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need advice/criticism/screams of pain (UPDATED 5/17)

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Johnny C:
I like this. The wavering's still there, but you've produced it to sound quiet and intimate and that's the way the song should be.

Also, the oohs are a bit off key. Solution: record an instrumental track underneath it to sing along to and then eliminate said track from the final mix. I'd recommend doing this for each seperate layer of vocals, muting the previous vocals each time so you've got a generally focused sound. It'll take a while but it works.

Final suggestion: for shouting "on fire," move away from the mic and belt it. Or, again, record that seperately. Then move it to one speaker or something. I am getting carried away here. But seriously, amp up the rock on "on fire."

Merkava:
I like this. The only ideas I have are maybe adding a bit more space between the first part of the song and the "on fire" part. I think some sort of bridge should be put between those parts, it's a bit too sudden. Maybe you could get some more drum action in there. Also, the "on fire" could be a bit more powerful. I like what Johnny's saying. I think you could drop your pitch a bit when you belt out that line too. It would add an interesting contrast.

Just some ideas to play around with.

Slick:
I like!

When you've got syncing overlapping vocals (even when the light's out), I would suggest panning either track to one side, at least a little. I'm not listening in stereo so you might be doing this already, but be careful not to abuse panning though; that's one of the things that's real fun to play with while mastering but can just sound screwy later.

The 'we don't care, don't you care' sounds a bit distorted, not sure if that's what you're going for, but I think that doesn't fit with your soft singing. Distortion doesn't work well with low levels like that, so I'd recommend picking up the volume there if you want distortion.

What Johnny said about the oohs. Scratch tracks, we called them, are also incredibly useful for getting the timing right, so I'd also suggest it in combination with a metronome for that part because the base sounds just a touch loose when it comes in at first, and you want that to be solid. So solid that you'll fell more stable just standing listening to it. Also, I'd try and pump up the bass a bit, at that point it is the star. The bass just comes in and says 'Hey. Get my wallet. It's the one with bad mother fucker on it.' and it just brings in the awesome that is the second half.

When I first listened through on my laptop's speakers, I agreed with Merkava about the bridge, but on better speakers where you get enough of the bass I think it works just fine. Remember to push the bass! Get hard on the picking, get aggressive there and just play it out. That's how I think that should sound there. Your song is rocking then, and the bass is key for that sort of stuff.
I am a bass player and might have some bias there, but you really need it to come in and put an end to soft and put a start on the rock.

But back to the oohs, position the mic above you and tilt your head back so you've got a straight path from your lungs. You should be able to feel it, it'll help your out there, with the volume and tone you need for that sort of thing.

And again, Johnny knows what he's talking about, when you want a strong shout back up and belt it. Just let it go. I'd think it'd sound better centered instead of panned there, but definitely try it out on a side. That's the fun of mixing tracks!

Also, for vocals in general, you might like drinking more citric beverage (grapefruit juice yay!), as it cleans your throat. Avoid sweetened stuff because sugar just coats your throat. Pop is the enemy. I knew a girl who just drank lemon juice. Straight lemon juice. Concentrate. The stuff that comes in the little plastic lemon shaped bottles. That might hinder the soft wavy you've got going in the beginning, but it'll help with the oohs and the 'on fire'.

Composition wise, I'd just say bring in some more drums in the second half (not necessarily from the start), to fill it out more and keep up the momentum. Yeah, totally! When the vocals start, bring in a snare going twice as fast as the kick, and throw in some hi hat semi-regularly, then pick up the pace after the first 'on fire'. I'll try not to get to specific though, you should be able to figure out what you like with a drum machine, but picking up some drums will fill out the last segment nicely.
Once again, rock the bass. It needs a fierce potency there.
I really like the violiny sound that comes in before the bass on the ooh part as well.

Phew. Hope this isn't overkill, but I've had to show a lot of people how to mix and master tracks, and I've gotten super critical 'cause you want a finished product that rocks. Plus I've dealt with a good few kids who don't know anything about recording, but you're definitely doing well here. Most of what I've got to say is fine tuning, I'm just blunt with this stuff because I want it to sound good. But 'sound good' can be subjective, so take what you want, right.

Mikendher:
Wow! I really appreciate all of the help and suggestions. It's the best way for me to improve.

Johnny: I will try your suggestion for the "oooh" part and see how it goes. I didn't realize I was out of key until I listened with headphones, which is really bizarre because usually I catch that kind of thing quickly. As for the "on fire" thing, I don't think I can sing any more aggresively, this is the most aggresive I've ever sung. I really just don't know how to. But I will try and see what happens.

Merkava: I'm pretty content with the structure of the song, and I like the all-of-a-sudden-ness of it. I do need some more drum action though... (see below)

Slick: The syncing overlapping vocals are already panned a bit, just enough in my opinion. I did intend the distortion for the "we don't care, don't you care" part, because it sounds powerful and leads into the change. But it is incongruent with the first part... I'll think about that. I know the bass got a little loose, mainly because I've only played bass for a month, which is also the reason it's not very agressive. But I'll try get at least the timing right, and then mabye boost the volume a little. The problem is I'd have to record the entire bass track again... and I don't know if I could (my bass skills are nonexistent). As for the drums, I just used a drum machine emulator on the computer, because I don't own drums. Thus, I don't actually know how to compose drum tracks well. I will try the snare and hi-hat suggestions though, and see if I can get it to sink in to the mix.
And also, thanks for writing all of that up! :-)

As you can probably tell, I have to bootstrap most of my music, because of lack of instruments or experience with them. That's where a lot of the problems are coming from. But yeah, thanks for the advice!

Slick:
Hey, I'll shut up now, but...

The distortion is a good idea, I'd say keep it, but just get a stronger vocal part there, because the soft doesn't distort well, it's just the physics of the matter.

And play with the drum emulator, it is your friend. Before you know it you'll be putting out drum solo tracks, those things are wayyyy too fun to be legal.

And no thanks necessary for the big write up, you know I've gota love to hear myself talk about this stuff.

Done!

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