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Author Topic: Bedazzled thread  (Read 28293 times)

Yayniall

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Bedazzled thread
« on: 15 Jun 2009, 06:33 »

Hey guys you know that film Bedazzled where Liz Hurley (Peter Cook) gives Brendan Fraser (Dudley Moore) wishes but then when they're granted they're not quite right? The game is to take somebody else's wish and ruin it in truly devilish fashion.

So for starters; I wish for eternal youth.
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Tyler

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #1 on: 15 Jun 2009, 06:42 »

You are eternally a premature baby requiring a feeding tube.

You are permanently a 6 year old boy under the care of a firm  NAMBLA advocate.

Girls still won't want to date you for the next millenia.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #2 on: 15 Jun 2009, 06:47 »

I think what he's looking for is a chain.. Ruin someone's wish and then wish for something.

I wish I had a million dollars.
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Cross-dressing national monuments are always exciting.

Yayniall

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #3 on: 15 Jun 2009, 06:50 »

I think what he's looking for is a chain.. Ruin someone's wish and then wish for something.

I wish I had a million dollars.

Zimbabwean dollars

I wish I was married to Liz Hurley.
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Jace

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #4 on: 15 Jun 2009, 07:01 »

You are married to Liz Hurley.

I wish I was the best painter.
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Will

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #5 on: 15 Jun 2009, 07:08 »

You are Van Gogh; cursed to a life of craziness, STD's, and the sad realization that no one on earth will give a shit about your art until you are dead.

I wish I was a little bit taller.
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Quote from: JohhnyC
In grade six one of my classmates during sex ed asked if the penis could be broken. The teacher's response was "Not in the same way you'd break a bone. I still wouldn't take a hammer to it or anything."

Reed

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #6 on: 15 Jun 2009, 07:09 »

Unaccustomed to your height, you hit your head on everything.

I wish I was a baller.
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Quote from: meebo
[22:49] Quietus: I'm personally imagining a white supremacist locked in his basement, furtively listening to Parliament on headphones
[22:49] Quietus: "Oh, lawd, why must them coons rock me so"

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #7 on: 15 Jun 2009, 07:23 »

You get caught ridin' dirty.

I wish I was very attractive.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #8 on: 15 Jun 2009, 07:25 »

You are the prettiest person in the world, and live in South Africa. Your life consists of fifteen rapes a day and rice for food.

I wish I had a girlfriend that I love.
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Cartilage Head

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #9 on: 15 Jun 2009, 07:28 »

 She doesn't love you back.

 I wish I could fly.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #10 on: 15 Jun 2009, 07:48 »

You asked for the ability to fly, not to be able to control your flying, as soon as your wish is granted you begin to defy gravity, flying higher and higher, unable to stop until the air is too thin to breath.

I wish for the ability to freeze and unfreeze time at will.
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Guys guys I got this condition it is called "Involuntary Lottery Loser" guys don't laugh it is a disorder.

Jace

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #11 on: 15 Jun 2009, 07:56 »

Will is never around.
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Rizzla: Man... I'm only interested in girls who've had penises.
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Will

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #12 on: 15 Jun 2009, 08:03 »

WTF you talkin' 'bout? I'm right here!

Unaccustomed to your height, you hit your head on everything.

I wish I was a baller.

THANK YOU! I was hoping someone else would keep running with that!

Hmmm...time to get this thread moving again.

I wish I was a roadie for Iggy Pop
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Quote from: JohhnyC
In grade six one of my classmates during sex ed asked if the penis could be broken. The teacher's response was "Not in the same way you'd break a bone. I still wouldn't take a hammer to it or anything."

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #13 on: 15 Jun 2009, 08:16 »

I was actually really disappointed that it didn't keep going.
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Quote from: meebo
[22:49] Quietus: I'm personally imagining a white supremacist locked in his basement, furtively listening to Parliament on headphones
[22:49] Quietus: "Oh, lawd, why must them coons rock me so"

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #14 on: 15 Jun 2009, 08:19 »

I wish I was a roadie for Iggy Pop

During setup for your first show Police raid the gig and find 2kgs of heroin in the crate you're carrying.  You go to jail, directly to jail. You do not pass go, and also you get prison raped.

I wish I had a coffee machine that made delicious coffees.
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allison

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #15 on: 15 Jun 2009, 08:24 »

It only takes $10 bills and does not give change

I wish I was a famous movie director
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[00:30] KharBevNor: Crawling undead terrorcocks

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #16 on: 15 Jun 2009, 08:27 »

As a result of hanging out with movie stars you develop a nasty coke habit. During one particularly nasty binge you plow your brand new bentley into a school bus.

