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Author Topic: plans for the inevitable undead uprising  (Read 160730 times)

Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #100 on: 05 Nov 2007, 17:50 »

ViolentDove: That's why I bought my stainless steel replica straight-bladed feudal Japanese sword. Roughly 2.5ft long, pretty light, and pointy enough for chopping the evershitting love out of zombie necks.

...DON'T JUDGE ME, OKAY

EDIT: In case of a zombie apocalypse actually happening, my friend and I are fighing our way to a gun shop to get one of these:
http://www.ableammo.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=9935_13987_37_39&products_id=95578

...and a few thousand of these:

http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/product/standard-item.jsp?id=0024236215344a&navCount=2&podId=0024236&parentId=cat20839&masterpathid=&navAction=jump&cmCat=MainCatcat602007-cat20839&catalogCode=IH&rid=&parentType=index&indexId=cat20839&hasJS=true

...and then we are going to start blasting the EVERLIVING FUCK out of zombies.
« Last Edit: 05 Nov 2007, 18:54 by KimJongSick »
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ViolentDove

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #101 on: 05 Nov 2007, 18:37 »

I judge not, lest myself with a small collection of sharp, pointy implements be judged myself.

With regards to Zombie uprisings-

Unfortunately, I am a scientist. This means that either: a) I started the zombie outbreak in the first place by Playing God and/or Meddling With Nature, or b) I would die in some kind of humorous and/or ironic fashion early on in the outbreak.

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KharBevNor

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #102 on: 05 Nov 2007, 18:46 »

We don't train with sticks! What do you think we are, LARP?
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Patatat

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #103 on: 05 Nov 2007, 19:09 »

To the person who said winters are cold up north...Well duh, which means the zombies would have a hard time making it up there. Besides you'd only have to live there for a few years. I am sure you could find an abandoned cabin. I mean people have been surviving those winters for years. The way I look at it. Its very unlikely that the zombie apocalypse will effect the barren part of the world.
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Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #104 on: 05 Nov 2007, 19:21 »

See, I subscribe to the line of thought that says zombies are slow-moving. Why? I'll tell you why.

1: They're fucking dead
2: Rigor mortis
5: Depending how long they were left to decompose before reanimating, there'd be muscle-rot
3, sir, 3: If you shoot the head off (just fire at the center if you're looking at the bastard straight-on, the force of the bullet will destroy any bone-connecting tissue and the skin's weak from rotting anyway) then there won't be any of the senses for it to find you with
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ZJGent

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #105 on: 05 Nov 2007, 19:47 »

unless you're working with Canderian demon yada yada, in which case there's more than just biology wanting to eat your bunce, bub.

The only thing to do in this circumstance is come out with as many one-liners as possible after strapping a chainsaw to your recently-cleft hand, then whip out your boomstick and blast some demon backside.
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bryanthelion

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #106 on: 05 Nov 2007, 19:49 »

I would just allow myself to get eaten.

Why be the only human?
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Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #107 on: 05 Nov 2007, 19:55 »

blah friggin' blah

The title of this thread is "plans for the inevitable undead uprising," not "plans for getting completely and totally assfucked by a pandemic demon infestation."

My submarine still applies.
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #108 on: 05 Nov 2007, 20:06 »

For one, Mr. Witty Geek, apparently there are going to be a couple of us left, and two, I refuse to die a virgin, God Damnit!

You have your submarine, Midwest and horses like I already stated and Khar reiterated is my way to go. I was born in a desert, and I know how to survive those conditions, I head southwest, to Arizona, Nevada, California, and in general most of the Great Plains. That area can't naturally support a lot of human life, and I don't think it would help much with the zombies either. Open plains to see for miles in any direction, open sky, good hunting and possibly farming if I really just want to settle down

There are a couple mehtods of zombie taking down that we haven't discussed. Acid, and taking out the zombies legs using a scythelike weapon or some other way of making it to where they have to crawl rather than shamble. They can't kill you if they're a steaming pile of goo, and its way easier to smash heads when they're within reach of your boot.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

BobJoeJim

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #109 on: 05 Nov 2007, 20:10 »

