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Author Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex?  (Read 143017 times)

Kid Carnival

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #100 on: 23 Mar 2007, 20:40 »

oddly enough, we had this discussion at the mall in the food court today. we used happy birthday grandma, and you've ruined sex for me.

most people didn't get what we were talking about.

therefore, they fail.
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MechZilla

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #101 on: 24 Mar 2007, 23:32 »

Word of advice. Never under ANY circumstances imitate Gollum whilst giving your significant other a good seeing to.
It goes right up there with the "8 Second" rule.
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #102 on: 25 Mar 2007, 18:16 »

Word of advice. Never under ANY circumstances imitate Gollum whilst giving your significant other a good seeing to.
It goes right up there with the "8 Second" rule.


OMG!!!!! Two of my guy friends where doing kind of a porn dialog using the Gollum voice and certain lines from Lord of The Rings. Such lines where " Go away and never come back" as if to say Gollum was trying to masterbate or "Thats MY precious(sp?)" while proceeding to touch their boy parts. Funniest thing i ever listened to.
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kennapea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #103 on: 26 Mar 2007, 02:10 »

my ex pissed me off during one time, so in response i began to wonder aloud:
"i wonder if you mom has good sex.  i mean, she's got a decent body.  hell, I could picture her getting action, but she's so modest.  what do you think?"
evidently, that's a mood-killer.
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #104 on: 26 Mar 2007, 17:23 »

my ex pissed me off during one time, so in response i began to wonder aloud:
"i wonder if you mom has good sex.  i mean, she's got a decent body.  hell, I could picture her getting action, but she's so modest.  what do you think?"
evidently, that's a mood-killer.

ahhh yes bringin up moma is never really a good move when theres lovin to be had.

A horrible thing:
"Wow who knew live bodies felt so good?"
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Johnny Evilguy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #105 on: 30 Mar 2007, 14:30 »

Andrea, that depends if the other person is into necrophilia... :laugh:

Worst thing to say during sex:

"I think we should see other people... right...wait...wait...any second now... right.... NOW."

"HELLLLOOOO IN THERE!!! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME..ME...Me...me me me me..?"

"Its Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time!.. *in sync with motions*
« Last Edit: 30 Mar 2007, 14:33 by Johnny Evilguy »
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ApocalypticBunny

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #106 on: 02 Apr 2007, 07:06 »

Singing the lyrics to a Top 40 song as loudly as you can.

Nobody else would get this, but

"PUUUUUULAZUUUUMMAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Woohoo!  Another Mystical Ninja fan!
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Johnny Evilguy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #107 on: 02 Apr 2007, 10:17 »

"For Tonight, WE DINE IN HELL!!"
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Thy Dungeonman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #108 on: 02 Apr 2007, 10:37 »

"THIS...IS...CAKE TOWN!"
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Nicky_Pot

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #109 on: 02 Apr 2007, 22:47 »

For all you ladies out there, without regard for the sex of your partner : Just quote tank girl's "Daddy, are you sure this is right?"
You guys out there could do the same, i suppose...
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #110 on: 06 Apr 2007, 18:41 »

"Im just a sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transilvania" gotta love Rocky Horror Picture show  :-D
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öde

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #111 on: 08 Apr 2007, 13:18 »

"Good boy, oh yeah, fetch!"
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Mal42

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #112 on: 09 Apr 2007, 03:14 »

i'm thinking something like - "hey jeff?  are you sure you want to bury this one?"   :angel:
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Finity4

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #113 on: 09 Apr 2007, 13:29 »

.... Fizzgig.

Most offensive or malicious: "You never learned how HIV was transmitted, right? Just checking."

Most ridiculous: "Ever meet someone with a prehensile penis? Congratulations!"

Most unrelated to the actual act, but taken in the context can ruin a situation: "I wonder if that was a chunk of dolphin in my tuna this morning..."

Philosophical: "Rape isn't consensual, right? Say yes."

Plageristic: "Happy birthday granddaughter! 5 is a big year."

