. Hooray!