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Author Topic: plans for the inevitable undead uprising  (Read 160725 times)

KharBevNor

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #50 on: 05 Nov 2007, 10:07 »

If the zombies do turn out to be supernatural, then another possible plan presents itself:

Step 1: Find a vampire.
Step 2: Induve vampire to turn you into a vampire.
Step 3: Find a trenchcoat, a badass sword and some significant firepower.
Step 4: Kill everything.

I may have been watching too much Hellsing recently. And by recently I mean over the last five years. But seriously, just get vampirised then flip the fuck out.
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ruyi

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #51 on: 05 Nov 2007, 10:23 »

Ruyi, I think you over-analyzed what's scary about zombie attacks. Personally I'm just afraid of a horrible death where monstrous versions of humans eat my brain.

see, but then why don't you obsess over that specific instance of dying, instead of surviving in a world where anyone might be a zombie?

or why not have a fear of apes killing you and eating your brains? there's a higher chance of that happening (however infinitesimal it may be) than a zombie apocalypse (ie, 0.)

I may have been watching too much Hellsing recently. And by recently I mean over the last five years. But seriously, just get vampirised then flip the fuck out.

and that's another thing, why not just become a zombie, since everyone else is?
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #52 on: 05 Nov 2007, 10:27 »

Along those lines: http://www.lastblood.net/
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Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #53 on: 05 Nov 2007, 10:33 »

I may have been watching too much Hellsing recently

I saw this 45-minute Hellsing movie. There was that bit where what's-his-face seriously just went apeshit on a bunch of people. After his opponents are all dead, he just says "...I am soooooooo fuckin' hard right now!"

From now on I will think of this quote every time I see you've posted something.
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Ozymandias

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #54 on: 05 Nov 2007, 10:53 »

I think the people who are promoting guns as a valid option are being very internet badass about the whole thing. Yes, anyone can consistently hit a single, unmoving target at distance if allowed to concentrate.

A horde of zombies does not allow you to concentrate. There are many of them. They are about to FUCKING EAT YOU. The necessity of military training is more about the ability to calm down and aim quickly.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #55 on: 05 Nov 2007, 11:03 »

Yes, anyone can consistently hit a single

5:00 Dougie tells Nomar singles are for pussies
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #56 on: 05 Nov 2007, 11:07 »

The necessity of military training is more about the ability to calm down and aim quickly.

I believe you're unfamiliar with the concept of "spray and pray."

I'm just saying, the standard issue M-16 can't hit the side of a barn without God or luck on its side.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #57 on: 05 Nov 2007, 11:14 »

internet badass

As opposed to those who wants to close distance and fucking brain them with baseball bats?



You rang?
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #58 on: 05 Nov 2007, 11:25 »

Cancer ain't shit in the midst of braining zombies.
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Johnny C

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #59 on: 05 Nov 2007, 11:54 »

\
or why not have a fear of apes killing you and eating your brains? there's a higher chance of that happening (however infinitesimal it may be) than a zombie apocalypse (ie, 0.)

Now I'm scared of that too.

My next trip to the zoo will be hell.
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0bsessions

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #60 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:05 »

And people say I'm insensitive.

I will laugh myself to death when you die of cancer
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mberan42

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #61 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:17 »

0bsessions, Ozy and Tania are welcome to join my team.

(Provided, of course, I can get the hell out of Chicago alive. Dude, why'd I choose the 3rd largest city in the Nation to live in?)

(Granted, my condo building is nigh-impenetrable once the staircase is removed, but once the electricity and running water go, I've gotta make alternate plans. Anyone up for breaking into the Joliet Prison? (See: Blues Brothers (movie) or Prison Break (FOX TV show) for pictures) It's not a functioning prison (read: no prisoners) but it was built in the era before high-tech electronic locks, so it has giant two-odd-feet thick walls that are at prison height. It should be fairly defensible for a little while.)
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Stryc9Fuego

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #62 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:19 »

I'm imagining him lauging himself to death. I've never actually seen that. In the middle of a zombie apocalypse it would be easy, though. You just start lauging at something and stop paying attention. Your last words will be "Cancer. Dude seriously died of cancer here. Ha ha ha hAAAUGH! OH GOD! NOT THE THROAT! GLARG! blurble..."

