As with many great stories, this one too begins with "I have this friend ..."
Anyway, I have this friend who has good genes AND is Canadian.
This combination enables him to rock the manliest of beards.
Now comes the kicker.
He can velcro hats into his beard.
That's right, he can take these ear-cover parts of pretty much any woolen hat and latch it onto his face.
Also, once a beard passes a certain threshold of thickness, it becomes impermeable to cold.
Even if it is snowing heavily, the snow will be stopped by the beard and melt over the skin instead of on top of it, forming a beard-mounted ice windbreaker for your faciness.
Beards are awesome.