Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

  • 24 Jan 2022, 09:58
  • Welcome, Guest
Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 2 [3]   Go Down

Author Topic: Unsurprisingly, The Speed Racer Film Looks Garish And Terrifying  (Read 30937 times)

Storm Rider

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Twelve stories high, made of radiation

Ironically, that happened the first time too.
Logged
Quote
[22:06] Shane: We only had sex once
[22:06] Shane: and she was wicked just...lay there

RedLion

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,726

Guys, I....I actually saw this movie tonight. Mostly because a friend was going to it, who in turn has a cute friend that I'm into and want to get to know. But I was so distracted by the seizure-inducing barrage of flashing lights and mind-fuck visuals that I didn't even talk to her the whole night. I may actually see this again, but take LSD beforehand.

I can't decide if this is actually the worst movie I've ever seen, or if it's some elaborate post-modernist joke. If it's the latter, then it's absolutely genius. If not..I don't know. My mind really can't handle the repercussions of trying to take this thing seriously.

Among the mind-blowing quotes:

"I'll see YOU at MOUNT FUJI!"

"Oh boy. This isn't a race...it's a showdown!"

"Racing isn't about cars or the love of the sport or anything like that. It's about power! It's about money! It's about ABSOLUTE CONTROL!!"

I alternated between laughing hysterically and weeping.
Logged
"Death is nothing, but to live defeated is to die daily."
 - Napoleon

Ozymandias


Everyone I've talked to who has seen this basically says it's amazingly amazing.
Logged
You are 9/11.
You are the terrorist.

Melodic

  • Only pretending to work
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,184
  • archive chin panties

Everyone you've talked to was probably high, as per the norm.
Logged
And if you played too hard it'd flop out and dangle around by the wire and that is just super ugly

Jinjo

  • Emoticontraindication
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 73

I think the only way to see this movie is high.
Logged

Dimmukane

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,734
  • juicer

I would not watch this movie high.
Logged
Quote from: Johnny C
all clothes reflect identity constructs, destroy these constructs by shedding your clothes and sending pictures of the process to the e-mail address linked under my avatar

Dissy

  • The German Chancellory building
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 469
  • The only asshole in the internets

I think the only way to see this movie is high.

I saw the trailer, and I thought I was high.  This would probably scare some poor junkie to death.
Logged
Quote from: Tommy on Gabbly
i'm not paying for your boob jon
Quote from: Darryl
I fuck at typos
Quote from: Squiddy
but you haven't sig quoted me yet kevin
Quote from: Darryl on meebo
9 inches is pathetic by today's standard

Liz


Guys, keep in mind that it is only PG and meant to be a family film. It's going to be supremely cheesy.
Logged
Quote from: John
Liz is touching me.
Quote from: Bryan
Fuck you, I want him so bad.

TheFuriousWombat

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,551
    • WXBC Bard College Radio Online

So far it's made only half of what Warner Brothers expected. To me, this is probably one of the biggest "well, obviously..." moments of the year. Was this really supposed to work? Sometimes I wonder if film makers know what they're doing is deplorable and do it anyway or if they actually have some sort of delusion of artistic integrity (like our good friend, Uwe Boll).
Logged
I punched all the girls in the face on the way to the booth to vote for Hitler.

Hollow Press (my blog)

Jackie Blue

  • BANNED
  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,520
  • oh hi

The Wachowski's are so ridiculously rich that they don't care if this movie makes money; they obviously wanted to do something so batshit insane it just might work.  From what I've heard, it works really well, as a totally batshit cheezy drug film.

I mean, it's the cinematic equivalent of JK Rowling saying "Oh, by the way, Dumbledore was gay".  Once you're rich enough, some people just stop giving a fuck and doing/saying whatever they want because, hey, they don't need money anymore.
Logged
Man, this thread really makes me want to suck some cock.

tommydski

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,064
    • Pocket Jury

The Wachowski Brothers were responsible for Bound, which is the most pant-shittingly hilarious film that I can think of right now. Witheringly bad. Nauseatingly terrible. It's almost certainly the worst script ever written too. It makes the last two Matrix films look like Shakespeare by comparison.

There's a scene in which the lead guy pretends to have been in the shower in order to convince two henchmen that he didn't hear them at the door. The three of them repeat this plot device back to each other about thirty times as if their trying to convince themselves that it's true.

"I couldn't hear you, I was in the shower."
"Oh he was in the shower."
"That's why he couldn't hear us."
"Yeah, so water....is loud in the shower and it stopped me from hearing you at the door."
"You were in the shower."
"That's why you couldn't hear us. Being in the shower and all."
"Yeah, pretty much. Sorry I was in the shower."
"It's not a problem. You were in the shower..."
"He didn't hear us..."
"He didn't hear us."
"Right."
Logged
Quote from: Ozymandias
One minute we're playing Mario Kart, the next my penis is in your mouth - it just happens.

