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The Funniest Quotes

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valley_parade:
My favorite Homestar one.

Strong Bad: I didn't know you shaved.
Homestar: Oh, I don't. It's cinnamon.

Cartilage Head:
 "You can't just have your characters state how they're feeling! That makes me feel angry!- Robot Devil, Futurama

"I can hardly keep my eyes open.."
"I can hardly keep my pee-hole open.." Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter, Stella.

"If you don't start making sense right now I am takin' out my weiner and I will SMACK YOU DOWN." Michael Ian Black,Stella.

"Fine mister ZOOKEEPER.. we'll go back to our CAGE." Michael Ian Black, Stella.

 One more.. "I haven't laughed that hard since my last BUSSINESS TRANSACTION!" David Wain, Stella.

Kugai:
From Firefly

Mal, sitting naked and alone on a rock in the desert

"Yep, THAT could have gone better!"

AlexAttack:
Also from Firefly
 River's trying to eat something tied to a stick with string
"This food is problematic"

SilentJ:
Simpsons:
"Aw, I wanted a peanut!"

"Dad, my basketball's stuck on the roof!"
*Homer shoots basketball; falls to the ground and deflates*
*points gun back at ceiling*
"want me to get the cat down?"
"No thanks!"

Braveheart:
"We make spears... twice as long as any man."
"But some mean are longer than others."
"Ah, your mum been telling stories about me again, then?"

"Yes, Father, I'll ask him! The Almighty says, 'Stop changing the subject and answer the fuckin' question.' "

"The Almighty says he can get me out of this situation, but he's pretty sure you're fucked."

Snatch (again):

"Look, boys, the deal was you bought it as you saw it. I've helped you as much as I'm gonna help ye."
"I think-..."
"I think ye best be off while ye still got the legs to carry ye."
"Nobody-..."
"Nobody brings a fella like ye with 'em unless they're tryin' ta say something without usin' words."
"Look, Mickey, we'll sell you back the caravan and we can just be off."
"What the fuck would I want with a caravan that's got no fuckin' wheels?"

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