Ozymandias

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #63 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:27 »

I want someone to make a zombie movie that actually features characters like us who were preparing for this eventuality the whole time. It would be awesome. Most zombie movies rely on the premise that the characters have never seen a zombie movie and don't know shit.
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Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #64 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:29 »

Yes, anyone can consistently hit a single, unmoving target at distance if allowed to concentrate.

Dude, zombies move slow. It's like that really terrible joke about "How can you shoot women and children?!" to which one responds, "Just lead them a bit less."

Seriously, the only advantage zombies have are an infectious bite and sheer numbers. Just get a lot of people with a bunch of rapid-fire firearms, and you'll be fine.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #66 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:34 »

Yes, anyone can consistently hit a single, unmoving target at distance if allowed to concentrate.

Dude, zombies move slow. It's like that really terrible joke about "How can you shoot women and children?!" to which one responds, "Just lead them a bit less."

Seriously, the only advantage zombies have are an infectious bite and sheer numbers. Just get a lot of people with a bunch of rapid-fire firearms, and you'll be fine.

They move slow, but they're hard to kill. If you're in the middle of a city and you're being onset by about fifty zombies, you're pretty much fucked unless you're an absolute prodigy with a firearm.
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jhocking

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #67 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:36 »

the only advantage zombies have are an infectious bite and sheer numbers.
Well those, plus nigh invulnerability, plus a total lack of emotion. As has been pointed out repeatedly in this thread, emotions like fear and compassion, as helpful as they are in most contexts, can really hinder survival in a zombie apocalypse.

I must say though, overall I agree with ruyi. I am much less concerned about zombies than I am about other things. Now a robot apocalypse, the thought of that gives me chills.
« Last Edit: 05 Nov 2007, 12:37 by jhocking »
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #68 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:38 »

Oh, if you're being attacked by more than a couple of zombies, you're fucked anyways. Also, after the first few times you'll probably be slightly less freaked out by the zombies.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #69 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:39 »

Dude, Joe, no undead can deal with fire. That's why I want incendiary bullets: to light the zombies on fire. Bonus points if you pull a General LeMay and firebomb FUCKING EVERYTHING.
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Ozymandias

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #70 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:43 »

And, again, they only move slow depending on the type of zombie. An old-school supernatural zombie is slow, yes, but a freshly dead biological/chemical zombie is just as fast as a human who feels no pain and never gets fatigued. You have to be prepared for that.

Also, rapid-fire firearms? You have to remember: guns are meant for killing humans. They're meant for damaging any number of vital areas or just causing enough damage for them to bleed to death. Zombies have one vital area and feel no pain and do not bleed to death. The only way a gun is effective is if you nail the brain. The odds of a headshot via spray and pray are not that great. Even 1 out of 10 odds gives you a maximum of 7 kills before you have to reload on an AK47 with a drum magazine. 3 or 4 on your standard box magazine.

You'll be out of ammo and dead within minutes if you're facing any sort of sizable horde.
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Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #71 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:54 »

You'll be out of ammo and dead within minutes if you're facing any sort of sizable horde.

See this is why I think we should plan on banding together.

Also, flamethrowers.
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Ozymandias

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #72 on: 05 Nov 2007, 12:58 »

1) There is no such thing as a reliable flamethrower. That's just James Bond nonsense. To speak of flamethrowers in relation to the zombie threat is just silly.

2) Fire is not your friend. Yes, a zombie will burn to death. Eventually. In the meanwhile, you have to deal with a FUCKING FLAMING ZOMBIE. It's not going to scream in pain and run away. It's going to keep trying to grab you while its flesh chars. This is only acceptable if, again, you have a method of maintaining distance (a barricade, etc.) and that method isn't flammable.
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Something Witty

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #73 on: 05 Nov 2007, 13:00 »

None of you know shit about dicks about guns. Stop talking like you do.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #74 on: 05 Nov 2007, 13:01 »

Yeah, because just what I need when trying to get away from a shuffling zombie horde is to instead be trying to get away from a flaming zombie horde. Incendiary weapons are about the worst possible weaponry that can be employed in a zombie outbreak. The only use of fire against zombies is when doing mop up where collateral damage is irrelevant. In the event of escape, fire is your enemy. A zombie isn't going to burn to death right away. If you enflame it, odds are, it's just going to catch fire to something else and further obstruct your escape route.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #75 on: 05 Nov 2007, 13:27 »

Hit B and down to see if any are behind you.  Always buy the stock for your Red9.  Mix green and red herbs for yourself, don't wait for a yellow.  The RPG is only good for one shot; make it count.
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0bsessions

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #76 on: 05 Nov 2007, 13:29 »

Really, if there's enough room to run at all, you're better off not wasting the ammo and just running all out.