Ikrik

  • Asleep in the boner patch
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 769

So far ten of my friends and two of my relatives who've seen the movie (and have kids) have told me that they thought the movie was possibly one of the worst films they've ever seen.....they rank it only SLIGHTLY higher than the Phantom Menace.  Suprisingly the kids didn't like it either.....which is interesting considering that's who it's geared for.  Three of my friends thought the special effects were stupid which I can relate to from the trailers.  I can honestly say that I will be avoiding this one like the plague.
Logged

Jackie Blue

  • BANNED
  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,520
  • oh hi

There's a scene in which the lead guy pretends to have been in the shower in order to convince two henchmen that he didn't hear them at the door. The three of them repeat this plot device back to each other about thirty times as if their trying to convince themselves that it's true.

Er, are you aware it was supposed to be humorous?  I mean, I know art is subjective and all but critically Bound was considered really good, even winning a bunch of awards.  I personally thought it was great.

Rottentomatoes has it at 92%.
Logged
Man, this thread really makes me want to suck some cock.

Johnny C

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,039
  • i wanna be yr slide dog
    • I AM A WHORE FOR MY OWN MUSIC

Sometimes the masses are just wrong.
Logged
[02:12] yuniorpocalypse: let's talk about girls
[02:12] Thug In Kitchen: nooo

Jackie Blue

  • BANNED
  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,520
  • oh hi

Yes, but we're talking about the mass of critics.  I dare you to find a movie with a 90% or higher score on Rottentomatoes that could plausibly be defined as "absolutely fucking horrible".

Bottom line, sure there are always people who dislike certain movies, I'm sure there are people who don't like Citizen Kane.  But when 92% of critics agree that something is good, then it probably means that there is some merit in it and calling it out to be as bad as tommy did is irresponsible.
Logged
Man, this thread really makes me want to suck some cock.

teh pwn queen

  • Balloon animal serial killer
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 76
  • Capiam vos in obscurum
    • Just fucking click it

I thought Speed Racer was good.  But I also don't have high expectations for movies... ever.  Probably why I like action movies so much, they don't demand me to think about the situation and find the meaning behind it.  Just sit back and watch the pretty colors and explosions.  Which was basically what Speed Racer boiled down to: admire the special effects in the races.  And I did, and they were good.
But of course.... many will disagree, it's inevitable.  I will stand by my judgment.
And the fact that I was surprised how well Matthew Fox was as Racer X, loved his voice...
Logged
I haven't logged in on the forum in literally 10 years and my website URL was still my MySpace profile...

Johnny C

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,039
  • i wanna be yr slide dog
    • I AM A WHORE FOR MY OWN MUSIC

I'm willing to posit that the critics are occasionally wrong!
Logged
[02:12] yuniorpocalypse: let's talk about girls
[02:12] Thug In Kitchen: nooo

Jackie Blue

  • BANNED
  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,520
  • oh hi

In the case of Pinkerton, about half the critics were wrong.

In the case of Bound, you're asserting it's possible for over 90% of the critics to be wrong.

There is a difference there.
Logged
Man, this thread really makes me want to suck some cock.

E. Spaceman

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,729
  • The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics

oddly, i'd say that critics are the group most likely to be wrong about anything.
Logged
Quote
[20:29] Quietus: Haha oh shit Morbid Anal Fog
[20:29] Quietus: I had forgotten about them

Surgoshan

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,807

I remember enjoying Bound.

Of course, I was 16.
Logged

Johnny C

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,039
  • i wanna be yr slide dog
    • I AM A WHORE FOR MY OWN MUSIC

In the case of Pinkerton, about half the critics were wrong.

In the case of Bound, you're asserting it's possible for over 90% of the critics to be wrong.

I'd say if half the critics were wrong about Bound then I can rest my case.
Logged
[02:12] yuniorpocalypse: let's talk about girls
[02:12] Thug In Kitchen: nooo

Ikrik

  • Asleep in the boner patch
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 769

oddly, i'd say that critics are the group most likely to be wrong about anything.

.........Like the millions of critics who said that 10,000 BC was absolutely terrible?  Or the millions of critics who say that Uwe Boll movies are terrible?  I'd have to say that for MOST movies critics get it right most of the time.  It's when they entirely miss the point of the movie or have no idea what the movie's about that you can't trust them.
Logged

Storm Rider

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Twelve stories high, made of radiation

I don't think you need to watch movies professionally to tell that Uwe Boll movies are bad.

