Fun Stuff > CHATTER
THE REALLY BAD JOKES THREAD
0bsessions:
In an old Scottish pub, a gentleman walks in and sits in front of the bar, looking across it at the panoramic window behind. There's an old, crusty Scotsman sitting a few stools down, and after the gentleman orders his beer, the Scotsman speaks up.
"Ye see that house?" he asks, pointing out the window at a house standing across the fields. "I built that house. Laid the foundation with mah own hands, I did. But do they call me 'MacGregor the Housebuilder'? No."
He knocks back a shot of whisky, and the bartender sets another up.
"Ye see that barn?" asks MacGregor. "I built that barn. Raised the walls mahsel', and slathered red paint over every shingle. But do they call me 'MacGregor the Barnbuilder'? No."
He knocks back the second shot of whisky, and the bartender sets up a third.
"Ye see that boat? I built that boat. Laid the keel, set the rudder, raised the mast, all of it. But do they call me 'MacGregor the Boatbuilder'? No.
"But fuck one goat..."
Hairy Joe Bob:
Two men in an airport bump into each other. The first man says 'I can't find my wife.'
The second replies 'I can't find mine either,what does yours look like?'
"Well", the first man replies, she's 5ft10, blonde, big boobs, wearing a mini skirt and high heels. What does yours look like?'
"Fuck her", says the second man, "Let's look for yours".
An amnesiac walked into a bar. He said, "Do I come here often?"
Q: What do you call a little German who lives in a tin?
A: Heinz.
Q: What's black and really pissed off?
A: The reincarnation of Bernard Manning.
This morning on the way to work I rear-ended a car at some lights whilst not really paying attention.The driver got out.. he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
An Irishman was driving along the motorway when he was overtaken by a lorry transporting turf to a garden centre.
'That's what I'll do when I'm rich', he says to his wife. 'Have me lawn taken away to be cut'.
Q: What do you call someone who covers his parts n chick peas, garlic and tahini?
A: A hummusexual.
RandomTax:
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, candles are more obscure.
Patrick:
What did the slightly insane smoker say in the forums when he finished a pack of cigarettes?
BUTTS LOL
Hairy Joe Bob:
Two cough sweets walk into a pub, one asks for a gin and tonic and the other for a cider. The barman refuses to serve the red cough sweet her gin and tonic, but the green and white cough sweet is served very quickly.
"I thought we didn't serve cough sweets any more," remarked a watching bar maid.
"We don't as a rule," replied the publican, "but she looked fucking menthol."
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