Also, are we talking the movie or the video game? The odds in the game are honestly favorable as you're never onset by more than three or so of the fuckers and it's tight enough that you can't really get surrounded. Not to mention that a few body-shots will put them down. The original scenario would be so much easier if you could have a long enough melee weapon. Knock 'em down and run past.
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Patrick

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #77 on: 05 Nov 2007, 13:37 »

This is only acceptable if, again, you have a method of maintaining distance (a barricade, etc.) and that method isn't flammable.

Method of maintaining distance? Well, first off, you can't trap yourself in a building, that's just dumb. Second off, I am SO still in favour of my Cuba idea. Third, I have feet, several pairs of Converse hi-tops, and the ability to run 2 miles without stopping (and still be able to keep up a brisk walk or jog for several more miles).

Fourth, build a damn iron bar fence. Not easily burned and you can still keep distance from those zombie bitches while you burn them to their second death.
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thegreatbuddha

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #78 on: 05 Nov 2007, 13:41 »

Aluminum Baseball bat: Extremely light, with excellent crushing power and no chance of breaking or splintering like its wood cousin.

NOT true. I split a 34oz aluminum bat in half over a kid's back in high school. They're certainly less likely to break than a wooden bat, I'm just saying that it CAN happen.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #79 on: 05 Nov 2007, 13:43 »

Dude, just use the kid's back.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #80 on: 05 Nov 2007, 14:50 »

My plan, if I can make it out of Atlanta, is to hole up on Amelia island in Florida. It's surrounded by a river and the ocean,so hopefully the zombies cant make it there once I blow the bridge. Since its in florida, I shouldbe able to get at least two growing seasons, so I wont starve. Also, its fucking nice down there.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #81 on: 05 Nov 2007, 14:53 »

Actually, most machine guns are very accurate when not fired on full auto. You're not going to hit things with an M4 that you will with a PSG1 or Barret, but a trained marksman can hit a head-sized target with semi-auto fire from 1-200 yards standing without a scope. In WW2 there are confirmed 800+meter kills with bipod(The really big ones, ones that nobody is going to carry) machine guns fired with one round in the chamber as opposed to the ammo belt, and a scope mounted.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #82 on: 05 Nov 2007, 14:57 »

 Explosives and a suited-up motherfucker of a truck.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #83 on: 05 Nov 2007, 15:05 »

Addendum to my plan: If I do have to shoot any humans. They probably subscribe to burgoisie values, so I don't have to feel too bad about it.
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Scandanavian War Machine

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #84 on: 05 Nov 2007, 15:06 »

i just plan on doing this for as long as possible until i find somewhere to hide out for a bit. rinse, repeat.
no heavy weapons, nobody to slow me down.


edit: please excuse the lame music in that video.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #85 on: 05 Nov 2007, 15:11 »

My plan, if I can make it out of Atlanta, is to hole up on Amelia island in Florida. It's surrounded by a river and the ocean,so hopefully the zombies cant make it there once I blow the bridge. Since its in florida, I shouldbe able to get at least two growing seasons, so I wont starve. Also, its fucking nice down there.

Absolute shit idea. Judging by maps, that island is close enough to the mainland that zombies could easily just cross beneath the surface of the water and make it there in a matter of days. Once they're ON the island, you've already destroyed your only means of escape, so you might as well just set yourself on fire so the zombies at least have a warm meal.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #86 on: 05 Nov 2007, 15:15 »

1. There's a marina

2. Having tried to wade on theriver bank, I can safely say the current is fast. Probably fast enough to knock a zombie off course and deposit it in the Atlantic.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #87 on: 05 Nov 2007, 15:19 »

@Anyways

yeah, Banlieu 13 is a really sick movie. But it's only as sick as a movie can be without zombies. David Belle is the man.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #88 on: 05 Nov 2007, 15:24 »

Actually, most machine guns are very accurate when not fired on full auto. You're not going to hit things with an M4 that you will with a PSG1 or Barret, but a trained marksman can hit a head-sized target with semi-auto fire from 1-200 yards standing without a scope. In WW2 there are confirmed 800+meter kills with bipod(The really big ones, ones that nobody is going to carry) machine guns fired with one round in the chamber as opposed to the ammo belt, and a scope mounted.