Yeah, I think being an isolated survior would pretty much suck.  I don't like isolation.  Getting eaten in the end is the way to go.  As for everyone suggesting the baseball bat technique, I think that would be a pretty highly suicidal option, you don't want to be in melee with a horde of undead if survival is your goal, just run away.  On the other hand, beating the shit out of some zombies with a baseball bat would be too much fun for words.  Combine these three sentences and it becomes obvious that when the zombie apocalypse comes I'll be wading in headfirst with my bat.  I'll do everything I can to hold them off as long as I can for those of you who actually care about making it through alive, and I won't hold it against you when you shoot me in the head after I do get bitten.  Enjoy your crappy lives in the frozen wastes, I'm going to die happy.

What can you do?  With a zombie like that, always on your back, what can you lose?
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ViolentDove

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #110 on: 05 Nov 2007, 20:17 »

I'd go for an armoured war elephant.

Not sure where to get one, though.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #111 on: 05 Nov 2007, 21:07 »

My Auto CADD teacher is something of a Zombie expert.  He designed a "tower" that one day he wishes to build and survive the apocalypse in.  it's a triangular structure supported on three large pillars.  The only way up is a ladder that can be raised or lowered.  The roof would be usable as a garden, as well as be a distress beacon in case of help coming, and a rain-watter collection basin.  There would be stocks of survival gear built up, as well as ammunition for rifles, even though it would eventually get used up
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KharBevNor

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #112 on: 05 Nov 2007, 21:49 »

Quote from: thatwittygeek
Why be the only human?

So you can record Vincent Price style monologues for the aliens to find.
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Mnementh

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #113 on: 05 Nov 2007, 22:27 »

I must say though, overall I agree with ruyi. I am much less concerned about zombies than I am about other things. Now a robot apocalypse, the thought of that gives me chills.

Oh god, they've found the raptors
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #114 on: 05 Nov 2007, 22:37 »



   
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ruyi

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #115 on: 06 Nov 2007, 00:39 »

2: Rigor mortis

yes, when you die, your muscles become rigid, but after a time, they become soft again. the phenomenon of rigor mortis is not a permanent one.
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Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #116 on: 06 Nov 2007, 02:11 »

Yeah but by that point the muscle-rot has already set in. And when you're dead, you don't do much of that 'cell rebuilding' stuff anymore. tl;dr the undead move slow no matter what.

Call me a killjoy but I really think a zombie apocalypse might actually be kindof cool. I mean people would get to talk to their deceased loved ones (although being zombies would render them unable to really carry on much of a conversation that didn't have something to do with the central nervous system).
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jhocking

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #117 on: 06 Nov 2007, 02:31 »

In a zombie apocalypse I will use patrick as chum to distract the zombies while I run away.

Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #118 on: 06 Nov 2007, 02:46 »

Dude, you remember that bit where I said I'd be stockpiling guns and ammunition? Yeah, I sortof want to be able to defend myself at ALL times. Which is also why my fortifications include a reinforced concrete bunker with a door that can only be locked from the inside.

I gain a lot of my influence from communist dictators, what can I say.
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ImRonBurgundy?

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #119 on: 06 Nov 2007, 04:18 »

I will build a Mad Max-style vehicle out of a garbage truck and an industrial wood chipper.
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Stryc9Fuego

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #120 on: 06 Nov 2007, 05:05 »

Here's a nice 'what if' for you: what if the zombie plague is airborne? You'd either need air tanks (ideal, yet too short term), or some form of antimicrobial air filtration system (less trustworthy, but effectively unlimited).

More specification: once all the soft tissue on a zombie rots (muscles, etc) would it die? If that's the case, you just need to find a way to cause the flesh to dissolve faster. Maybe surround your bunker complex with a moat filled with a lye solution or something. Zombies stumble in trying to get at you, their bodies get all ate up, you're fine and dandy. No need to aim.

