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Author Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex?  (Read 143015 times)

daclam

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Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« on: 02 Feb 2007, 03:39 »

Sorry, I'm new.  I meant this to go in the weekly comic discussion thread in reaction to February 2nd's comic, but I don't seem to be able to post new topics there (?).

Anyway, I think between the comic and the thread topic I've said it all, just want to hear other people's opinions on what the best and/or worst (depending on whether you find the potential hillarity amazing) things to scream out during sex would be.

My personal favorite is "I want to eat our babies!" but After Hour's "Surrender, Dorothy!" and Something Positive's "Pikachu, I choose you!" are pretty close seconds.

:-P
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sylvar

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #1 on: 02 Feb 2007, 04:28 »

My favorite is a quote from the television show that, let's face it, when you think of provocative, sexy television shows, is pretty much the burqa of the lot:

"Thank you, Staff Sergeant Dwight J. Morgan!"

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Grimmy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #2 on: 02 Feb 2007, 06:18 »

Some of my favorites:

Ooooh...you are SO much better at that than your little sister was. (insert brother if you are a female)

Lemme show you the move that got your dog to stop humping my leg...

Are you sure God approves of you touching me there father O'Connor?

Ill think of more later...its gonna be a long day.

Grimmy
just remembered this....

"The Bronco Buster position
When you are having sex with your woman in the doggy style position, you reach around and hold on to her breast and scream out her sisters name. The challenge is to try to stay on forat least eight seconds.
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Cartilage Head

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #3 on: 02 Feb 2007, 07:16 »

"DAAAAMN Yogi!"
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camelpimp

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #4 on: 02 Feb 2007, 08:03 »

My personal favorite:

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"
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MrMagoo

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #5 on: 02 Feb 2007, 09:35 »

The classic "What three two letter words mean "very very small":
            "Is it in?"

Or...

"That's not a textured condom, I have genital warts"

Or, another classic...

"Beige."

 
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buggd222

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #6 on: 02 Feb 2007, 09:35 »

The worst is easy...

"HAHAHA, I'VE GOT AIDS BITCH!"

...said during climax


A lot of people won't find this funny, but you can't deny that it's probably the worst thing you could say...
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GrandeCappuccino

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #7 on: 02 Feb 2007, 09:41 »

Realistically, saying "We need to talk" might be up high on the list.
Other than that, any line from Star Wars.  For example, "Negative.  Didn't go in!"
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daclam

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #8 on: 02 Feb 2007, 11:35 »

Quote
Posted by: Grimmy

Ooooh...you are SO much better at that than your little sister was. (insert brother if you are a female)

I kinda think it's better to say, "damn, your little sister was so much better."
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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #9 on: 02 Feb 2007, 13:45 »

Realistically, saying "We need to talk" might be up high on the list.
Other than that, any line from Star Wars.  For example, "Negative.  Didn't go in!"

Or

"Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!"
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AnotherQCaddict

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #10 on: 02 Feb 2007, 16:14 »

Here is the worst possible line

"(insert partner's name), I am your father (mother for the womanfolk)... and your mother (father for the womanfolk) makes you look like a NUN! (monk for the womanfolk)"
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interpolitia

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #11 on: 02 Feb 2007, 16:26 »

This is something I talk about with my friends a lot, and we all agree that "Arrgh! My brocolli's escaping!" is a classic.
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sneakylemur

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #12 on: 02 Feb 2007, 17:05 »

During climax:
"Oh, Adolph!"
« Last Edit: 02 Feb 2007, 17:09 by sneakylemur »
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #13 on: 02 Feb 2007, 19:00 »

"Do you even know what you doing???" this was said after he nailing me in the thigh just a few inches above my knee cap.  :roll:
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LocalLawsPreventThisName

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #14 on: 02 Feb 2007, 19:55 »

"Eva Brawn was better" only works if you have perviously stated you believe in reincarnation/

Otherwise, "The girls at the mental institute were better" or "my eight year old sister is better then you, trust me, I checked."

Neither of these should be used under any circumstances. Period.

EDIT: Other possibilities:
"The Choir boys are better at St.Martha's are more experienced too."
"Eww what is that?"
"My last girlfriend had a tail you know."
"Oi, you are freaking ugly little bugger aren't you?" Don't expect to keep any portion of your body after this.
"Ye, though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me"  is fairly high on the list.
"I think this would be a good time for us to talk about you joining the faith" is also highly unnerving.
« Last Edit: 02 Feb 2007, 20:07 by LocalLawsPreventThisName »
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monalisablue

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #15 on: 02 Feb 2007, 20:54 »

How about

"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooo cervix!"