I wish I was powerful.
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Quote from: meebo
[22:49] Quietus: I'm personally imagining a white supremacist locked in his basement, furtively listening to Parliament on headphones
[22:49] Quietus: "Oh, lawd, why must them coons rock me so"

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #17 on: 15 Jun 2009, 08:36 »

You destroy everything and everyone you touch.

I wish I had a sandwich right now.
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[00:30] KharBevNor: Crawling undead terrorcocks

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #18 on: 15 Jun 2009, 08:43 »

You have a sandwich. It is all you have. You find yourself naked with no home, possessions, family, friends, or memories, in Northern Siberia.

I wish my slippers were fuzzier and softer.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #19 on: 15 Jun 2009, 09:09 »

Your slippers are fuzzier and softer because they're made of puppies.  Your feet are in their warm bloody bellies. 

I wish I had a new job.
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Cross-dressing national monuments are always exciting.

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #20 on: 15 Jun 2009, 09:10 »

Your new job is as a chicken sexer.

I wish I had my own personal traincar.
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Quote from: JohhnyC
In grade six one of my classmates during sex ed asked if the penis could be broken. The teacher's response was "Not in the same way you'd break a bone. I still wouldn't take a hammer to it or anything."

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #21 on: 15 Jun 2009, 09:15 »

You have a traincar, but it has no engine and no tracks on which to run.

I wish the TV Series True Blood was on basic cable so I could watch it.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #22 on: 15 Jun 2009, 09:16 »

True Blood premiers on basic cable and after one episode you wish it went back to HBO

I wish Big Love was on basic cable
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Quote from: meebo
[22:49] Quietus: I'm personally imagining a white supremacist locked in his basement, furtively listening to Parliament on headphones
[22:49] Quietus: "Oh, lawd, why must them coons rock me so"

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #23 on: 15 Jun 2009, 09:19 »

Big Love leads to a surge of Mormonism and patriarchy, resulting in a new state religion, and the girl you love being married off to a cultlike local church leader.


I wish it would be sunny in Seattle the length of my vacation.
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Jace

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #24 on: 15 Jun 2009, 09:23 »

You end up in Seattle, Arizona after a controversial deal to trade cities for better weather, the weather didn't change, but the deal still went through.

I wish I was in a successful band.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #25 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:00 »

You're turned into a whaleshark.

I wish I was Samuel L. Jackson.
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I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

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I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #26 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:05 »

A wizard has turned you into a whaleshark. Is this awesome? [Y/N]
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Yayniall

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #27 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:27 »

Your conciousness is absorbed into Samuel L. Jackson's. You have no control over his thoughts or actions and can only see the view from his belly button.

I wish for an end to world hunger.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #28 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:29 »

World hunger ends as a zombie plague sweeps across the planet. Your brains become a delicious meal.

I wish I was more motivated.
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Quote from: meebo
[22:49] Quietus: I'm personally imagining a white supremacist locked in his basement, furtively listening to Parliament on headphones
[22:49] Quietus: "Oh, lawd, why must them coons rock me so"

Will

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #29 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:30 »

Your newfound motivation intrigues the US Military Industrial Complex, who coerce you into working on a new superweapon in their labs.

I wish I was a recluse on an island somewhere.
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Quote from: JohhnyC
In grade six one of my classmates during sex ed asked if the penis could be broken. The teacher's response was "Not in the same way you'd break a bone. I still wouldn't take a hammer to it or anything."

allison

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #30 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:50 »

The island is Bylot Island, the largest uninhabited island in the world. You freeze to death.

I wish I was not at work.
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[00:30] KharBevNor: Crawling undead terrorcocks

Will

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #31 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:55 »

I thought the same thing, Sam. I was ready to bust out my denim jacket and Bedazzle that shit!

I now wish this thread was about that Bedazzler.
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Quote from: JohhnyC
In grade six one of my classmates during sex ed asked if the penis could be broken. The teacher's response was "Not in the same way you'd break a bone. I still wouldn't take a hammer to it or anything."

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #32 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:56 »

The island is Bylot Island, the largest uninhabited island in the world. You freeze to death.

I wish I was not at work.

You lose all of your limbs in a bobsledding accident and are unable to work again forever.

I wish my preferred pizza place was less expensive.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #33 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:58 »

It costs less after the discovery of various infestations in the kitchen.