While we're speculating, how about you take the whole 'aiming' issue out of hand entirely: automated sentries. Of course, that may start a horrifying combination of Zombie Apocalypse + Robot Apocalypse...

jhocking

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #121 on: 06 Nov 2007, 05:12 »

Oh come now, automated sentries? Let's restrict our speculations to defenses which are immediately feasible for us to muster, otherwise we might as well all start shouting out superpowers that we want.

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #122 on: 06 Nov 2007, 06:23 »

Well my old plan has been royally fucked, so my new one is head to Siberia, large open flat country, cold too, so zombies will be sluggish there, firearms are readily available, and you could start your own country their and no one would notice for years. Get an AK and you're set. Sparse population that far east makes for a low density zombie infestation.
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Stryc9Fuego

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #123 on: 06 Nov 2007, 06:36 »

I guess you're right about the sentry guns, because nobody has made one in their own home. :x

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #124 on: 06 Nov 2007, 06:53 »

We're just saying that since you can never actually know when the uprising is going to occur that you'll be caught off guard enough so that it would take quite a while to get a working system of fully automated sentry guns installed and up and running, never mind having to create software that recognizes and shoots undead targets (assuming you don't want to kill survivors too) and the lack of readily available ammunition to keep it up long enough to do any good.

Also, I'm betting a sentry gun capable of hitting a moving target would make mostly body shots, which by group consensus are worth jack shit. And really, sentry guns against the thousands upon thousands that make up the zombie horde? Its a waste of time and effort better spent towards creating other traps of zombie death, like the lye or acid moat.
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Stryc9Fuego

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #125 on: 06 Nov 2007, 07:10 »

I'd think it would take less time for the sentry guns to be set up (especially if they're pre-prepared and just need to be stood up and turned on) than it would to dig a moat, but that's just me. Also, I'd imagine you could program it to shoot for the throat or head of a man-sized target and program it to cycle [acquire]- [IFF]-[shoot 1 round]-[repeat]. Maybe have an audio register where if anyone comes running up screaming "help me!" or something, it doesn't shoot the screaming idiot, or it only targets things moving slowly, etc...

As far as if I'm surprised and attacked by zombies sitting here at work, I've got a passable hand weapon in the blade on a paper cutter, but no shotguns or anything.

I guess that's the main thing, are we talking "sudden surprise" or "3 weeks into infestation and fully planned out"?

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #126 on: 06 Nov 2007, 07:17 »

OCR is just not hot enough right now to home roll your own neck targetting sentries. Unless you get them launching fire or something. Also, powering your sentries.

And all you fire-haters have got it wrong. If you're on the ground with a ton of zombies surrounding you you're dead. Simple as that. You can't kill 'em all and they won't stop trying to kill you. So it comes down to which is more badass: Getting slaughtered by zombies or getting slaughtered by zombies that are ON FIRE.

Basically when the zombie apocalypse comes I'm going to put a hessian bag over my head and grab the chainsaw out of the shed. Then I will walk real slow and try to blend in.
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #127 on: 06 Nov 2007, 07:28 »

Chainsaws are horrible weapons. Loud, heavy, unwieldy, and while they can cut through pretty much anything it takes some time to do it. Not to mention it'll probably get clogged on all the gooey stuff that gets caught in the chain.

And Zombies always know if you're alive, that's no defense. I have a feeling they can detect heat. You might be able to move through unnoticed if you can find a way to make yourself "cold", like wearing a thick suit of something that keeps heat from escaping, or wrapping yourself up in old cloth and spraying you down with a canister of the fire extinguisher stuff. Not the foam mind but the cold whatever it is, it worked in Tremors II. That's short term though.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

Liz

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #128 on: 06 Nov 2007, 07:39 »

Where do I buy this shirt?

Tell me now.  I must own one.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #129 on: 06 Nov 2007, 07:40 »

Acid = Useless. Do you realize the amount of time it would take acid to eat through a zombie enough to immobilize it? Here's a hint: Less time that it would take for said zombie to eat your fucking leg. Phil, you're gonna die.