I know a guy who's said that to friends of mine. The both immensely dislike him now.
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Triskelivus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #16 on: 03 Feb 2007, 16:03 »

Theres always "Nice cervical mucus!"
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Cartilage Head

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #17 on: 03 Feb 2007, 17:35 »

 GIMME THAT HERPES BABY.
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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #18 on: 04 Feb 2007, 04:21 »

My personal favorite:

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"

If by "worst" you mean best ever.
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Warshrike

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #19 on: 04 Feb 2007, 04:44 »

"Yarr Pirates"
"Wow, I am really great at this"
"DONGZLOL"
"I have the POWA"
"Yaaaaay for Pornography"
"I had sex with your uncle(No matter what sex you are.)"
"OH GOD WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!(Loud enough your neighbours can hear)"
"Finally"(Climax)
"Let Jesus F*ck You"
"(Say a celebrities name)"

The last two are special. before saying each one, you should stop having sex with her(Or, you could say it as you go). Then:
"(Say her mothers name), we have to talk. I love (Say her name) And don't think I can keep doing this..."
"(Say her best friends name), we have to talk. I love (Say her name) And don't think I can keep doing this..."
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carpetspaghetti

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #20 on: 04 Feb 2007, 15:39 »

i already posted this but im gonna warn as many women as i can in case it happens to you

worst ive heard anyone do was an aquaintance who performed 'the spiderman'
you chuck your man-fat into your hand then fling it and said womans face screaming "go web go"
truely traumatising.
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SeanTheFilmGuy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #21 on: 04 Feb 2007, 18:22 »

"oh yeah...this is awesome...oh baby...i love you, your so...<silence for a few seconds, cease what your doing.>  ...uh...oops"

oops has to be the worse thing to say in any situation that involves life and death...it leaves a vast uncertainty, and he/she will start to freak out till you explain what oops...
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amj

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #22 on: 04 Feb 2007, 18:36 »

"and that's how you were conceived honey!"
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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #23 on: 05 Feb 2007, 03:37 »

"Wow, and you're not inflatable!"
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ranaska

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #24 on: 05 Feb 2007, 04:18 »

For best (worse) effect, this should be said by a man, in a very sincere tone, into the girls ear. Preferably at the moment of orgasm for maximum creepiness:

"Oh, Frodo!"
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daclam

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #25 on: 05 Feb 2007, 09:46 »

i already posted this but im gonna warn as many women as i can in case it happens to you

worst ive heard anyone do was an aquaintance who performed 'the spiderman'
you chuck your man-fat into your hand then fling it and said womans face screaming "go web go"
truely traumatising.

To go along with the superhero theme, I would think "up! up! and away!" would be pretty awful to hear, especially if he gets off that quickly.

I'd also add "Hulk Smash" to the list.
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ThePQ4

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #26 on: 05 Feb 2007, 10:21 »

--On a similar note to the Superhero theme... Uh, "It's Clobberin' Time!" would be a little scary too... Along with something along the lines of, "Holy vagina, Batman!"

Ah, comic books...
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hirai

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #27 on: 05 Feb 2007, 13:40 »

Just as the other gets into it, stop and say:
"Oh yeah, I should probably go switch the tape..."
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Grimmy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #28 on: 06 Feb 2007, 06:15 »

Quote
Posted by: Grimmy

Ooooh...you are SO much better at that than your little sister was. (insert brother if you are a female)

I kinda think it's better to say, "damn, your little sister was so much better."

I didnt have a little sister....just a little brother I liked to put in a dress once in a while

Grimmy
quoting a line overheard in a college lunchroom.

p.s.
Also overheard from college.

One of the guys in my frat was having sex with this girl. He stops mid way and says, you are only here for the sex, and not because you have any feelings for me. Get out.

Hysterical
I miss college...best thirteen years of my life
« Last Edit: 06 Feb 2007, 06:19 by Grimmy »
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öde

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #29 on: 06 Feb 2007, 16:18 »

"Oh, Steven Seagal!"

