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[spizzletrunk]

This is a great game to play during long car trips!  No matter how nonsensical, pretentious, or stupid, if the band is in the indie, punk, or emo genre, people will listen to it.  Good clean fun for the whole family!  Just pick a genre and dive right in.

I shall start.  Ashes of August's Fire.  Fangirl/fanboy acronym: AAF.  Emocore band from the Pacific Northwest.  Cites influences as being "anywhere from Sunny Day Real Estate to the Clash."  Lead singer causes the breakup in 2002 over a "creative dispute."  Biggest hit?  "You Know Me", a catchy festival of power chords enjoyed by all and scorned by the "real fans."

[weevil]

The Sky Corvair. Emo supergroup from the midwest that - what? They're real? Damn, and here I was wishing that I'd made them up.

[KharBevNor]

Dude I was talking to the lead singer from xSkullGobletx last night on AIM, and he said that Death Before Dying on Twisted River that's Bleeding is playing tonight. And Autumn Falls of a Godless Winter Death Thats Burning With a Hornless Unicorn is playing. I can't wait. They really bring the mosh.

[spizzletrunk]

The Fucking Turnstile Jumpers.  Anarcho-punk from Des Moines, Iowa; but the bassist was born in the UK, so that makes them cool.  Released a 20-song debut album that was 15 minutes in length in 1992 and were never heard from again.  The album featured such touching numbers as "The Government Made Me Kill My Baby" and "I Raped Your President."  Popularity resurfaced in 1997 when the lead guitarist was found in a ditch outside of Minneapolis dying in a pile of his own shit.

[deborah]

Everyone but Adolph.  three high school boys trying to impress their prom dates with their beck haircuts and recycled poetry from junior high.  recorded their first 7 inch in someone's storage unit rental-turned-recording studio at $15/hour.  picked the cover art out of an old calculus book from the 70s.  broke up when the bassist and the drummer realized the lead singer/guitarist actually wore black socks with his shorts and white sneakers.

[Aphi]

The Notwithstanding.


A badly-produced basement-recorded emocore band fronted by your typical New Jersey kid who put an ad in the local newspaper for the rest of his band. The Icelandic drummer makes them cool.

They broke up when the backup vocalist refused to sing "and all that is and was and shall be dies in your diamond-studded nightmare eyes", insisting that it was nonsensical and stupid. The rest agreed.

The lead vocalist is still accosted by former fans, telling him that he is a 'sellout' for once agreeing to play a club withmore than a ten-person capacity.

[sp2]

Whenever I'm talking with someone about punk bands and I suspect them of bullshitting, I start raving about the Descending Testicles, an imaginary hardcore band from Chicago.  If they nod vigorously and agree that DT is awesome, I quickly call their bluff.

It's hilarious.

Also, Branded As Witches and Burned at the Stake (BAWABATS for short), a gothprog act out of Massachusetts (their bio claims they're from Salem, but really they're from Boston).  Known for excessive stage antics and very gothy lyrics about vampires, you may have heard one of their shorter songs (titled "I want to die") on the radio

[sp2]

Oh man, I think you posted about the Descending Testicles somewhere on the board. Have you heard of Die Toten Hoden? They're pretty good.

I don't really go for Krautcore, man.  Sorry.

[Esotastic]

"Finding someone to be independent with."

Genre: Folk/punk. Acronym: FSTBIW(FIST-bee-wuh). Story: They will garner a huge underground following consisting of kids who will subsequently go out and buy a brand new acoustic guitar/stand up bass/harmonica to be just like FSTBIW. Kids will use their "Super cool!" mail order website to get plenty of cd's, stickers, and, of course, vinyls by the truckload. Eventually, they'll get noticed by Warner Brothers, get signed, and lose their entire fanbase, only to gain an even bigger one.

[suburbiac]

Dude I was talking to the lead singer from xSkullGobletx last night on AIM, and he said that Death Before Dying on Twisted River that's Bleeding is playing tonight. And Autumn Falls of a Godless Winter Death Thats Burning With a Hornless Unicorn is playing. I can't wait. They really bring the mosh.

Well, go take your LJ pictures, and I'm gonna listen to the new From Seasons When Dying Days Burn In A Slumber of Watered-Down Okra Shell. Burn. Leaf.

[Johnny C]

Has anyone heard settherockingchairaflame? Geriatricore never sounded so extreme!

[sp2]

Are they anything like Crack Respirator?

I guess Crack Respirator is more Comacore, though.

Also, have you heard of Spare 21st?  Tardcore at its best.  They put out that song a few years ago, "EEEUIIAAIGH."  Most of the lyrics are unintelligible, but I hear the stage show is not to be missed.  Danny Downs, the frontman, is like a retarded G. G. Allin, except instead of shitting everywhere, he drools all over the audience.