In terms of them "knowing you're alive," there is no conclusive evidence of this. It is presumed that they may, in fact, track by smell or hearing rather than some goofy ESP shit. In Walking Dead, for example, a pair of survivors covered themselves in rotting gore and were able to sneak by a bunch of zombies this way. Unfortunately, this plan fell to shit when it started to rain, but it's a feasible option.
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McTaggart

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #130 on: 06 Nov 2007, 07:56 »

Yeah I was thinking about just rubbing myself in gore so they couldn't smell me. I really doubt they could detect heat; why should zombies get bonus senses?

The chainsaw is more about blending in than self defense.
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Johnny C

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #131 on: 06 Nov 2007, 10:22 »

In Shaun Of The Dead they're fooled by simple motor movement! I will shamble my way to survival.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #132 on: 06 Nov 2007, 11:57 »

Well my old plan has been royally fucked, so my new one is head to Siberia, large open flat country, cold too, so zombies will be sluggish there, firearms are readily available, and you could start your own country their and no one would notice for years. Get an AK and you're set. Sparse population that far east makes for a low density zombie infestation.
What the fuck are you going to eat? How are you going to stay warm? Sure, you're relatively safe from zombies, but how are you going to survive? You can't eat an AK-47.

Here's a nice 'what if' for you: what if the zombie plague is airborne? You'd either need air tanks (ideal, yet too short term), or some form of antimicrobial air filtration system (less trustworthy, but effectively unlimited).
(snip)
While we're speculating, how about you take the whole 'aiming' issue out of hand entirely: automated sentries.
If the plague is airborne, we're all fucked - there's no way around that. Nobody could possibly survive for X amount of time in a world-wide airborne plague. Say it takes a zombie, on average world-wide, 4 years to completely disintegrate (minus bones) from the time they were infected. How could a human survive for 4 years without breathing infected air? It's just not possible. Secondly, regarding automated sentries - how are you going to power them? Once the main power grid is offline, what're you going to do? Once your generator runs out of gas, what're you going to do? (And if you're powering your fortress 24/7 with a noisy generator for lights, heat, other equipment and your sentries, you're pretty ridiculously moronic. An obscene waste of gas, not to mention the amount of noise the generator, erm, generates.)

And all you fire-haters have got it wrong. If you're on the ground with a ton of zombies surrounding you you're dead. Simple as that. You can't kill 'em all and they won't stop trying to kill you. So it comes down to which is more badass: Getting slaughtered by zombies or getting slaughtered by zombies that are ON FIRE.
What it really comes down to: would you really care about being badass when a horde of zombies is coming towards you? Would being badass be practical?

Some people have some pretty damn good ideas, but others aren't taking this thread very seriously. Zombies are a threat, people. When the Zombie Apocolypse comes, don't come crying to me because you don't know what to do. You have resources, you have people giving advice - use them. Read the Zombie Suvival Guide and World War Z and The Walking Dead. Watch the Romero flicks and Resident Evil and Shaun of the Dead and 28 Days Later. Read normal wilderness survival guides. Know how to start a fire without matches or a lighter. The more you know, the more prepared you are, the less likely you are to die.
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bryanthelion

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #133 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:09 »

How about we build a giant boat and go off into the middle of the ocean? We could grow stuff on a boat!
Also, we could play water polo.

Last one in the water is an old zombie!
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #134 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:15 »



Translation: That is a shit idea. Absolute shit idea.
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bryanthelion

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #135 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:21 »

What is that on the bottom of the game?
Its too glowy to be water.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #136 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:23 »

...have you ever actually seen clear water in bright light?
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bryanthelion

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #137 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:24 »

Define "clear"
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #138 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:29 »

...have you ever actually seen clear water in bright light?
If by "clear" you mean "radioactive" then yes, that is very clear water.

Barfy

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #139 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:32 »

Well, I'm sure Thatwittygeek knows all about radiation. Lets just hope his mother compensated by the government for the nuclear testing in her uterus. During her pregnancy. With him.
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KharBevNor

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #140 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:35 »

No seriously, that is full on Cherenkov radiation.
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[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #141 on: 06 Nov 2007, 13:39 »

Those who bicker about the capacity of water to glow will be the first to die in the event of zombies.
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Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #142 on: 06 Nov 2007, 14:19 »

I'm all for the acid-moat program. Build a giant concrete moat and coat any moat-contacting stuff with glass, then fill the motherfucker with hydrochloric acid.