Just sayin'.
Logged
Quote
[22:06] Shane: We only had sex once
[22:06] Shane: and she was wicked just...lay there

E. Spaceman

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,729
  • The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics

Yeah, i don't really see what is so meritory about knowing a film sucks. I say this as someone who got paid to review music and films.
Logged
Quote
[20:29] Quietus: Haha oh shit Morbid Anal Fog
[20:29] Quietus: I had forgotten about them

Dimmukane

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,734
  • juicer

On a related note, I don't know if you guys have heard, but Postal (Uwe Boll's newest) has only been able to secure 4 theatres in America so far for its premiere next week.  Everyone else is boycotting it because of the 9/11 parody.
Logged
Quote from: Johnny C
all clothes reflect identity constructs, destroy these constructs by shedding your clothes and sending pictures of the process to the e-mail address linked under my avatar

Ikrik

  • Asleep in the boner patch
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 769

NO WAY!  I really wanted to see that movie too.....damnit.  I had a huge group of about 15 people who said that they'd see it and another dozen saying that might come......now I'm going to have to let all those people down.
Logged

Jackie Blue

  • BANNED
  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,520
  • oh hi

Everyone else is boycotting it because of the 9/11 parody.

So Uwe Boll finally does something right and nobody will let him show it.

Great.
Logged
Man, this thread really makes me want to suck some cock.

tommydski

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,064
    • Pocket Jury

Er, are you aware it was supposed to be humorous?

I do not think this is true.

I think they made a seriously bad movie. On some matters I will bend somewhat. Not on this. Bound is shit. I could posit some theories as to why it may have been 'critically acclaimed' (I will take your word for it) but they would offend a lot of people. These are the people that made the Matrix films, y'know? We're not talking Werner Herzog or something. They make films for the trench-coat wearing male suffering through latent pubescence.

It's not the worst film ever made. That would be Thirteen. Incidentally, this film was also 'critically acclaimed'.
Logged
Quote from: Ozymandias
One minute we're playing Mario Kart, the next my penis is in your mouth - it just happens.

Storm Rider

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Twelve stories high, made of radiation

On a related note, I don't know if you guys have heard, but Postal (Uwe Boll's newest) has only been able to secure 4 theatres in America so far for its premiere next week.  Everyone else is boycotting it because of the 9/11 parody.

Really? Huh, I just assumed it was because of the NC-17 rating and because theater owners have finally wised up to the fact that his movies bomb horribly and therefore aren't worth the screen space. That reason does make sense, though.
Logged
Quote
[22:06] Shane: We only had sex once
[22:06] Shane: and she was wicked just...lay there

Jackie Blue

  • BANNED
  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,520
  • oh hi

It's not the worst film ever made. That would be Thirteen. Incidentally, this film was also 'critically acclaimed'.

It was?

Well, there goes my argument.  That movie was pretty terrible.

And, actually, I thought Good Will Hunting was a fucking awful pile of dogshit and it was critically lauded as well.

I guess what I meant was more that Bound was acclaimed by non-mainstream critics.  I mean, Titanic was well-reviewed too.
Logged
Man, this thread really makes me want to suck some cock.

E. Spaceman

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,729
  • The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics

I am certain that Thirteen is not the worst movie ever. I'd say that distinction goes to Ken Park. I thnk that one also got critically acclaimed and was worse than anything else i have ever seen.
Logged
Quote
[20:29] Quietus: Haha oh shit Morbid Anal Fog
[20:29] Quietus: I had forgotten about them

Hat

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,628
  • bang bang a suckah MC shot me down

I have a theory this movie is actually a lovingly constructed PG tribute to Death Race 2000.
Logged
Quote from: Emilio
power metal set in the present is basically crunk

Johnny C

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,039
  • i wanna be yr slide dog
    • I AM A WHORE FOR MY OWN MUSIC

Man, you people have no value scale, honestly.
Logged
[02:12] yuniorpocalypse: let's talk about girls
[02:12] Thug In Kitchen: nooo

Ikrik

  • Asleep in the boner patch
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 769

I have a theory this movie is actually a lovingly constructed PG tribute to Death Race 2000.

Yeah? Well thank god they didn't put Stallone as the bad guy in Speed Racer.
Logged

est

  • this is a test
  • Admin emeritus
  • Older than Moses
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,294
  • V O L L E Y B A L L

I saw the trailer for this the other day and commented that it looks absolutely horrible and yet fairly representative of the old cartoon series.

Guys, the old cartoon series was fucking terrible.
Logged

Orbert

  • 1-800-SCABIES
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 877

True.  In a race, the background was just a blur of color.  It looks like they tried to approximate that in the movie.  The background is just a blur of color.  Only, you know, hi-tech color.
Logged
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who do not.

