There is a tricky balance between when one person is able to talk, and when another needs to talk. In a relationship, these events may not coincide. If both parties can't find a means to manage that, and find the balance the works for them, the relationship must fail.
Dora can't shut Tai out, but not shutting her out isn't necessarily the same as opening up. I would posit that some people can't afford to open up--at least not in the simplified way people tend to mean when they use that term. It's simply too messy inside for them to do so.
But those people can clear a space. Occasionally clear out the sitting room and let someone in that far. Maybe they will find the person who gets a peek behind the doors and isn't terrified of the mess.
I'm not saying Dora is too messy inside. It's possible from what we know of her history, but she might just be tightly wound. But the same concept applies, whether you have a mess or not. Few are closed because it's just the cool thing. To them, what is inside is unworthy, or something. They are afraid that if anyone sees it, that one will run. And not stop running.
Learning not to blow up is a step, but it's not the journey. Figuring how to balance Tai's needs against her own is. As the Joe team will tell you, that's only half the battle. Tai has learn to wait for an invitation. Like I said, delayed gratification isn't her strong suit. Tai has to learn to balance Dora's needs against her own as well.
Who knows? Enough steps, and Dora might find she has become less defensive and more open.
Tova's guess about me was incorrect. I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of many things. Bees, for example. But getting hurt is not something I fear. It's something I know will happen, and I'm ill prepared to deal with it. It's possible the science is incorrect. That happens. Science adjusts over time, moving ever closer to the truth. But the science seems to say that the benefit of openness is not freedom from hurt. It's an improved sense of self. That improvement comes from the ability to handle being hurt.
The science says you will be hurt. A lot. It's how you deal with it that makes being open work. I don't have the capacity to deal with it. Maybe I never will. I tried being open and it didn't work. Because I thought it was something you jump into. Grit the teeth and fake it until you don't mind the pain. Learn to trust.
I know now that it's not learning trust, but who you trust. (Trust no one, Mr. Mulder.) When you trust someone not to try to hurt you, you allow them slack when they do hurt you. And you develop a sense of security that allows you to let slide hurts from others--because you trust someone to have your back. Tai is, I think, a who Dora should trust. But given the opinions of Tai expressed here, I could not recommend my opinion as a basis to act. Either way, jumping in without first setting that trust on firm foundation makes it certain that when Tai does hurt her (and she will) Dora will recoil, rather than extending the benefit of doubt and tolerating the hurt until things become clear. Baby steps.
I'm a cynic, but I'm not a total misanthrope.