Seriously, it's foolproof. Strong-ass acid like that is capable of decomposing proteins, and when that happens, the skin *falls the fuck apart*. The glass serves two purposes: to be slippery (so those zombie bitches can't get out) and to keep the acid from eating the concrete.

Foolproof.
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Scandanavian War Machine

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #143 on: 06 Nov 2007, 14:37 »

That actually does sound like a pretty good plan. Complex and expensive, but effective.

Unless there was a horde of unumerable zombies coming and they fell in faster than the acid could decompose them and they pile up and pile up until the zombies in the back can just walk over the moat unscathed.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #144 on: 06 Nov 2007, 17:12 »

It reminds me, at one point I saw basically a giant chainsaw outside someone's house whe riding with my dad somewhere. It was like a Caterpillar with huge huge fucking chainsaw mount on the front. My dad informed me it was for tearing up dirt and concrete, but all I could think of in my mind was "I want that if I ever want to kill zombies." Of course I was foolish then, that thing probably only goes about as fast as a zombie could shamble, and despite its destructive power at the front end the flanks and rear are completely exposed, meaning in the event of being in the middle of an open place with a horde of zombies no protection whatsoever.

In general, slow moving vehicles of destruction are fallible against the press of zombies. They can make you come to a complete halt and that is death. And for the love of god no slits through which you can insert a chainsaw to get them off the sides, because at the first bump with a live chainsaw someone's losing an arm.

If I had a choice in escape vehicles I would take either a van, SUV or Hummer. Low gas mileage and top heavy, so speed is out of the question, but I wouldn't use it for very long, just until I got out of a major population center. Assuming I had access to basic bladed weapons, tools, and a little bit of sheet metal, I would construct a wege onto the front of the vehicle and jury rig some bladed wheels. What you have then is something that can push through the zombie horde at a steady pace, not all that fast but a hell of a lot quicker than those fuckers can walk. No extra weapon slots or turrets, completely closed cabin.

But then again I'm for the run and gun method rather than holing up to survive. I would most likely travel alone for maximum maneuverability anyway.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

Cernunnos

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #145 on: 06 Nov 2007, 17:30 »

Dude any closed vehicle is a death trap. Get stuck in a mob and it is over. stick to things you can ditch really really quickly.
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #146 on: 06 Nov 2007, 17:34 »

But if its open they can just climb in. And if you get stuck in a mob of zombies in the middle of open space I'd rather be in a closed cabin than without. You're really screwed either way and at least with a closed vehicle you have the slight chance that the horde will shift or get bored and head somewhere else. Getting pulled out of an open cockpit is instant death.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #147 on: 06 Nov 2007, 17:40 »

Vehicle: Only if it's armored and can only be opened from the inside once locked.

(I totally know of the perfect castle to go with for the moat plan. It's just south of LezhŽ, up north near ShkodŽr. All you need is the moat and a drawbridge to cross it and you're fucking made, man)
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #148 on: 06 Nov 2007, 17:49 »

Sucks for you guys, I have an enormous range of movement available to me, and depending whatever intelligence I can gather before the complete breakdown of the media I'll head for either Canada, the Rockies, or Arizona, possible Mexico, using backroads and low traffic interstates the entire way.

Or course if the outbreak happens in winter I'll head south, and in fact in the south would be one of the easier places to obtain wild or domesticated horses unless I robbed a horse farm and started traveling by pack up here in Maryland, which I suppose is plausible and even within hiking distance if I have no access to a car or said armored vehicle.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

thegreatbuddha

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #149 on: 06 Nov 2007, 17:58 »

I didn't get very high marks in chemistry, so i may be off by a bit here, but doesn't acid break down into a nonacid substance when it contacts water? If so, wouldn't that put a crimp on the acid moat idea?

Also, in the event of a major communications and logistical breakdown that would be highly likely in the event of the zombocalypse, where are you going to get all that acid?
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