I wish I could read books incredibly quickly.
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Will

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #34 on: 15 Jun 2009, 10:59 »

Damnit, chowburger, you beat me. I'm posting anyway!



I wish my preferred pizza place was less expensive.
Your pizza place outsources all labor and materials to cut costs, resulting in cheaper pizza. Also resulting in loss of jobs for people in your town, plus with the lack of focus on food quality, you get food poisoning and spiders.

I wish I had a denim jacket with Bedazzled rhinestones spelling out the words "Rock and Roll" on the back.
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Quote from: JohhnyC
In grade six one of my classmates during sex ed asked if the penis could be broken. The teacher's response was "Not in the same way you'd break a bone. I still wouldn't take a hammer to it or anything."

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #35 on: 15 Jun 2009, 11:10 »

You read books so quickly that the pages burst into flames and your house is incinerated, leaving you with second-degree burns to 80% of your body.

I wish I lived nearer the seaside.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #36 on: 15 Jun 2009, 11:12 »

I wish I had a denim jacket with Bedazzled rhinestones spelling out the words "Rock and Roll" on the back.

You have one, but everyone else covets. You are murdered in the ensuing mayhem. You no longer have the jacket.
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Hey everyone, I need to buy some new bookshelves. When I get back from Ikea and put them together you're all invited to the bookshelf launch party.

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #37 on: 15 Jun 2009, 11:13 »

You live nearer to the seaside, everything is very peaceful during the week, but on the weekends the small town is infested with Fratboys having parties on boats and they constantly sing I'm On a Boat, while very drunk.

I wish I didn't like that Attack Attack song.
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Rizzla: Man... I'm only interested in girls who've had penises.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #38 on: 15 Jun 2009, 11:18 »

Your dislike of Attack Attack results in a violent assault by a posse of their fans. They break your legs in such a way that your only method of locomotion is the crab walk.

I wish there was a good restaurant within a convenient distance of my workplace.
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Quote from: meebo
[22:49] Quietus: I'm personally imagining a white supremacist locked in his basement, furtively listening to Parliament on headphones
[22:49] Quietus: "Oh, lawd, why must them coons rock me so"

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #39 on: 15 Jun 2009, 11:23 »

An Olive Garden opens up nearby.  However, it is so busy you have to wait in line for at least an hour or take a ticket to eat there.  It is incredibly inconvenient.

I wish the fly buzzing around in here would get out.
« Last Edit: 15 Jun 2009, 11:25 by imapiratearg »
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #40 on: 15 Jun 2009, 13:27 »

WTF you talkin' 'bout? I'm right here!

Unaccustomed to your height, you hit your head on everything.

I wish I was a baller.

THANK YOU! I was hoping someone else would keep running with that!

Hmmm...time to get this thread moving again.

I wish I was a roadie for Iggy Pop
THEY RUINED IT!!!

The fly gets out and brings its friends.

I wish my creepy ass helper would get out of my bedroom.
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rather than place the blame on somebody's undeveloped irony sensor, let's just blame the internet, k?
My Last.FM

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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #41 on: 15 Jun 2009, 14:31 »

 He will wait for you in the bathroom.

 I wish that I had a harem of sexy ladies.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #42 on: 15 Jun 2009, 14:54 »

None of them will have anything to do with your dick.

I wish I was an Oscar-Meyer Weiner.
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scarred

Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #43 on: 15 Jun 2009, 15:00 »

I just ate you.

I wish there was a little less poverty in the world.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #44 on: 15 Jun 2009, 15:09 »

A deadly, unstoppable virus destroys a massive part of the population of Earth.  What little land left untainted is used to feed the survivors, of which there are few.

I could have another sandwich without having to make one myself.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #45 on: 15 Jun 2009, 15:16 »

A hobo gives you a roadkill sandwich.

I wish for a kitten.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #46 on: 15 Jun 2009, 15:43 »

Everyone in your friends and family loves your kitten more than you.

I wish I had a solid-gold toilet and a unicorn.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #47 on: 15 Jun 2009, 15:45 »

the unicorn is stuck in the toilet

EDIT:  I wish for the ability to teleport.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #48 on: 15 Jun 2009, 15:56 »

You cannot control where you end up, and are now engulfed in magma.

I wish the Sox were playing tonight, I am bored.
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Re: Bedazzled thread
« Reply #49 on: 15 Jun 2009, 16:43 »

The Sox are playing hopscotch and you are more bored than ever.

I wish I had better skin.
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