Far too common: "* faint noise of snoring*"
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #114 on: 09 Apr 2007, 17:35 »

"If by steril you mean i washed up befor this then yes"
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ApocalypticBunny

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #115 on: 10 Apr 2007, 05:49 »

.... Fizzgig.

Most unrelated to the actual act, but taken in the context can ruin a situation: "I wonder if that was a chunk of dolphin in my tuna this morning..."


"I wonder if that was a chunk of tuna in my dolphin this morning..."
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MechZilla

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #116 on: 12 Apr 2007, 01:56 »

Just as a way to get rid of my last S.O. (she was getting annoying):


"I wonder what my ex-wife is doing right now....?"
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #117 on: 12 Apr 2007, 05:43 »

"Is this gonna take long? My girl/boyfriend may get jealouse"
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NealsonLewison

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #118 on: 12 Apr 2007, 09:46 »

"i stoped (some other activity) for this? what a waste of time!"

"im just doing this for the after sex cigarette"

"wait, whats your name again?"

"how much is this going to cost me anyway? i only have 5 bucks"
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qtownstegy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #119 on: 12 Apr 2007, 14:49 »

I'm gonna reformat your hard drive so hard!

"I doubled my stamina there."
"We had sex for 30 seconds!"
"I know." *wink wink* "Just wait till next time and think about how satisfied you'll be."
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Quote from: Blue Kitty
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NealsonLewison

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #120 on: 12 Apr 2007, 21:37 »

I'm gonna reformat your hard drive so hard!

"I doubled my stamina there."
"We had sex for 30 seconds!"
"I know." *wink wink* "Just wait till next time and think about how satisfied you'll be."


guess you wouldnt really say those DURRING sex... but obviously shortly after.... very shortly.....heh30seconds...heh i remember one of my friends after he had lost his virginity was like really sad cause it only lasted like 30 seconds........i laughed at him..... but he dates a model now.. so i geuss he has the upper hand now
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #121 on: 13 Apr 2007, 19:53 »

I think singing twinkle twinkle little star at the point of climas would be a bit o' a downer
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öde

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #122 on: 15 Apr 2007, 06:17 »

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nikefido

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AnotherQCaddict

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #124 on: 15 Apr 2007, 18:48 »

... that little sister thing is really sort of freaky.... they look enough like each other anyway... grahahahaHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!! *charges for 30 episodes*

*explodes in a destructive release of deadly energy emitting a blue light shining in all directions, creating stark shadows on the other side of objects blocking the light, and then the shadows being destroyed by the destruction of the obstruction due to the energy's release*
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*sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

HoboCoat

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #126 on: 16 Apr 2007, 10:25 »

 Hehehe... they do look like they're related sometimes.

 "Is it in yet?" is a classic...
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #127 on: 16 Apr 2007, 16:00 »

"YEEAAAAAAAAAHH BOYEEEEEE ITS FLAVA FLAAAAAAAAAAAAVE"
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Johnny Evilguy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #128 on: 16 Apr 2007, 21:08 »

The pic wins the thread hands down,

Damn, what issue number is that panel from, I don't remember what the original text says... unless that is the original text :-o

*cowers in the corner*
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öde

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #129 on: 18 Apr 2007, 02:13 »

848

"Then do what bost!"

"I'm the guy with all the bird tattoos!"
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Rilder

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #130 on: 18 Apr 2007, 08:12 »

"Not Again"

"Oh Rufus"

"Blllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggg"

"Yep deffinatly gay/lesbian"
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WelshPete

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #131 on: 18 Apr 2007, 10:13 »

You wanna grade the person on the sex.

Quote
You showed a good level of viarety in positions though you need to improve on carrying them out. Overall the experience was pretty average though you did put alot of effort into it.