Either you're thinking of Steven Seagal when having sex, or you're... no, you can't be having sex with him. Why would you do that?
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Eris

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #30 on: 07 Feb 2007, 00:22 »

"Show me where your mother lives!"
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Grimmy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #31 on: 08 Feb 2007, 09:44 »

"Do you even know what you doing???" this was said after he nailing me in the thigh just a few inches above my knee cap.  :roll:

I SAID I was sorry....gosh...
But the fact that I was halfway across the room when I did it should give me SOME brownie points...

Grimmy
only remembers that moment from that night...
« Last Edit: 08 Feb 2007, 09:46 by Grimmy »
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camelpimp

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #32 on: 08 Feb 2007, 14:17 »

My personal favorite:

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"

If by "worst" you mean best ever.

I think it should go one step further and do color commentary all throughout sex.

"And he insists his dick, and it's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

Regardless of whether you are the inserter or insertee.
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Thy Dungeonman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #33 on: 08 Feb 2007, 14:30 »

I just thought of what events would have to take place in order for the commentator to yell "Interception!", and I burst out laughing.
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ampersandwitch

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #34 on: 08 Feb 2007, 16:05 »

You know, I think doing a screamo scream might scare the shit out of anyone who has just penetrated you/ been penetrated by you.  It's like a battlecry, but scarier.
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Liam

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #35 on: 08 Feb 2007, 21:38 »

  • Just cry.
  • "DON'T TOUCH ME"
  • (true, disturbing story) "PUNCH ME IN THE RIBS!"
  • "Bananarama!"
  • Replace body parts with various food products, preferably vegetables. "Fuck me in the asparagus!"
  • Not really a thing to say, but start hitting yourself, especially during climax

This is ridiculously fun.
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ummmkay

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #36 on: 09 Feb 2007, 08:31 »

...For some reason I thought I was in the "Turn Lunchbox into a Dick" thread when I read that post. Confusing, to say the least.
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Driftpeasant

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #37 on: 09 Feb 2007, 09:05 »

"What's that Lassie?  You want Timmie to go down the well?"
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LeeZion

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #38 on: 10 Feb 2007, 16:27 »

My personal favorite:

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"

If by "worst" you mean best ever.

I think it should go one step further and do color commentary all throughout sex.

"And he insists his dick, and it's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

Regardless of whether you are the inserter or insertee.

Quote from: Thy Dungeonman
I just thought of what events would have to take place in order for the commentator to yell "Interception!", and I burst out laughing.

How about "And he spikes it in the end zone!"
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Observer

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #39 on: 10 Feb 2007, 20:15 »

"What the fuck? Your kid never did that!"
« Last Edit: 10 Feb 2007, 20:32 by Observer »
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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #40 on: 11 Feb 2007, 04:00 »

Singing the lyrics to a Top 40 song as loudly as you can.

Nobody else would get this, but

"PUUUUUULAZUUUUMMAAAAAAAAAAA!"
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Cartilage Head

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #41 on: 11 Feb 2007, 07:38 »

 BISMARCK!
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IronOxide

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #42 on: 11 Feb 2007, 19:06 »

REMEMBER THE MAINE!
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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #43 on: 12 Feb 2007, 01:37 »

AAH MOTHERLAND!

You know, I think doing a screamo scream might scare the shit out of anyone who has just penetrated you/ been penetrated by you.  It's like a battlecry, but scarier.

I saw/heard a guy do that on the intervideo. It wasn't really a screamo scream but he just full on yelled for about 30 seconds.
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Abattur

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #44 on: 12 Feb 2007, 03:33 »

Well there is the all time classic
"MOTHER!"
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Ernest

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #45 on: 12 Feb 2007, 05:33 »

"I am not a crook."
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flo21

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #46 on: 12 Feb 2007, 10:41 »

THE PICTURE ON THE NIGHT STAND

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her
night stand by the bed. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."
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ampersandwitch

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #47 on: 12 Feb 2007, 16:07 »

BISMARCK!
A delicately sung, heartfelt rendition of "Deutschland Uberalles" might have the same effect.  Make sure it's to the rhythm of your lovemaking!
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Thunder_Child

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #48 on: 13 Feb 2007, 15:24 »

"I really gotta pee"

"It hurts when i do this"

"uhhh.....it's better if you don't look"

"Great, the rest of the orgy is here!"

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #49 on: 13 Feb 2007, 15:46 »

at the apex of the performance, yell the name of every sexually transmittable disease, quickly followed by all cockblockers known to mankind.
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