Which, again, comes back to two things: training and not using fully-auto fire. An accurate, semi-automatic rifle with a large clip is going to be your best bet in the short-to-mid range, but only if you've got the training to make sure you're using it well and aren't about to get ate.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #89 on: 05 Nov 2007, 16:03 »

I say it's better to have a gun than not, but not to rely on a gun. Also you want a sensible gun. As I've said earlier, for UK residents your best bet going is going to be any L98A1's you can get hold of. Americans can get much more suitable things. Are AK-47's legal over there? Keep it on semi and that's probably the most utilitarian weapon for the zombocalypse. Also, remember, you might not just be dealing with zombies. You may need to hunt for food, there may be feral kids or just regular folk who are driven mad by the arrival of the undead and turn into skulking cannibal things that kill others on sight. There will certainly be packs of feral dogs. In the US you might have to worry about all sorts of additional shit. Bears for example. Goodness knows how a zombie uprising will effect wildlife. Then, there's absolutely no guarantee other survivors are going to want to co-operate with you. After all, in a way, you're competition.

This US/UK dichotomy really is pretty crucial. In the UK, you're really going to have to hole up somewhere with supplies and sweat this shit out. You're going to need a list of places in mind where you can get military rations, camping rations and lots of canned food. I personally recommend coastal forts* with some sort of facility to launch boats that is relatively innaccessible to zombies, or at least can be cleared quite easily. Otherwise, castles in general are quite a good idea. Castles in the middle ages held out for months or years against intelligent enemies with siege weapons. Remember, given a bit of time the zombies will hopefully rot and disintegrate. They might also freeze in the winter if you're at the right latitude (and World War Z makes a good case for how a full-scale zombocalypse could induce an effect not unlike a mini nuclear winter, as fires rage unchecked). Also, as said before, no reason to suppose anything about these zombies. Slow freezing might well do enough tissue damage to kill them. In the US, on the other hand, mobility is good. There's space to move around, especially in the midwest. Get some horses and enough people together to handle effective 24 hour watches. Flit from place to place, only go near towns if you really need food.

*The two others apart from the Solent Forts that immediately sprung to my mind are Tintagel Castle and the Needles Old Battery. There's some good ones in Wales and Scotland. If you had a lot of survivors and superhuman organisational skills, you could try clearing off Guernsey and getting the old nazi sea-defences system into working order. The tides around there are nuts as well, which might deter, or at least deflect, possible sea-floor zombies. That's more the kind of place where you begin establishing your new world order after the zombies rot though.

EDIT: also, in Gabbly, I thought up a perfect tool which everyone in an urban setting WILL require to survive the zombocalypse.

A KILLDOZER.



Start work immediately.
« Last Edit: 05 Nov 2007, 16:06 by KharBevNor »
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thegreatbuddha

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #90 on: 05 Nov 2007, 16:13 »

In the US, civilian models of assault rifles are generally legal to own.Civilian models have two methods of fire. Single shot and semi-automatic. To own a fully automatic weapon, you need a class 3 weapons permit, which is, to my knowledge, only available to ex-military and liscenced gun retailers.

If you are in the US,I would recommend the guide gun. There's a guy in Coloradowho will customize it for a grand total of $1600 or so (costofweapon +customization), replacing the sights, stock, firing pin, barrel, et al, and turn it into a badassitude weapon of zombie destruction.

Also, has anyone mentioned bows yet? A good compound bow with broadhead shafts should stopa zombie no problems, and the ammo is reusable/easy to make, lending itself to longevity in the post-apocalyptic world.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #91 on: 05 Nov 2007, 16:18 »

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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #92 on: 05 Nov 2007, 16:24 »

KILLDOZER


Wasn't that built by some insane guy who wrecked his home town?


Any who, there are a lot of variables to the coming Zombie overtaking.  What kind are they? What kills them? Can they last without food and water? If so, how long?

But here is what I would do:

Since I am not in a major city, I think that i would have at least 2 days before a sick trucker comes to town and eats the hospital staff.  This will give me time to grab whatever weapons I can scrounge. (I have a friend with two pistols who might "lend" them to me)Grab a hiking pack and stuff it with supplies and I'm off to the Appalachian Trail, heading North into rural Maine.  Being 14, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be zombie food, so maybe some survivors will take me in.  That said, I will head to the Canadian coast, and try to gather supplies to get through life. 