Overal Grade - B

Points for improvement: Perfect some of the positions performed.
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Mr_Seth

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #132 on: 18 Apr 2007, 11:31 »

"Ohhh, yeah. Shoot me full of that AIDS. Gimme that gonnorhea. SCREW ME WITH YOUR SYPHILIS!" When the other individual breaks off and says they don't have any STDs, reply "Phbbt. Then what's the point?", get dressed, and leave.
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #133 on: 19 Apr 2007, 08:47 »

Start squealing like a pig and yelling "SUWEEEEEE(sp?)" or any barn yard noises would work.
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the-artful-dodger-rodger

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #134 on: 19 Apr 2007, 12:59 »

I still like "saving throw" throws a d-20 it lands you get a 3.

 second choice "merry christmas bitches" or "Hot pootie bless my soul I really love that rock'n'roll"
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Barmymoo

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #135 on: 19 Apr 2007, 15:16 »

Nitpicking here but isn't Dora OLDER than Marten? Don't know why I thought that but there's an idea at the back of my head that she is...
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There's this really handy "other thing" I'm going to write as a footnote to my abstract that I can probably explore these issues in. I think I'll call it my "dissertation."

Mal42

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #136 on: 20 Apr 2007, 04:56 »

Fizgig rocks.

hehe  that brings me to a good one...

"just tell me your legal."

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Barmymoo

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #137 on: 20 Apr 2007, 16:43 »

Here's why I think Dora's older!

436
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There's this really handy "other thing" I'm going to write as a footnote to my abstract that I can probably explore these issues in. I think I'll call it my "dissertation."

Thy Dungeonman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #138 on: 20 Apr 2007, 16:47 »

I think this one makes it more obvious.

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=144
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Andrea

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #139 on: 27 Apr 2007, 16:52 »

I still like "saving throw" throws a d-20 it lands you get a 3.

 second choice "merry christmas bitches" or "Hot pootie bless my soul I really love that rock'n'roll"

My two most favorite musicals  :-D
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cgarci21

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #140 on: 07 May 2007, 13:30 »

"Is it in yet?" "Your over 18 right?" and after things are done" Your video was much better"
Someone actually had the nerve to ask me my age right after insertion. talk about buzzkill!

Also anthing in Yoda speak like "In you I am"
« Last Edit: 07 May 2007, 13:37 by cgarci21 »
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You know how animals can sense a tsunami coming before humans notice? I'm like that, only for sexy things. -Dora Bianchi

blooflame

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #141 on: 08 May 2007, 20:57 »

The appropriate place to add a favorite sex-related joke, I think...

"Your tits are too small and your pussy's too tight!"

"Get off my back!"
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Stan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #142 on: 09 May 2007, 10:09 »

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/talk-crazy-sex.php

"Pandora's oral box had been thrown open and out came a sometimes disturbing stream of verbal diarrhea. I would have broken up with her about the time she instructed me to, "kill me, please kill me," in the dying voice of one of the colonists from LV-426, but by God, the sex was amazing. She was really getting into it and I couldn't tell her to stop now that she finally seemed to be enjoying herself."
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Pshha

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #143 on: 09 May 2007, 14:39 »



"I'm missing world of warcraft for this"

"Wow these sure work great, I'm glad I had that surgery" (Uni-sexual, personalize to taste)

"YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D"
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MechZilla

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #144 on: 10 May 2007, 23:06 »

"Is it in yet?" "Your over 18 right?" and after things are done" Your video was much better"
Someone actually had the nerve to ask me my age right after insertion. talk about buzzkill!

Also anthing in Yoda speak like "In you I am"



Nonono.....


"Sleep in the wetspot I won't!"
"You like that like that little green thing, do you?"
"Bend over and show me your Dark Side!"

Bugger...someone remind me to upload "Things Yoda Would Say in Bed".
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kamorth

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #145 on: 14 May 2007, 21:51 »

"Your Daddy who is?"
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Rocketman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #146 on: 15 May 2007, 09:05 »

"These will be your last moments"
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Pshha

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #147 on: 15 May 2007, 14:38 »

"My sister your not."
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Clobbersaurus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #148 on: 22 May 2007, 02:28 »

"hold on i need to queef"
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Alphapenguin

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #149 on: 03 Jun 2007, 03:44 »

Start a countdown to the moment of orgasm.
"10... 9... 8..." etc., until finally...

"BLASTOFF!!!"
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