I feel like a bad bad bad bad bad man

[Johnny C]

As well you should.

[sp2]

On the other hand, I can't stop laughing.  Danny Downs would totally be the awesomest frontman for a band ever.

[La Creme]

Is anyone in LA going to see the Withered Teardrop Lost Anachronism show? It's gonna totally be a wrist-slittin' good time.

... No, seriously, fuck emocore.

[sp2]

To further kill the joke, the lineup for Spare 21st is as follows:

Danny Downs: lead vocals, rhythm guitar
Pete KU: Lead guitar
Shirley Shortbus: Bass
Twitch: Drums

[Cassie]

"The Lonely Rejected"

A melbourne 3-piece (i'm sorry melbourintes, i have no respect...) who attempt to follow the formula of Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Blink 182 and Greenday in an attempt to crack into the superior US market. J-Mag interviewed the trio on the release of their debut album, "Miles of Nothing". Drummer, Kev Wright, had this to say when he was asked to describe the band.
"We don't do none of that 'sex, drugs and alcohol' shit, we're serious artists. (guitarist/lead singer) Matty writes all the lyrics, he had a pretty unhappy childhood. His parents were real strict and all, y'know, wouldn't let him drink and stuff, so he draws on his diaries from then as inspiration. I'd say we're sort of emo... like Simple Plan is."
Some of the songs off their debut included "Ode to silence", "Nobody but Me (Can Feel This Way)" and the politically-conscious "Child of War".

[La Creme]

How fat is Shirley Shortbus?


Also, the Mephistophonik Bloodkult Diabolokon Terrorskuad are totally the best industrial-grind-gore-core band in ever. The "I Am Asmodeus: Techno-Cock Destroyer" single is so badass.

[sp2]

Man, this sucks.  Now I want to see a Spare 21st concert.  Seriously, who wants to become substitute "music teachers" for a special ed class like a retarded version of that seriously shitty Jack Black movie?

[sp2]

How fat is Shirley Shortbus?

Fat enough to turn off a truck driver, but not fat enough that hoardes of indie kids won't claim to be in love with her.

[La Creme]

Heh. Truck drivers.

In that spirit, I propose that more people start listening to American Backroad, the hot new pop country group, coming out straight from Nashville. Lead woman Anne-Betty-Sue L'Brontjames. has this to say about their music: "It's real inspirational and inspired an y'all should take a listenin' and see what you think. And don't forget to vote Bush for president in 2008."



BTW: I feel very sorry for those of you who are stuck in middle America. I would totally let you live at my house, but there's kind of no kitchen... and stuff.

[sp2]

Speaking of middle-America, have you heard the band Chicken-Fried Mistake?  Their 2004 release "Double-Wide Half-Empty" definitely convinced me that emobilly is a genre best left unexplored.

[La Creme]

Dude, emobilly is totally worth getting into! Haven't you heard ...And You Will Know Us By The Trailers Of The Dead? They are so totally awesome.

[Patatat]

The Nostalgic rephrences,

They would be an indie band featuring a cello, violin, guitar, keyboards, drums, and electronic programing from the computer. They would list their influences as "We are our own influence." and the singer would be really cocky, and good looking. The rest of the band would be god awful ugly.

[sp2]

Dude, emobilly is totally worth getting into!

You clearly haven't heard anything by My Equestrian Romance.

[spizzletrunk]

The Nostalgic rephrences,

They would be an indie band featuring a cello, violin, guitar, keyboards, drums, and electronic programing from the computer. They would list their influences as "We are our own influence." and the singer would be really cocky, and good looking. The rest of the band would be god awful ugly.

Rephrences with a "ph" will become like phat with a "ph."

[nickb285]

Corporate Communists. Hardcore punk band. Got sick of being broke like a real punk band, so they attempted to "fight the system from within" by signing with EMI and creating an MTV video for their single "I'd Smash The State (For A Klondike Bar)". Punks abandoned them, MTV fans didn't get them. The entire band now works at the same Best Buy in Draper, UT.

[sp2]

Nah, CC's getting big again thanks to Hot Topic.  The commercialized revolution thing is really hip these days.

[La Creme]

I see you My Equestrian Romance and raise you a The Day I Traded My Dirtbike For A Diary.

[sp2]

I'll see your Dirtbike for a Diary and I'll raise you Cropdusters to Arkansas.

[La Creme]

Kansas City Limits! Oklahomeless! Rusted LIpstick! Population 0! Red State, Red Blood! Tallahasee Signed Off! I Can't Jump Over The Edge Because The State's Total Elevation Is 0.84 Feet! Panhandled! Suicide At Sioux Falls! Mississippi Poison! Arkansas My Flesh!

RAARARRRGRGHHHHHHH.