And everyone of you guys with these elaborate plans should get one of these shirts:

   
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #93 on: 05 Nov 2007, 16:28 »

Dude, do not go North. You do not want to have to survive the winters up hereabouts without electricity.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #94 on: 05 Nov 2007, 16:32 »

Man. That is not a good shirt.

In the event of a zombie attack, I want as tight group of as few potential zombies as possible. Not a panicky legion of death.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #95 on: 05 Nov 2007, 16:36 »

broadhead shafts

Hehehehehe...



Zombies are no laughing matter.







Unless they're zombie clowns
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #96 on: 05 Nov 2007, 16:38 »

I'd say the ideal place to eventually hole up (if an island isn't an option) might be mountains.  Lots of sun for farming, enough rain, and if you clear all the trees in the nearby area to build a kickass fort, you'll be able to see approaching zombies a little better.

Bows and crossbows, along with any semi-homemade weaponry, become a much more viable option given the infrequency of ammunition over time.  Crowbars and axes seem to be the melee weapons of choice, but the axes may be a little dangerous.  I would probably go with a shovel initially.

One moderately ridiculous but possible very effective option would be the Meteor Hammer, a traditional Chinese weapon.  If you manage to run into somebody who knows how to use it, he is probably not going to die from a zombie EVER.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #97 on: 05 Nov 2007, 17:25 »

The problem with bows is they really are very hard to use well against moving targets. Even flashy compound bows with sights and pulleys and fuck knows what. They also have a pretty limited effective range. Only take if you're seriously going to train up with it. Also, almost every single trick shot in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is impossible. Just a heads up. Remember, bows were used en masse in war, with hundreds or maybe even thousands of archers unleashing simultaneously, raining indirect death from above down on the foe. Furthermore, even more than bullets arrows are designed mainly to wound the torso. The real nasty motherfucker with arrows is when you get one stuck in your guts or lung, and you either leave it in and bleed to death slowly and internally, or pull it out and bleed to death quickly and externally. Zombies quite obviously are not going to give two shits about this. Bows are also impractical for a number of other reasons. To work well, they must be well maintained and dry. This was one of my main reasons for suggesting a semi-auto AK. You're on the run from millions of shambling undead horrors. You do NOT want to have to stop to strip down your gun.

There are several martial arts weapons that would be pretty damn good against zombies. Shaolin spades and glaives come to mind. However, this is only if you're trained in the use. Martial arts weapons tend to be tricky and showy, because that is the whole point of having to master them. It's fine if you happen to know kung-fu, but you can teach anyone enough basics with an axe or broadsword to fight zombies in an afternoon.


Now, talking of fighting en masse, and going back to what I said about my viking re-enactment group earlier, archaic weapons really come into their own if you have a unit of people who can wield them effectively. Fifteen guys trained in dark ages fighting techniques, ten in a shield wall with swords and axes, five with long handled spears, would basically be like a lawnmower that cuts zombies instead of grass. Three men, two with axes and shields and one with a long spear, are the mini version. I've seen such a group fend off eight fully armed, intelligent human opponents in dense terrain (woodland). and zombies ain't gonna be smart enough to dodge. As long as you keep hacking and stabbing, they'll keep climbing over the dead.

For all those suggesting baseball bats, I can't help but think you've hit on another, quite different falsity of media representation. This is the thing in horror films and police procedurals where the human skull is easier to crack than a soft-boiled egg. This just ain't true. A baseball bat will kill zombies, but it is simply not going to guarantee a first hit kill, which is vital. You need a much more concentrated force. Ironically, a cricket bat, a la shawn of the dead, would probably be more effective, but you really want something bladed. Machetes, axes, western swords, maybe a proper mace. In a pinch, a hammer will be far more useful than a baseball bat.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #98 on: 05 Nov 2007, 17:42 »

I swear every medieval re-enactment society that trains with weapons secretly wishes for a zombocalypse so they can all flip out and kill moving things, instead of hitting each other with sticks.
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Re: plans for the inevitable undead uprising
« Reply #99 on: 05 Nov 2007, 17:48 »

Hold the phone!  While looking up "meteor hammer" I found my way to this article:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monk%27s_Spade

Note the last paragraph.

ADDITION: I started looking after thepugs' post and didn't see khar's.
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