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What's the most baffling thing about neurotypical people?
Is it cold in here?:
--- Quote from: oddtail ---Every single phrase you say (no exceptions) is either meant to establish a connection with a person or to acknowledge that you and that person differ.
--- End quote ---
Long ago, I think in a Mensa newsletter, I read an article by someone talking about what he called "non-communicative discourse". His opening example was of telling an audience things that were obvious and already known:
--- Quote ---We are gathered together in this great hall. We have come from near and far. It has been a year since we last met -- a year of joys, a year of sorrows.
--- End quote ---
The Mensa member who wrote the article totally missed that the speech communicated "let's establish an emotional togetherness here".
Tova:
--- Quote from: Gyrre on 01 Nov 2019, 00:46 ---I'll never understand why some things are considered "rude". I'm too tired to think of a specific example, but I'm sure everyone else can.
--- End quote ---
It’s one of those irregular adjectives, isn’t it? I’m being honest. You’re being frank. He’s being unforgivably offensive.
Wingy:
A lot of "rude" is about whether the opinion was solicited or not. If someone you know well asks your opinion about X, and you give them an honest answer, you're honest. If you don't know them that well, and they asked, you're frank. If they didn't ask and you just blurted out what you were thinking, that's unforgivably offensive. The less you know someone, the more "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything" applies up to just keeping your yap shut (I've had problems with that last part).
Even when you know someone well, you have to be careful if whatever they've asked about is an area of personal sensitivity. The problem with this last bit is you find out what they're sensitive about *after* committing the first foul...
oddtail:
--- Quote from: Wingy on 04 Nov 2019, 06:08 ---A lot of "rude" is about whether the opinion was solicited or not. If someone you know well asks your opinion about X, and you give them an honest answer, you're honest. If you don't know them that well, and they asked, you're frank. If they didn't ask and you just blurted out what you were thinking, that's unforgivably offensive. The less you know someone, the more "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything" applies up to just keeping your yap shut (I've had problems with that last part).
Even when you know someone well, you have to be careful if whatever they've asked about is an area of personal sensitivity. The problem with this last bit is you find out what they're sensitive about *after* committing the first foul...
--- End quote ---
Also, many questions from a person you know are really an invitation to reaffirm the person and make them feel loved. An honest, analytical answer may not be appropriate at all. At worst, it may be upsetting. At best, it'll be offering solutions where the person isn't asking for any, not really.
(I really struggle with this. But I know this in theory, so... yay, I guess?)
Is it cold in here?:
Then just to keep matters unpredictable there are the people who really do want feedback.
I knew someone who'd completed a book and published it. He asked people he knew in the industry for feedback. Instead of being affirming and validating I gave him a list of strengths and weaknesses. He was delighted to get the actual feedback he was asking for instead of the "oh it's great" he got from everybody with social skills.
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