Ok, that's all out of my system. Phrumblybrooblepaz.

[sp2]

You shouldn't forget indiebilly sensation White Rebel Motorcycle Club, or their major influence, My Black-Eyed Wife.

[sp2]

My Moonshine-Soaked Valentine?

Were they those drunk hillbillies that just covered My Black-Eyed Wife songs?

[Inlander]

The Surrey Prussians - the latest Big Things from Britain, cover of N.M.E., all that jazz.  They claim never to have listened to X.T.C., but cite Franz Ferdinand, the Kaiser Chiefs, et al as major influences.  The girlfriend of the band's singer's cousin is an apprentice stylist, and has put them all on a strict diet of cabbage leaves and amphetamines to give them the appropriate emaciated, garret-dwelling "starving artist" look.  They have three guitarists, but the third guitarist will probably switch to keyboards some time soon because figuring out how to play three guitars in opposition to each other is a bit confusing - although it does help them keep that slightly panicky look which is all the rage these days.

[sp2]

Have you heard of Runs on Patchouli?  Phish-style jam band.  They've put out three LPs but they've really only written one song, probably because they've been too stoned to sit down and write another, so each track is just a variation of the same chord progression with different minimal lyrics.  Hippies swear by them, and apparently the acoustic guitar solo really picks up around 2:53 of the third track on their second album "No Blood for Patchouli" but I'm pretty sure the guy's strumming the same chord for the entire track.  Maybe I haven't eaten enough shrooms to appreciate the subtleties.

[sp2]

Double post.

[sp2]

This thread should be stickied for three reasons:

1. It is comedy GOLD.

2. It is comedy GOLD.

3. We just about wrote 10-15 strips for Jeph already, and it would probably be polite to make this easy for him to reference in the future when he's short on ideas.

Anyways, back on subject.


Anyone heard of Byzanterror?  Christian Death Metal, for what it's worth.  Their self-titled debut was seriously lacking musically and lyrically (growling the Psalms sounds good on paper but just doesn't work in practice), and while their sophomore attempt, "Cruci-Fiction" supposedly synchs up perfectly with the first 70 minutes of Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ," it's certainly no Dark Side of the Moon/Wizard of Oz by any means.  So don't expect me to hold my breath for their newest release, "Jesus Don't Want Me For A Nightmare."

On the other hand, Khar might love the shit out of them.  I'm not sure.

[spizzletrunk]

The Unbelievable Apocalypse--a Japanese foursome that dresses in suits and ties and have changed all of their names legally to James Bond.  While completely aloof and unaware of their ridiculousness, they caused quite a cult following in Eastern Europe, which spawned a cult following in the American indie scene, obviously.  They play music inspired by the scores of Bond movies and noir movies and their songs are written by a computer.  All of their girlfriends have had their last names legally changed to "Bondgirl."

[KharBevNor]

Reginald and the Putrid Scum

Punk band from the golden summer of '77. Mildy famous/notorious for a rather superbly offensive song about coprophilia. They got their big break supporting the Stranglers at the Roundhouse, except they made the mistake of drinking nine crates of cheap Belgian lager before hand, and had to cut their set short when the bassist vomited on his amp, causing it to catch fire. They split up shortly afterward. 'Reginald' (real name Marmaduke), by far the only member of the band with any talent whatsoever, went on to front the first wave goth band 'Martian Sodomy Biscuits', but they split up in '86 over an argument about whether to spend their band funds on a new hi-hat or hair spray. Reginald then formed a solo industrial project called 'Unimpeded Melanoma of the Birkenhau Death-Foetus', which changed into an apocalyptic folk/folk noir project called 'Nuclear Autumn' approximately 17 minutes later, when he realised he didn't own any synths, a drum machine, a mixer deck or a multi-track tape machine. He went on to achieve some underground success, but became depressed about accusations that he harboured extreme right wing sympathies (founded on his acoustic cover of The Cure's 'Killing an Arab', and his rather unfortunate (drunken) decision to use a swastika as the bands logo, thinking it would be ironic.) He attempted suicide in '95 by getting wasted on absinthe and taking upwards of fifty barbiturate tabs. Unfortunately, he accidentally took fifty tabs of his flat-mates cheap acid instead. Medical experts agree he will probably come down some time in 2015.

[La Creme]

Speaking of Martian Sodomy Biscuits, there's an excellent ska-metal cover of their song "Tea Set Made Of Ballerina Bones" by 23-peice New Zealand satano-ska band Anti-Anti-Anti-Chirst.

[spizzletrunk]

23-piece?  I though two of them died while trying to complete the ritual sacrifice of a major appendage.  They bled out and the remaining 21 members made a concept album about their deaths.