Ozymandias


I saw the trailer for this the other day and commented that it looks absolutely horrible and yet fairly representative of the old cartoon series.

Guys, the old cartoon series was fucking terrible.

THANK YOU.
Logged
You are 9/11.
You are the terrorist.

MrBridge

  • Plantmonster
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 41

I saw the trailer for this the other day and commented that it looks absolutely horrible and yet fairly representative of the old cartoon series.

Guys, the old cartoon series was fucking terrible.

Yes, but going to Major Video and renting the beta tapes made this (then =p) 5 year old a very happy boy.

That said, those memories will be staying there, happily unmolested by today's "moviemaking."

Logged

pwntuspilate

  • Guest

With all the hate in this thread for this movie I thought I'd offer my 2 cents as someone who really enjoyed the film.

First, I thought all the racing scenes were fantastic.  All the infighting and car acrobatics between the racers was really cool.  I also thought the method of panning though all the different people watching the race was a great way of keeping the excitement going.  They showed enough of the race so you could actually see what was going on, but still managed to create tension and excitement.  I also loved the use of color in the movie.  It made it seem more like a cartoon without sacrificing special effects.  I'm surprised how much the effects have been criticized...in a day and age where computers can generate pretty much any image I thought it was refreshing to see someone do something "unique" instead of struggling for "better".  I also thought the acting was pretty good for a movie was this type...I was totally caught up in the scenes that moved the emotional storyline forward.  I don't understand how anyone can dislike Christina Ricci in this film...she is completely adorable, not to mention she looks like an anime character.

My only complaints of this movie are that at times the dialogue is cheesy and the story is kind of predictable...but these things didn't bother me as much as they would in other movies because I was caught up in what I listed above and since its a kids movie.
Logged

loam

  • Guest

bwahaha. this was funny to read. I had the mispleasure of having to work on racer, and yeah I just shouldn't have gone to see it. I do that with a lot of movies I work on actually. Somebody seriously needs to smack the hollywood executives around until they stop making horrible horrible awful movies that shouldn't  be made. Sigh. And I'm currently helping finish up Mummy 3 then back to development on effects for G.I. Joe. See what I mean? Bleh. I need to find a different career.
Logged

est

  • this is a test
  • Admin emeritus
  • Older than Moses
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,294
  • V O L L E Y B A L L

But loam, think of all the joy you are bringing to people with no taste and/or standards.  Surely that is reward enough for a job well done?
Logged

pilsner

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,497

They say that every time a new Saw movie or Adam Sandler movie comes out, crime rates drop all over the States.  Seriously.  Like I'm not making this up.  I'd even link you to article if I wasn't so incredibly lazy.  People who make shitty movies are saving lives.
Logged

loam

  • Guest

hahaahh

Whoever said that I had any desire to save lives? There's too many people, not too few ;)

Really the delima is that I'm a visual effects artist and I work at one of the biggest post houses in the world (Digital Domain, the other big ones are ILM, Imageworks, Rhythm & Hues, and WETA). If a movie has the budget to hire us, it's pretty much a given that I'm not going to like it. I just generally dislike big profit-driven films, and ironically I hate effects heavy movies. Sure I know it's what I do, but I wish we got to spend more time working on a few key things that really support a story rather than throwing CGI crap everywhere because we're trying to one-up the last big CGI blockbuster. I think the only film I've worked on at a big studio was Flags of our Fathers. I may go back to a smaller place next to work on more independant productions. We shall see.
Logged

Jimmy the Squid

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,589
  • Feminist Killjoy

I must be a bad person or something because I am looking forward to Mummy 3 like you wouldn't believe.
Logged
Once I got drunk and threw up in the vegetable drawer of an old disused fridge while dressed as a cat

loam

  • Guest

I must be a bad person or something because I am looking forward to Mummy 3 like you wouldn't believe.

It does look like it has the potential to not suck, it just not the sort of thing I prefer. I'm not aware of any reason that having different taste makes ya a bad person.
Logged

Jimmy the Squid

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,589
  • Feminist Killjoy

I thoroughly enjoyed Alien vs Predator: Requiem. For most people that pretty much seals the deal, as it were.
Logged
Once I got drunk and threw up in the vegetable drawer of an old disused fridge while dressed as a cat

Stampeding_Vash

  • Guest

I think Steven Colbert said it best when he described Speed Racer as setting off a bunch of fireworks in a dryer and then climbing in with them.

That being said, I was entertained. I dont think it was all that good, but I was entertained.
Logged
Pages: 1 2 [3]   Go Up