Dear Blog Thread,
Being in love with friends who are taken AND not interested sucks. A lot.
Actually, I refuse to believe that I could actually love someone, and moreso, this is not love at all, so I am not actually in love with anyone. Its not lust either, not just lust anyway. I like more than this dude's awesome body and hotness. I love talking to him and hearing his voice, and so many other things to.
But its not love. And it isn't lust. I just have a ridiculous impossible crush on an impossible friend. Who I happen to feel very very close to. Sadly. And he is taken(which in my fucked up head, is good news, and I am really happy and excited for him. Le sigh). And even when we were fucking around, he wasn't interested in much more(which I was fine with because he was filling a need for me, and I wasn't nearly as emotionally attached to him as I am now). But now that need he was filling I decided wasn't something I wanted just anyone to do, and he got a girlfriend, and now we talk more often than we used to now, and everything is pathetic because you can tell he is a lot happier than he used to be, and I love that, and that is why I love talking to him, and I know its because he got a ladyfriend, and its stupid that I have this stupid pathetic crush on him.
And its all really pathetic. And it hurts. And my instant reaction to get over it is to go out and have those needs filled by random people who I will never see again, and while it may make me moderately content, it'll make things worse and is depressing and fuck I don't want to do that.
Also, I need to move to somewhere where the Faint play a lot, and always get free tickets/on the guestlist. So I can just dance forever.