I was also always a fan of The Golf Clubs, a preppy ska band also out of New Zealand.  They all moved to America so they could scout out country clubs at which to film their videos.  Their first album, Three Under Par, sold almost 400 copies.

[La Creme]

Oh, sorry I forgot about "Buy This Album Because Our Violist And Didgeridoo Player Just Died And We Need Money For Pimp-Ass Black Sarcophagi". I personally thought it was just a little too straight-forward. I'm more into their earlier stuff like "Blood Shimmers Best When You Shine On It With Pale Slate Grey Light That Gains It's Unique Hue By Being Filtered Through The Stretched Skin Of Porpoises Sacrificed To The Elder Gods".

[KharBevNor]

ALPHATRON

ALPHATRON (Algebraic Lithographic Processing of Heuristic Algorithms, Titration Renderings and Obsolete Negativities) was built as an experimental computer in the seventies. Designed to perform obscenely complex mathematical calculations using chemical reactions, it proved useless for any scientific purpose whatsoever. Then the lab technicians hit upon a stroke of pure genius. By injecting the main chemical tank with LSD and concentrated THC, replacing the main tape loop with a copy of Pink Floyds 'Meddle', and hooking the whole thing up to a minimoog they transformed ALPHATRON into the ultimate psychedelic rock machine. Unfortunately, as ALPHATRON is the size of a double decker bus it doesn't tour much, but it does record a good deal of material, but it can never get a decent promotion for them because it has no way of signing record contracts. It's collaboration with Genesis P-Orridge and Whitehouse (Entitled EEEEEYAAARGGGHHH after the noise test listeners made when they heard it) is reasonably famous in underground circles. It is considered extremely good taste to own a copy and list it as one of your favourite records but on no account to ever listen to it.*

As a piece of trivia, ALPHATRON is also believed by many to have come up with Quantum theory and to have devised the formula for 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here', and is in fact the only machine ever to have technically passed the Turing test, being disqualified however for being 'completely bonkers'.

*Most speaker systems licensed for civilian use will catch fire if you try anyway. Chilean police use it for riot control purposes.

[practicality]

Fossilized Junipers

An indie/folk band that is based in a small town called Fossil in Oregon. They have managed to get a small cult following from young students who go to Fossil on school field trips to learn about nature and crap. They are also popular with much of Eastern Oregon (if you know anything about Eastern Oregon, you know that doesn't add up to a lot of people). They have two guitarists, a singer, and a percussionist who has been known to use rocks, bones, and nature guides as well as a set of home-made drums.

Their songs are usually about their love of nature, but one of their more controversial songs was about their duty to population control by serving "food" that's not very edible.

[Johnny C]

Eh, The Forest Rangers (not to be confused with the elf-metal band, The Rangers) already played out the whole "lovin' nature" thing when they released Sticks And Stones back in '91.

[KharBevNor]

Speaking of The Rangers, anyone else here get their split with Ungorgorizer, 'Pissing in the eye of Sauron'? Finest piece of black-thrash ever recorded entirely in Qenya. It was relased on Infernal Brazen Necrogoat Slaughter in the Deep Godless Abysses Beneath the Blackened Midnight Sun of the Infernal Winternorth Records back in '94. Limited to 666 copies, except there's only actually 608 copies going round, because all the members of both bands gave one to their mums, fifty got burnt by fundamentalists because they were in the bargain bin and they couldn't afford the mail-order on Burzum records, and another one got impounded by the Czech police as evidence in a murder. Man, Ungorgorizer must seriously regret doing all that back-masking every time they drop the soap in the prison showers.

[ielerol]

Have you guys heard about this new band, Solar Panda? It's kind of like The Decemberists and Deerhoof got into a fight and then realized their destiny was to be best friends. No, really, Colin Meloy and Greg Saunier got into a fight or something, and then decided to form a band and got A. C. Newman to join, because, as he says, "you can never have too many supergroups."

[Reno]

Small Hair, Big Head; a small 4 member band experimenting with combining melodic rock with the blasting lyrics of small-town rap.  The Southern Alberta quartet broke out in '03 with their self titled album, (500 copies sold)  but quickly degenerated after being called "hick-hop" and other such names by biased local media.  After that calling out, they  from relative obscurity back to nothingness by early '04. The lead singer and guitarist were convicted with holding up a 7-11 for beer money in November '04. The Drummer and DJ were caught up on charges of possesion and trafficking. All mentioned in their arrainment hearings that they are only using their apparent rock bottom as a stepping stone back to stardom.  They are all currently serving 18 months in Provincal prison.  Their album is now a kitch collector item worth USD$15.99.

[Johnny C]

Tardcore at its best.

BREAKING NEWS: In a sense, apparently it's been done.

[sp2]

I love you more than I ever loved anyone before or anyone to come.